Omg, this story is so good. I just read the whole thing in one go and have tears in my eyes right now. I'd heard so many good things about this story ages ago and never managed to find the time to read it, but I'm so glad I did just now! Look how much I was missing out on!
The last few chapters are just so heartfelt and full of love and acceptance and it makes me so happy (When Mrs Potter called Sirius her son, my heart exploded with happy feels). Which is something I needed after how emotionally intense the beginning chapters were. Sirius' home life is just so awful. The friendship between Sirius and James is so beautifully illustrated here and I just love them.
Your story really adds so much to canon, as well - about how it wasn't just Sirius leaving that got him blasted off the tapestry, but about the fact that his mum found out he was gay. And that's even more heartbreaking - mostly because it's entirely believable. His family has literally rejected everything about him - who he is, who he likes, what he looks like, and who can possibly blame him for running away to James' and never turning back? It also explains why he gave up on Regulus and never really gave him a chance or tried to get him out of that household/ideologies, because Regulus had betrayed him so deeply here.
And the way you wrote the werewolf prank in the beginning as well makes so much sense the way you wrote it, it's much more understandable that Sirius snapped when you factor in that Snape was hurling homophobic slurs at him and Sirius was so afraid of his secret getting out. It doesn't excuse what Sirius did - that prank was pretty awful no matter how you look at it - but this fic presents the most compelling backstory for Sirius sending Snape there in the first place.
Also I love seeing POC James in fics so I really appreciated the elements of Indian culture you added to this fic :) And James' family is the most perfect family ever. I absolutely loved your portrayal of them here.
All together this is quite honestly a perfect fic. I never read the original on HPFF so I can't tell you how the new version compares, but all I know is that I loved this and you have written a masterpiece. Well done 10000/10 ♥
Hi! Thank you so much! I'm so happy that you enjoyed reading this story :D
I have SUCH strong headcanons about this period of time, and I'm always really happy when people tell me those headcanons check out for them. Personally, I always felt like the Willow Prank was... mildly out of character for Sirius? I mean, not outside of the realm of possibility, but definitely a little strange? I mean, I think he's a reckless person, but I think he's a deeply loyal person too, and it was always kind of like "he told his enemy the deepest darkest secret of one of his best friends in the world because... he thought it would be funny?" It never quite tracked. So... here we are. And you're right, nothing could excuse that "prank", but I at least want it to make sense, you know?
Again, I'm SO happy that you enjoyed this, and thank you so much for the lovely review <3 I really appreciate it!
Ahh, final chapter! I'm excited!
It's sweet that Sirius took out all the breakfast ingredients for Mrs. Potter. I can also imagine that Mr. and Mrs. Potter would become protective of Sirius after what had happened, there's no way they'd let his mother get near him now. It's so sweet that Mrs. Potter called him her son--that's really the best! Sirius is truly finding a home and love and acceptance and it's all so wonderful. And, of course, the ending is perfect with Remus coming into the compartment and hanging out with them as if everything has gone back to normal and Sirius is at the brink of explosion. Even if things aren't perfect yet, they're getting so much better, and that's the whole point of this story is getting to the point where Sirius is able to breathe again, when he's able to stop drowning.
There's an alternate universe out there where Sirius's mother tried to confront him on the platform and then Mrs Potter threw down with her ;D
Mrs Potter calling Sirius her son was one of the big moments that I had in my head almost right from the beginning. Getting that moment right was really important to me! The ending was also something I had planned very early, and it was definitely my intention with this story not to end in a place where every problem was resolved, but to end in a place where Sirius could be okay.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed this, Rumpels! Thank you so much for all the reviews! <3
Poor Sirius is severely suffering from everything his parents have done to him and the lack of forgiveness from Remus and it's really taking its toll on him--even going as far to disrupt his sleep (and my heart breaks because of it). The dream of his mother's voice transforming into Remus' must've been gut-wrenching. And then there's that moment when Sirius finally tells James that his own mother used the Cruciatus Curse on him and it's just all so terrible. I'm glad that Mr. and Mrs. Potter are around, and James' right, I doubt they would kick him out if they found out about Sirius being gay. I loved the scene where Sirius thinks James is asleep and says that he'd dreamt of Remus aloud. And I was extremely thrilled to see that Sirius wrote a note for Mrs. Potter, finally telling her about his sexual orientation. Of course, it was a beautifully sweet moment when Mrs. Potter accepts him as he is so fully.
