Reviews For you're losing your mind


Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 16 Jul 2019 04:29 AM · For: wait out the night

(I know it’s not by you, but the banner is amazing and does an exceptional job setting the tone for this story)

 

The “claw at your skin” line was super visceral to me, specifically because I was aware this story is tagged with self harm. I probably wouldn’t have felt as strongly if I didn’t know that. Fun how sometimes warnings can make things more triggering. You do go there literally with the knife, and so that line does serve as a strong parallel, and I suppose a gentler (?) way into the subject matter.

 

Thankfully this isn’t something that I’ve had experience with, so I can’t say how well you’ve captured the emotions here. There are contrasts of pain and joy, and you have been successful in making those potent and intertwined.

 

The last stanza has both a hope and a hopelessness to it, in that message that the demons will leave when the sun comes. It sounds like the kind of thing someone who isn’t suffering from these things would say to try to be encouraging, and it might bring hope to some, but it also carries the weight of the feeling that there is absolutely nothing in your power to make that sun come any faster, the only thing that will change things. Not to mention, if we’re talking about the night and day of depression metaphor, there’s really no telling how long the night will last.

 

So good job with the mix of emotions here. It was a hard read, but well done.



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2019 04:34 PM · For: wait out the night

Hi again!  RvG and the Magical Menagerie.

 

Well, you weren't kidding with the advisories and the ratings.  This was... incredibly powerful.  Scary, dark, poignant.  

 

I really like the fact that you don't shy away from these themes, but seeing them (or rather, reading them) depicted so vividly is a little difficult and hard-hitting at times.  But you've portrayed these feelings - this struggle - so accurately that you somehow still manage to make the poem beautiful, without glorifying any of the feelings themselves.

 

Opening with the words 'each night' immediately signals the relentless nature of this illness - the way that it's impossible to escape, and the cyclical nature of it.  Even if the night doesn't literally refer to a night, there's the idea that the depression is still going to keep returning, no matter what you do to try and stave it off and deal with it.

 

I also found the choice of the pronoun in 'your demons' really effective; it really captures the idea that depression, while it can be an experience understood by other people who also experience it, is something very individual to each sufferer.  The demons that torment one person won't affect another in the same way, and that's one of the difficulties of dealing with and treating it.  

 

The second stanza was very vivid and visceral, but I thought you described the ways that people self-harm really well here - capturing the desperation of it, and the way that it's a physical manifestation of depression, an attempt to try and stave it off, to avoid the feelings by feeling something else - or, in some cases, even by feeling - for just a little while.  And it doesn't work, it never works.

 

The ending was really interesting, but I thought it was really appropriate for this poem.  There's a note of hope at the end, a reminder that, if you wait out the periods of darkness, there will be light again - that in the morning things will be different, easier.  But there's no unequivocal promise that it's going to get better on an endlessly upward trajectory, because of the cyclical nature of depression.  I thought your word choice portrayed that aspect really well.

 

Sian :)



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 20 Jan 2019 11:05 PM · For: Hate

Hey, Branwen! I'm here for the Magical Menagerie...but also for your poetry because you probably already know by now that I'm in love with your poetry. 

 

Strong emotions are sometimes really difficult to describe, but I'm absolutely amazed at how you managed to weave the feeling of hatred into this poem.

 

The first thing I want to touch on is the repetition of the line, "it builds quickly". First of all, this is spot on with intense emotions (hate, anger, lust, etc.) because the rate at which those things can take off, once sparked, can be both frightening and astounding. Of course, the repetition places emphasis on the line, so once we wrap around to the first line of the final couplet (which I'll talk about more later), the second part of the line, "it burns out quicker" is really striking and moreover true (once more) of said intense emotions. Since we're talking of hate, namely, it can also be said that the terms building and burning are also important in their representation: building is usually something that is positive whilst burning can typically be used to represent something negative. However, the intentions seem to be swapped in this as "hate" is the thing being built and burnt and is negative in itself. I found the flip-flop from the traditional to be really interesting. 

