FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
Hi there! I’m here for our swap. :)
Wow, I am sure mad at Ron in this chapter! It’s bad enough that he had to subject Hermione to his relations with Lavender, but then to be so clueless and callous the next morning? I mean, he and Hermione have been friends for years! Even if he doesn’t feel romantic about Hermione, he doesn’t need to rub his new girlfriend in her face! Yeesh!
Okay, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I want to say how well you write Hermione. I loved the opening of this chapter with Hermione wondering if A) she’d ever be kissed as passionately as she saw Ron kissing Lavender the night before and B) if she’d be able to let herself go and enjoy such a thing. You are so right that Hermione has a tendency to overthink things and, since she also has a hard time finding her equal, it’s probably very hard for her to imagine herself letting go of her rational mind long enough to get into being passionately kissed. I hope that she will find out, though!
I’m glad that Harry is there for Hermione (and vice versa, since he’s kind of in the same boat that she’s in at the moment).
Draco is on point, although I’m also mad at him now for picking on Hermione’s weak spot. It’s not her fault he was a peeping tom, after all! I expect that he’s being extra mean to Hermione to keep her away from his secret project in the Room of Requirement, but I wonder if he’s also trying to keep her from getting to close to him personally. He probably needs and actual, useful friend at this moment in his life, but the idea that that friend would be a Gryffindor is probably totally out of bounds.
And then Ron makes a bit jerk of himself, but I wonder if he’s trying to make himself feel better and less guilty. If he can tell himself that Hermione has some other boyfriend, than he won’t have to feel bad about his relationship with Lavender.
The scene in the library is also hard for Hermione. Of course she would go to her favorite place in the school, only to interrupt a make-out session between Draco and (eww) Pansy. This does not appear to be Hermione’s day.
I think your characterizations of everyone so far have been wonderful! Ron is clueless, Lavender is gloating, Harry is kind, Draco and Pansy are mean, and Hermione is very sympathetic and the embarrassing situations she finds herself in are hard to read (in a good way!).
Great chapter! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the swap, too. :)
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Erica! Here for our swap!
I know I said that I don't normally read Dramiones but I've come across a couple through the years and this one stood out straight away in the way that you're making it compliant with canon and starting this story with events in the Half-Blood Prince. I thought this moment was a great one to start with, putting your own spin on a really recognisable scene from the books by the way that you tell it from Hermione's point of view and we see everything through the filter of her thoughts and emotions.
Your characterisation of Hermione was great here! I really liked the details that she spotted and how clearly you captured her voice. I think my favourite thing was her own awareness of her feelings for Ron - the fact that she'd seen him kissing Lavender wasn't a moment when she realised that she had feelings for him, which made the heartbreak she's feeling in those opening lines all the more realistic. In the books she's always more emotionally mature and self-aware than Ron is and I liked the way that you tied together little moments from the books, like the Yule Ball, with her feelings and her hope for something more from him.
With all that, her heartbreak when she sees him kissing Lavender is really believable, and so is the jealousy that frames her thoughts when she thinks of Lavender. I don't think her judgement's necessarily fair (I think Lavender gets a pretty bad image just because of her relationship with Ron, to be honest) but it's very authentic as Hermione's got feelings for Ron and can't really understand why he'd choose Lavender over her.
And, ugh, the awkwardness when Ron and Lavender come into the Room of Requirement and intrude on Hermione's escape is so tangible... just everything about that scene is so painful to read and horrible for her to have to witness. I felt so sorry for Hermione there, but I thought that she managed to deal with it in quite a mature way (and honestly, thank goodness she didn't have to see any more than that). I did feel a bit sorry for Ron as he was caught between Lavender and Hermione, though... things would have been a lot simpler for all of them if he'd worked out his feelings (or had the courage to act on them) a lot sooner!
I really liked the way that you built up the mystery about who the other person was in the Room of Requirement, too! Hermione noticing there's another presence there at the beginning but then Ron and Lavender distracting from it, and then the figure reappearing at the end. I'm going to guess that it's Draco (after all, he spent a lot of time in that room during their sixth year) and I'm intrigued to see the way that he reacts to seeing Hermione in one of her more vulnerable moments!
Sian :)
Hi Erica!
I'm so excited to read and review this chapter!
Wow! So much happens here! The plot has moved along so much in the last two chapters, and there's so much excitement here. I was so happy to see that Draco's tip to Hermione at the end of chapter 7 was genuine and that she and the little boy escaped safely. The image of them waiting on top of the hill above the battle-damaged town was really lovely. I wonder about the after-effects though. Did the Muggle police show up? Is the Ministry going to come in to Obliviate the Muggles who were caught in the attack? Was anyone killed? The Dark Mark is there, so theoretically, yes, but I wish we knew more.
I think you did a great job with the discussion between Hermione and her parents about her staying home versus going back to Hogwarts. Her realization that they're in danger because of her is such a big one for her character and for the story. It makes sense that she'd want to protect them. But it also makes sense that they would want her to stay home. I was a bit surprised that they agreed to let her return to Hogwarts so easily. I mean, she does make herself very clear that that's what she wants, but I expected them to be more firm in their own convictions.