Hi Rumpels! I'm back to continue answering your reviews <3
"Poor Sirius is severely suffering" - a brilliantly concise summary of my entire AP ;P
Honestly, the scene where Sirius tells James what happened with his mum was kind of weirdly fun to write. Mostly because I loved writing James all furious and protective like that. And "I keep dreaming about Remus [...] Not in the gay way!" is one of my favourite bits of dialogue I've ever written, tbh.
Mrs. Potter is the best and I will always firmly believe that!
Thanks for the review, Rumpels! <3
It makes sense that James would want to know what happened. Most of the time, we feel like we need to know the whole story before we can truly help. Sirius needs his time to emotionally and mentally recover from what happened and work up the strength to tell his best friend about exactly what happened. I love the brief moment after Sirius tells James that he was kissing Frederic where there's this silence with James gawking and there's a really heavy moment where it's uncertain if he'll accept him or not--and then that transforms into James congratulating him on snogging a Quidditch player. And I'm glad that James makes Sirius feel accepted and that Sirius is writing a letter of everything (the everything letter) to Remus and I sincerely hope that those two make up soon). And it's so wonderful to see things beginning to look up for Sirius and that he's finding himself and being accepted for who he is. It's till sad that Remus hasn't forgiven him yet, but I do hope that with time it will happen. Also, the rose in Sirius' hair is an amazing piece of imagery.
Hello again, Rumpels! <3
Some of my favourite parts of this story are James and Sirius's conversations, tbh :') Also, I love the phrase "the everything letter"!
The rose in Sirius's hair is definitely my favourite piece of imagery from this story. For me, that's such an important little moment. So I'm happy that you picked that out to comment on <3
Thank you so much for the review! (Sorry if I'm getting repetitive, but really, thank you so much - I truly appreciate you taking the time to review every chapter!)
The Potters are so wonderful for putting Sirius up in his time of need and, to be honest, even though he'd been through his share of hell, there are a lot of people in this world that would turn away from him and ignore the problems. But now that Sirius is away from his oppressive parents, he might be able to start learning how to love himself. I also love the level of diversity you've brought to this with the Potter's, too -- it's really nice to see and it makes James' homelife a little more interesting than it had previously been. As well as finding himself, Sirius still has to make amends with Remus, and I'm just not sure how he's going to do it. I mean, Sirius is changing in a big way, becoming conscious of his faults (self-absorption and whathaveyou), and maybe that increase of maturity will be able to help out along the way. It must be so hard for him to have this rift in his previously perfect friendship. And Sirius flinching every time James' parents raise their wands is positively heartbreaking--he's so unused to being loved. And then there's that moment when Remus invites James to stay at his for a few days, pointedly not inviting Sirius. I mean, it totally makes sense why Remus wouldn't be ready to see or forgive Sirius yet, but it's still heartbreaking.
The Potters rock. I stand firmly by that. Based on Sirius's comments in-canon, I've always imagined them as very warm, open, and caring people. Unfortunately though, you're right that a lot of people would be a lot less kind :(
In terms of Remus, and Remus and Sirius - my take is that on the one hand Sirius would work really hard to make it up to Remus as best he could, and on the other hand (in my headcanon anyway) Remus is a little too forgiving in the first place.
Thank you for the review!!!
I'm glad I read that one-shot from Regulus' perspective, as I really think it brought to light his thought-process in what he was thinking when he told his parents that Sirius had kissed Frederic. However, it still doesn't save Sirius from his mother's psychotic abusive behavior. I'm almost surprised that Sirius hadn't run away before 9except, where would he go, he's still just a kid), but I'm glad that he did at this point. He needs to be away from that kind of environment. And then, as Sirius cries at the Potters' front door, standing there in front of James, my heart absolutely shatters. Sirius is so very broken at this point and he really needs James to be there for him. Luckily, despite what Sirius had done, James is going to help him--his friend, his brother. So much heartbreak in this chapter--it's really hard to see Sirius in this much despair!
I'm glad too. With Breathe 1.0, a lot of people who left reviews were (understandably) really angry with Regulus, saying they didn't understand how he could do that to Sirius, etc. But obviously as the writer I knew his motivations and that it wasn't as straightforward as people probably thought. Most people read Drown after they read Breathe, so it's interesting to hear your perspective having gone in the opposite order!
In terms of why Sirius hadn't run away before - he's just a kid but theoretically he could've gone to the Potters. But I very much imagined that he wouldn't want to impose himself and would assume that Mr and Mrs Potter wouldn't want him either. So he only left when he had no choice.
