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Name: FredWeasleyIsMyKing (Signed) · Date: 28 Jun 2017 08:46 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:The Nightingale's Lament Chapter: The Nightingale's Lament

Hey lovely, 

 

Transferring from HPFF!

 

I had to come and read this and oh my goodness I'm so glad I did! But first let me pick up the shattered pieces of my broken heart! Eugh the feels. 

 

The first section is really beautifully written Sian. Seriously beautiful. Your descriptions of the place Vicky's in are perfect and I can see the place in vivid detail. It doesn't take long to pick up that the war has just happened although I love that you don't just force the information on us. You let us get to that conclusion in our own sweet time which is great. 

 

I really enjoyed the flash backs to the charms club. It gives us a good starting point into the Colin/Vicky relationship. They're clearly not that close - is the charms club a way of Colin getting some time with Vicky I can't help but wonder? I also love the personality you gave Susanna in such a short space of time. I smiled at her reluctance to let the gryffies in! 

 

The way you write Vicky's pain is again perfect. I'm throwing that word around a lot I know but I can't describe your work any other way. You don't go over the top but as I read I can literally feel her pain completely. I can feel my heart breaking as I consider the war and all the horrible things that happened and how it affected people before I'm even a little way into your story. 

 

I get to read some more little cute scenes first though! The flashbacks Vicky has about her and Colin's time together are all perfectly placed and each one has made me smile. 

 

I loved the patronus scene, I feel live knowing peoples patronus and I think it can be a really intimate thing to share with someone, almost like baring a piece of your soul. It's really awesome Colin teaches her that. I also liked that even though it's clear Colin likes her, he still didn't tell her about harry and the DA. He almost did but I feel it signals a big change in him, it shows him more mature that he still keeps it to himself as yet. 

 

Then we get on to Colin actually asking Vicky out on a date and I can tell you that I've got such a goofy smile on my face right now. I love these two as a couple and it's breaking my heart that it's not going to last! Also, perfectly timed interruption from the fat lady there, I loved it!! That felt like such a "book moment" as in, I could have easily been reading that about the trio from JK. 

 

Seriously Sian, my hearts going to burst if I keep reading these moments. The idea of using the room of requirement for a picnic is lovely and so thoughtful of Colin. Your making me love him more and more with each section I read. The present is also a really lovely idea and from the way you have portrayed Colin thus far I can see him thinking about such a thoughtful gift for her. And then he tells her he loves her! I honestly want to stop reading here and add my own 'and they all lived happily ever after' but I can't, I need to keep going. 

 

I thought it was great that, even though this story isn't about Colin when he was younger, you still managed to get a little reference in there. It only emphasises my earlier point though that your showing a much older and mature Colin and doing it very well!

 

You then manage to turn the flashbacks into a much darker presence in the story. The muggle born registration commission was obviously coming and we know Colin has to go on the run. I think you dealt with her parents reaction in the best way possible, it's hard but I can imagine parents acting any other way. Her brother is her one escape though and again I think it's true to your characters that Vicky played the fiancée card to her brother. 

 

The scene with ginny was very well placed. The girls have somehow in common and being able to do something Colin would have must be a source of comfort for Vicky and ginny knows it. It's also kind of nice to have some reference to harry and ginny in there. 

 

The more I read the tougher it's getting. The reunion in the great hall between the two of them is so lovely and all I want to do is wish it could last. The build up to her seeing Colin in Oliver's arms is really hard to read Sian but you've done an amazing job of hooking us completely no matter how much it pulls at our heart strings. 

 

The last section is hard. Having never gone through something like this it's almost impossible to imagine the pain but the hallow feeling you give Vicky just seems fitting. 

 

Wow. I'm completely blown away by the beauty of this piece. It's fantastically written and has made me both giggle and cry. Vicky Frobisher isn't well known but the few facts we do know you've stuck too. You've written Colin in a light that not many do and I love it more than anything. The relationship between Vicky and Colin is perfection and this will forever be my head canon now! You've written a better love story in this one shot than some published authors can do over many books. Sian this is a fantastic one shot, you should be seriously proud. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar so good job on your editing!

