Reviews For Rite of Passage

Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 24 Oct 2018 03:01 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Hey Emma, here for Maze One of the Halloween Maze Adveture! (And also BvB for Team Bronze) :) 


Okay so first of all, love this cute little first-year Slytherin love! The set-up with Mortimer being annoyed with himself for not having been in a castle before to get to know them better was cute also. Also, just the fact that it's a first year lost in the corridors/dungeons of Hogwarts is something that just feels like it should have happened in canon. His extreme worry about being lost forever is just so fitting for a first year in a new school in a brand new location, and in this case, it adds depth and diversity to the typical Slytherin persona. This maze of hallways and the timestamping with the torches lighting really adds to the (lighthearted) suspense Mortimer is under. The fear of not getting to eat and then scarfing down his chocolate frog and immediately regretting it -- wonderful. You've done a great job of showing time pass without it really passing at all, which is tough to do with an 11 year-old narrator that's lost and scared. The insert at the end that's in third person about how every year a couple of first years go missing and then eventually turn up but there's not a call for alarm usually until a day or two goes with no one seeing them was just hilarious, tbh. AND THE LAST LINE -- WHAT!?! I want a spinoff one-shot just about the Astronomy professor and that giant chicken, Grendel, please. :P 


As always, a wonderful job writing this, Emma! It's lighthearted while still keeping the reader on the edge of their seat to see if Mortimer is going to turn out okay! Great little one-shot. :) 

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: Chelts-rhj (Signed) · Date: 24 Oct 2018 02:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Hey, here for the Halloween Maze #1 Challenge 

This is so cute! I love the sense of voice you’ve crafted for Mort. The youthfulness really shines through, but it’s still engaging. Certainly the mind of an eleven year old. And now this is totally head cannon for me. Lol! I kinda want to see more of Mort and I wonder what happened to his teacher as well. I always think of Hogwarts as having a mind of its own, and it makes sense that it would take the Slytherins that don’t have a sense of direction and lose them for awhile. Make sure they pay attention to their surroundings and don’t “lose themselves” in a more figurative manner as they get older I guess. Just a really neat idea. 

Great read, thanks! 

Name: ShadowRose (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 03:47 PM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Hiya Emma! Dropping off a review for the Halloween Maze challenge!


I love the concept of this story so, so much. I mean, with a massive castle and absolutely no maps, it's natural that people would get lost easily, especially first years, and especially Slytherin first years, because the dungeons are essentially a labryinth anyways. I like how you've written this in a stream-of-consciousness fashion, because it really fits so well with the actual goings-on of the story.


Mortimer is such a funny character - his thoughts are so overdramatic and hilarious. "Mortimer Forney, destined for great things but defeated by a bunch of corridors..." and "because there were things there that feasted on Firsties for elevenses, they did" were my favorite lines - the first because of the dramatics and just how Slytherin it sounds, and the second because we love a good LOTR nod in a story.


And then the ending is just... stellar. All the teachers accepting this as a totally normal, completely expected occurrence, and Mortimer just eventually appearing from somewhere in the castle the next night. And the giant chicken detail made me giggle.


This was such a fun little story, and I really enjoyed reading it! (I hope you're enjoying getting pelted with reviews on it because it shows up in the site search for  'dungeon,' lol.)



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 21 Oct 2018 11:44 AM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

For Halloween Maze #1 Challenge


Poor Mortimer. He's never going to live this down if he is ever in his right mind again. I like the build up in panic in the boy, running out of food, empty portraits, dripping pipes, and dead end corridors. The only thing missing was creepy Halloween sounds.

Also, I like the ending, how we never saw the "big event" in the dungeons. Sorry we missed the speaking giant chicken, but it was very effective adding it to the end as the end of the story attention getter.

Also love the nod to LOTR.

I’m shocked it took the professors so long to even bother looking for the boy, but then again, maybe I’m not. Look at all the danger the teachers seem to encourage students to get into (Triwizard Tournament, anyone?) Perhaps they follow the mantra: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Still, if Mortimore doesn’t snap out of his Giant Chicken ramblings yet, his mom isn’t going to be too happy. Then again, maybe she’ll blame him. “Mortimer, now that you're off to Hogwarts, you're going to have to take better care of your belongings and be responsible. You should have taken a map with you, as well as your watch.

