Name: Ameripuff (Signed) · Date: 18 Mar 2022 04:29 AM · For: Rescue.

For the Galazy review

Margaret, 

So I guess the kids don’t toss the witch into the oven after all, but the rescue scene was still very curious - especially the ominous warnings of the witch.  I knew she was a death eater’s mom, but the reveal of the Carrow’s mom makes more sense - especially as they had to have gotten their cruelty from somewhere.

Lily’s PTSD event (reliving drinking out of the goblet) was really powerful.  It doesn’t seem as though the witch did anything magical to them, but Lily and Hugo are certainly impacted emotionally by the event.  It’s almost as if that was the ‘scar’ that the witch wanted to leave on them - terror of what could be rather than any kind of magical ailment.

This was a fun story.  Thanks for writing it and sharing it with us.

 

-Drew

Name: Ameripuff (Signed) · Date: 18 Mar 2022 04:18 AM · For: Trapped!

For the Galazy review

Margaret, 

What a wonderful twist to have the witch be the mother of death eaters and taking revenge on the children for their imprisonment.   It’s interesting that you paint her as a combination of cruel and inhuman (torturing the children) while also willing to take them to the bathroom.  Maybe she doesn’t like messes, right?  

I’m looking forward to when Lily and Hugo figure out that they aren’t going to be rescued and ‘toss the witch in the oven’ so to speak.  I like how you have Lily (originally nervous about getting into trouble) as the brave one here while the care-free Hugo is practically giving up.  

The grey (magical?) bread was interesting and I’m really curious to find out about that. You do a great job painting this as both a thrilling, dark, and mysterious encounter.

-Drew

Name: Ameripuff (Signed) · Date: 18 Mar 2022 04:00 AM · For: The House in the Woods.

For the Galazy review

Margaret, 

The review event gave me a chance to review things that I wouldn’t have otherwise, and I thought your challenge entry looked like an interesting one.

With the next gen, you really get to branch out and create almost OF characters.  You did a great job giving us connections to Lily and Hugo within the few first paragraphs - noting Lily’s concern over getting into trouble and Hugo’s much more adventurous nature.

Getting anything at Weasley’s sounds like a recipe for disaster.  Nice foreshadowing there.  

Your challenge was obviously to get Lily and Hugo into a Hansel and Gretel situation and having them wander away from the Quidditch campsite seems like both a plausible and fun way to do that.  

Also, having the cottage be magical itself is a fun twist with - of course - a witch in residence.  

-Drew

Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 22 Apr 2019 07:10 PM · For: The House in the Woods.

Hey there, Margaret! Dropping by for the 2019 Nargles Pre-Nomination Reviewing Event :) 

 

So I'm a huge sucker for stories based on folktales and fairytales - there's something magical about them, yk, and they evoke this wonderful sort of nostalgia - plus, in the right hands, they can be manipulated and changed into something new and exciting and incredible. So I was so so excited to see this to see what you'd done with it. Hansel and Gretel is such an iconic story and the idea of merging it with the HP universe is so so cool and so unique - I've never seen it done before. 

 

And I love this. I love how you weave it into the present day with the Quidditch match - because with the matches being played in far-away locations, all in the wilderness (or, well, as close as Britain gets to that, anyway :P), it's the perfect kind of location for a creepy cottage and its creepy owner :P And how Lily, as an Auror's daughter, knows they shouldn't - but they do anyway, and they can't stop eating the food and can't refuse to go inside and let her 'help' them. It's a great kind of stranger-danger story, but I love how realistic it is.

 

I'm pretty sure I've said before on another of your stories just how good you are at writing child characters, and I'm gonna say it again here :P You really, really are: you have this knack of getting down their voices which doesn't patronise them or make them appear too young for their ages, but also doesn't age them up unnecessarily so they sound like teenagers/adult-ish. It's so clever how you do it and yet it comes across as so simple and so easy. It's really, really impressive. 

 

I love as well how they're so clearly the trio and Ginny's kids, lol, with their running off and exploring, with Lily chatting back to the teenagers glaring at them, and Hugo apologising to the lady for eating her cottage (which, yk, you kinda should do :P). It's little things which make them them but also call back to their parents and it's great - it's also those little details which really make the story come to life. 

 

This is a brilliant start and I'm so glad I got to read it <3 

 

Laura xx

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. I thought Hansel and Gretel worked quite well with the wizarding world really, a witch abducting children.

 

And yeah, I needed a reason to get the Weasleys somewhere obscure and Quidditch seemed to make sense.

