Yay! I'm so immensely proud of Eloise! As if it's not enough that chess is a game that requires so much mental work, but here, you even gave us some psychological play. And from my meek knowledge of chess and from what I've seen in this story from you, it is essential to also play your opponent and be good at reading people. And I can only imagine that Eloise must be really good at reading people, giving that she rarely interacted with people and was always on the sidelines.
I also like that her shy, reclusive personality that has always made her struggle became a strength in this chapter. Her calm, composed, unaffected facade drove her opponent into a rage, giving her an edge.
I never thought people would be so interested in watching chess (it can take so long to end and it progresses so slowly), but you made it sound so interesting and gripping. Now I'm wondering if there are such championship with wide vierwership in the real world and how I can go enjoy that!
You really are an amazing, diverse writer. Giving so many characters such distinctive personalities must be challenging, but I've read enough of your stuff now to know that you're more than up to it.
YES! Look at this girl, not only making progress but even making friends. You had my heart aching for her in the beginning when you were saying that she was getting bullied (ugh, Slytherins) and withdrawing even more. As if she wasn't withdrawn enough as is.
While Eloise did have more than one victorious moment in this chapter, my personal favourite was when she challenged herself to speak again despite being initially ignored by the enitre chess club, and then she even stood up for herself so she would get a chance to play and join the club. This put the biggest smile on my face. I mean, yes, it's great that she gets to enjoy her hobby, but making progress with her personality is just so satisfying to me for all sorts of personal reasons. I love her so much! <3
Hi Kaitlin, I'm here for the winter wonderland.
I think it's so interesting that you can come up with such interesting background stories for characters. I do realise that this is what most of us do with fanfiction. But you do it so well with all characters, and that takes talent and imagination. It takes even more talent to make simple, seemingly ordinary moments in people's lives interesting. I personally love stories about family and friends more than anything else in the world. I connected with Eloise right away, understanding the struggle of social anxiety, even if it isn't as severe for me. I don't necessarily approve of her parents' initial methodology of withholding things until she asked for them out loud (even though I understand that sometimes with conditions like that you have to take extreme measures). It just seems a bit severe.
I can only begin to imagine how lonely Eloise's life must be. Not communicating means she probably didn't have friends or much of a life outside home. But giving her chess, this interest that takes so much skill will not only help her integrate a bit in some social activities, but maybe even build up her confidence a bit.
You've already gotten me invested in her, so I'm gonna move forward to see what you have in store for her.
I never thought I'd be on the edge of my seat reading about a chess match before! I love how well she can interpret her opponent, and how she knew his weaknesses and used them to her advantage. She's very clever.
I really loved this Kaitlin. It's a reminder that you never know what's going on in someone else's life. Here we have someone painfully shy and quiet, but she's an international chess champion. It's fantastic. Great job!
Omg this is so amazing. I feel so proud of Eloise, though I was worried at the beginning I'd be really sad. I still am - being bullied is horrible - but I'm still happy she's found her passion. That chess room sounds amazing, and I love that she was able to beat the captain! It's also so cool that she's such a champion, winning competitions and everything!
I love how you've portrayed Eloise here. I feel sorry that the poor girl is too shy to use her words, and that her parents tried everything, but I love that they continue to try. I love that she's a natural at chess, since it's a game that doesn't require communication (unless it's wizard's chess, that is!) and I hope it brings her out of her shell a bit more!
Here for CTF!
I want to hug Eloise so bad and I feel so sorry for her because she has to hide and run away from the Slytherins because they're so rude and make her cry all the time and I can also completely see why she doesn't want to tell anyone. I doubt it'd have much use and I think she's clever enough to realise that it might only make it worse. That doesn't change the fact that it's absolutely a sad thing that she feels so withdrawn and out of place until she stumbles upon the chess club that for once makes her completely happy at school. I love the fact that the leader of it all makes apologies right after Eloise beats the captain and got back on a wronged way of talking to her, even with respect and enthusiasm which makes me want to jump around the room because I;m so happy for Eloise. She absolutely deserves all the happiness she can get and I'm happy for her that she found a way at Hogwarts to be ahppy, because she seems like such a nice girl who doesn't deserve all the crap she's getting. I hope she finds some real friends there and I actually want to read more about her later on to see how she's faring! Absolutely well done!
Hi Kaitlin! I'm here for CTF!
So it looks like this story is going to be a lot happier than the other two I read *tentatively puts tissue box away*
I really love how you're using the game of chess as a vehicle to show how Eloise is slowly gaining confidence and faith in herself. I think mentally it's like "okay, I'm really good at this thing, so I can be good at other things as well and I'm not a failure". For me, that's kind of the role sports played, although I wasn't as shy as Eloise was - with me it was more having the confidence in myself to take charge and lead everybody instead of hanging back and just... being there, in a sense.
Also, I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised that Ron's not in the chess club, although I suppose that he could very well not have been mentioned here. It's not something that would be mentioned in the series as Harry is an infamously obtuse narrator.
I also really love how in this chapter she slowly went from cautiously tip-toeing into the room and timidly asking if she could play at the beginning to feeling like she belonged somewhere and had a home at the end.
I have to admit, though, Eloise's reaction at the boy's compliment makes me a tiny bit sad - it sounds like nobody's ever complimented her that much before (aside from probably her father, playing her??). Surely she's done good enough schoolwork to warrant praise? Or am I just reading too much into this one line? (This is the problem with English class: you start analysing texts, and then you can't stop. Ugh.)
Anyways, I loved this, and I will be back to review more of your writing, probably as soon as I am broken out of jail. *laughs*