 

Next, I'd the word choice you use throughout the poem (and as a forewarning, I'm going to start hopping around a LOT). First up are bubbling and boiling -- how perfect are these to showcase hate? You could say that hate and anger go hand-in-hand, and are sometimes difficult to distinguish between, so the idea of something bubbling and boiling, rolling through your veins and beneath your skin (as we move into the second stanza) was really on-point and created some amazing imagery. Speaking of that second stanza, going further in-depth on that feeling of something positively crawling through your body (especially something so negative and destructive as hate) and how it actually can hurt the person feeling those emotions just as much as the others around him (tying right into your hacking and tearing and fracturing and charring) -- the analogy was quite beautiful, and I love the way you tied it into the first three stanzas. Then, of course, we wrap right back around to the boil again -- something so violent and can seem sudden that it fits perfectly into this. 

 

Back to the first stanza, I want to take a look at the line "it holds its throne" at the same time as "it reigns" from the second stanza and "cruelest king" from the third, because this is genius. The whole concept of the feeling of hatred being so intense and so relentless that it can RULE people is amazing and oh-so devastatingly true. If you think about it, it's THIS hatred that fuels evil people to kill and harm others -- it's the spark of wars and any number of tragedies -- it's why the world is at turmoil now. What's worse is that hatred tends to fuel hatred, which wraps back around to the first line in the third stanza ("it builds quickly, kindled by anything") because once there, it's far too true that hate can be fueled onward by any little thing in its path. 

 

And now I need to address the final two lines of the second stanza -- the idea that hate is so powerful that it can choke you until you scream is a brilliant metaphor. All that rage and anger and resentment can truly build up and intensify tenfold until it bursts from you. And I love how that ties into the second line of the third stanza, because once it's festering inside of you, it can destroy any kind of defense you've built up against it. You can try to become numb to the madness of the outside world and what people do to you and to each other, but there comes a point when you're finally stripped of your inhibitions because hate is poisonous and can break down your composure, effectively destroying you from the inside out. 

 

And then the final couplet is a mindblow, and leaves me completely shook. I mean, honestly, the metaphor from the remnants of hatred, even AFTER the hatred has dulled, can be even more catastrophic than the hatred itself. And if we take that back to the beginning of all this, where I was talking about how the symbologies between building and burning are swapped, it makes sense that burn can be read in two ways (both as a positive and a negative). 

 

I can probably sit here all day and talk about your word choice, so I'm just going to wrap it up so that I don't get carried away. This was absolutely brilliant -- the sheer power behind the words you've chosen and how they tie in with hate is stunning, truly. I'm always left astounded when I read your poetry (no matter how many times I read each poem). Amazing, amazing, amazing job!

 

-Rumpels



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2019 08:46 AM · For: Your thoughts are a roller coaster.

 

Hey!

 

So I love this because I just felt it was so raw and heartbreaking but a truth that needs to be told. This piece is like a window into the narrator's soul. It's just dark but wonderful. I think all the metaphors in this piece are used to just a powerful way, I love how you use growing to describe all those feelings. I'm finding it quite difficult to form the right words to describe this piece.

 

It's beautifully written, the imagery in this whole piece is just wild and vivid. It paints a picture in my mind of all the things that the writer is trying to show, it feels like I've been let in on a secret, it's such an interesting dynamic for me as a reader. 

 

all the words in this are perfect. it's such a short piece but it says so much. It feels like thought went into every word but maybe the words just came to you. I don't know but the result was just amazing, I think words that I've already used in this piece are the best words that I can come up with to sum this piece up - raw, vivid and personal. 

 

Abbi xo

 

ps. this is my 300th review!

 

For Magical Menagerie 

 



Name: Theia (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2019 02:15 AM · For: Your thoughts are a roller coaster.

Hi Branwen. Dropping by because I saw your update in the New Story thread. I wanted to review this earlier but it was too hard to form words. 

