Hi! I'm dropping by to review your story because it was nominated for an award on the site.
I haven't read the original version of this but I think this is a brilliant prologue. The bickering between Bellatrix and Snape felt very on point. I hadn't considered whether they ever got along but I can definitely see where Snape's ego would make it hard to work with Bellatrix's eviler than thou attitude I really liked the mystery of who they were hunting and why. It was also cool to figure out who was there to catch them and Shade’s history (or some of it). Your description of magic being drained from the wand and impacted by physical exertion/exhaustion really got me thinking. I haven't seen that so explicitly laid out before but I like it. There was so much good and interesting new information about magic in this chapter that it makes me want to know more about your headcanon.
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! And secondly, welcome to HPFT!!! You already know how EXCITED I am to see you reposting this story here, so I will TRY to keep my fangirling to a minimum, haha!!! XD
OMGosh, it took a few for everything to come back to me as I was reading through this, but I DO remember this chapter now!! And holy crap; this works SOOO freaking GOOD as a Prologue, OMG!!! When did you decide to move this up to the front? I really, really love having the story start with this. It’s so smart, because this is such a thrilling chapter.
Like, not only does it explain how Michael was orphaned, and introduce a bit of Luna’s history as well, but it also is a perfect slice of your bad-A writiing skillz, lol!! The action sequences are AMAZING, as always!! It pulls you in and keeps the reader engaged all throughout. It keeps you wanting to know MORE, and leaves you asking ALLLL the questions by the end of it, haha!! (Lucky for me, I already do know some of the answers to said questions already tho!) =P
You Bellatrix is completely and perfectly crazy, and I love it so much!! And Snape was so properly calculated. I really enjoyed reading their banter in the beginning, before the crap hit the fan. It was such a perfect way to balance everything that happened in the chapter. And I really cannot wait to find out/be reminded again more about this Shade woman. (I feel like she’s Andromeda, but for the life of me, I cannot remember right now and it is bothering me SO MUCH, lol!!)
As always, your writing style is flawless. You transitions are so smooth, and everything just flows so amazingly well together. You know what a fan of you work I am, