Name: sunshine_locks (Signed) · Date: 23 Jul 2018 08:33 PM · [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

Hi! I’m here for our review swap!


I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AS SOON AS BELLATRIX’S POV APPEARED. I have personally written a story similar to this before (except with Albus Potter and Tom Riddle because Why Not—never posted it though).


I seriously love these kinds of stories as they’re so intriguing—even more so now because it’s Bellatrix and Rose.


You’re already doing wonderfully of how Bellatrix might take over Rose’s mind, how she’s playing on Rose’s petty emotions and enhancing them into something more—enough that it has a clear effect on Rose’s psyche.


She’s already garnering this kind of anger towards her cousins, the kind that can’t be tided over easily.


There’s like this clear progression of Rose fighting with herself, not sure of what exactly is happening, and in the end she loses. Rather than becoming completely becoming Bellatrix, she just becomes more apathetic to what’s going on around her and in the end she’s not hesitant to point her wand at Scorpius.


I find it strangely amazing at how you made Bellatrix the slightest bit empathetic to us; she just wanted wizard kind to have justice and not be punished by muggles—doesn’t justify any of her actions though. To this day, I still despise her as a character.


Great job! xx

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 06:06 PM · [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

EEEP WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ROSE?? WHAT DID SHE DO?? This story definitely starts with a punch and if that isn't an effective hook I don't know what is.


And then the first Bellatrix section explains it all - after she died, she's become this disembodied spirit who has been poisoning Rose's mind, which explains the first section of Rose staring down at James lying dead. This is such a horrible thought and yet I can't stop reading.


Rose going downstairs into the crimson-coated corridor - I absolutely love the double meaning there. Crimson because it's the Gryffindor common room but also as an eerie suggestion people are about to die.


Even though I knew what was coming in these final sections, it's still so awful to read, as Rose doesn't really know why she's doing this and senses something's wrong, but Bellatrix in her mind has gotten too powerful for her and overwritten whatever morals Rose may have had before. What an awful thought. Also, idk if you ever watched Twin Peaks but the idea of Bellatrix possessing Rose like that reminded me of it, which gave this story a whole extra layer of weird surreal creepiness. 


The tone was so wonderfully dark throughout - you did an amazing job of keeping the underlying error in this going right from the beginning to the end. I like that you started with the end, as well - I think that did a lot at encouraging the dark mood of the piece. Also, your interpretation of Bella as a ghost/spirit/possessing entity is spot on. I don't know how she came to be in this role, but I find it believable that she'd be powerful enough to fight off death and make this half existence for herself, kinda like Voldemort once did.


Awesome story.

Author's Response:

Heya, Kristen!


Six months later, I'm finally responding to reviews and I have zero excuses to give (I'm so sorry).


This was really experimental in style AND it was my first Next Gen, so I was all kinds of out of the water when writing this (which is why it sticks so closely to that comforting horror genre). I thought it'd be neat to experiment with a secondary type of 'ghostly entity' other than the traditional HP-verse ghosts and poltergeists and I thought that Bellatrix Lestrange on some sadistic revenge-driven warpath was a good place to start. I haven't seen Twin Peaks but it sounds like a good time -- I'll have to check it out. And thank you so much, I'm glad you though I did a good job of sticking to the mood throughout the story.


Thanks so much again, Kristen!



Name: shadowkat678 (Signed) · Date: 15 Dec 2017 07:39 PM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

Hey, Rumple!

This was written in a very interesting style. I loved how it started out as Bellatrix in first person while Rose was in second. I don't think I saw anyone else point out the way that at the end both were in first person point of view. It was a neat touch.

I'm curious to how this happened to Bellatrix. Could she have made a Horocrux at some point? I wouldn't have thought so, but the way it says she was something different from a ghost I'm not sure what else that could be. Especially to influence someone's thoughts like that. We saw both the locket and Tom Riddle's diary influence people's minds, to the point of controlling Ginny's actions. Although this seemed to be even faster than the diary. But maybe the "spirit" left over to wander influences more than the items? Like Voldemort with Quirrell.

Regardless, this was certainly creepy. I think you got pretty close to how I imagine Bellatrix's voice. You can really tell she's losing it. More than normal.


Good job. :)

Author's Response:



This was another extremely experimental fic of mine, playing around with perspective especially so I'm really happy to see that you noticed and enjoyed that style. Bellatrix fits into a theory I have about after death and imprints left in the HP-verse as there are different "types" of ghosts revealed canonically (ghosts, inferi, and poltergeists, namely). In this, I've fit Bellatrix to be something more akin to what we know as an etheric revenant but, truly I haven't fully explored this area as much as I'd like and plan to (spectral Bellatrix is just a taste of the ideas I'm having concerning the idea).


Thanks so much!



Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 11:41 PM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

Lol so the first thought I had when I saw the format was that this was a Rose/Bellatrix chatfic. That would be Ghoulish. Okay, back to reality.


Welp you have captured Bellatrix’s voice in a very realistic and in character way.


Ooh cool twist. Bellatrix is not quite a ghost, but she is certainly not gone. Interesting. Ooh and she can like possess Rose or something? I wonder if it’s only Rose she can control, or if she chose her.


Oh, now I read Rose with a decidedly Bellatrix-y tone. I find myself not seeing her as the victim so much as already fully lost to the darkness of Bellatrix. It hasn’t happened fully yet, but since you showed us that first scene, I have no reason to expect anything else.