 

This was. Wow. First, can I say I love you and admire you for writing this? I know how difficult it is to write something that's even the slight bit personal and this is.... I can feel every single word written here. So strongly. And I am in awe that you've taken something so hard to put into words, and turned all that anguish and overwhelmingness (is that even a word? idk but it fits) into something so poetic and gorgeous and relatable. And I love all the metaphors in this, they all fit so beautifully with the piece. 

 

"leave you feeling cold and hopelessly wrung out and painfully alone reaching out to grab someone's hand in an empty room." this. this this this.

 

"They turn you into a passenger in your own mind, and it terrifies you, and it delights you." I'm crying bc this is so real.

 

I just want to quote every line back at you and then fill this page with hearts and fly over to wherever you are and hug you. Thank you for sharing something so raw, powerful, and honest. All my love to you. 

 

nim.



Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 14 Jan 2019 03:01 AM · For: blood

Hello, hello! Back for another poem review, taken back from the Nifflers! And also for Jan’s EvS review battle.

 

This was so intense. I have some thoughts, as uneducated and not-well-formed as usual. Let’s dive in.

 

I’m going to get this one out of the way first. I think I have too literal a mind, but I just couldn’t jive with the first stanza. It might be my heretical scientific beliefs but that first line left me thinking “what?! Blood carries drugs! And it’s muscular action that would get rid of any fluid in your lungs that shouldn’t be there. Blood has very little to do with the coughing reflex!” This is not a poor reflection of your excellent writing. I’m blaming my medical training that I can’t get out of my head and into the imagery you were building in that first stanza.

 

The rest of the three stanzas I could get behind, however. The imagery really worked for me, and I could feel the rawness and intense emotion behind the motivation to self-harm. My favourite stanza was the last one. I thought it was super interesting that you mixed pride in as a motivator for self-harm. Like it’s not just sadness and emptiness, there’s this other feeling that’s not always associated with depression. I’m not sure if you meant to use “pride” as a synonym for “self-worth” but to me, they feel like two different concepts in this context, so the deliberate use of “pride” over “self-worth” added a different flavour to the poem.

 

Funny how I went from not really getting the first stanza to having the last stanza being my favourite, eh?

 

Xx 800



Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 13 Jan 2019 11:40 PM · For: Your thoughts are a roller coaster.

Hi Branwen <3

 

I'm here for you, mostly, but also for the Magical Menagerie.

 

Look, it probably isn't great review event form to quote your story back at you but I need you to know how much I love these two lines:

"They are caught up in a dance whose choreography you both know and do not know, and the most disconcerting part is how thrilling you find that. They turn you into a passenger in your own mind, and it terrifies you, and it delights you."

 

This resonates with me so much! Sometimes the biggest struggle - or maybe not the biggest, but the most urgent - is not getting better, but wanting to get better. There can be such grotesque comfort in the metaphorical house you describe. It's a strange thing, but definitely something I have experienced in my own history of mental illness.

 

The second paragraph was the least resonant for me on a personal level, but the most interesting. At first it seems like a reprieve from the painful depression in the first paragraph. I ADORE the phrase "sugar-coated fingers", the idea of forcing happiness and finding that in some measure, it does work. And, as you say, that it enough.

 

But then... when I think about feeling disjointed and dizzy, as you describe it, and the roller coaster metaphor of the story... well, the happy paragraph takes on more complexity. Even though those are happier moments, the stark contrast between emotions is also exhausting and none of it really feels like you own it.

 

Well, I shouldn't say "you" because I may be interpreting this all wrong. But that's how I understand it, anyway.

 

Very thought provoking. I'm glad you wrote this and shared it <3

 

love and hugs!

Renee



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 02:01 AM · For: blood

Hey there!

 

I’m dropping by for Quodpot Match 3 in which we review chapters that currently have zero reviews.

 

Wow. This was very dark and heavy. I mean I feel like reading the summary, I knew it was going to be heavy, but especially the last stanza was really deep. I’m sort of at a loss for words over what this made me feel.