Then the train! First of all, I love that you've acknowledged Hermione's struggles in her friendship with Harry and Ron. I think it's very realistic that she's still having trouble accepting that Ron is with Lavender, but I'm glad that she understands how Harry is caught in the middle of it all.
The confrontation with Draco was great!! I didn't know what he would say when she asked him for the truth, and it makes sense that he didn't answer directly (though maybe he would have if Pansy didn't get in the way! dang it!). His explanation about not wanting her blood on his hands was really sweet, even though I think there's more to it than what he's told her so far. I feel like he was going to say something important before Pansy showed up! I hope we get to find out what it was soon.
The only constructive criticism I have for this chapter is about two places where the narrative jumped illogically. I know it hasn't seen a beta reader, but I figured I'd let you know anyway. :) The first is when Hermione hangs up the phone with her parents (which, I realize is a bit odd that she even has a cell phone in 1997) and then in the next line, her parents are standing there talking to her and it isn't indicated that they arrived, so I thought it was still a phone conversation. The second is towards the end. Hermione finds an "empty compartment" to go into, then the very next line she's addressing Draco in conversation as if he was there in the compartment when she entered.
Okay, I think that's it!
Other than that brief CC, the chapter was awesome! I can't wait to see how Hermione and Draco's relationship changes as they go back to school. Let me know when the next chapter is up!
xoxo,
Emily
P.S. - Thank you so much for your shout-out! I'm still smiling from it. :)
Hi Erica,
I binge-read all your chapters and am writing my general impressions so far, for our review swap.
This story certainly is a slow build, slow burn. I was beginning to wonder whether Draco and Hermione were ever going to budge from their hardened positions of mutual disrespect, but in Chapter 8 there is finally a hint of movement, when Hermione asks Draco why he gave her helpful advice during her flight from the attack at Stonehenge and he says that he did it because he didn't want her blood on his hands. That's hardly an "I love you," but, coming from Draco, it suggests a fundamental shift.
There's really not much of Ron in this story, and even less of Harry (though the scene between Harry and Hermione as they throw bits of parchment into the fire was poignant, well done). Your story is almost all about Hermione so far, her first-person thoughts and emotions. I skimmed through "Half-Blood Prince" again to see exactly what canon said about Hermione during this year, and it was surprising to see what a small role she actually plays in this book, mostly stuff about her objections to Harry's using the annotated Potions textbook.
So that means that she is fair game for whatever you want to devise about her and her thoughts during this year. I checked to see what the book had her doing over the Christmas holidays, but there was nothing -- it was all about Harry at the Burrow, and when the students all return to Hogwarts in January, Harry asks her how her Christmas was, and she answers, "Oh, fine. Nothing special." So if we are to mesh your story with canon as much and as far as possible, then I will say that Hermione was one cool cucumber!
I liked your Chaper 4, the so-called "filler" chapter, as a refreshing change of pace from the relentless tension between Hermione, Ron, and Draco. It was good to see her in a calm, sensible place doing activities that made her happy, in the company of a sympathetic OC. It showed us the Hermione we know, the competent, in-control girl, and it was good to know that that person was still there.
So we seem to have three story lines at present: What is Draco doing in the Room of Requirment? How and why is the relationship between Draco and Pansy crumbling (we have to get it out of the way), and is Hermione getting over Ron, to allow for a new relationship with Draco? What other war events (canon or non-canon) will develop to affect them all during this year?
There is still a lot of Year 6 to go. I am curious to learn how you are going to keep Hermione and Draco accidentally encountering each other until the frost finally thaws.
Thank you for wrting this story, and thank you for the swap!
Vicki
Hey you! Downbelow from the forums!
First of all, I love the pace you've set in the first chapter. It lays a solid background matching your universe to the book so the transition is smooth and well done. you've managed the content well with the length and the word count, which is usually something I can never do!
I especially like the flow of emotions here. You've captured Hermione's insecurities and feelings well with a few words. Her rationalisaiton of Ron's relationship with Lavender is also well done. I like how Hermione has a governance system in her head which doesn't allow her to lie to herself. That's exactly who she is!
So far, this fic is amazing. I'm going to keep reading <3
Hello again, I’m back for chapter two, because I simply had to read about Draco and Hermione’s confrontation. Great job setting up that suspense!
Oh my, Draco is so cutting and mean to Hermione. You gave him an excellent line of opening dialogue in this chapter. In fact, his lines throughout this scene are on point. I love how he’s so cold and nasty but, because I know he’s going through such a stressful time in his life, I feel that he’s taking out his pain on Hermione at least partly to manage that stress. I am really interested to see how you turn this hateful beginning into a different kind of relationship throughout the course of this story. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin—if he had no feelings for her he would simply ignore her. Which is, of course, what he claims to have been doing in the RoR; although Hermione is smart enough to catch him in his lie.
Now, on to Hermione. She has so much dignity. Even though she feels totally humiliated—and worse, her humiliation was witnessed by the one boy in school who can’t help needling her—she still holds her ground and defends herself. And she is perceptive enough to guess at some of what he’s been up to. She knows the right questions to as—what is he doing in the RoR? And she also recognizes his pain when he drops his mask for an instant. And she wants to know what the cause of it is. I love how smart she is and how you embrace this part of her character when you write her.