 

I am really pleased that you like my writing of child characters. They aren't always the easiest to write, especially children who aren't quite "little" children but aren't quite teens either - the 8 to 11 or 12 year olds. You don't want them to sound like 5 year olds but you don't want them to sound like teens either.

 

Hope you enjoy the rest of the story if you decide to continue!

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2018 12:55 PM · For: Rescue.

Hello again!

 

I'm so glad that Lily's faith in her dad and Ron and the Aurors was well-founded.  I know that they would never have rested until they found their children, but I wasn't sure they'd find them quite as quickly or as easily as Lily seemed to think, and it's a real relief that they did find them - although the horrors obviously aren't over. 

 

One thing I noticed is that the first line did feel a little calmer than I had expected after the intense desperation of the second chapter, and I think there could be an opportunity there to prolong the tension, or maybe even have Lily and Hugo on edge when they first hear the noises outside, just to increase the sense of relief even more.

 

I thought you characterised Ron and Harry really well in this chapter; their need to go to their children was so obvious, that instinct they have to protect them pushing into the way they're meant to behave professionally, and the pain that it's caused them that they weren't able to protect Lily and Hugo from whatever happened to them.  Ron especially seems to struggle to understand why Hugo isn't immediately happy and okay again, which is really interesting; I think after the war he would have a better idea of the psychological effects of trauma, but it fits his character well that he almost wants to believe that nothing bad has happened to his son, and thinks his son should be behaving normally again because he's (physically) safe.

 

My favourite thing about this chapter is the way that you've chosen to subvert the typical "happily ever after" ending to fairy tales and show what really happens after this.  There's no way that two children could be abducted and tortured and threatened the way that Lily and Hugo were and come through that unscathed, and while it isn't always easy to read (or write) about the effects of trauma like this, I'm so glad that you've chosen to do it in this story.

 

Again, both Lily and Hugo are showing their reactions in vastly different ways.  I can understand Harry repeating that he thinks Lily is just in shock and reassuring her that things will be better in the morning, but I don't think that's necessarily true.  The effects of the trauma on Hugo are a lot more marked and obvious at this point - especially the physical reactions like refusing food or refusing potions - which is probably going to make it easier to believe that Lily is doing better than him because she's able to communicate and follow some of the Healer's orders, but I don't think that's necessarily the case.  It's evident at the end of this chapter - and at times throughout with the flashbacks she has to the house - that she's suffering a lot of anxiety and doesn't feel safe in the way that she used to, even at the start of this story.

 

It's only a couple of words, but I loved the way that Lily avoided telling her parents about the fact that they'd eaten some of Mrs Carrow's house - that fits in very well with the way that a child would behave with their parents, worrying about getting into trouble, even though something horrific has happened to them and their parents are just glad to have them by their sides again.

 

I've really enjoyed this story so far, and I'm looking forward to reading your updates and see how you develop some of the themes you've introduced in this chapter.  Thank you again for entering my challenge, and I hope you've had fun writing this story!

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

I have definitely had fun with this challenge. You may have noticed that a lot of my stories involve trauma and dealing with it, though it's probably less common in my fanfiction than my original stuff, given that my next gen. characters have rather less trauma than is normal in my stories - by that, I mean specifically the canon characters. This is intentional, as I think it sort of takes from what Harry and the others achieved if their children also have to deal with war or similar traumas. There are other characters in the series that have quite a lot of trauma though.

 

There is no way I would write about something like this and leave the children untraumatised. And what has really struck me writing this is just how dark the actual fairy tale is. This is actually less horrific than the original as there is no famine, the children's parents do not abandon them and the witch doesn't intend to eat them. All I have retained of the traumatic parts is the imprisonment and ill-treatment and that alone is enough to be really traumatic and to get a Mature rating. The original is read to preschoolers! I know a lot is in the tone and actually focussing on the effects makes this a lot more mature.

 

Harry is partly relieved that at least Lily is not reacting as badly as Hugo and partly retaining a "professional" demeanor in order to avoid upsetting the children (and everybody else) more. Between his own childhood abuse, his teen years facing Voldemort and his experiences as an Auror, he has developed the ability to remain outwardly calm in crisis situations (he's been through enough of them) and it really wouldn't help Lily to tell her "this might haunt you for the rest of your life." She needs her parents to remain calm and appear in control.

 

Ron isn't dealing with things as well and is worried and angry and looking for an obvious problem he can solve. He wants a way to cure his son, to take away all the pain Hugo is dealing with.

 

Lily's reluctance to admit to what led up to their imprisonment is going to come up again later on. It's normal for children to blame themselves for traumas, even when there is absolutely no way they could in any way be to blame.