 

 

Lauren :)



Author's Response:

Hi Lauren! This is such a mammoth review that it's taken me a while to figure out how to respond. Thank you though, lovely! ♥

 

I'm really happy you liked the description at the beginning! I wanted to create a more serene background that would contrast with what Vicky's feeling after losing Colin.

 

This is the first time I've ever really played about with flashbacks and things like that - it was a bit of an experiment but I'm really glad you thought it worked. I loved building up that cute relationship before things started turning horrible. The Charms Club was indeed a way for Colin to spend time with Vicky! Aw, I'm so pleased that you liked the Patronus scene! I get what you mean about baring a bit of your soul, and I think it is quite a private thing.

 

I'm so pleased that you picked up on the fact that Colin's more mature here. I like to think that he might have told her about the DA later on, but he's not going to blurt out that information straight away. I really wanted to portray him as a more mature character here - he's still a kid, but older than we saw him in most of the books and films, and he's being forced to grow up quicker because of the war.

 

You're not the only one who wanted to leave it at the happy moments and add in a 'happily ever after'. It was so hard to go on and write about it, but things had to get darker with the war getting worse. I hated writing about Vicky's parents, but really I think most people would have reacted that way during the war, trying to keep their families safe. Vicky was so desperate that she had to play the fiancee card, so I'm pleased that you think that was in character.

 

I was a bit nervous about including Ginny, but I think it was good for Vicky to find someone who had something in common with her, and I liked the idea of Vicky doing something to fight the people who were persecuting Colin and others.

 

Aw, I'm glad you liked the reunion - I wish it could last as well! Writing her finding out about Colin was really sad, but I'm glad that I made you feel something about them too, because that means I'm doing something right!

 

This review is just amazing, Lauren! Ah I'm really pleased you love Vicky and Colin because they're now a ship in my head canon too! Wow, that's an amazing compliment! Thank you so, so much!



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 15 May 2017 05:51 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:The Nightingale's Lament Chapter: The Nightingale's Lament

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Oh my goodness. What did I just read? I swear, my heart is broken into tiny little pieces right now, just like Vicky's. Your writing is so beautiful and poignant that I was so wrapped up in the story and felt the pain Vicky felt.

This is such a wonderful piece for so many reasons. At first, I didn't even know who Vicky Frobisher was because I couldn't remember her from the books (had to look it up). But the fact that you can take a name mentioned once or twice and weave this captivating piece of writing, is just amazing.

I really liked the juxtaposition of Vicky sitting in the garden watching leaves fall, and the story of her history with Colin until he fell (like a leaf - it's really poetic the way you arranged that). What struck me most about the flow of the piece was how you wove together Vicky's intense grief with descriptions of a beautiful garden and sunshine. For some reason that just makes it sadder, how the world around Vicky is beautiful but she can't appreciate it in the wake of what's happened to her.

I love Colin and Vicky together - they were perfect, which made it all the more heart rending when Colin died at the end. You did a really wonderful job of capturing the feeling of life during war and all the sadness and fear and how much it splits people apart. I liked the appearance of Ginny in the story as well, and Vicky's jealousy of her at the end was completely understandable and justified.

Best of luck in the challenge (and I mean that, even though I'm attempting to compete against you lol). Your story really is stunning and you should be so proud of yourself for writing it!

Kristin



Author's Response:

Hi Kristin! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this review, I've been overwhelmed by RL for a while. I hope you don't think I don't appreciate it, because I do!

 

I love taking minor characters and expanding them into something much more, so I'm really happy that you thought I managed that here. The fact that you ended up feeling something for her after reading this makes me smile so much - it means that I'm doing my job as a writer!

 

The fact that this flowed well is really reassuring, because it was one of my major worries. With the present sections, I wanted to create a really natural setting for her and I'm pleased you like the way that was juxtaposed against a darker background of grief and pain. It's sad, but I think that's how grief works, sometimes - it takes the joy and beauty out of life for you, and I wanted to show that here.

 

Yay, I'm so happy that you love Colin and Vicky together! After writing this they've kind of become part of my head canon, so to know that other people liked them together means a lot. I'm not big on writing main canon characters, so Ginny was a bit scary for me, but I felt like Vicky's jealousy of her at the end was really important.

 

Thank you so much for this fantastic review - it really means a lot!



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