Hermione’s dialogue with Harry is very nicely handled. I like how you show us what good friends they are and that they are both hurting because the person they fancy is currently dating someone else. It’s a sweet moment and I’m glad that they have each other for comfort.
The end of this chapter is intriguing. You bring us back to Hermione’s longing for a match by her inner monologue and by her dreaming. But you also make us wonder if Ron is the right match, or if perhaps a certain blond Slytherin might be a better fit.
Thank you for writing! Keep up the good work. :-)
Yours,
Noelle
Hello there! I am here to review from your forum request. I am excited because I have liked the idea of the Draco/Hermione ship for a while now, and this is the first story I’ve read featuring it.
I really like how you have written this in the first person as Hermione. You’ve done a great job showing us her insecurities and her loneliness. We see her break down and/or get frustrated sometimes in the books, but we never get to know her thought processes. I think it’s very believable that she would be well aware that other students find her irritating, but that she soldiers on in spite of that. I also think it’s totally believable that she would be of an age that she’s starting to feel the desire for a romantic relationship and that she’s frustrated that none of the boys her age are a match for her. She’s so much smarter and more mature than most of them that she’s leaving them in the dust. But that doesn’t stop her from wanting a connection.
You’ve set this first chapter in a really vulnerable moment for Hermione too. She’s trying to find some private space to deal with her emotions surrounding Ron and his new (and very public) relationship with Lavender. It must be so hard for Hermione, because she’s at least twice the woman that Lavender is, and to lose Ron to Lavender is humiliating.
I love how she goes into the Room of Requirement for a moment of peace, but she’s aware enough to realize that she’s not alone. She’s just so smart!
And then, in a massive stroke of bad luck, Ron and Lavender bust in! I was pretty mad at them at that point. I mean, really, can’t they find somewhere else to neck? They seemed to be pretty happy doing it in the Gryffindor Common Room, and now they have to bust in on Hermione?
You handled this seriously awkward moment very well. It was painful to read in the best way possible. And I did feel a tiny bit sorry for Ron, since he was obviously torn between Lavender and Hermione.
Okay, so even though I knew who it was hiding in the RoR, you set up the suspense so well, that I HAD to turn the page to the next chapter. And so, on to chapter 2!
Great start! :-)
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Erica!
I am so excited that you've updated this story! Congratulations!!! So, you know my embarrassing moment where I somehow forgot that I'd read the first six chapters. Well, you'll be happy to know that I remembered! And I took the time to skim over them again in preparation for this chapter. :) Which just made me more excited to let you know my thoughts.
So, I have to start off by complimenting your characterization of Hermione, as always.
I love at the beginning of the chapter when Hermione tells Neville she thinks he's brave. It's such a sweet moment between them, and we know she really means it. She saw him fight in the Department of Mysteries, and she knows he copes with his parents' situation every day of his life. So it's really lovely to see her acknowledge what he's been through. Wonderful addition to the chapter!
Then we get a few brief interactions with Hermione's parents! That's such a unique addition to a Hogwarts Era story. I almost never see Hermione's parents brought into things. And I myself tend to sideline them or send them off to Australia in alternate-DH stories, haha. But I like that we have them here! It surprised me that they have a tendency to be late, since you'd expect Hermione's parents to be as fastidious as she is! But I'm so happy that we got to see Hermione with them. The detail about how she misses the relationship she used to have with them is so wonderful. I think it's incredibly realistic for her to feel like she's grown apart from them, not just because of the distance while she's at school, but because they now occupy such different worlds. It was a heartbreaking detail, but one that I absolutely loved.
Next, we absolutely have to talk about the plot!
Ahhh! I can't believe what happened here! In my last review I said I felt like something big was about to happen, but I never could have called this! This was insane! And AMAZING.
You do such a phenomenal job setting the scene in the town, with Death Eaters crawling everywhere and every turn feeling like it could be the wrong one. Hermione's fear is so real, especially when she freezes when she has to save the little boy. It was so great to integrate her emotions throughout this scene. I loved it.
I was so nervous throughout their "escape." I knew that Hermione wouldn't leave the little boy, but part of me was worried he might run off and she might see him die. Then when they ran into Draco! Ahhhhh! I literally gasped! Draco being there at all was so surprising to me, but even moreso that he helped Hermione! In the last chapter, they were definitely still at odds, so I wonder what's changed for him that he's willing to help her. But I loved how simple his help was—just "go left"—but how he still gave it.
Part of me really wants to believe that this is a glimpse into Draco's psyche right now. In my head canon for this story (and for the HP series in general!), Draco realizes he's in over his head, and he doesn't actually want anyone to get hurt. So in that scenario, he'd be willing to help Hermione, even if he doesn't like her at all. I guess I'll have to read on!
Finally, I want to give you major props for this line: "as the many footfalls of the Death Eaters gave a beat to the night." It was so poignant and vivid.
Overall, this was wonderful! I love how things have now diverged from canon. This chapter was all you, girl, and it was amazing. Be proud, and update soon!!
