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Reviews For you're a star

Name: magnifique (Signed) · Date: 07 Apr 2018 02:42 AM · starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:you're a star Chapter: Prologue: Lily Luna Potter, Future Quidditch Star

HELLO MY DEAR, I am here to Review:

First Impressions: for a minute I forgot that Lily is 11, (I assume she is?) and I got kind of annoyed, but then I kept reading and I was like, "oh yeah she's 11 this is very accurate" and then I really, really enjoyed her because 11 year old's are supposed to be annoying. They think they know everything and they're the best and they're very bad at handling criticism or losing, (in my experience). 

Trash or Keep?: To be honest, if you have an idea of where you want to go long-term for this, I would absolutely keep going. I haven't read the other chapter(s) (?) you have up (sorry, my brain is not working super great today with focusing on more than one thing at a time ksjdhfs), but for something written 7-8 years ago, this is a really solid start and I genuinely enjoyed it. I think there are a few places you could cut back on Lily's "I'm amazing at Quidditch and I can do no wrong" solely because it does get pretty repetitive, and part of that is important for the humor, but it's all about balance. 

Other Edits: If I had better brain function, I would be able to give you specific suggestions, but as it stands, I think that if you gave it a close look over you could find some places to tighten up. If you're not sure where to start, I am more than willing to look it over again when I have more brain power and send you a PM!

Final Thoughts: I REALLY LIKE THIS. I really do. It's not perfect, BUT it's really, really cute, and it made me laugh, and I want to know more about what's going to happen with Lily and Elias, and I want to know if Elias is actually a jerk because he didn't really come off as one, so I'm curious and want to read more which is exactly what your first chapter should do. 

I hope this was helpful, let me know if you want to know more!

-Julie



Author's Response:

Oh my goodness Julie, this is the loveliest review ever!! I may not remember anything else about this fic, but Lily is definitely 11 and supposed to be very annoying. If you'd be up for giving it another look over for edits at some point, I would love you forever, but I don't want to be a bother!

 

Elias isn't even IN the second chapter, I have truly no idea what the plan was but it clearly involved him somehow? I'll have to go back to the drawing board on that one. I mean, I can't imagine that something 15yo me came up with was terrible groundbreaking, so it's probably for the best that I have to reinvent the plot now.

 

Thank you for this truly delightful review, I am blushing and so pleased.



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