better than firewhiskey

Hello! 

So people may have noticed I don't really blog here much (or anywhere, idk why I felt that I needed to be location specific...whatever bex) 
there's no 'reason' other than, my life is boring and I don't have much to say.
I saw a post on tumblr recently where this girl essentially listed the highlights of her thoughts throughout the day. I wanna do that. 
There's no want or need for this, but I feel like people only know me from my work on TDA. I actually hope that you do because my graphics are a lot better than my actual writing (and i'm in a huge graphics rut right now, so that speaks volumes.) This won't be a daily thing, because I assume a lot of my thoughts are the same, and my life isn't that exciting - not enough for my to blog about my brain DAILY. Maybe this will be a monthly thing....maybe we'll never speak of this again. We'll see how it goes! 

bex's brain 13th April, the highlights: 

• omg remember that girl who started crying two years ago and you were the only one around to cheer her up? Why were you the only one there???? why???? why were you trusted with someone who CRIES? It's weird because I still see her now, and we're just like awkward acquaintances. Oh lord why was I there....I SHOULD NEVER BE LEFT WITH CRYING PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY WHEN I DON'T KNOW THEM! I JUST MAKE JOKES. TERRIBLE JOKES. My social skills are roughly about Chandler Bing & Rosa Diaz level. Ugh god that girl probably hates me. I don't care, but she should hate me. She should also judge herself for allowing me to see her cry bc people should be able to tell just by looking at me that i'm not equipped for this level of social interaction! 
• you know now that i think about it, every fic i've written so far in the past 18 months....snape has seen some action???? i dont even plan it, one minute he's being snarky, next minute he's sleeping with someone???? Clara fancied him as a kid, Eleanor's well yknow we all know what Eleanor's doing, Hermione and Snape are like meant to be together obviously - i just???? the weirdest thing is - I don't find him the least bit attractive. Would we chill and be sassy? Absolutely. Would I date him? gooD LORD NO 
• i'm betraying my otp. I'm a terrible person who's betraying her otp. I'm writing a snape x oc. forgive me snamione FOR I HAVE SINNED
• OHHHHH I KNOW WHY I KEEP GIVING SNAPE LOVE INTERESTS. To make up for the fact that I keep killing him in all my fics. Literally. every. single. fic. With all the women he's getting I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind. 
• wow stood up too fast. you know i haven't felt this in FOREVER - idk why people get het up about this stuff, i didn't actually mind that
• okay i googled the whole standing up too fast thing....this is why people freak out about it. it was a one off, so it's all good! 
• i really need to finish my script. or maybe i shouldn't because my writing is horrific 
• well okay then i need to stop writing ff til my script is done idc how hard it is bex stop arguing with urself and do it 
• i can't believe i thought i could do proper crosswords that don't have the answers, just impossible hints. I AM NOT A RAVENCLAW I REPEAT, I AM NOT A RAVENCLAW
• well actually i'm a slytherclaw, but i have the ravenclaw creativity rather than their ability to solve riddles. If i had to solve a riddle to get in my common room i'd be sleeping outside. voluntarily. like i'm not here to make myself look an idiot, i already do it subconsciously 
• this episode of Brooklyn nine-nine is a masterpiece i'm not ready for the fact that i'm almost caught up [here's a visual++]
• speaking of the nine-nine this show has really made me aware of my flaws because i'm so jake, and i love him to death but omg there's times when he can be annoying as heck. However as I said, I am jake, so I'm aware of my flaws....but changing them sounds like it involves a lot of effort and i'm not about that 
• it's been a while since easter and my sister hasn't even touched her easter egg. i'm gonna give her two more days, then it's mine. 
• i want some flares so bad. like high waisted flares, if this summer's good i'd wear them ALL THE TIME. 
• i need to save up money for those flares 
• it's 3am why am i still thinking about my sister's easter egg and those flares?????? 

Reading all these seems perfectly normal to me because....well they're from my head. Maybe I've just revealed to the world that I'm slightly less sane than we all thought? Let me know if I should be carted off in a straight jacket? Otherwise I hope you enjoyed getting a teensy little snippet of the life of bex!

Hey guys, it's negative nancy, here with some good news (seriously, where is this positivity coming from?)

For my final year i was meant to be writing a script. I'd heard lots of things from past students on what to do and what not to do, and in the end I had vague aspirations that lead to giving up on my degree and marrying into money. But I trudged on, creating an extremely political scary world with some fairly eccentric characters thrown in. There was just one problem: I hated it. I hated my plot, I hated my characters, and I hated that it felt like there was no one on my team - because no one understood it. So I scrapped it! Now instead I'm writing a piece about age, sexuality, and family secrets...and it's not so daunting. 

I always saw original fiction as some strange next level writing - because with FF for me it was just playing. I touched on serious topics like dementia, anxiety, and adultery - but the characters were ready made. I had my own spin on a few, but the challenge was to present them in character. In original fiction, the rules are yours...which should be liberating - but to me it wasn't. I felt like I had to create an exciting new world because so many had already been created, wizarding worlds, Narnia, Gallifrey - and I thought by making it 'normal' I'd be boring. I thought that if my play wasn't challenging then I was writing it wrong. I don't think I'm that creative, most ideas never make it out of my brain and onto paper because I don't have the determination to complete it - and I was trying to defend a world and a setting more than an actual plot. It was like if JKR had created the wizarding world, and just gone: here you go, have fun. Rather than giving us the chosen one, or Voldemort and his death eaters - and all these families that we love, imagine if Rowling had just given us the world. It's still magical and exciting, but it isn't enough. My piece seemed half baked. I was trying so hard to remould it, and make it what other people wanted, until I realised I wasn't enjoying myself anymore. Which naturally meant it wouldn't be my best work. The best thing I ever wrote was a piece called In the Mourning, a short story about Harry and Professor McGonagall, and if Harry had visited his parents grave before the scene in deathly hallows. Or Storge, my one shot about Ariana Dumbledore and her death. The reason I think that they're probably my best, is because I loved them. I planned them out from start to finish, and put so much love and care into them...which is why I like them anyway. With my initial script it was just like, I need to get this done! It was about pleasing others, and not myself. 

I think that original fiction is very similar to FF really, and I'm not sure why I had it placed on this metaphoric pedestal for so many years. I don't think I could write a book myself, but from what I've written so far - I had to enjoy what I was writing. I had to be comfortable with my idea. I want it to be entertaining, and insightful. I want to make people laugh, and cry, I want them to be shocked, maybe even uncomfortable - but I want them to feel. Which I think is what every writer wants, original or not. 

Maybe my initial experience is completely different to other people's, but this is my first time writing original fiction, and my first time writing a play! Once I liked what I had the words kept flowing...though maybe that was because it was 2am, and now I'm up to 600 words! I know I keep going on about it and you're probably getting sick of it, but this really is a huge milestone for me. Obviously I'm far from done...in fact, I've come up with a list! This is the most basic list, that I'll have to edit as I go along, but I thought you might like to see in case I'm missing something obvious, or if you'd just like to take a gander! 

OF List: 

• fully flesh out characters: 1/6 
• understand plot 
• have a timeline (halfway there) 
• know the beginning 
• know the middle 
• know the end
• come up with a title 
• create a summary/blurb 
• pitch it to other people 
• have set/costume/props in mind

anyway, I think I've bored you all to death by now - and I have a scene to finish!