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Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 22 Jun 2017 02:07 AM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Unfair Chapter: An Accident

Transferred from HPFF

 

KAITLIN OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS STORY!

Oh, ahem.. I mean to say, I'm here at long last was a prize review from the Microfiction challenge. 

I, for one, am not at all lecturing you about starting another WIP because, for one thing, if there's anyone in the world who can keep on top of 15 WIPs, it's you. And, more importantly, this story is utterly amazing!

I know this is weird, because he's Next Gen so he's quite different in different fics, but I think Scorpius might be my favorite character. In every story I read where he's featured, I just adore him, and I already love your particular take on Scorpius. I feel really bad for him, too. He's obviously a bright kid, but not very courageous (so far) in standing up for himself. I hope he finds the confidence to do that, along with some much needed allies. I really just want to hug him. I'm curious about his relationship with his parents, especially his father, and how that might factor in to the bullying situation. 

Rose and Albus are absolute JERKS. (I can't believe their mothers would let them get away with it. But then again, I suppose they don't really know what goes on, since the professors mostly ignore it.) I'm very interested to see what you do with them, and whether they remain jerks or grow into decent people. 

Also, I love that you've made Katie the nurse. (I assume it's Katie, anyway.) I've always really liked her, even though she isn't very well developed in canon. I loved how you created an ally for Scorpius in her.

One thing for CC - I really couldn't tell how old they are here. It's quite a difference for an 11 year old to behave this way compared to an 18 year old, so I think throwing in their year somewhere would be helpful. 

I know you won't be able to update this until you've reached your challenges goal, but I'm eager for chapter two all the same.

lots of love!
Renee



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 21 Jun 2017 07:40 AM · [Report This]
Story:Unfair Chapter: An Accident

Hey Kaitlin, just transferring from HPFF :)

 

I've come here today to share some cheer
And to read this challenge entry
You never fail to disappoint, my dear
You're the best challenge writer of the century! 

*clap clap clap*

... Was that too soon?

WAH POOR SCORPIUS! *hugs him and kisses his cheek better*

How (sad? refreshing? different?) to see this role reversal - I just want to smack Albus and Rose's heads together! I've never seen them portrayed as bullies before, but I have to say, it kind of makes sense that they could get away with something like that. 

You used the prompt you were given really well (what a depressing challenge, may I add *secretly sad didn't get a chance to enter*)

 

Your descriptions in this are so wonderful, by the way. I love how well it comes across that Scorpius is good at Potions.


I honestly cannot wait to read more - I love your characterisation of Scorpius. Ravenclaw, excels at Potions and yet still beaten down because of his father. That's the kind of conflict I likey! *evil grin*

Go go Kaitlin! 

Love B xx    



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