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Reviews For A Minor Setback

Name: forever_dreaming (Signed) · Date: 11 Aug 2018 09:23 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:A Minor Setback Chapter: Chapter of the First

Hi there! I’m here for Quadpot (Match 1) and BvB! 

 

Seraphina is such a relatable character—I like her already. I think you’ve done a really good job of developing her character very well; I can already tell that she’s an ambitious sort of girl who’s got big and very specific plans. She’s very goal-oriented, like me, and introverted, like me, so it’s very easy for me to insert myself into her place—which is good, because that just intensifies the drama and the emotion.

 

I loved your depiction of her reaction to being pregnant—there was just sort of a lot of intense denial. (Slight concrit: her thoughts did feel a bit repetitive, especially as it wasn’t a complete shock to her; she’d already suspected for a while. I think it would’ve been slightly more believable if she’d started thinking about all the consequences, and I imagine as a goal-oriented person, she would’ve had an entire list of things that would be totally screwed up now as a result of this little mistake). 

 

I also loved your characterization of Albus. I like that you haven’t made him unnecessarily moody or angsty, but just sort of...a regular teenage guy, you know? It makes him also relatable and likable—which is pretty key for me to be invested in the emotional journey they’re about to undertake. 

 

All in all, this was an excellent first chapter. Thank you for sharing! <3 



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 11 Aug 2018 09:00 PM · [Report This]
Story:A Minor Setback Chapter: Chapter of the First

 

Hey,

 

So I love this story so far. I really love how you've created your character, it's always difficult to get OCs right with characterisation etc. I think that she's great. The inner monologue is really good because I feel it's so layered, I find her realistic. The first five hundred words of this story is just her inner monologue and it works! it's not too dry or too over the top, it's just engaging!

I love it when a trope is done well. it's easy to fall into a trap when doing teen pregnancy but you've supported it with a really strong main character and don't seem to be relying too much on the storyline to carry the story. I love your characterisation of Albus too. he is very likeable and I love their little drunken scene/banter together. It was fun and well written. 

 

It's been a while since I've read a story in 1st person but I find this really effective in this story. It really helps bring the reader into the head space of the character, it's so effective here! I feel so much more connected with the character's struggle. This is really well written first chapter with a likeable OC and brilliant groundwork for your main ship! Look forward to reading on!

 

- Abbi xo

 

Quodpot Review: Match 1 - Teen Pregnancy   

 

 



Name: sunshine_locks (Signed) · Date: 22 Jul 2018 03:58 AM · [Report This]
Story:A Minor Setback Chapter: Chapter VIII

Okay, so I've finally resolved to finish up reading the rest of this story purely because it updated, and I'm sorely lacking on Albus/OC stories to read. 

 

As I've told you before I'm not the biggest fan of pregnancy fics (and are COMPLETELY my bane), I really wanted to keep reading this because I liked your writing, and the quality of it. 

 

Seraphina... is a bit of an unrelatable character, I've got to say, because she's making decisions that I wouldn't make at all in my life. And I feel like if she wasn't pregnant right now, I feel like she would be a more pleasant person, and still yet I don't feel anymore warmed up to her. 

 

But I really do like Rose and Lily. I like that they're supportive of Seraphina all the way despite her reckless decisions, and they're commendable characters. 

 

I'm especially liking Albus. Because the way he's written in this story, he's very genuine and caring, if a little oblivious at times, and maybe not so prone to being moody for no reason. 

 

Absolutely, my favorite part of this chapter was when Seraphina revealed that she was pregnant. It makes sense that, given what we know about Albus, he reacted the way he did. It was sensible. And mature. I never appreciated when the fathers reacted explosively (or in such a way that they make it about them and not them and the mother). 

 

I'm super glad you made that decision. 



Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 31 Mar 2018 02:16 AM · [Report This]
Story:A Minor Setback Chapter: Chapter the Fourth

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Hello! I know it's been a seriously long time since I read this, but I'm here for both your (once again, seriously long ago) requested review as well as REVIEW TAG!

 

Let me just start by saying what a gorgeous CI! I mean, almost anything with Logan Lerman is bound to be nice to look at, but this is very cool. He even manages to pull off that sweater ;P

 

I think I actually adore your characterisation of Lily. Her out-there personality is really quite something, and since she's pestering the poor girl to tell Albus, I'm on Lily's side all the way!

 

Is Quidditch through the Ages still the definitive book on Quidditch, even after all these years? I love that for Lysander, that's the qualifier: if you've read Quidditch through the Ages then you're a true fan of Quidditch!

 

Ah! Saved by McGonagall! I'm excited to see what McGonagall has to say to poor Seraphina. It's almost as if the fact that she's pregnant hasn't quite caught up with her yet, the way she's acting. I like how she's not all preoccupied by it, but I think it's more of a coping mechanism than actual disregard.

 

Oh, I'd forgotten that Seraphina was Head Girl! She never seems to do any of her Head Girl duties. She just goes around being grumpy and anti-social and avoiding her problems (I can completely relate to that, since that is exactly what I am doing right now).

 

How much bigger can her mistakes get that McGonagall will have to take her badge away? She'd have to get caught committing murder or blowing up the school on purpose, or something equally as dire to merit getting her Head Girl badge taken away!

 

Hahahaha! Romance novels are also my guilty pleasure! And it seems that Lily is coming to enjoy them as well. I cannot stop loving this girl!

 

This was a bit of a filler chapter, but at least I got the chance to get acquainted with Seraphina and her odd ways again. I'm sure there's quite a bit of excitement still in store for her!



Author's Response:

This is the first time that I've gotten a review that is on Lily's side one hundred percent. But yes, Seraphina really does need to tell Albus that she's pregnant.

I think Quidditch Through the Ages would still be the definitive book, maybe they came out with a more upgraded copy that included newer models of broomsticks and more team statistics but I think it would still be the definitive book.

You've got to admit though, if you've memorized Quidditch Through the Ages or read it then you've definitely got to have some kind of interest in it.

It is actually a coping mechanism, I imagine that if Seraphina actually faced her consequences and got a smack in the face by reality she might lock herself away in her dorm for a while.

You know, Seraphina does seem to be avoiding her Head Girl duties, I'll get right on fixing that, we can't have her being a bad authority figure, that just wouldn't fit in with her character. Thank you for pointing that out.

I think there's an entire list of things that Seraphina could do to get her badge taken away, after all, this is magic so there must be something.

Thank you for the review and the feedback!



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