 

As someone who has dealt with depression and who dabbled in cutting as a teenager, I really felt this. I thought you did a good job of capturing that numbness and the reminder of life that seeing your blood gives you. It’s such a horrible awful thing to go through and I feel like it’s one of those things that’s hard to really write about accurately if you haven’t been through it personallly. *hugs* 

 

On a more technical note, I liked how you formatted this. It flowed nicely and the line lengths were pretty uniform between each stanza. Well done.

 

I can’t say I’m surprised though as I’ve read some of your other poems and they are always excellent. You have a true knack for poetry.

 

Keep up the good work!

 

~Kaitlin

 



Name: forever_dreaming (Signed) · Date: 13 Aug 2018 12:24 AM · For: Hate

Hi Branwen! I'm here to leave a review for Quadpot (Match 3) and BvB! :) 

 

God, I just love your poetry. First off, your descriptive language here creates such a vivid image in my mind; you do such a great job incorporating all the senses so fluidly, so I could hear and feel the "air crackle" and feel the suffocating of the hate "boiling so hot". All the emotions built up so much throughout the poem, which I think is perfect for something like this, which is meant to have a volcanic sort of effect. 

 

This poem made me think of the poem "A Poison Tree" by William Blake; I think you're depicting a similar idea, describing the corruptive quality of hate. I love the metaphor you've built too—how hate is this cruel, merciless tyrant that grips you and turns you almost against yourself (the line "it chars the soul it corrupted" does such a wonderful job illustrating that with a really gut-punching powerful image). 

 

I was especially struck by the final couplet. Wow, what an ending. I think you've really nailed the consequences of hate on the head here: how moments of anger and rage created by hate are ephemeral—like how all you can see is red for a moment--but you start to grow more and more corrupted by the increasing hate, so the "ashes make you even sicker." (I really can't help but be reminded of "A Poison Tree" when I read those two lines; I wonder if it was a source of inspiration?)

 

Your poetry is honestly, flawless. You're a master, Branwen, and I loved this. <3



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 02 Jun 2018 09:44 AM · For: wait out the night

Hey, Branwen!

 

First of all, this piece is unnervingly poignant. The way you've depicted depression, coming in various demons (especially given there are more than one) and the repercussions that come from depression (things like self-harm in various forms and some of the psychological effects) was done extremely well. It's definitely relatable so those abstract ideas are easy to identify, but I want to move through verse for verse for those things.

 

In the first verse, I immediately take notice of the fact that the demons come out each night. I find this important for a number of reasons: symbolically, the night represents everything that is 'evil' and 'bad' and night brings darkness, which abstractly-thinking is more of the same concept -- 'evi', 'bad', 'unsafe', and the like. More importantly, to me, the night isn't necessarily representing the concrete idea, but more of a time when the demons come.  It's the wave of depression that comes to you out of nowhere and you can only hang on for the ride until it subsides. 

 

Then we move onto the demons, themselves, which I see as physical representations of the various effects that depression can have on a person (and each one, of course, is personal and changes to the individual). The concept of them playing came across very strongly to me, because it presents them in a very childlike manner that is also extremely cynical -- their 'play' harms you, but by attributing it to 'play' it implies that [the demons] are enjoying themselves, which is further emphasized by the fact that they're also laughing. It's a twisted and very real perspective. 

 

And the entire concept of the first verse is stinging. Where they claw at your skin and ply you with lies and the idea of a roller coaster ride. First of all, they claw at your skin has me shook because, to me, it is implicative of self-harm and placing the blame directly on the demons. Because THEY are the ones marking your skin. It also translates to me as them tearing away at your demeanor and the walls you've built to protect yourself from them (your skin being the protective barrier for your body, abstractly taken to be something to keep the depression/demons away, that is being torn away by them). Of course, the 'lies' that fill your mind while in a state of depression can be damning and the 'roller coaster' of emotions (the turbulent ride you take while battling) are all too real.

