Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 02 May 2017 09:16 PM · For: A private dueling lesson from Headmaster Snape is the best birthday present any girl could ever hope for!

Hi, pix! Only 2 more to go...

Peony with violence in her anatomically flawless heart.

Oops, that was a carryover from the last review.

Hey, pix, how are ya doing? Shall we go again? On with it, then.

I have this amazing vision in my head of Peony's nightmare. It's a little like an anime movie and a little like Pink Floyd's The Wall, but a very frilly, pink version. A swarm of sugar quills mercilessly whizzing through the air, impaling anything in their path on sickly sweet but razor-sharp points. It's like falling asleep after gorging yourself on candy to the point of being ill. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking things.

Wow. You made Astoria repulsively adorable in this. She's almost more Peony than Peony, if that makes any sense. It's funny to watch Astoria skipping down the primrose path through Peony's eyes. A girl who was less bitter and jaded might have felt a bit of sympathy, perhaps tried to steer her wayward friend down a path not doomed to end in heartbreak. But Peony is past that now.

"Unrequited love only leads to binge eating, and a proper Slytherin girl should never be caught with her mouth full." - the first giggle-worthy one-liner of the chapter. Always a special moment for me.

Blaise was really awesome in his brief appearance. Vain, vapid and totally lost in himself.

I loved the fact that Terrence thought to bring a paper bag and some cookies with him. He's clearly figured his subject out.

Ah, so the plot continued to thicken! Somebody tried to murder Peony with poisoned jam, but Squiggles wound up eating the poison instead. (Someone with no taste who had clearly not bothered to learn basic French!) OK, I'll admit that I have no idea what the Wizard Chess Championship Tournament has to do with anything, but I'm sure it's important.

Once Pansy appears, the comedy value of this chapter kicks into overdrive. I loved all of the "bad cartoon villain" lines that she throws at Pansy. It's marvelously cliche. And she couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a hex... from the inside. But it seems like she has gotten the best of Peony, at least for the time being.

Snape's appearance was awesome. His dialog was perfectly droll and perfunctory, with a hint of bitter sarcasm below the surface. But his message is terrible, nonetheless. Poor Peony.

Peony becoming somebody's prison b-.

OK, OK, I'll stop that now.

"Peony was sweet and kind, and a Slytherin with impeccable penmanship... but that didn't make her a killer." - Although it could be considered a strong indicator.

Aha! So Pansy is the one who tried to kill Peony! It makes perfect sense, I suppose. She had to be extremely jealous of her "perfect" half-sister, what with her being puggish-looking and basically incompetent with a wand and part-hag and all.

"Why do you think she got sorted into Slytherin in the first place? She holds grudges, she pees when she gets too excited and she even hates people, just like the rest of us!" - Baaahahahaha! Brilliant!

"Draco recoiled away from her. 'You’re revolting, Pansy, and your curses can't hit the broadside of a cow!'" - OK, I guess Draco and I see eye to eye on Pansy's aim.

I loved your description of Amycus Carrow, with all its toad-like adjectives and toad metaphors and subtle little references to toads. The man is so menacing, in a laughably goofy way.

So I see that your tale is about to come to an end. It makes me a little sad, as I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for the opportunity to be a small part of this marvelously caricatured story!

Author's Response:

Aww, I guess I sat on this review enough. It just looked too nice and shiny in my "unanswered reviews" section that I hated to touch it!

Your version of Peony's nightmare, though a bit darker and ominous than I had in mind, really works. I was one of those kids who was so freaked out by the heffalump dream from Dumbo that I had nightmares for a year. It's amazing where we writers get our material from.

I thought it was a nice character growth moment for Peony to look at someone else the way that other "normal" people might have once viewed her. Poor Astoria had just gotten caught up in the Peony fan club for too long. I'm not sure what to say about "repulsively adorable", except that it's frighteningly accurate. And that lovely line has sooo many connotations. But don't think about it too hard. You might not be able to eat for a week.

Blaise's characterization came from only one place. So thank you for that. It was perfect! Terrence, on the other hand, is a softer, gentler type. Of course he knew just what to bring. 

Couldn't you picture Peony being an expert Wizarding Chess Champion?? I thought that was obviously something that would be included on her impressive CV. But you're right; Pansy's lines were so much fun to throw around. 

Oh, you and your inner monologue moments... you know I love those. Unfortunately, it would have gotten tired if I had kept up with those throughout the story. But that doesn't mean we can't keep a running commentary... 

And yes, people have been asking all along, "Why is Peony in Slytherin when she has such a soft heart?" Well, there's your answer. Perfectly logical, if you ask me, which they did, so.. erm... anyway.

Thanks for the stupendously wonderful and side-splitting review!