I knew it, Albust would get Invisibility Cloak! It would be Albus to get it, if Harry were to give it, not James, to Albus. I am happy to see James seems to be satisfied with the map, too. It's quite interesting Harry could guess James had pocketed the map from the drawer before leaving. And he could imagine how Albus would react for his owl letter. A good plot! It's great to see the famous magical artifact passed from a father to a son.
Agh, Peeves! I like the scene one of Al's pals used twins's product to escape from Peeves.
Rose acts in the class just like her mother and Al doesn't like it. The other lesson scenes are also well written. Neville was kind to them even when they were late for his class. I like such a professor. :) On the contrary, Professor Dire is not soft to his students at all. He is an antagonist, isn't he? Like professor Snape and Harry. Or I guess it's Dire who has a relationship with those dark wizards, right?
You spared much space for Albus Potter's sorting scene, it is good, 'cause we can feel how much he had worried about the possibility to be sorted into Slytherin. When he fell on the floor while praying for being sorted to Gryffindor, which made James impressed by his brother's clumsy action, I enjoyed very much.
At the same time, I suspect one of his dorm mates might be a relative of the dark wizards you introduced in the previous chapter... am I wrong? I hope I am wrong.
Rose is likely Ravendor like her mother, Hermione. I'd like to see Ron's trait in her later as well.
Oh, no, James, you are a naughty boy, you nicked the map? I like you added the episode, Harry edited the map adding Chamber of Secret. Oh, I feel like the incident will happen from there again...
Moyer sounds cool. Then, professor Fuchs, I wonder how to pronounce the name. I imagine how you enjoyed writing the process, trip to Hogwarts castle via Hogwarts Express and a boat with Hagrid. Each scene is well written. As James said, we know how it is like very much, we recognize how the first years feel excited and worry about their new life there from Albus Potter's POV.
All he worried at that time was being sorted there since he departed from the platform, from his father. You focused on the point, it is good, 'cause it's really likely children at the age think of.
Rose seems to have been his good consultant. I wonder who will be his best friend, I mean who will join as a member of the new golden trio. Or not? Or more members as his team? I'm curious!
Hey! I came back. I read chapter 2 and 3, they are fantastic. I'll come back and drop reviews there as well. Then I read this chapter to make sure that visiting Ollivander's
might be before 'Feast'. And the word, 'customers' is a typo (costumers) while transferring it, maybe?
So I'd like to say I like Harry is with Albus to get his first owl and wand. The most intriguing thing is he got an elder wand. I remember one of Deathly Hallows is the Elder Wand! And its magical core is Phoenix Feather, which gives us lots of imaginations!
I think Harry was almost going to say Florean Fortescue was killed by Death Eaters. Of course, he was wise enough not to tell that to his children. I'm afraid more horrible things are waiting for Potter children later. I wonder how peperoni pizza tastes like. I want to eat it, too. :) maybe very spicy.
Wow, a cart ride reminds me of the scene underground in the film. Yeah, right, riding trip to Potter's vault must be like riding on a roller coaster!
And I can guess Potter's vault had got much more money after Harry beat Lestrange or the other pure-blood Death Eaters. however, Potter children don't show off their wealth, that is good, Harry and Ginny must have brought them up nicely.
Hello there! I'm psyched to know you write mystery and Dark Magic. A new Dark Lord! Sounds exciting. I really like how you set the villains. Mysterious murder, old revenge and new secret weapons. Massive murders sound awful. I feel sorry for Muggle parents and children who became the targets. And you set Albus Potter as the next target. This story is very promising. He has worried to be sorted into Slytherin and you have prepared horrible situations around them. It is very intriguing. I guess he has to face hardship, wondering who he is, his identity like his father, Harry has experienced. I'm eager to know who the old wizard is. He seems to have grudge for the past when he wanted to teach at Hogwarts.
Happy Hot Seat Day continued. :D
I can understand Art's dislike of Exploding Snap. I mean it sounds all fun in the books but when you think about it, it's like, an explosion happening right in front of your FACE.
Poor Albus feeling humiliated in class. All I can say is it's a good thing he never had to learn from Professor Snape (his namesake. Ahaha) But I'm with Rose on this. Professor Dire is mean, but I don't think he's EVIL in the sense of BWAHAHAHA DARK MAGIC. (yes that's a type. I'd be a scary Dark Wizard eh?)
Hehehe, I love the way you've written the house rivalry in here. Slytherins don't want Gryffindor to win so they're supporting Hufflepuff! Yeah! :D
Aw. Poor James. Public embarrassment. No pressure right? :p But I guess he does that enough to his brother/the rest of his family. That song sounds like just the type that Peeves would appreciate and I wouldn't be surprised to see ol' Peevesie singing it in subsequent chapters :p
It always confused me when they let Gryffindors be the commentator for matches in which Gryffindor is playing. I mean, Lee Jordan was an awesome commentator, but he was in no way objective. ahaha. Fred and Louis are much the same about their Gryffie bias! It's quite funny to read. :D
Yay for James' first goal!