Thank you for the review! <3
Oh, I feel so badly for Sirius! He pushed aside his pride and got dressed for the party and his mother was still incredibly mean to him, you I can't say I expected any different. Walburga Black seems like a terrible person in just about every fic I've read. Fairy-filled lanterns and albino peacocks sound absolutely spectacular. Yeah, the Malfoys definitely seem like the type to have a ballroom in their house; they seem like they really love to show off. Oh thank Frederic! At least Sirius won't have to suffer this dreadfully dull party all by himself. Yep, I'd imagine his parents would throw all sorts of fits if they saw Sirius drinking. Welp, isn't Mr. Frederic forward. I can imagine Sirius' shock of him asking if he and James were 'just friends'. And, yeah, saying Sirius is giving off a vibe of something he's trying to conceal is sure to send him into a panic attack. I'm head over heels that Frederic asked Sirius if he wanted to kiss him--and that it was probably the best one that Sirius ever had. And, then there was Reggie!
Yeah, Sirius really can't win. Nothing he does can be good enough for his mother because in her eyes he's already a lost cause (for lack of better phrasing, haha).
Malfoy Manor in canon sounded so ostentatious and they always seemed like they like to flaunt their wealth and status (see: Lucius Malfoy buying Nimbus 2001s for the whole Slytherin Quidditch team). So I definitely thought they'd have a ballroom :'D
Frederic is certainly forward! Those two tumblers of Firewhiskey probably didn't hurt ;)
Thanks for stopping by <3
Something tells me that the Black family is a special breed all their own, but other pureblood families are probably similar (at least the elitists). Ugh, I can just imagine the dread Sirius feels as his parents' voices become louder (and more shrieky) and his mother comes barging into his room. That is definitely nightmareish. Not Sirius' hair! His parents are just taking everything about him that makes him an individual away from him (or at least trying to) and it makes me feel so badly for him! I feel even worse that he has to tell himself that he's fine when he's really not and try to hold on, counting down the days until the Potter's return. I don't doubt that he does feel like he's drowning, growing up under such strict hatred must be absolutely suffocating! Regulus really does try (I'm glad I read that one-shot with Regulus' POV to put some perspective on what he's feeling/dealing with right now); and Sirius lashes out at him because of his own issues, and it's terrible, because I really think that they could help each other as a united front.
Anyway, lovely chapter!
I think the Black family is a terrible mixture of general Pureblood traditions and ethos plus Walburga Black being a hateful sociopath :') I feel like generally Sirius is used to it and could cope a bit better, except he's already in a bad place and feeling quite fragile, so it's a lot more difficult.
Poor Reg really does have good intentions, but unfortunately Sirius isn't in a place where he can see that :( And Regulus doesn't exactly approach things the right way either. I don't think it's uncommon that in a situation where one sibling is abused while the other one is "the favourite" that their relationship just deteriorates instead of there being a united front.
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, thanks so much for the review!
Yeah, I can imagine Sirius would be way too anxious to open James' letter to see what he had to say. My heart breaks for him a little, but what he did was pretty bad. And it definitely makes sense that James would be hesitant to forgive Sirius without a justified reason--Remus could have landed into some serious trouble (pun not intended in this rare instance). And it's a beautiful moment as Sirius confesses everything to James--he really needed to get it our of him, and who better than his best friend (even if his best friend isn't exactly speaking to him at the moment). Between the great relief of confession and the knowledge that James was still his family and that they would be back and he could visit, I'm not surprised that Sirius felt as if he could breathe more easily. And, despite everything else, having lost Remus makes him still feel like he's drowning, and that absolutely makes sense.
Yeah, Sirius did a pretty awful thing. One of my big goals with this story was to explain his actions without excusing them. Remus could've really gotten in trouble, but beyond that, I don't think he could've lived with himself if he'd bitten or killed somebody (even if that somebody was Snape).
He definitely needed to get it all off his chest. Because it's not just since May he's been keeping this secret, it's even longer, just now it has more urgency attached to it.
Thank you so much for the review! <3
I'm immediately brought into the fic with questions (which is awesomesauce)--why is Sirius having such a hard time starting a letter to James and why wouldn't he and James be friends anymore? What happened? And then, of course, it becomes more and more obvious that this is set during the repercussions of the Whomping Willow incident. It makes sense that Sirius would try to ask for James' forgiveness first and that he would be terrified to even consider writing Remus so soon...I have a feeling that it's going to take a lot for Remus to get over what happened, even enough to let Sirius back into his life a little (because the trust is totally broken at this point). And, of course, I love your reason behind why Sirius did it in the first place--being a teenager is difficult enough without being confused by one's own sexuality, and then, of course, Snape would have made everything so much worse.
This was an awesome start!