Best,
Emily
Author's Response:Emily, your reviews always just leave me feeling so happy. Seriously I can tell with each review that you put a lot of thought behind them and I really appreciate it. Even after the amount of time it's taken me to respond, I still really don't know what to say to such a lovely review. You were definitely right about something big coming up in this chapter and if you could've guessed it I would have been really impressed. We are definitely on the same page with Draco and his psyche during this (and the general HP series) I feel like he's starting to realize just how in over his head he is getting but what exactly are his motives in this chapter? You'll have to continue reading to find out.
How can this be the last chapter up right now? :O I feel like things were just about to shift dramatically!
Great job moving the plot along in this chapter. I really felt like Hermione was starting to make a breakthrough with figuring out Draco's actions. He's so bizarre and suspicious. I think that's probably going to be what pushes her to figure this out. Not just trying to dispel the rumors about them being an "item," but also just her natural curiosity and drive to learn.
Pansy is so awful, but I can't really blame her too much for being mad about how Draco is acting. She doesn't understand why he's creeping away, and it isn't too much of a stretch to think he was cheating on her before they broke up. But damn, teenagers can be brutal! They're so mean to each other! Ugh.
I do think that characterization is believable though! I always write our canon characters like they're much more mature than any normal 16-year-old would be, so it's surprising (in a good way) when I see them acting as real teenagers would. You've done that so well throughout every chapter of this story so far!
Good job with this story so far, Erica! Keep it up!
Best,
Emily
Author's Response:You're right, things are definitely shifting and this next chapter will prove that even more. Or at least I hope it will. I really appreciate you coming around and leaving reviews. You'll be happy to know that this story was updated with a brand new chapter which I have literally been working on for years!
I really appreciate your comment about keeping them close to canon and that I was able to still give off the teenager vibe even though its been years since I've been classified as a teenager myself. Seriously this is the one thing I work so hard on with this story. I very much want to keep it as close to canon as possible while still adding in the dramione elements to the story so when people say I'm doing a decent job at it, it really makes me happy. I do hope that you will continue reading.
Thanks again for the review.
~Slytherinchica08~
Hi again! Let's jump straight in:
Plot-wise, we're following along with canon right now, and I'm getting even MORE excited to see when things diverge from it! You're doing well tweaking things very slightly from Half Blood Prince, and I just know you'll do well when the story takes a complete flip. So I'm looking forward to that!
I loved Hermione's inner thoughts in this chapter concerning Cormac and how she might escape him. He's such a creepy guy! You really leaned into that aspect of his personality, which I think you did so well. I was definitely grossed out by his advances and couldn't wait for Hermione to get away from him. Yuck!
I'm happy that Harry was in this chapter. You write him well. I can never seem to do him justice, so he tends to fall out of stories I try to include him in. But I think the last line he spoke in particular is really true to how he was feeling in canon about Draco and what he thinks he's up to. I wonder if Hermione will tell Harry the truth if she finds out Draco's plans...
Anyhow, the plot of this story really has me interested, and I think you're doing the characters justice. Keep up the great work!
Best,
Emily
Author's Response:Emily your reviews just continue to make my day. I really appreciate all the time you are putting into reading and reviewing my story. I can't wait until you read chapter 7 this is where I really begin leaving some of canon events behind and add in a bit of my own. Hopefully it will live up to your expectations! Thanks for that comment about my characterization of Harry. Honestly I wasn't sure I was doing him justice so to hear that I am is fantastic!
Thanks again!
~Slytherinchica08~
Hi again, dear!
Even as a filler chapter, this was really good! The plot didn't move forward too much, but I think it was valuable to continue expanding your characterization of Hermione.
I think it was very believable that she would have a system in place so that she could do her shopping quickly without many interruptions. She's such an organized person, which I totally relate to and love! You did a good job conveying the emotions of her feeling lonely after Harry and Ron went off with Lavender, but I like that she still tried to make the best of her day Christmas shopping.
I loved the interaction with Mr. Bleakly in the book shop! It was such a good way to show Hermione's love of books and openness to a love story. I think that will help foreshadow some of the experiences she might have with Draco further on in this story.
As for Draco himself...eeeesh. I think he still seems like a total jerk, and I'm interested to see how you'll change him throughout the story so that he becomes someone who we want to see be with Hermione. Right now he's kind of a nightmare. (As is Pansy, but that's pretty typical.)
Great use of the quote from The Princess Bride! I love that movie (though I haven't read the book)!
Overall, this was a good chapter, even as one that "didn't move the plot forward" too much. Solid writing, dear!
Best,
Emily
Author's Response:Yes this chapter is very much a filler chapter and I have sort of mixed feelings about it. I know that it slightly moves the story along and continues characterization but at the same time it doesnt do much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Mr Bleakly was very fun to write as well as his story. I just loved the idea that someone else loved how much Hermione loves to read and his connection to her through his wife was fun to write. Thanks again for the review!
~Slytherinchica08~
I knew they weren't going to be able to resist provoking each other the day after that confrontation! So plot-wise, I had expected Hermione and Draco to talk, but oh wow! I did not expect it to get so heated! Draco is clearly at the end of his rope here and is losing his cool. And Hermione is clever enough to counter any of his comebacks.