 

This was an awesome challenge and thank you so much for these reviews. Your reviews are always amazing and I am always delighted to see you've reviewed one of my stories.

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2018 12:32 PM · For: Trapped!

Hi again!

 

After Lily falling unconscious at the end of the first chapter, I thought that this was a really interesting way to open the second chapter and continue the story.  It's obvious from this that, while she's confused, she doesn't remember what's happened to her immediately, much less expect that she and Hugo would have been abducted by a stranger for (at this point) unknown reasons.  I think that gives us a really good idea of the sort of upbringing she's had so far.  Unlike her father, she's never had reason to feel unsafe or worried when she wakes up, which of course means that when she realises where she is, it's an even bigger shock.

 

That sense of terror that Lily felt when she realised that she was locked in a cage and suspended above the ground was very strong - you captured it very well, and did a great job of continuing the tension throughout the chapter.  All the way through, I felt a sense of urgency and fear about what the witch was going to do to them next, or how they might manage to engineer an escape.

 

Lily and Hugo's reactions to the situation are wildly different, which is fascinating, if slightly heartbreaking, to read.  While I know that Lily can't escape this unscathed, Hugo is already withdrawing into himself and has been so badly affected by the situation that he can't even talk to his cousin and best friend.  I thought you characterised both of the children really well in this chapter, particularly with their different reactions to the situation, and mostly I just wanted to reach through the screen and grab them both up into a hug to make sure they're safe.

 

One aspect that you threaded really well through this chapter was Lily's confidence - almost childish confidence - in her father and his ability to save them from the witch.  It makes perfect sense because she's always had that protector in her life, and it reminded me in a way of how Harry thought of Dumbledore, but I really hope that it doesn't prove false.  I know that in the original fairy tale, the children manage to overpower their captor, but that doesn't seem as possible here, particularly as Hugo has withdrawn into himself so much that he seems almost helpless at the moment.  Lily's faith in her father also really helps to renew the reader's sense of desperation and fear about what the old woman might do to them in the meantime.

 

As far as the old woman is concerned, I think I might have liked a little more description of her or questioning of her motives by Lily, but I really like the fact that there's a motivation behind her abducting the children (not, of course, that that makes it okay).  It wouldn't make sense to just cast the villain as the wicked witch in the Harry Potter world, but the idea of her getting revenge on Harry, Ron and Hermione makes a lot of sense.  I'm guessing from what she said at the beginning that her children were Death Eaters and are in prison - maybe the Carrows? - and I like the layer that you've added to her character with that decision.

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

Yikes, I've taken longer to reply to this than I realised. End of school year stuff, combined with applying for jobs for next year.

 

And yup, I feel that the next gen characters are likely to react rather differently to disaster than Harry did as they have been raised by caring adults that they can rely on and they are therefore far more likely to trust those adults for advice and help. Many children expect their parents to be able to protect them and when your father is an Auror and has saved your country from a crazy dictator, you are even more likely to place your faith in him.

 

The questioning of her motives is one of the difficulties of writing from the point of view of a nine year old as Lily is really unlikely to wonder about motivation. At that age, some people are just "bad." She's a bit too young to realise that people who do bad things generally believe they have a good reason for them and that nobody sees themselves as the villain of the piece.

 

I like exploring the different reactions people can have to the same events. In this story, it is largely a matter of degree but in some cases, people can have even dramatically opposing reactions to the same thing. What motivates one person can make another give up. What one person is determined to remember, another may be equally determined to forget. Harry and Voldemort have completely opposing reactions to childhood neglect and discrimination. And it can also set up interesting dynamics, as if one person is more severely affected, the less severely affected person may feel they can't express their own trauma as they have been lucky to get off more lightly or they may feel guilty for not being as severely affected. And of course, the person who is more severely affected may blame themselves or feel they are being "weak" for having a more severe reaction.

 

Thanks again for your reviews.

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2018 12:17 PM · For: The House in the Woods.

Hi Margaret!  First of all, I have to apologise for how long it's taken me to get around to reviewing and judging these entries for my Fairy Tale Challenge, but I'm here now and I finally get to tell you how much I've been enjoying this story!

 

Even without knowing that this story is based on Hansel and Gretel, the title is brilliantly sinister, and I really like the double meaning there; it ties in with the theme of the house made of sweets and chocolate, and it also gives the reader a clue about possible motivations behind what happens to Lily and Hugo at the end of this chapter.