Hey Rumpels! <3
Sometimes I feel like it would be more accurate to call this a prologue, instead of chapter 1, because really its purpose is to get people curious and hooked, haha. It would definitely take a lot for Remus to forgive Sirius (or really even to move past it in any way), because can you even imagine if he'd killed (or bitten) Snape? He would never have been able to live with himself.
For me, the explanation in canon for the willow tree prank always fell a little bit short - it just didn't jive with Sirius's characterization ("you should have died rather than betray your friends" and all). So a big motivation for me to write this was to come up with a better explanation (though not at all an excuse) for what he did.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter, thanks so much for the review!
I thought this story deserves a proper re-read through! I'm happy to be here to give it some love! I thought it was an awesome opening for your story to give me everything I needed without over informing that there is lots of questions which I want to keep reading on so it's caught the interest. It's such an interesting starting point to see Sirius in this conflict both with himself and his friends from the beginning that you've brought the two main plot points to the readers.
I think your charactersation of Sirius is so strong already. I always find the best characterisation is done by these authors who really care about their characters which you so obviously do. The inner thought process for him is in particular very well written and thought out so well done. I always loved that you gave this really interesting backstory with James' character about including his Indian hertiage as a plot point. I've never seen anyone do something like that before and your imaging of that is so unique which makes you a really special writer.
Another thing which I really enjoy is when authors are able to weave their own ideas into Canon. I think the idea that Sirius' reason behind his rash actions linked into his sexuality and snape knows his secret. It's just a really believable motivation again another example of how you really get into Sirius' head while you're writing. Great job on this first chapter and i know the rest of this chapter really supports the story as a whole.
- Abbi xo
Yay! It's great that this first chapter gets you curious and leaves you with questions. It's definitely intended as a hook more than anything else (which you can probably tell, since it's so short haha).
"I always find the best characterisation is done by these authors who really care about their characters which you so obviously do." Aw drat, I thought I was hiding it pretty well! ;) But yeah, I obviously love him and really care about writing stories about him as authentically as I can.
I do want to stress that I'm definitely not the first person to make James Indian - it's a fairly popular headcanon on Tumblr, and I was introduced to the idea through a user named tamilprongspotter who wrote (/is writing?) a HUGE story about Tamil Potters. I just don't want to take any credit for that! But I do really love the headcanon and do the best that I can to represent it sensitively.
I always found the Willow incident kind of confusing because I found that it just didn't really mesh with the rest of Sirius's characterization, so finding a different explanation for the incident (one that didn't excuse his actions but which did explain them better) was a big part of why I wrote this story!
Thanks for the lovely review, Abs! <3
First, an apology... I should have stopped and reviewed each chapter, but I just wanted to read it all in one go... hope you don't mind if I just review here...
And... oh, Merlin! I have tears in my eyes! I've started to half cry at the end of the party, when Regulus surprised him (why, Reg?) And I haven't stopped till now. And now I'm so happy, because he has a family, and Remus is going to forgive him, and while it's so heartbreaking what his real family has done to him and everything he's gone through, there is still hope. Oh, my god, I'm such a mess of emotions right now, I don't even know what to say!
I love this story! I love every little detail about it! I love your writing and I love you!
There are so many things I should say... how painful it was to read about the torture, how much I adored James throughout, how sweet his parents were and how happy I felt when she called Sirius her son. And a thousand other things. But the pont is that this was incredibly powerful and touching and beautiful and just... thank you for writing this!
The hugest snowball hug ever!
Hi Chiara! No need to apologize! I really appreciate this review, and it's actually really flattering/exciting to know that you were that eager to read on, hahaha <3
You are too sweet! I don't even know what to say! I'm really so happy that you enjoyed this story so much and that it sparked so many emotions in you! <3
Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Aww... poor Reg... he was just trying to be helpful... (okay, I'll admit it wasn't a very good tactic... It always makes me so sad how their relationships turned out, I wish they could be there for each other...
The atmosphere with his parents at home was so heavy, I almost felt like suffocating myself... actually, the part of the haircut made me think a bit about my aunts, they are always telling me how I should dress and all that sort of things... :P But this felt like an actual violence, and it was really so awful.
Even more awful is the way they seem to want him around only to keep up appearences. I can't even imagine a family working like that... I'm glad he has at least James' letters and the prospect of visiting the Potters to keep him going.
Why am I scared about this party? I think I have an idea about where this story is headed...
Another great chapter, I'll be back.
Poor Regulus indeed. I too get pretty sad over the direction their relationship went, but I don't think it's uncommon in a situation where one sibling is abused while the other is the "favourite" for them to turn against each other rather than presenting a united front. Which is sad :(
I definitely think Walburga would be more than happy to keep Sirius out of her sight if she didn't worry that it would give people the impression that she'd "lost control" of him completely :/
Ahaha, good instincts (re: the party).
Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! <3 Thanks for the review!
I'm back! :D
Oh, James! I love how supporting he is, he's such a great friend and you showed that so effectively.
I love that his first letter was so harsh (understanably) but the tone changed as soon as Sirius explained everything. As I said, James is wonderful.
I love how Sirius made the effortlessly to translate the letter with a dictionary and then tried to write back in Tamil. It's so sweet that he wants to show in this way how much he's appreciate James' friendship and that he doesn't want to take him for granted. Also, I'veri never thought about James being of Indian origin, but I love it. I love different cultures and languages in stories (and I'm happy you had Ysh to help, she's amazing, isn't she?)
Oh, poor Sirius... He had to struggle so much against his family's beliefs... It was so strange to imagine him using the word Mudblood at first, but it makes sense. And of course, growing in that environment would make it so hard to accept being gay... it's so sad that he can't help but being... is disgusted the right word? with himself... And I love how James' acceptance helps him accept himself a bit more. I love how deep their friendship is.
Sorry if this was a bit inconcludent... Just know that I'm loving this story more and more...
Now I'm almost at the office so I have to go, but I'll hopefully be back soon.
I personally feel like James being a very loyal and caring friend is one of his defining characteristics. That's always something I emphasize when I'm writing him! :D I'm glad you enjoyed it!
James being Indian was definitely not my original idea - I saw it floating around on tumblr a lot, and I followed someone (at the time tamilprongspotter, idk if he's changed his username since) who was writing a HUGE story about Tamil Potters, and I just thought it was really cool and heightened a lot of stuff about the canon story. YSH IS THE BEST! I could never have done this without her <3
I would say disgusted is the right word. Unfortunately, it's not at all uncommon for gay people to internalize homophobia like that :/
Thanks for the lovely review! <3
So, after our talk yesterday on Twitter I had to stop by here!
Oh, this was so sad, so painful... poor Sirius... *cries*
I mean, he does sort of deserve it. What he did was awful, especially to Remus. Still, seeing him so lonely and hurt and full of guilt is just heartbreaking. I want to hug him tight and tell him it will be okay.
Your writing is so powerful in this first chapter and I loved how much you included in this, from the references to his family life to the memories of the willow incident. I also loved the letter to James, how difficult it was to write it, how he couldn't bring himself to write to Remus... everything was just perfect and so moving.
Guess I'll move to chapter two now. See you later.
Yeah, Sirius definitely did do something awful - there's really no excuse for it. For me personally though, I always thought the canon explanation was kind of flimsy and didn't really fit with Sirius's characterization? So that's a big part of why I wrote this story.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed this first chapter, thanks for stopping by <3
Hi, Kayla! The third review for your prize!
It’s a very heartwarming scene between Sirius and Mrs. Potter in the kitchen before they left for Hogwarts. I wondered if you’ve experienced the similar things as Sirius had. And I wanted to know what he made for breakfast. Bacon and toast with tea, maybe?
Thanks to you, Kayla, I’ve learned new words, “the boot” instead of “the trunk” of the car. And “sauntered” = “strolled” :D
It’s good for Sirius that he could repeat usual routine before leaving for Hogwarts, like chatting with his friends he knew. On the contrary, it’s a very heart wrung moment. He spotted his parents and his brother Regulus. And at the same time, he saw his two friends say good-by to their parents.
Kayla, you really did a good job on Potters. They are so affectionate toward Sirius as well as to their son. I really love how Mrs. Potter said good-bye to Sirius. I also like the way how you described about Mr. Potter toward Sirius.
The last scene of this chapter, I think it’s the most beautiful scene in this story. I really like the scene, how naturally Remus behaved toward Sirius. Did you plan how to write the last scene before you started writing this story? It’s really terrific matching with the title very well.
Hi, Kayla. This is the second review for the first place at Auror’s Tale Challenge.
I noticed you used the past tense here and you used the present tense at “The Department”. What made you change the style? Which is comfortable for you?
So Sirius had two predicaments: feeling guilty towards Remus and feeling pain for his mother’s neglect. I feel pity for him. I understand he just wanted to be loved like Harry.
It was a peaceful moment for him to stay with Potters. But I felt for him when he saw how Mrs.Potter loved her son. It’s quite understandable he felt jealous of his mate.
It’s very sad that his mother hated Sirius’s identity. I can’t imagine a mother does such a horrible thing to her own child. She’s mental.