 

In the second verse, the sense of desperation comes through vividly. Those things that you do to yourself in reckless attempt to keep the demons at bay (by cutting and starving, in this instance) are really just fueled by the demons themselves. So, in a way, it's a hopeless cycle of trying to feel better (to the point where you almost convince yourself that you do) but only further harming yourself and deepening the cycle. And I appreciate the various different emotions mentioned here (things like rush, fear, and feel good). It can seem that any feeling other than the ones your experiencing are better (which again, adds back into that cycle you've established). 

 

However, as shown by the final verse, those things don't help. Not really. And then we tie back to the concept of 'night' again with the sun comes up and wait out the night. Once again, taking it abstractly, we're really just looking at the night being the state of depression itself and so waiting out the night is really just waiting for the depression to subside again (which, when you think about it, is a really frightening thought because the actual night would pass much more quickly, despite how long night can seem). Also, the entire concept of holding on -- just holding on -- until the next reprieve is everything because oftentimes that is all that can be done.

 

Like I said, this was very well done and really does an excellent job of showcasing depression. And I know that oftentimes as writers we use our writing as outlets for therapeutic reasons but I did want to remind you that, although we don't speak as often was we once did, that I am always here if you ever do need to talk (or not, if that suits you better). 

 

Wonderful job, which doesn't surprise me. You're an excellent writer. 

 

-Rumpels



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 01:09 PM · For: you're losing your mind
Hello, again!


I love the level of raw emotion brought forth in the first paragraph, describing the undulations of feelings as reality keeps slipping from you and you ultimately fall apart. In a desperate attempt at distraction, you try to quiet your mind in tasks but everything so loud and everything hurts--it must be such a heavy burden. I believe that the real kicker in this is the line concerning not knowing if it will get worse or how long it will last before a reprieve comes. It seems like anxiety is playing a roll in this as well, as the narrator is conflicted between not wanting to be alone but not wanting to bother anybody.


This was such a heavy little piece--great work!


Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 03 Dec 2017 05:41 PM · For: you're losing your mind

Number one sign that you’re losing your mind: You’re talking to yourself.

 

Sorry, I have to be glib when I relate to things =P

 

There’s something about the tone of this piece that strikes me as resigned. While the content is about really intense and emotional stuff, I don’t exactly feel that intensity in the writing, which give me the feeling that the writer is accepting things as they are rather than fighting against them (not that there’s a right or wrong way to react in this scenario)

 

For me the intensity picked up with the paragraph beginning “It’s not know how to ask.” The way that paragraph is a rhythmical run on with new things piling on top of each other mimics the feeling of feeling like you’re drowning under a huge weight, and I think you did a great job of structuring that.

 

I’m as always impressed with your ability to write about really difficult subject matter. It feels so much braver to do when it’s OF (hence why I keep to fanfic =P)

 

Sam.



Name: forever_dreaming (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 11:22 PM · For: you're losing your mind

Have you ever read "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman? It's a fascinating short story and a study in psychosis—and this fic reminded me a little bit of that short story, at least in the style of writing. I have to start by saying that I am incredibly impressed by how well you captured the process of losing your mind!

 

You captured the sense of dissociating and the denial and the conflicting emotions extremely well.  I really liked the use of repetition ("it's so so loud") and the decay of thoughts into incomprehensible things. You captured the confusion really well too and the sense of guilt (that especially is something that I haven't seen that much of in stories revolving around insanity, so it was really cool to see it here! Fantastic insight). 

 

I just think that the degree of self-awareness is a little startling/out of place? Like most people who are going insane (and this is definiteyl evident in The Yellow Wallpaper) don't understand that they're going insane, and often deny it—especially when they start dissociating to the point that they believe they're not themselves anymore. It's a little tricky to determine where the degree of self-awareness in this is really appropriate because the character is definitely walking the line between sanity and insanity (as I bet is the point), but idk, from what I've read before, I think maybe that final statement "once it's this bad, that's not how it works" is almost too self-aware. 

 

But that's a pretty minor critique, considering that the rest of the fic really captures the conflicting sensations of psychosis quite well! I just wanted to offer this CC because it felt like the one part that didn't quite fit? I still loved this, regardless, and again, am in awe of your writing like wow. <3 



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