Conquering Self-Doubt in OF

[mydearfoxy]

I recently had a very helpful discussion with a friend around the following prompt:

How can we hold onto the idea of our unique voice as our greatest tool, rather than letting our insecurities stop us before we've even begun?

It can be scary to start a new project and hope that the story will work, that the characters will be genuine, that your voice in the story will emerge as one you like. It feels like a big risk to write, sometimes.

There's a relatively common platitude in writing, "It's already been written, but not by you." To me, this means that your unique voice as a writer is your most valuable tool - but it's also an area where we often doubt ourselves. Our demons sneak in, and we wonder how we ever thought we had any business writing. Obviously, the demons are wrong, but it's easier to say that than to believe it. 

What do you think? Do you struggle with this? How do you get through this specific type of writer's block? How do you trick yourself into feeling confident (or at least getting to the end of the page) when you start to think a story will "fail"?

[WindingArrow]

We actually had a conversation in my local writing group about voice a few months ago. I've never really worried about that, really. I get blocked because of a whole bunch of other things like I forgot how to words or I can't get this scene to connect well to that one.

To be perfectly fair, my "trick" are the reviews I've gotten on my fics. When someone says they like MY style of writing or how I did something in particular, that tells me that I have a voice and readers recognize it as unique in some way from other stories they've read or similar subject matter. I don't write any differently between fic and original, or at least not that I've noticed, so I like to believe that my voice translates from project to project.

[Guest Rumpelstiltskin]

^I agree that writing fanfiction has fueled my self-confidence in writing OF.  It's also been a fantastic writing exercise, and I feel like I can experiment more with FF to figure out what works and what doesn't work so much.

I really think that just about every writer probably goes through the self-doubt phase.   With the WIP I'm currently writing, I've found myself in a cyclical doubt-and-confidence conundrum that always seems to derail me for a moment.  The first thing I do to talk myself out of the doubt phase is to remind myself that I write for me, first.  I write because I love writing more than I love most things in life.  I write because I need to write to get through the tough times and to celebrate the good times.  I write because I need to write to function properly, just like I need to eat or drink water or sleep (and many times, writing is more important than sleep).  This is usually what breaks me out of the doubt phase.

Writing might not be such a huge part of others' lives, and maybe this won't work.  Either way, I'd say to tell your doubt to go away.  The only way to grow as a writer is to write (and to read), and you can never stop growing (as a writer, just as you can never stop growing as a person) as long as you don't let yourself hold you back.

 

Edited August 30, 2017 by Rumpelstiltskin

[Shadowkat678]

I've been dealing with a lot of this lately, and I have to agree. Coming back and rereading the reviews I've gotten on my fics has given me a ENORMOUS boost. Now I'm rereading stuff and...it's actually kinda good. I think a lot of us tend to be perfectionists. I've been using that to actually help me. Instead of thinking "Oh, it's not right" and getting stuck, I've been trying to get myself to think "who cares, you're good enough to turn this pile of trash into something usable. Go do it."

I'm still struggling, but it's helping. I'm getting there.

You also have to think about what works for you. I've realized one of the reasons I never finished anything with chapters is that I CAN'T write chronologically. I skip around and then go back to tie everything together. I've beaten myself up about that so much, and now I've finally realized that there was a reason I was struggling. Now I'm actually getting things done with my book planning and scenes, even if they're scattered. It's a lot more than I had beforehand. If you're having confidence issues, try looking at the areas you feel bad about, and think if there might be a reason you're stuck, and if tackling it from a different angle might get you going again. Once you realize that your confidence gets boosted a bit more.  

Edited December 12, 2017 by Shadowkat678

[Elena]

Writers block - Pfft!  I’m going on into my 5th year of it. I got nothing on this, literally.

Self loathing your work is normal, I think. I don’t actually get through it as much as tell myself “just do it anyway”. 

I also don’t think just because it has already been done is an issue. When you look at Harry Potter in its companants, it’s all been done before. Witches and Wizards are nothing new, either is hidden worlds, fairies, pixies, goblins, magic, etc. it’s in how you present it. When you read Harry Potter, it’s like you are discovering all these things for the first time. JKR owns her world, not just in copyright 

I also think you need to believe what you are writing. Not just that you are talented or that you know the English language because you studied it. You need to believe the story, the characters, and go on the journey with them. I always know I’m heading in the right direction when the characters fight you. You have one idea in mind, but then once you start writing, the characters make you do something else. Sometimes this may not fit what you are meant to be writing, but it’s when you know the story is coming alive. I have often written scenes, but loved what’s happened - it’s just not suited for the story I’m writing, so it goes into the bunny folder. Other times, the characters build a side plot on their own and I have no choice but to go there. 