Wow at “carve him like a pumpkin.” It sure is thematic


Oooh “crimson-coated corridor” is great imagery for Murder Day


No shouting in the library! Burgeoning debauchery indeed.


I couldn’t help but wonder just how much power Bellatrix had. Could Rose fight? Was there part of her that wanted this? Cause I like making dark things darker apparently =P


I like you you circled back and repeated the opening. You did a great job with this - it was super spooky and suspenseful!



Author's Response:

Heheh, I think I would read a Rose/Bellatrix chatfi :p.


Yay! I'm glad you thought I captured Blella well--my first time really writing her and yeah, it's a sort-of-possession and sort-of-ghost (I don't know, I went a little crazy and never really know what I'm doing :P). Heheh, I suppose that, much like the Imperius Curse, there are ways to fight against something like that, but I don't really think Rose knew what was going on until it was too late. And, to be perfectly honest, if Rose had a taste of the sheer amount of power and darkness that is Bellatrix, she could have quite enjoyed it. I haven't really explored her characterization enough to really say (I'm afraid of Next-Gen; gotta try to tackle that once I figure out how to write romance :P). 


:D I'm glad you liked it! 



Name: LadyL8 (Signed) · Date: 01 Dec 2017 10:19 PM · [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

Hi Rumpel,


It's been a while since I've read anything of yours, so I thought I'd swing by and check out another one of your stories. Retribution from Beyond the Grave looks really interesting and I'm excited to see more of what it's all about, so I'm just gonna stop talking right and get right to it.


I love that intro. It really got me interested. Why would Rose kills James? Hm. And how is Bellatrix involved? Yeah, I'm really curious now. And the format of this story is very different from other stories I've read, but I really like it. It reminds me of those crime shows you see on TV, those really cheesy British ones where they start with a murder at some grand mansion and then reveal bits and bits of what happened throughout the episode (or maybe those are just big in Norway, idk :P). I love those shows. I watch them every Easter. But anyway, back to the format. Yeah, it's interesting, but I really loved it.


Ah, I see. Bellatrix is a ghost and she can poison someone's mind. Yeah, that makes sense. But poor Rose. That must suck, and it's certainly not any better that the boys are just joking around when she's feeling down. Yeah, I feel for Rose. But also, good job with Bellatrix. I loved seeing her thoughts. It definitely added some more depth to the character. I almost felt like I could understand her a little bit, which I'm kind of shocked to be able to say. And also, and I know I'm getting side-tracked a lot but, it's really interesting that Bellatrix chose to poison Rose's mind. It made me think of that scene in the books where Hermione takes polyjuice potions to look like Bellatrix. I don't know if you thought about that, but I found that to be an interesting little connection. I liked it.


Anyway, thanks for sharing. I really liked the story, it was so interesting to see how the story unfolded. It was a really dark piece, and I loved the time jumps/circularity. It really gave me that crime show-feeling. So yeah, great job!


- Lotte

Author's Response:

Hello, Lotte!


Heheh, this is definitely another experimental one to add to my shelf of experiments and, also, my first and only mystery :P.  My grandmother used to watch shows like that--they were her favorite! I don't see them on anymore, so I think they're probably not very popular over here (though I would totally watch them if I could ever find them)!  I'm glad you liked the story and the way it's formatted :D. Character exploration is always fun; I actually hadn't thought about Hermione and the polyjuice, but it does  make a nice little connection!


Thanks so much for the wonderful review!



Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 07 Nov 2017 05:09 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Retribution from Beyond the Grave Chapter: Halloween

Hi, Rumpel! Here for our swap! :)

I noticed this story when we swap last time, the summary looked intriguing, so I thought to stop by here and see what it was about.

Wow, this was creepy... poor Rose... it's so unsettling the way Bellatrix took control of her and made her turn against her friends and family... by the way, I think you captured Bellatrix's voice so wonderfully, which I find incredibly hard to do.

I loved the alternance of point of view, and shifting from first and second person. I don't think I've ever seen it done and I found it really interesting.

I think my favourite section was the first in Bellatrix's pov. I loved the description of Halloween celebration through her eyes and it was also fascinating the way you presented her way of thinking and her motives because, while I obviously can't agree with her, I can understand her to an extent and that's not something I would have expected.

I also really loved the dark atmosphere of the whole piece, the growing tension leading to the scene of the murder. It was so creepy the way Bellatrix played with Rose's mind till she led her to that point. I also loved how you started from the end and then retraced the steps leading there. I love circularity in stories.

This was a really interesting and enthralling read, wonderful job!

Thank you so much for the swap!



Author's Response:


Thanks so much for the swap! Hooray! I'm so glad you think that I handled Bellatrix well; I was extremely uncomfortable with both Bellatrix's character and Rose's character (first time truly wielding either), so that's a huge relief! I spend a lot of time in my OF swapping perspectives (first, second, third limited), so I've grown quite used to switching it up. It's actually more difficult now to stay in only one POV type, especially when I'm switching character perspective so I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! I think its just been something that has been happening out of habit :D. This was my very first time trying out a cyclical timeline as well. :D Your reviews are so sweet! I love that you love all of the different bits and pieces! 

Thanks a million for the wonderful review! 


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