Hey, pix! Another review arrives at its new home:
What can I say? You just had it in this chapter. It's hard to explain in words precisely what it is, but suffice it to say that when I feel like writing a review that mostly involves quoting my favorite lines of a chapter, that chapter has it.
Peony's conversation with her stuffed lamb while folding her unmentionables was adorable and weird and just slightly unhinged. Lambie is a little creepy.
"...magically infused with sound Slytherin logic by loving-yet-strangely-distant-and-cold stepmothers." - Now there's a rational yet slightly creepy idea if ever there was one.
"...but her Slytherin sensibilities told her that at times like this, personal agendas were more important than following rules." - Ha ha ha! Yes, that's a good Slytherin princess!
"Her lamb kept her on the path of questionable righteousness, even if the road map was inconveniently packaged." - You're just on fire this chapter!
"Saturday evening, Peony dressed in an I’m-sneaking-out-of-the-castle-so-no-one-will-notice-me-but-once-I’m-in-Puddifoot’s-no-one-will-be-able-to-take-their-eyes-off-me ensemble." - That line almost made me laugh out loud. This is bad, because I work in an open floor plan office.
"... then the Slytherins would have to find something else to amuse themselves with other than pulling the Hogsmeade Alarms and watching the old barman run out of the Hog’s Head Inn screaming..." - Aw, poor Ab.
The trip to Hogsmeade had some highs and lows for me. I know you needed a reason to put her there in Roderick's company so that he could deliver the death blow to their relationship, but I felt like maybe you could have tied Nott's speech together with Roderick's presence just a bit better. The two felt a little disjointed to me. And I was confused as to why everyone suddenly started to throw hexes and curses at one another.
Once she leaves Madam Puddifoot's, I got right back into things, though. The Hog's Head is such a terrible contrast to her, I love it! Little Miss Perfect and the Old Goat. Such a brilliantly mismatched pair.
“'So ya came from Puddifoot’s, did ya? Ya follow the Dark Lord?' He eyed her suspiciously.
"'No, I followed Draco down the hidden tunnel,' Peony told him..." - A brilliantly deadpanned line.
I'm kind of sad that I've run out of story. Can't wait to see what sort of mischief Old Ab puts her up to. Once you've developed a taste for rule-breaking, you never go back!
Author's Response:Hello!
Hahah! Well, at least that scene had "it", whatever "it" is. If I could figure "it" out, I'd revamp that completely uninspired moment with Nott and then the entire chapter would be riveting, wouldn't it? Off to revisit the plot to see what to do about that. Following the threads of logic in a story is such a task.
When I developed Peony, the first thing I thought was "I'll give her a ridiculous name". The second thing I thought was, "What kind of object/friend would she have that would influence her thoughts and actions?" Lambie almost had her own character arc, but in the end, I decided against it because it would make the story longer and I'd be spending more effort than I wanted to on this thing, which was supposed to be finished last month, and anyway, I'm not saying anything important so I'll stop now. Lambie is infectious.
I'm glad you're enjoying the descriptives. I noticed in my other story that I had grown unreasonably attached to ellipses... I thought I'd expand my punctuation repertoire and try out the overused dash. Too much? Ah, I guess it doesn't matter.
Unfortunately, I'm having some plot issues with chapter 6, which means chapter 5 is on hold, just in case I have to go back and add things. Maybe I'll just ask Lambie to write the rest of it.
Thanks so much for getting attached to this ridiculous thing! I must get inspired so I can finish it up!