The project I’ve been working on since 2009 is huge. It’s a historical fiction based on a true timeline of events, but also based on real towns. So the longer it takes to write, the more the towns change and research has to begin again. Sometimes I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, but I’m too determined to not write it. I have an editor already waiting for the draft when it’s finally completed. I just need to push through this writers block and get it done.

[crowsb4bros]

I hit major writers block with one of my original fics and I just couldn't push through it so I started rewriting it as a fanfic to convert back and it worked really well for me. I managed three more chapters than before and then I just switched back to OF. I don't think it would work every time and now I have to fix a few things in the characterization department, but it still helped a lot. 

Self doubt is killer. I keep thinking about writing for myself though and that helps a lot. I've gotten to the point where half the time I don't actually post my stories because I keep thinking that I've written them for myself not my readers. Eventually I'll sit on the stories long enough and post them though. 

[magpie]

self-doubt is entirely normal and exists in basically every aspect of life, not just the creative pursuits.

really the main thing that's kept me writing despite doubt's crushing effects is keeping in mind the idea that I'm writing for myself primarily. when I write with that mentality, I find that I actually get farther in the story then with projects I have to complete for a writing class, etc. having that sort of privacy enables me to follow my instincts more and focus on getting to know the characters, what have you. in time, the story opens up and takes me in directions I hadn't foreseen.

and even if one ends up with something that maybe only they would find interesting or funny or good, it still doesn't hurt to put it out there, because readers could be attracted to what they see as a singular vision. your style/interests may change with every thing that you write. I see writing as an ever-evolving craft, and there will always be new avenues to explore and things to fall back on. 

of course there have been times where I've fallen out of love with writing because it feels like I'm utterly incapable of it. it's important to acknowledge these moments and allow yourself the time and space to just take a break and perhaps focus on other things in your life. you've probably heard this a million times before, but you might have experiences or run into things that will spark the creative drive again. I find that it's a matter of becoming porous, opening yourself up to observation and reflection. there have been plenty of writers who've waited various periods of time before coming into their element, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

[scooterbug8515]

Self-doubt and loathing is one of my biggest bugs.  I hit that wall and was ready to quit my dream that is how paralyzing my doubt was and that was when I 'returned to my roots' and started writing fanfiction after a long hiatus away.  It was writing that I found fun once again and didn't worry about and that showed me the joy of writing with no pressure where I could have fun and learn how to write all over again.  It is what I am using even now with my current block.  I am facing re-writes for two different novels that I haven't finished and I have been stuck and convinced that I can't re-write and pick up where I left off in general until I remembered that it is what I am doing and have done with Not my Own.

So, I guess where I go to is a place of comfort and work from there.  It is as @Rumpelstiltskin has said - got to remember to write for yourself first.  It is something that I kind of forget and am having to remind myself of.

As for writer's block, I've learned that when you stop pushing things will release - sort of like a Chinese finger trap relax to get out rather than pull.  And part of that for me is to go have fun - I immerse myself with fun things like games to help me relax and unwind and then things will come when I least expect it and I feel recharged rather than worn out.

[Pixileanin]

I'm here.  My OF is morphing inside my head even before I get it written.  I'm trying to understand that it means it's not ready to be written yet.

This week, I'm going to try some short one-shots with the characters from my OF to  learn more about them and also to get some of their issues rolling.  It worked for my fanfiction writing when I was developing my characters, so it should work for my OF characters as well. 

 

*crosses fingers*

[Rhaenyra]

On 6/6/2018 at 9:00 AM, Pixileanin said:

I'm here.  My OF is morphing inside my head even before I get it written.  I'm trying to understand that it means it's not ready to be written yet.

This week, I'm going to try some short one-shots with the characters from my OF to  learn more about them and also to get some of their issues rolling.  It worked for my fanfiction writing when I was developing my characters, so it should work for my OF characters as well. 

 

*crosses fingers*

How has that been working for you? I did it with some success for one of my stories that was pretty complicated and it definitely helped. I’m trying to figure out if it’s worth it for a non-series. Thoughts?