I'm impressed that you're tackling the Teenage Hormone aspect of the books that JKR touches on briefly in Half Blood Prince. I somehow am always too awkward or not a good enough writer to delve into the minds of hormonal teenagers, haha. But you're doing it well!
The only constructive criticism I have for this chapter concerns Ron's treatment of Lavender. He got sick of her after a few months in canon, but he almost seems sick of her on day 2 of their relationship here. I might tone down his impatience with her if you were ever to edit this chapter. :)
Other than that, I think this was a strong addition to the novel. You're balancing the intrigue of Hermione and Draco's dynamic with the conflict that we know they have in canon. I'm excited to see how things will continue to change in the following chapters. Good job!
—Emily
Author's Response:You're right, Ron does seem to get annoyed with her even though its very early in their relationship. I would like to think that he would realize that her clingy and needy behavior isnt quite normal and at times during their relationship be annoyed by it but it might be too soon for that to appear in this story. I will definitely have to consider toning it down if I do edits in the future. I'm glad that you enjoy the hormonal teenager bits in this story. They are fun to write but also a challenge.
Thanks for the review and constructive criticism.
~Slytherinchica08~
Hi again!
Ohhh man. I'm so excited about this story already! Erica, I am so sorry I haven't read and reviewed it before! The Dramione feels are so serious already!
So, first off, I loved how you wrote Draco in this chapter! His characterization seems so believable from what we know of where he was in his life during Half Blood Prince. But the added fact that Hermione caught him at a vulnerable moment and his facade slipped...that adds such intrigue and makes me want to read on.
Hermione herself was also well written. She may have seemed a bit too interested in Draco and what was going on with him (particularly because of how he's treated her in the past), but I don't mind that. I can suspend my disbelief there.
The plot is obviously following along mostly with canon right now, but I'm interested to see how you work Hermione and Draco's relationship into the events of HBP, or if you diverge from it to create something different.
Finally, shout-out to the possibly LGBT+ couple in Hermione's dorm! Yay!
On to the next chapter!
Emily
P.S. - Just a quick note that the formatting on this chapter has made it so that all of the paragraphs run together. If that bothers you, I think you can edit it and repost the chapter! :)
Author's Response:Oh my! Thanks for that note that the formatting is wonky I will definitely have to fix that! Yes Hermione is a little more interested in Draco in this chapter than she might be in canon but I think that she's also trying not to focus on Ron and Lavender so it was either them or Draco's strange behavior so she picked him to think about rather than be sad all night. And yes definitely an LGBT+ couple in Hermione's dorm. It was a small detail I added to my edits ages ago.
Thanks for the review!
~Slytherinchica08~
Hi Erica!
I've been meaning to come and read this forever, so I'm glad that the Magical Menagerie has given me a reason to!
First off, I can't even tell you how excited I am to be reading a multi-chapter Dramione! You and I both know how much we love this pairing, so I'm thrilled to see how you handle the characters.
You did a great job capturing readers' attention in this first chapter. It was a great idea to begin with something from canon so that readers can orient themselves and prepare for the story to change to allow our Draco/Hermione pairing to happen.
The characterization here was lovely. I hate your Ron and Lavender, but I also believe them as representations of the canon characters, if that makes sense. I love to hate them. Ugh. How dare they. But anyhow! I also think you did a great job with Hermione. I'm interested to see if Draco will show himself and how Hermione will react if he does.
Finally, special props to you for writing in the first-person point of view! I'm always hesitant to stray from third-person, so I always notice when someone handles first- or second-person POV well. So good job!
I'm already enthralled with the plot and can't wait to read on.
Well done!Emily
Hey Erica! Congrats on your Chalice nomination!
Wow, you write Hermione so well, and I can see how much thought you put into getting her character just right. I’m sure this is exactly what it would feel like to read the books from Hermione’s POV. It’s especially good too the way it’s a lot more balanced towards narration in her thoughts versus dialogue, that’s exactly what I would expect from a character who thinks so much. She’s analyzing everything so thoroughly which is why your writing of her is so convincing!
The last paragraph is so sad, how she’s thinking that because she’s so dedicated to her learning and really prides herself on her intelligence that she will be alone. But I like that she doesn’t try to compromise who she is. We always see her as such a confident person in the books through Harry’s eyes, but it makes sense that she has a bit of insecurity about some things, because everyone does.
I also have to say I love the friendship between Harry and Hermione. The scene where they’re both miserable about the events of the party and throwing parchment at the fire to cheer each other up was really great.
Lovely work so far! Good luck in the chalices!
Hello!
Let me just start by saying this: I love, love, love that this is in Hermione's point of view and also in first person because I usually read third person stories of canon characters more often then I read them in first person but I think it's great that you wrote in first person for Hermione so we get to see her point of view. I honestly people who can do that with their stories but yeah, that's something that I had to mention before I start off with anything else.
Okay so I recall when Ron and Lavender had started becoming a couple with the kiss in the Gryffindor common room when the Gryffindor won the match and Hermione witnessed that? I remember that her heart wasn't the only one that was breaking but I also felt my own heart breaking since I thought her and Ron were onto something and also because the pain the latter had to go through. Anyway, reading this again, I'm going through this again but honestly is it strange that I also love it since we're seeing this from her standpoint rather than Harry's which helps the reader become intimate with the character. That, and I felt like you were able to capture her emotions of hurt and devastation in that moment as well.