Reading the conversation between James and Sirius, I felt time passed by gently before a new semester began. It must have been so stressful for Sirius that he couldn’t sleep at all. You described about his fear and pain very well.
Ha ha ha, I’m eager to know what poem about Lily James had been working on.
I held my breath. What a tense moment. I could feel Sirius’s heart beat faster before Mrs. Potter accepted him entirely and showed her affection towards him.
Transferred from hpff back to 14th August 2015:
Hi, Kayla! I came back to your Sirius.
When I finished reading this chapter, how can I say, I just remembered the story in which there was a girl who wanted to be a boy. His (her) mother understood him very well, but his father didn’t understand his predicament and forced him to behave like a girl. So I could understand how Sirius feels at each moment like shopping with James, and I felt happy to read James understood him very well. It was wise to set James as his best supporter and Mrs. Potter as well.
Oh, you keep my question in suspense, how Remus reacted to his letter. Only I could guess was from what James said at the end of the story. I never imagined how it would be like if the author set Lupin and Sirius in the center of the story, but it’s very intriguing and I can imagine how you’ve struggled to keep writing the difficult theme. Many kudos on this, Kayla!
@ 12th August 2017
I noticed that you seemed to edit this chapter, so I reread this chapter and I'd like to leave more. So this is the first review as a prize for story challenge.
I like the change you tried in the first half. I like the friendship between James and Sirius. You captured each characteristics very well. Sirius is a person who tends to run away from everything he suffers from and hide anything to the bottom deeply. James always tries to help his best mate at any cost. And he tried to support Sirius after he heard everything. I like the scene.
You took advantage of the canon fact that his mother disowned Sirius, your interpretation the reason why is he is gay, is very unique instead of J.K.Rowling's episode that he was disonwned because he didn't obey her rule, her favoritism towards Slytherin House or Voldemort's followers.
When I spotted this,I wondered what pranks they thought of. 'Sirius filling Peter in on all the prank ideas he and James had come up with.'
I reread chapter 5, the part how his mother disowned him. Then the latter half of this chapter is full of affection, mostly of Potters. I really like each description, Mrs. Potter's care for Sirius and his relief. It is gently well written. As I worte before, I could visualize the scene in the garden beautifully. I'd like to repeat that you are good at writing Sirius Black's fear, angst and sorrow. It's your power to continue writing. It's really okay to keep seeking for your Sirius, your fandom, Kayla!
Transferred from hpff back to
11th August 2015:
Thank you for translataion. I only knew "namaste".
Reading sleepy Sirius, I remembered Harry waken up by Ron in the Burrow of the book 6. It must be very comfy for Sirius to be awaken by his best mate like Harry was.
It must have been a pleasure for Potters to take care of Sirius and Sirius did feel the same way, which was a very good thing for Sirius who found finally "home". I like the part, chai and snacks. Family get gather drinking tea and talking a lot. Family members feel "together" when they talk a lot spending tea time. I think family do that wherever you live or whichever country you live in.
But still Sirius had nightmares and feared wands raised , it's very sad. I hope staying with Potters will cure his broken mind.
Why did Sirius feel like he hated the red robes James turned by his magic? Perhaps for Remus? What happened to them? It's intriguing.
My favorite spot here is : The fabric blew gently in the breeze, making the gold and silver threads woven among the reds and golds and blues dance and shimmer. They're very colorful and beautiful.
*transferred from hpff*
Aw, the comparison to sleepy Harry is really cute. I wasn't thinking about that when I wrote the scene, but I see what you're saying! :D
Yeah, you're right, lots of families do that, don't they? In Hinduism it's really important to treat your guests well and offer them food and drinks. But since families all over the world do similar things, Sirius does feel really welcome and at home.
"Why did Sirius feel like he hated the red robes James turned by his magic? Perhaps for Remus? What happened to them? It's intriguing." It seems from the review you left on the next chapter that you maybe figured this out :)
Thanks for the lovely review!
Transferred from hpff back to
8th June 2015
My head canon about Sirius, he's very strong, more sarcastic, looks down his own mother. But your Sirius, oh my merlin, he was abused by his mother, with unforgivable curses? So there's strong reason why he ran into Potter's. It's quite understandble. When you set up Knight Bus, I remembered the similar sceine of Harry's case. It's described very well.
After thougths in Kabukiman's mode.