[Pixileanin]

@Rhaenyra I'm still sorting, but the one-shots are helping.  I've written one and a half of them.  Allowing myself to play with the characters like I do with the fanfiction characters is taking the pressure off and just giving me the opportunity to know them better.   I remember only writing one-shots for a while before I tried my hand at a novel-length story.  I also remember that before that novel, I wrote several one-shots, 'auditioning' the characters in the roles I wanted them to fill in my larger story.  So, I'm trying that approach here.

I'll report in and let you know how it's going from time to time.

[firewhiskey_ginger]

On 1/13/2018 at 3:55 PM, PaulaTheProkaryote said:

I hit major writers block with one of my original fics and I just couldn't push through it so I started rewriting it as a fanfic to convert back and it worked really well for me. I managed three more chapters than before and then I just switched back to OF. I don't think it would work every time and now I have to fix a few things in the characterization department, but it still helped a lot. 

Self doubt is killer. I keep thinking about writing for myself though and that helps a lot. I've gotten to the point where half the time I don't actually post my stories because I keep thinking that I've written them for myself not my readers. Eventually I'll sit on the stories long enough and post them though. 

Paula, this is an amazing idea???  Writing as an AU fic would be such a helpful tool, so long as I could remind myself to keep my characterization my own and not revert to the ideas I have in my head for canonical HP characters (or whichever fic you decided to write!)  I find that I have absolutely zero self-doubt when writing fanfiction, partly because I've done it for so long and partly because as an author you have an amazing built-in reader base.  But writing OF is terrifying, because you wonder who is going to care about these characters.

On 6/25/2018 at 1:22 PM, Pixileanin said:

@Rhaenyra I'm still sorting, but the one-shots are helping.  I've written one and a half of them.  Allowing myself to play with the characters like I do with the fanfiction characters is taking the pressure off and just giving me the opportunity to know them better.   I remember only writing one-shots for a while before I tried my hand at a novel-length story.  I also remember that before that novel, I wrote several one-shots, 'auditioning' the characters in the roles I wanted them to fill in my larger story.  So, I'm trying that approach here.

I'll report in and let you know how it's going from time to time.

I love this idea.  I have taken the route of painstakingly filling out a character biography (name, birthplace, blood type, what their voice sounds like, quirks like stuttering/biting their nails, least favorite foods) and while it's clunky and the characters often evolve from my original idea of them, it has helped in the past.  Writing a one-shot does seem like a more natural way of allowing them to show their true colors to you, though, so it's whatever works best for you!

[LunaStellaCat]

Fellow writers.   A "Dear Abbey"  follows.  You are forewarned or whatever.  

 

 I just deleted what I wrote.  Maybe that's a warning.  ??   I accidentally hit that wrong button a lot.  

Here's the thing.  I say  that I am a writer.  In fact, let's be real and say that I know I am not a writer.  I am trying not to fall back into my old crutch.  I said that I was old  and I was going to attempt to be serious about this writing thing.  If it never gets out of my head it will never get on paper.  I'm old enough not to fall on my old crutch habits.  I've been walking with crutches since I was two.  You can't use two sets at once.  Four legs?  Okay.  Six legs?  Good luck.. 

I want to write.  But I seriously doubt myself.  What if what I have written is boring and has been written before?  There are, like, five types of movies and those have been written over and over.  If I keep coming back to fan fiction, I push myself further and further from said goal.  There is nothing - no thing - wrong with fan  fiction, but if I have a goal, I have to keep telling myself it was written twenty years ago.  

 

I can't get these characters out of my head.  

 

What if I can't get past the first chapter? 

What if it sounds lame and you still want to get it down?    (This is like sitting at the table finishing broccoli.  (I like broccoli.) 
It's not Harry Potter or in the realm of fantasy.  What if it's boring and been done before?  It has. 

How do you write and forget?   So I can move on? 

I know I can't do a novel.  Is it bad that I start with a short story?  

What keeps you from intentionally (or accidentally- ha) hitting the Delete button? 

What helps you continue in the drafting stage?  

 

I realize this is baby steps stuff.  I just want to get it down.  ''m trying to lean on Anne Lamott because "Bird by Bird" is my bible.  

But what if I suck and can't get off the starting block?  

I need to go find crutch stoppers.  

 

Signed, 

Baby Steps.  