I loved that she was able to sneak off and instead of going to a classroom that she went to the Room of Requirement to be alone since she felt the need to sort out her own feelings and the readers can observe thoughts more than she would let on if they were not seeing this from another perspective if that makes sense. I loved the way you explored and captured her insecurities be it about her feelings of Ron and her versus Ron and Lavender to analyzing herself as this individual who is book smart. I liked the way you explored the latter since it helps the readers be able to sympathize and or understand more as a person and somewhat get into her footsteps in a way too. I think it really also shows her vulnerability in a sense too.
I honestly felt annoyed when Ron and Lavender interrupted her time to be alone in the Room of Requirement since she definitely needed as said earlier. Also did they have the same idea to go to the Room of Requirement because they couldn't find an empty classroom or corridor to snog in? But no, really, I think I could sympathize/empathize with Hermione in that scene. I also had a lot of mixed feelings when Ron had reached out to Hermione like he wanted to hold her hand and run away with her instead but hesitated so I can definitely understand her anger towards him because he's been showing her signs he likes her but then later on kisses Lavender and was kissing her until they were interrupted and then he goes and does that to her....gosh, I felt so bad for her when he did that. I know that gesture was meant that he may have feelings but I felt that was executed at the wrong time. I think reading that scene when he did that, I felt myself thinking: "Why would you confuse Hermione like that!?" Honestly as much as I was thinking that, I loved that you were able to convey the awkwardness in that scene though.
I'm also wondering if the figure that has their back to Hermione always been in the same room is probably Draco Malfoy for some reason as I can see him using the Room of Requirement regarding his involvement to do his part with the Death Eaters we're following the canon events. If not then I still wonder what this unexpected guest in the room is doing in the same room as Hermione. I do like the fact that it's in somewhat of a cliffhanger because the readers have no clue who the enigmatic figure is and I love that Hermione shows her daring bravery by demanding them to show themselves since I know she's not going to stand for the other presence in the room especially if they are interrupting her alone time.
Overall, I'm really loving the premise of this story and where it's going so far since you set it up pretty well and the ending proves that we'll be able to find out who the enigmatic figure is but also leaves the reader in anticipating of wanting more so you did a lovely job of writing that. I am hoping to read more soon but so far, loving this! Great job!
-Anni
Hi!
It's been awhile since I first read your WIP and I thought it was about time I re-read it. I really really love your writing and already enjoy your portrayal of Hermione. I never really thought about what happened to the Room of Requirement if another person required it while another was inside, and it was interesting to see the room change around her.
So excited to read the next couple of chapters!
- Avi
Hermione is the kind of Christmas shopper I aspire to be, since I always leave things to the last minute :P Also I really think Harry would 100% rather spend the day with Hermione than Ron and Lavender, haha!
I love how much Hermione plans her Hogsmeade trip, and puts a bit of a system in place. That's very true to her character. The part where she was deciding what to buy her mum and dad was a bit slow, but I still enjoyed how thoughtful Hermione was with what to buy. Mr Bleakly was super sweet, as well as the story of his wife and him wanting Hermione to take the books she loved. It adds a bit of depth and realism into Hogsmeade. Makes me want to punch Draco more than usual over his rudeness.
Ooh and that little development between Draco and Pansy is intriguing. I shouldn't be surprised she's unfaithful, but Draco has probably ignored her quite a bit for his special mission. Oh well, if it brings him and Hermione together for this story, I am here for it!
Hey, Erica! Here for the Hufflepuff review swap! :)
I'm not the biggest fan of Dramione, I'll admit, but I'm intrigued by this so far.
Poor Hermione, that must have been a very hard moment for her. I like how you opened the chapter, btw, sometimes an instant is all it takes to twist your whole world and of course this is a life-changing moment for her.
One thing I found really interesting is how you used the Room of Requirements. It's something I have wondered about a couple of times, even if I never really stopped thinking about it too deeply... what would happen if someone tried to enter the room when it was already occupied? I wouldn't have thought that the room would change for the person who was already there, but it does sort of make sense... anyway, it's interesting.
The confrontation between Hermione and Ron was quite tense and it also made me so sad... (Ron is such an idiot at times...) And it also made me so sad Hermione's thoughts when she just got to the room and found herself "alone". The fact that she actually wonders if it is just her destiny to be alone forever and how no one really manages to understand her... it's so sad... (I think I've said sad at least ten times?) Books are wonderful, but can't really give you the warmth of human interactions, right? But no one is destined to be lonely forever? Anyway, I really want to give Hermione a hug right now.
I bet I know who the other person in the room is... :P I do wonder what will happen when he'll reveal himself, though. And I do wonder how this encounter will change the both of them, because it'll obviously will.
This was a great first chapter, you have a really lovely writing style and I enjoyed reading it a lot. :)
Lots of love, dear!
Chiara
I love your opening sentence. Change is such a BIG theme and I've often told my students, the only thing that is costant is change.