Name: you-make-me-wander (Signed) · Date: 21 Oct 2018 10:44 AM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Hi, Emma. I'm here for the House Cup Maze #1 Task!

First of, I love the quip you got in the summary of the story about how perhaps Slytherins could use a sense of direction better than the traits they're mostly known for. It's kind of true, and we don't see students getting lost in the dungeons nearly enough lol

I found it funny that Mortimer thought perhaps he would have fared better if had previsouly lived in a castle, even though he'd still probably get lost anyway (I'm pretty sure the dungeons, if not the entire castle, were designed with the intent of delaying students more than helping them get to their destination for some reason!).

And poor Mortimer, getting lost right on his second day at the school. Reading your story, I keep imagining a bunch of little first years lost down there and exasperated Prefects looking for them for like, two weeks straight until they start finding their way to the Common Room and back by themselves, a ritual that repeats every year xD

The ending is great, honestly. How it's such a common ocurrence that no one really bothers looking for the first years at first, like it's some kind of initiation some have to go through. And how they'll finally appear unexpectedly in strange parts of the castle, not knowing how they got there. I think my stories that start at the beginning of any school year will have to feature the tale of a lost Firstie Slytherin now, thanks to you!

I like how Mortimer is a bit dramatic about his situation but I can't really fault him. I guess the Dungeons can be pretty scary, especially for someone as young as him. Although his inner monologue made for a funny story.

I really enjoyed reading it. This was lovely, Emma =)

Favourite quote: "Mortimer Forney, destined for great things but defeated by a bunch of corridors..."

Name: Lost Muse (Anonymous) · Date: 20 Oct 2018 04:15 PM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Here for the house cup maze review from Slytherin. 

This was a really good one-shot, and one with an interesting and different theme. The idea that poor little first-years get lost in Hogwarts, particularly the Dungeons, is very plausible. You conveyed young Mortimer's worry and fear very well and I could really feel his anxiety. The little things that he kept remembering such as his mother's words really added to the emotion of it all. I liked how at one point it was referred to as "the maze of death" as that would have been exactly what I'd feel if I got stuck in such a situation. What I really loved about this fic was how it started on a light note, of Mortimer thinking of how he should have lived in a castle before coming to the grandeur of Hogwarts, and how by the time it ended it had taken a note more filled with tension. Though I suppose all is well that ends well so I was relieved that Mortimer was indeed found at last. The little ending bit of the giant chicken made me smile and wrapped up the one-shot in a sweet manner. All in all, this made for a lovely read!



Angie / Lost muse

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 20 Oct 2018 12:58 PM · [Report This]
Story:Rite of Passage Chapter: A Necessary Ordeal

Hey, I'm here for the House Cup Maze #1 Task!


I think it particularly funny that Mortimer is entertaining the idea that he wished he secretly moved into his aunt's castle to acclimate himself to castle-living before going to Hogwarts. Plus, the sheer notion that he wouldn't even have to interact with his aunt or listen to her stories because she would hardly notice him there amid the insane number of rooms gave me a good chuckle.


But I can completely relate to what he's feeling. If I were eleven and lost in the Hogwarts dungeons...well, I'd probably be feeling just as anxious as he is. Heck, if I was my age and lost in the dungeons, my anxiety would still probably get the best of me. Oh gosh, the bit about eating first years for elevenses reminding me so much of Gollum/Smeagol <3. The sheer idea of Filch having thumbscrews must have been terrifying to all first years (and probably some older students, too).


I do love the amount of dramatics that Mortimer experiences as he's fumbling through the maze of corridors that are the dungeons. Especially so much to momentarily believe that he was passing on from being a bit thirsty and hungry. He certainly has a theatrical flair about him, doesn't he? It really makes for this sweet, funny, naive character to shine through, which makes the situation much more amusing. It must be awful to be afraid of ghosts while you're lost at Hogwarts. The dungeons is where they have their Deathday parties, after all ;).


Ahh, poor Mortimer. I'm glad they found him. 


Lovely job! This was a sweet little fic.



Submit a Review