Hufflepuff was too good -- Darn right they are! XD I know, I should feel bad for Albus that his team lost, but what can I do. You understand, though, being a fellow Puff. :p Anyway, I do like that Gryffindor isn't shown as winning all the time and the Puffs get some glory!
*Transferred from HPFF*
Happy Review Hot Seat Day!!
Rose is getting just a touch overbearing, isn't she! I mean, stalking him at all times to make sure he's not alone. It's kind of her to look out for him, but I can understand why Albus is annoyed, hahaha.
“Who are you?” the leader of the group sneered -- For being a bully, this person is pretty thick. I mean, it'd take a decade of living under a rock to not know who Harry Potter's son is. Ahaha.
Woo! Roxanne is definitely a good person to have on your side! :P
Oh no, if the post is being watched then Albus can't tell his dad! He should have done it earlier! Gah! Well, now I guess he has a reason to stick his nose into things that are far bigger than an eleven-year-old should have to deal with. Or, he could devise a method of sending a letter without Filch reading it. I'm sure there are ways to do that. Send it via Thestral? :p
Awesome chapter! REading the next right away!
David's humour is so great, hahaha Professor Dire defeating an opposing Seeker just by glaring at him :P I'm glad Albus made the reserve team though! I think it's realistic that he wouldn't have made an actual position on the team, being only eleven and competing against kids who were a few years older. Still, it says a lot for him that he made it as reserve! Good for him :)
Ooh, I remember Lord Zajecfer from the beginning - sounds like he's up to nothing good. He's got some power now and isn't afraid to jump right in there with his plan of whatever he's doing, and it worries me that he wants to do whatever he's doing at Hogwarts. Scary! Btw, I tried to unscramble his name again and came up with nothing. :p
Rose is a smart one! Albus should listen to her. After all, it's not like this time they have Dumbledore on their side watching over to make sure they're safe as they poke their noses into things - they would be smart to involve adults. Yes, they've got no proof, but I think someone might listen given how scary the idea is!
Great chapter! I love the way you're building up this story!
More transfers ;)
Aw! I love that they're having tea with Hagrid :D
Wow, Fang is a super ancient dog at this point.
I love the friendship you've established between the four so far - they get on really well, and seem like a good mix of traits to balance each other out as well.
Al's desire to be good at Quidditch is really understandable given the pressures from his parents' successes in it. Likewise I really understand his desire to not be the same as them, to be his own person and not just famous for his father's fame. I think that's a very natural feeling the Potter kids would have.
Oh my goodness, how dare you leave the end of the chapter there ;) Did he get on? Aah! :p
It's really exciting to come back to this story as I read some of it ages ago and loved it!
Haha! I loved Harry's letter, the "I sooo know you stole my map, but it's okay" :p And yay for getting the Invisibility Cloak! I guess Harry is perfectly aware that his kids are going to break all sorts of rules, so this will make it at least so they don't get in trouble as much for it :P
Poor Art, he really is having the toughest time adjusting! All the weird plants and the ghosts and Peeves (whom I was super excited to see in here haha).. it's cool because you're reminding the reader of all the magic in the wizarding world, kind of like how Harry first saw everything in the first book.
What a twist on things. A cheerful Potions Teacher, I can't even imagine what the class would be like. It just seems like such an alien idea. XD And a cold, calculating Tranfig professor, he's going to be one to watch out for. I wonder if the students will learn to just raise their hands when they don't know the answer, to avoid being called on? Kind of like reverse psychology.
Ooh, is Rose interested in Divination? I bet her mum would be thrilled. :p
Glad to see you've come back, and thanks for transferring your other reviews!
Harry knows his kids are going to break rules, because they're Potters, so his mindset is "Well, let me at least make it so they don't get caught". Harry doesn't really have the right to discipline them when he broke rules are the time. And he doesn't even have the "I was fighting Voldemort" excuse for a lot of them- for example, crashing a flying car into the Whomping Willow might have gotten him expelled if he hadn't been Harry Potter. And that crash was not helping anybody.
Art's obviously not adjusting perfectly, but that's because everything is so new to him. He'll figure it all out soon enough.
I know, cheerful Potions teacher! Such a difference from Snape. And I love your idea of students raising their hands when they don't want to be called on, beacuse Professor Dire is 100% based on a math teacher I had when I was 11, and that's what I did! Sometimes I would raise my hand so I wouldn't be called on. Obviously, when I was 11 I didn't know it was called reverse psychology, but it worked! When I had my hand up the teacher didn't call on me.
Haha, yeah Rose is interested in Divination, and I bet her mum doesn't like that too much. I think Hermione would be okay with it, because she doesn't want to hinder her daughter, but if Rose is talking about how amazing Divination is at the dinner table Hermione would not like that much.