I love your description of Lavender "that one would considera mess. Not just in the way she kept her clothes" and "Just the fact that her favorite class was Divination spoke VOlumes about her." and so spot on. Plus, since it's coming from Hermione it gives you a nice picture of how opposite the girls are. (I wonder if Ron went after Lav because she was so different from Hermione or just because she was there?)
You also did a great job building up the angst between her and Ron. You would really see the conflict in Ron (and this coming from a boy who has the emotional range of a teaspoon.)
Two minor problems: Room of Requirement-the Rs are capitalized and the it can't change when someone is in the room although I understand why you'd want to leave that part in. In fact, you could add some more detail about it slowly changing and H's emotions as she watched each part turn.
Author's Response:Thank you for the constuctive criticism, I will definitely keep it in mind if I decide to make edits later. I'm glad that you enjoyed this first chapter.
~Slytherinchica08~
I really feel for Hermione in this story. You manage to pour a lot of emotion into your writing, and I feel you accurately capture her reactions in a way I've never considered before. Seriously, what a horrible time it was for Hermione, but also kind of typical for a sixteen year old girl. But at the beginning, when she's picturing a scene between Ron and Lavender, I just want to tell her, you'll find out soon enough what he's like, Hermione ;)
I like the little insight into her study routine, too! That is so Hermione. So is how disapproving she finds the study habits of other students. How DARE they gossip instead of doing their homework?!
I think I literally sucked in a breath when Hermione let out that Draco was also in the room of requirement that night. I can feel myself becoming hooked on this story *heart eyes* I'm desperate to know how on earth Hermione and Draco end up to together, and what their relationship is like! It just seems so impossible at the moment, which is what makes this story so perfect.
Author's Response:This review is absolutely wonderful! Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story. I'm really glad that you feel I'm doing a great job with setting the story up and making you want to read more. I hope that future chapters can live up to your expectation.
~Slytherinchica08~
I ship Sarah and Lisa. This is me seizing on a fairly unrelated story on the detail, but I’d still like to know more about their relationship! I hope that we get to meet them at some point later on in the story haha.
So Hermione and Draco came face-to-face, which is exciting! And he immediately begins insulting her and calling her slurs, because of course. The words he chose to use were so hurtful, I was flinching every time he said something, and I wasn’t even the one the insults were directed to. I wish Hermione attacked him with the same birds she used in that abandoned classroom to attack Ron after he kissed Lavender haha. Draco definitely deserves it in this instance for being so incredibly nasty to her. Though, I do wonder what upset him, and what exactly he was doing in the Room of Requirement.
However, I must say that I disagree with Hermione. She feels sorry for Draco, enough to cry for him. And, to some extent, I pity him for going through whatever troubles caused him to hide in the Room of Requirement. But it’s a little difficult to pity him the way Hermione does, because of how unprovoked and derogatory his language was when he spoke to her. Like, Hermione was suffering and feeling more miserable than she’d ever felt in her life, yet she managed not to personally attack him, despite the fact that he’s insulted and bullied her a great deal throughout the years. I also disagree with her that Draco calling her Mudblood merely makes him weak. Racial slurs are really, really disgusting, and I’d assume the same applies to a slur so horrifying that literally the entire Gryffindor team reacted to it when Draco used it for the first time.
Though, I am very, very open to a Draco redemption arc, where he actively apologizes and works to fix his mistakes. I’m really excited to see how his relationship with Hermione goes from there!
Also, I love Parvati! (And Lavender/Parvati is such a perfect ship imo, especially since I love my two girls so much, but that’s a topic for another day haha.)
I really love that scene later on, when Hermione and Harry are talking quietly next to each other. It was a really sweet scene. I appreciate that you included it, because in my opinion fics don’t generally write nearly enough scenes between Harry and Hermione where they’re just supporting each other as best friends. I mean, their shoulder-bumping competition! How cute is that omg.
What I like especially about that scene is that they actually confide in each other and talk about their feelings with each other. I feel like male/female friendships are often overlooked in terms of this sort of thing, and I’m so so happy to see it included here!
You write Hermione’s musings really well. At the end, her sadness was practically rolling off the page, it was so detailed and well-written. I do hope that at some point, Hermione can come to terms with herself, and gain more confidence.
Really great chapter! <3
~Eva
Author's Response:Eva thank you again for another amazing review! I agree with you that the bit between Harry and Hermione is the best. I loved the simplicity of their friendship in this bit and that they were both hurting over Weasley's and felt like they couldn't really do anything about it. It was my favorite bit to write and thinking about it still makes me smile a bit.
thanks for the wonderful review!
~Slytherinchica08~
WHAT AN INTERESTING PREMISE OMG.
Okay, so I have to be honest with you, Lavender is one of my absolute favorite minor characters. Obviously she’s an imperfect person, but I think that imperfection is so much fun to think about, and to write about, and there are always so many sides to a person. So I was feeling a little sad at Hermione’s ceaseless blaming of Lavender haha.
That’s such a small part of the story, though! And the rest of the chapter, I absolutely loved. From the very beginning, when Hermione is thinking something fairly philosophical, I was smiling so wide because that’s such a Hermione thing to do. (If you can’t tell, I love Hermione too, haha, and my heart hurt for her this whole time.) It never feels pleasant when you have a crush on someone and they’re almost painfully oblivious, isn’t it? Obviously, in an ideal world, we should be able to set aside our feelings and be happy that the other person is happy, but feelings are nasty, uncontrollable little buggers lmao. So Hermione’s pain is so understandable, and I think you represented that incredibly well!