I'd like to add my thought to this spot, " It was a warm night, but Sirius’ entire body was trembling violently. He ached, everything ached, he was sure he’d never been in so much agony before in his life;" If you add more descriptions about that night, how he felt the surroundings or how he saw the night scenery at that time, the beginning will be better. I just remembered how Harry felt before he met Padfoot for the frist time in J.K.Rowling's book 3. As I've read your hard work at "The Department", I think you can edit this story as well. Just my suggestion. Please don't feel stressful, Kayla. Just my humble opinion is that writing angst and agony about Sirius is your strongest, so more descriptions about surroundings will make your stories more powerful. [I can't write in that way myself though, but you can!]
Transferred Kabukiman's review @
25th May 2015:
I've sought for a new plot for the stage for audience. My family faces a crisis, we might go out of Kabuki business. The traditional dramas are so old-fashioned, currently lots of audience come and see the act I play, you know , I'm very handsome, I have to run away from the frantic fans after the end of the last scene on the stage. But I know fans will be tired of the old stories, so I started searching the new exciting stories here, I found the mordern drama you created.
The man called Sirius looks handsome. I like him. I'd like to put on the crisp, ironed black dress robes. I can imagine the new act, your beautiful description gave me the outline of the stage;
'The sun had just disappeared under the horizon, and the pinks and oranges of the sunset were slowly fading, replaced with soft blues and purples. There were fireflies flitting about overhead, and a fountain could be heard gurgling somewhere on the grounds.' These sentences are the most impressive for me. I've visited the pond to watch fireflies. In my country people enjoy watching fireflies in the ealry summer evening. I wonder you do watch them in summer. My family will agree to set up the stage you expressed in the story.
The guy named Nott expressed about the first kiss of Albus and his friend, which was beautiful but yours is also well described, I could understand the feeling of Sirius and Frederic. I like the flow of each conversation you wrote. The each sentence delivers your kindness to us.
I'd like to read how Regulus will treat his elder brother next. I wonder how Potter will react when he finds out what Sirius did.
After thoughts by Kabukiman
We have actors who plays as women. A man plays a woman in feminine kimono on the stage. He really acts a graceful carriage, which makes him look a real woman. He walks like a woman, he speaks in a high tone like a woman. I wonder if Sirius wanted to act like that.
Macmillan apparently sounds Pure-Blood. I guess there must have been people who were homosexuals or lesbians in Pure-Blood society secretly. If you add more information about that, I thought it would be more interesting.
I just want to say, I loved your Kabukiman persona for this review! It was so cool and well-thought-out, I loved the whole backstory that you gave your review character!
I'm super insecure about dialogue, so I was really happy to hear that you liked the flow of the conversations :)
I might add a little bit more about my ideas regarding LGBTQ purebloods, if I ever get around to editing this again!
Thanks for the lovely review!
Transferred from hpff back to
24th April 2015:
I've read Hindi for the first time in my life. It looks really cool and artistic. Wow so you can read, write and pronouce it! Brilliant!
So James forgave Sirius. He wanted to be his brother. Readers guess their relationship is like sacred, nobody can interfere with, and at the same time wonder what exactly did happen to Remus? Did Snape find he was worewolf?
Thoughts @ 12th August 2017
Your work is very original and unique but you didn't forget to put canon relationship between James and Sirius. Your favorite pairing is Remus and Sirius, and I notice you tried expressing Sirius's agony and struggle via letters from him to James. I could feel his trust in James very much. Your attempt to interpret those conversations via letters into Hindi is really cool and makes the story exotic. I feel this community, our home [the previous hpff forums] internationally wonderful, which makes our stories rich and more interesting. So your intention to express your world is splendid!
I can't read, write, or pronounce Hindi, unfortunately :( People who do know Hindi helped me with it. I wish I could though!
It makes me super happy to hear that you felt like this was both original and true to canon! That's exactly the balance I always hope to achieve when I'm writing :)
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Hi, Kayla! Before reading and leaving reviews on your stories for 1 st place at Auror's Tale Story Challenge Season 3, I'll check which chapters I've not left reviews. So transferring reviews time!
Review back to 9th April 2015:
Hi, I stopped by from the forums.
When I read the first sentences, the letter of Sirius to James, I wondered what he regretted. Perhaps he regretted that he didn't accept advice from his friends? What betrayal had he done? Readers wonder the cause of his agony.
And he seemed to have done a prank which made his three friends keep Sirius at a distance. What prank did he do to them?
The last sentences provoked us to read the next. James and Remus were wounded. What on the earth did Sirius do, a kind of bad magic or something? Why did Snape call him 'Queer'? What did Dumbledore say to him? I'd like to know the reason why. And I'm looking forward to reading how you'll describe about James and Remus in the next chapter. Will there be any action or suspense or mystery? I want to know.
I'd like to add one more question. @ 12th August 2017
Why did you think of James in India? What made you feel like writing the beginning with James in India? I guess you had a chance to know India deeply or you have your favorite Indian actor...