Thanks for coming back to the story, and thanks for reviewing!
Loved this chapter! It was nice to see how close the family is, what a great family outing, despite James being impatient and Lily whiny :p The part with Lily and the chocolate chips was really cute. I can only imagine the mess that resulted from that. My friend spilled chocolate chips on herself once and they melted all over her clothes, so I'm just giggling at the thought of Lily putting chocolate chips in her pocket! :p
I also enjoyed the fact that Ollivander's son owns the shop now - and that he doesn't have the good memory his father had. That's a nice touch.
An elder wand? That's probably going to be very important later. Considering that Harry has probably passed down the invisibility cloak to his sons, Albus is in possession of an elder wand and an invisibility cloak- 2 of 3 hallows. Interesting... maybe a red herring but interesting all the same.
Albus's interjection into the adults "boring" conversation made me laugh too, kids are so like that! You write the young Albus, James, and Lily very true to their ages.
This was a fun chapter! Great work :)
Thanks for transferring the review over! Glad you enjoyed it!
Aw, Albus fell off the stool? Poor thing, that's got to be the most embarrassing sorting moment. At least he's not entirely following his father's footsteps, that's what he wanted right? ;)
Hey! Uncalled for, Sorting Hat - no need to be calling Hufflepuffs clumsy idiots :p (Actually, I shouldn't be talking, because I am clumsy. Perhaps the hat is right. Tonks was a Hufflepuff too and she's clumsy. I sense a pattern. Anyway, I'm getting off track here.)
Haha, I love how even Art, a Muggle-born, knows about Harry Potter. Albus can't escape the stares even from people who didn't grow up in the wizarding world!
I like how you've written Rose. In the previous chapter I saw a lot of Hermione's personality in her what with finding all sorts of information in books, and here are elements of Ron as well (when she tactlessly asks Nearly Headless Nick if he is nearly headless - much like Ron did at first, I think.) So basically I like that she isn't a Hermione-clone, you've done well writing a girl that's influenced by both of her parents.
The Weasley twins' punching telescope makes a reappearance - love it.
James cracks me up - he seems to just appear out of nowhere when Albus least expects it. (I foresee this being a problem in about five years or so if Albus eventually dates anyone, haha) he stole the Marauders' Map! Oh, I love that Harry edited it. I hadn't really considered that he would do that, but I suppose after half the castle fell down in the battle of Hogwarts, some things probably got put back together differently and Harry needed to note the remodel. Though if he's keeping it updated, he's kind of just asking for one of his sons to steal it ;)
Great chapter! I am really enjoying this story but right now its late and I have to go to sleep. I will be back soon to read more! :)
Thanks for transferring the review! I really appreciate it.
Ok, one thing I have noticed so far that is really awesome: you have the same format of opening your story as JK does (at least GoF- on.). The chapter about mysterious things elsewhere to start off, and then beginning with the second one, a focus on the main character, and you remind the reader things like that there are four houses, Albus is a wizard... I really like that. Yes they are things we all know as readers of HP fanfiction, but it's like a little nod to the books and I definitely appreciate that.
I love the details of characterisation in here, like the fact that Albus doesn't like new foods. It's very realistic for an eleven year old! James is perfect as the annoying, older brother.. "see you in a million years. Your underpants are showing." He acts a little like my cousin was at that age :p so, I found him realistic as well!
Props to you for putting in a Sorting Hat song. It's easy to just brush over it and not include one, but I'm always impressed when people are willing to try their hand at poetry and add a song. Nice job :)
Ooh, you cut that off in a very sneaky place! Without any further ado, I'm going to find out what house Albus is in...
Once again, thanks for transferring the review! Glad you're enjoying it.
Yay, it's nice to see this story show up here on HPFT!
*Review transferred from HPFF*
Hello! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing, in which we're supposed to review a story with a feast in it... looks like there's a feast in the 3rd chapter, so I'll be reading at least until then tonight! (maybe more, but it's after midnight already and my reviews stop making sense when it's too late at night so apologies in advance :P ) Ok, now to the review.
This is a very chilling opening chapter, especially as they start out with a mass killing curse and then joke about it! That's never good :-( I like the anonymity of the two men though, and even though they go unnamed (for most of it anyway) I can still get a really clear picture of their personalities. The younger one sounds like he'll be stirring up a lot more trouble without really knowing what he's doing - all he's doing is copying Voldemort with less effective results. (I mean... Lord Zajecfer? I don't even know how to say that, lol. Actually I spent longer than I care to admit trying to unscramble that and figure out what his last name was.) He seems like an impulsive type who will do anything careless to try and make himself more important, while the older one is more concerned with strategy. Anyway, I am eager to learn more about them.
This is a well written chapter and really intriguing, I'm off to read the next one now!
Wow, thanks for transferring the review! I'm glad to have put this story on HPFT, but I haven't quite figured out how everything works yet- I didn't see this review until just now, nearly a week after you left it.