Before I get into the scene in the Room of Requirement, I just wanted to compliment you on how well you write Hermione’s internal dialogue. Her thoughts, her voice, and her sorrows all come across so clearly through her narration, and you can practically hear her frustration, anger, and sadness when she poses questions to herself, like why Ron likes Lavender, or why she seems destined to be alone. I do hope Hermione can realize to have more confidence in herself at some point in the future, because I love my girl and I want her to be happy. <3
Now for the Room of Requirement! This scene was a lot of fun to read (I mean, it wasn’t like happy fun, more like sad-but-interesting fun haha), because we get that wonderful sort of dramatic irony and mysteriousness when Hermione’s wondering who else is in the room. Because we all know it’s Draco (or at least I hope so, otherwise this will be a terribly embarrassing review), but she’s obviously really confused. So I was cackling a little bit, because I was that excited for the confrontation between the two. Though, speaking of Draco, I just want to shake him by the shoulders and tell him that spying on people is not good. He should’ve revealed himself from the beginning, though maybe he was worried that Hermione would skewer him.
It’s okay, Draco, I’d be scared of her, too.
But when Ron and Lavender came into the room, ugh, my heart broke for Hermione. She’s already been through a lot, emotionally, and though evidently neither Ron nor Lavender purposefully came into the room just to taunt her, it must’ve felt that way. I felt really bad for her, honestly. Watching strangers make out is bad enough; watching your crush make out with someone else is probably the worst thing ever. It’s okay, Hermione. We still love you. You’re still amazing.
And that cliffhanger ending omg. I’m so curious to see how this story will continue! You can expect me coming back for more over the next week or so. <3
~Eva
Author's Response:Wow this review was so very nice! Seriously thank you so much for this! I wish that I had a proper response to give you but all my mind can continue thinking is wow this was so sweet! I really do hope that you come back along and read more of this story some time!
~Slytherinchica08~
You write Malfoy so well! He's arrogant and mean, and I admit I am sooo curious about how you're going to get them together. I honestly can't even guess, or imagine it at this point! Enemies to lovers is my absolute favourite trope to read! When I read that Draco was crying, I wracked my brains for what he was going through during this time, and when I remembered I got even more exciting. The events of HBP in terms of Draco are by far the most interesting parts of his story, so I feel like he might end up needing Hermione as a confidant and a shoulder to lean on. I guess I'll have to read on and find out!
It says a lot about Hermione that she can manage to feel sorry for Malfoy. And her fear that Malfoy would tell the school she was crying over Ron feels so real to me. I love the exchange between her and Harry, it's so sweet, and I've always been such a fan of their friendship.
Ooh, that last line... Foreshadowing perhaps? :P Great chapter!
Author's Response:Thanks for coming by and reading another chapter of this story! It means so much to me that you have done so. I'm glad that you like my take on Malfoy. The enemies to lovers trope is definitely one of my favorites as well but of course with my OTP being Dramione it really only makes sense that I would enjoy it. Draco definitely has a lot going on in his life at this time which makes things for him very complicated and then add on the fact that he doesn't really seem to confide in anyone it can be really difficult especially when you think you are still so far away from where you need to be. And then you take into consideration everything that's on the line for him with this task and its no wonder that he's been crying and we know that he for sure does break down at some point later in the book/movie so I figured it wouldn't be too unrealistic if he had a breakdown before hand as well.
As for Hermione and her thoughts revolving around Draco, I feel like at this time she was really just trying to not think about Ron and Lavender and everything going on with them so even though she really doesn't want to think about Draco and what she saw it was sort of a distraction for her from everything else. And then we have the friendship between her and Harry and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. They do have such a sweet frienship and they've seen each other through a lot of stuff and at this point I feel like its nice for both of them that they both understand what the other is going through.
Thanks again for dropping by with another review. I do hope that you will continue. ~Slytherinchica08
Hey Erica! I saw on the forums that you were starting to post this story and work on it some more, so I thought I'd stop by and check it out :D
This is a great beginning. I like how to open with a canon scene we're familiar with, and then BAM PLOT TWIST! I know I should have expected it, seeing as this is, ah, a Dramione and all, but I was so engrossed in the story that it took me by surprise, haha. I think I must have expected it to be Harry. Now I can't wait to read more!
I loved reading this particular moment from the books in Hermione's point of view. I think you wrote her really well. She has real insecurities about herself and her future. How she thinks cleverness and books are empty with no one to share life with. It paints Hermione as a relatable person, and I really enjoyed reading it.
Author's Response:Bianca thank you so much for stopping by this story! You have no idea how much this review means to me. As you know since you read this chapter a few hours ago, I did make a few small edits to this chapter so I hope that you will stop by and reread the chapter to see the new edits. Hopefully they will make you enjoy this story even more. I'm glad that you enjoyed my take on Hermione and Draco during this particular time at Hogwarts. Thanks again for the review. ~Slytherinchica08
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.