Ok, one thing I have noticed so far that is really awesome: you have the same format of opening your story as JK does (at least GoF- on.). The chapter about mysterious things elsewhere to start off, and then beginning with the second one, a focus on the main character, and you remind the reader things like that there are four houses, Albus is a wizard... I really like that. Yes they are things we all know as readers of HP fanfiction, but it's like a little nod to the books and I definitely appreciate that.
I love the details of characterisation in here, like the fact that Albus doesn't like new foods. It's very realistic for an eleven year old! James is perfect as the annoying, older brother.. "see you in a million years. Your underpants are showing." He acts a little like my cousin was at that age :p so, I found him realistic as well!
Props to you for putting in a Sorting Hat song. It's easy to just brush over it and not include one, but I'm always impressed when people are willing to try their hand at poetry and add a song. Nice job :)
Ooh, you cut that off in a very sneaky place! Without any further ado, I'm going to find out what house Albus is in...
Once again, thanks for transferring the review! Glad you're enjoying it.
Yay, it's nice to see this story show up here on HPFT!
*Review transferred from HPFF*
Hello! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing, in which we're supposed to review a story with a feast in it... looks like there's a feast in the 3rd chapter, so I'll be reading at least until then tonight! (maybe more, but it's after midnight already and my reviews stop making sense when it's too late at night so apologies in advance :P ) Ok, now to the review.
This is a very chilling opening chapter, especially as they start out with a mass killing curse and then joke about it! That's never good :-( I like the anonymity of the two men though, and even though they go unnamed (for most of it anyway) I can still get a really clear picture of their personalities. The younger one sounds like he'll be stirring up a lot more trouble without really knowing what he's doing - all he's doing is copying Voldemort with less effective results. (I mean... Lord Zajecfer? I don't even know how to say that, lol. Actually I spent longer than I care to admit trying to unscramble that and figure out what his last name was.) He seems like an impulsive type who will do anything careless to try and make himself more important, while the older one is more concerned with strategy. Anyway, I am eager to learn more about them.
This is a well written chapter and really intriguing, I'm off to read the next one now!
Wow, thanks for transferring the review! I'm glad to have put this story on HPFT, but I haven't quite figured out how everything works yet- I didn't see this review until just now, nearly a week after you left it.