 

I think that I say this every time that I read your writing, but I'm always so impressed by the way that you manage to write children.  Maybe it's because I haven't spent a lot of time around them as an adult, but I find them difficult to capture.  You do it brilliantly in this story, though.  Their dialogue fits so well with the conversations that children have and the way that they react to things, and I loved the feverish sense of excitement at the start of this chapter as the final approaches.

 

The mention at the beginning that Albus and Lily will be more interested than James to know about Rose and Hugo coming helps to set up how close those pairings of cousins are, and to give us an idea of what might happen later in this chapter - or at least who would be involved.  I thought that was really clever.

 

I also really enjoyed the mentions of the differences between the magical and Muggle world with regards to gender roles and equality; Lily's scorn at the idea that women can't do the same things as men helps show up the disparities between the power roles in both worlds, and why the Muggle world should be different.  Another element that I noticed was Lily's happiness at having her dad able to go to the match with them; often in next generation stories, I read about James and Albus having a difficult relationship with their dad, or being frustrated with his work, but of course it affects Lily too.  She's obviously close to her dad though and really proud of him.

 

Lily's characterisation was probably my favourite part of this chapter.  She's so strong and lively, and it's really a pleasure to read her.  There are glimmers of both of her parents' personalities in hers, but equally she's her own character.  The cheeky comment to the teenage couple kissing in the woods right before she ran off made me laugh.

 

One thing I might have liked more of in this chapter was a little more description of the setting, as a lot of it is told through the dialogue between Lily and Hugo, just to paint an even clearer picture in my mind of the woods and the house they find there.  But I think that your narrative style fit in really well with the way that fairy tales are written, and I really enjoyed it.

 

As far as a fairy tale adaptation goes, I think you've done a great job so far with this chapter.  The premise doesn't feel at all forced - it feels natural for you to use Lily and Hugo as the characters in place of Hansel and Gretel, and that they would go off exploring in the woods when they get bored.  

 

I loved the way that the tone changed completely in this chapter, plummeting into something much darker and more sinister at the end, after the excitement of the Quidditch at the beginning.  I'm really worried about what's going to happen to Lily and Hugo now - so I'll be reading on to find out!

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

Thanks again for your amazing reviews. And for the second place.

 

Really glad you enjoyed the story. And that you liked the title. I am usually extremely bad at titles, but I do like this one, basically because of the double meaning.

 

I'm also pleased to hear that you like my depiction of children. I haven't spent too much time around younger children either. As a teacher, I am regularly around 12 to 18 year olds, but not under 12s. I'm glad that Lily and Hugo in particular came across as realistic.

 

I find the gender dynamics of the wizarding world interesting and to be honest, there are places where they don't ring entirely true for me, like Fred and George being so much more protective of Ginny than of Ron. In a world where being able to protect yourself doesn't rely on physical strength at all and where women have been attending school with boys, playing mixed sports, etc, for so long, it doesn't really make sense that a younger sister would be seen as more vulnerable than a younger brother.

 

And you have identified what is probably my greatest weakness when it comes to writing - the whole area of physical description. What I have written here was difficult enough. I have fairly recently (like in the last number of years) found out that other people can actually picture the scene in their mind while reading or writing stories and apparently the inability to do so has been termed aphantasia. I have really no idea what the characters or scenes in my stories look like. I generally couldn't tell you what places I've actually been look like.

 

Thanks again for reviewing. I really, really do appreciate your always awesome reviews.

Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 03 Feb 2018 11:43 PM · For: Trapped!

The title, "The House of Sweet Revenge" sounds scary. I've read chapter 1 and stopped by here. I hope Harry and Ron will find their children soon. I expect the rescue scene coming next. (I don't pester you, but I beg you to try next for Auror's Tale Story Challenge Season 4, Margaret. :P) 

 

Anyway, this story is really good, Margaret. I like you set Lily as a trouble maker who stepped into the troubles she hadn't prepared for. I felt it very similar to Harry's situation. He didn't want to be involved in troubles, but troubles were always with him. The difference is Lily was more curious than her father.

 

Your Hugo reminds me of Ron who eats anything voraciously, at the same time you added Hermione's characteristic in him, I felt it in this spot:

-"Eat." Lily spoke in a loud whisper. If he didn't eat, he'd starve.

He shook his head. "It might be poisoned."

That idea hadn't occurred to Lily but now that he'd said it, it didn't sound so implausible. -

 

I expect he will find a clever idea to escape.

 

All descriptions how they are tortured by the evil witch who seems to have a grudge against them, are well written and we wish they will have a best plan to run away like Hansel and Gletel.  