Hi Kenny! I'm responding to all of these fresh because I can't remember whether I answered them back on HPFF :')
I'm assuming all your initial questions were answered, because I know you read more of the story, so I'll just answer your last one. So I actually don't know that much about India (I've never been there, I'm not from there, etc.) and I don't have a favourite Indian actor either. James being from India was actually an idea that I saw online. Specifically there was this one blog I would read by a guy whose background was Tamil (although he lived in the US) who headcanoned James as being Tamil. So I actually got the idea from other people who had the idea first. The guy with the blog (his url at the time was tamilprongspotter but I don't know if it still is) actually helped a bit with this story.
Thank you for the review!
Hello Again Kayla!
I'm back for the Breathe-awesomeness!!! Gosh the title is so fitting, and The chapter title is so apt for what Sirius is feeling. OMG HOW DO YOU GET EVERYTHING DOWN TO PERFECTION!!!
I loved Sirius' reactions to his parents' return, and he would have to go back to feeling so claustraphobic, unloved and definitely unaccepted. Gosh, i can't imagine what it must have been for him. I'm so glad James was around.
Ok, once I start rattling off how many things I love about this story you're going to get tired of the phrase 'I love' so I'm just going to list out my favorite things about this chapter!
1. Sirius' hair - It's so amazing how you make such small things become so potent and meaningful in Sirius' life, and justify his long hair.
2. His life at Grimmauld Place is perfection to boot! The rigid schedule,the social life he didn't want, the appearances he was forced to keep.
3. His panic attack - I felt so so horrible for him, and you wrote it so heartwrenchingly well.
4. Regulus - That whole exchange between Sirius and Regulus was so sad! UGH Why is everything so SAD about Sirius' life? I almost felt sorry for Regulus there,because obviously he was trying to reach out to his brother, and Sirius snapping at him is the most natural Sirius-like reaction.
I just can't stop rambling about everything I loved here, Just waiting to squee all over the next chapter!!
Hi again, Ysh!
Yeah, it's really good that James and Sirius were on speaking terms again by the time Sirius's parents got home. I think it would've been pretty terrible otherwise.
Yeah, I definitely headcanon Regulus as just seeing Sirius as misguided and trying to reach out to him in a genuine way. But of course, Sirius knows he's not misguided, so he won't have it. :(
Ahh it really makes me so happy that you like this story, thank you so much <3
Ok, now that the squeeing is out of the way! I get a little feeling of warmth everytime I see a Tamil reference in this story because it makes everything so close to home, and I feel like I'm part of this whole HP-verse too!!!
James' response to Sirius was nothing short of perfection. Of course he wasn't going to be endearing, but he was loyal enough to his friend to try an understand what he was thinking.
And Poor Sirius! It looked like he was almost dying to let it all out, the way he wrote to James, hoping that someone would understand him and understand why he did that. Gosh, I can't imagine how Sirius must be feeling, so scared to be who he was and to say it for fear of ridicule and those close to him.
AHHH There's the Tamil!!! Wait, I'm now wondering if James came up with the translation spell by himself. Haha!
You seem to be so great at getting into Sirius' head. I love everything you wrote, his painstaking translation, his own for of self-punishment for his guilt, his relief... damn! You make my heart melt when you write about his struggle with himself, his mother's horrible horrible comments.
Awww, I loved the detail of James correcting Sirius' letter! It's so adorableeee!!! And drawing parallels between Sirius and his mother was an AMAZING touch! I always imagined they were a bit alike and I love that you brought that out!
Loving every word of this! Moving on to the next one.
Awwww Thank you so much for the credit too! Really, it was my pleasure!!
PS: I noticed a type here: translate the last piece of Hindi... You may want to change it to Tamil!
Ysh, you are so cute <3 It makes me so happy that you're so happy!
I definitely think Sirius was dying to let it all out, especially since he knew James was furious and that part of WHY he was so furious was that he couldn't conceive of why Sirius had done what he did. And then on top of that, Sirius has been keeping a secret for a long time, and it can be really, really hard to keep secrets from your friends, especially secrets involving something like sexuality.
One of the reasons I'm so drawn to Sirius is that I do think he and his mother are a little bit alike, and because of that and because of the environment he grew up in, I think there was SO much potential that he could've turned out to be hateful and cruel. But instead he basically fought against all that to be good and to do the right thing (which he didn't always succeed at - see, Willow Tree incident - but the thing is that he tried).
Just going to take this opportunity to thank you again for all the help, I really couldn't have done it without you! And thank you for the lovely review <3