I’m dropping by to leave a review for Quodpot Match 3!
Wow. This was excellent. Percy is a character I rarely think about and have only written once. Penelope Clearwater is someone who I’ve never given much thought to either. For whatever reason, they never really drew my interest, so to be honest, I didn’t know what to expect from this story. It really ended up blowing me away though.
Immediately, you give Penelope a very strong voice. It’s easy to see who she is and what she wants. But you do it by showing her emotions instead of telling the reader she feels sad. You can see it in the way she’s oblivious to her friends and staring out the window.
I love that you give a bit of insight into both the start and end of their relationship. It seems so in character of what we know about Percy. It would figure that he’d dump his girlfriend in pursuit of grades. (This oddly made me giggle.)
I liked also that you included the bits about her friends calling him names. She clearly sees him differently and it’s a nice contrast between the guy she knows and the one the world sees. The bits about his fear of his siblings knowing was a good but too.
All in all, excellent writing. I will certainly be back to check out more of your work sometime soon!