 

K

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the review. Really glad you are enjoying the story.

 

And yes, the Potters and Weasleys do seem to be constantly dragged into trouble, don't they? I guess when you/your father is destined to be the one to defeat an evil dictator, it's hardly surprising.

 

Hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

Name: Phoenix Potioneer (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2018 04:35 PM · For: Trapped!

So, the old woman mentions that her own son and daughter are locked away because of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. That probably means her children are in Azkaban, probably for being Death Eaters. So we're looking for a pair of siblings, one male, one female, who are Death Eaters. After a quick look on Harry Potter Wiki (I know, cheating, but I needed some ideas) I have concluded that the old woman is probably Alecto and Amycus Carrow's mother. Which kind of make sense, because she loves torturing Hugo and Lily, and Alecto and Amycus were infamous for being unimaginably cruel to Hogwarts students. It fits.

As for the rest of the chapter... this was dark. Really dark. And kind of horrifying.

I do love Lily's optimism though, and her determination to get out of there. I hope so.

I really hope Harry saves them. I really really hope so. They've got to have found out that they're missing by now, so hopefully they searched the surrounding area, right? Unless either:

a) When Lily and Hugo were unconscious they were apparated or portkeyed to another, far-off location

or b) the house is hidden to everyone but Lily and Hugo

One thing I am curious about is, now that it's obvious that everything the old woman (Mrs. Carrow?) did was planned, how did she know that Lily and Hugo were going to go exploring and find the house? There's like no way for her to know that, and if she guessed, than she's a very good guesser. There's a very slim chance that they wold have gone off on their own and found her.

Author's Response:

Your questions are really good and mostly things I considered myself when planning. Most will be answered in the story. The only one that might not be is how she knew they would go exploring, but there are quite a few Weasley/Potter children hanging around and the odds of one or more stumbling on the house - well, it's a gamble but probably worth a try. And who is to say this is her first attempt to trap Weasley or Potter children?

 

I like Lily's determination too. I actually considered once or twice having Lily in my series end up becoming an Auror, just because I've read a number of stories were James and/or Albus become Aurors and even ones where Hugo and Scorpius and regularly Teddy, do, but I don't think I've ever read one where Rose or Lily did. And considering this is a series where two of the Aurors we hear most about - Alice Longbottom and Tonks - are women, it seems kind of weird that the next generation girls are so rarely written as Aurors. I have come across some of the more distant cousins like Dominique or Roxanne becoming Aurors, but not the daughters of the Trio. And honestly, writing this has made me think I like the idea, writing Lily's certainty that being an Auror is about the most important job ever and her plans, I really like the thought of her with that ambition. 

 

I also love your theory about who the old woman is. It makes a lot of sense. Who she is will be revealed for definite in the next chapter as Lily and Hugo don't know.

 

Thanks for the awesome reviews.

Name: Phoenix Potioneer (Signed) · Date: 25 Jan 2018 04:14 PM · For: The House in the Woods.

Hello! Just made an account on the archives. :)

I really like all of the interactions of Lily and Hugo in this chapter, but honestly everything was just shadowed by a terrible feeling of foreboding.

I love the title of your story, "The House of Sweet Revenge". It's a very clever title. The word "sweet" has a double meaning.

I love how excited Lily is for the League Cup Final. And I also like how you aren't afraid to point out how things we do in the muggle world is stupid- like having men and women play separately in sports. When you put it like that, it does seem rather silly. All it needs is an outsider perspective sometimes.

DON'T GO EXPLORING. But I'm only really saying that because I know what happens. Hugo makes a very convincing argument, and marking trees is smart. I probably would have gone too if I didn't know what was going to happen. Hindsight is everything.

There's definitely some sort of magic on that house that's compelling Hugo and Lily to continue eating. I get why they tried it at first- to see if it was real, makes complete sense- but continuing to eat is just stupid. There had to have been some sort of enchantment that did that.

DON'T TRUST STRANGERS.

I have such a strong feeling of foreboding.

I really don't want them to roast in an oven.

Good job with the story though!

Author's Response:

Yay! Great to see you here. I don't know if you're aware but this accepts a whole load of fandoms and original stories. I have one original story up - a REALLY short one.

 

And yeah, a lot of Muggle customs are going to seem weird to witches and wizards and especially given that magic means physical strength doesn't appear to be an issue in the wizarding world and how the genders seem to be more integrated, I bet our gender divisions would seem odd to them.

 

Good point about the house.

 

And yeah, exploring is NOT a good idea in the wizarding world. At least not when you are any way connected to Harry Potter.