 

Edited July 14, 2018 by LunaStellaCat

[Pixileanin]

@LunaStellaCat   I feel you.  I am there.  Original Fiction is hard, especially when you have fandom characters that you can't let go of.  Here's what I'm doing RIGHT NOW to help me with the transition:

 

* entering OF short story competitions with deadlines, just like the challenges with deadlines on this site

* thinking about my OF stories as one-shots and limiting the scope of my short pieces so I can see the end while I'm writing (because novels are hard)

* writing character vignettes  - sometimes based on my favorite HP characters, but with different names and different situations, just to play around with them, because darn it, writing should be FUN and if I can't have fun with it, I'm doing something wrong

* not deleting ANYTHING for now.  I don't post it all (Goodness, I haven't posted ANYTHING OF yet, I'm just not ready). One thing that helps with this, is I have a notebook where I handwrite all of my ideas.  IN PEN.  If I decide it's not working, I just turn the page and start over. But here's the thing, I've read all over the place that sometimes you can use your old, silly ideas in unexpected places, so they sit there in the notebook as I keep turning pages.  It also marks my progress as a writer.  I can look at the notebook and say, "I AM WRITING.  I HAVE WRITTEN.  I'M A WRITER TODAY."  Doesn't mean that it's good or that I show anyone.  Writing is an action.  Do it.  Then you are one. It's really that simple.

* I set goals by how often I write and how many words I get down.  I never set goals for 'finished stories'.  I figure, that will come when I"m ready.  Sometimes an Idea isn't ready to become a story until I've thought about it.  I also remind myself that thinking about different ways to approach my story or make it new/fresh/better is also part of the process.

*choosing challenges on HPFT that allow for OF and then going for it.  It has a deadline, and at the very least, I know that the challenger will read and review it, so there's one more read than if I never do anything with it at all.    They're short, one-shot type things, or short story things, and I remind myself that many writers make a career out of writing short stories.  Many writers are now making a career out of flash fiction (less than 500 words).  Word count doesn't mean anything, as long as the story is told.

 

****  OOOHHHH.... and this one worked for me just last month.  I picked a favorite book of mine, and I decided to mimic the writing style that I loved so much, just to try on a new voice.  I had different characters/plot/etc., but it was so much fun to try to 'write like someone else', and I got a good story out of it. 

 

Your mileage may vary, but these things help me keep going when the stories get stuck and I feel like I'm not 'doing anything'.  I am doing.  I am making words.  One day, they'll come together and make sense.  When that day comes, I will celebrate with cake. 

Good luck to you!!!

Edited July 17, 2018 by Pixileanin
forgot something, because I'm a dummy and I think slow

[LunaStellaCat]

@victoria_anne and @Pixileanin   Ya'll are lifesavers.  Thanks for telling me to continue and listening to my whining as I continued to pull teeth.  (I said "Ya'll" .  That's the Southern creeping in.    Back in?    You all are awesome and good peeps.  @victoria_anne, I read through your suggestion before I like,  "Right.  You gonna draft this or not?  It's been in your head."    Thanks.  

Edited July 18, 2018 by LunaStellaCat

[galadriel]

Oh god, self-doubt can the WORST. There have been way too many times when I've given up on something because I was feeling unsure or unworthy and it's such a horrible feeling. Just like a lot of the others have said earlier, writing fanfiction has helped me boost my confidence A LOT. I've gone from being "my writing's terrible" to "I know my strengths and weaknesses" which is a massive improvement. I don't think doubt ever leaves us though - when our writing evolves we go from doubting one thing to doubting something else. For instance, a few years ago, I would have said I doubted my ability to write descriptions, and these days, my doubts lie in whether my plot lines are holding up well enough or whether the setting/world i've built is up to the mark. I do think that having little amounts of self-doubt is a big part of being a writer though - it makes you question things and understand what you need to focus on to become even better. The hard part is knowing where to draw the line before you end up tearing down your own confidence levels and completely giving up. 

For the most part, it's helped me improve as a writer, and it's quite noticeable when i look over my stuff from a few years ago. I've also managed to figure out what difficulties I face while writing and realised that I need a bit of guidance to move past those, so I recently joined a program through which I'll get mentorship to take my writing to the next level. 

Also, like Pix said, setting goals and keeping to them has been super helpful, as well as having someone to hold me accountable! well, at least until a new plunny pops up and i run after that instead. putting up motivational messages and reminders also helps me break out of a rut when i find my thoughts going in circles. 

(sidenote - @victoria_anne i love that quote!)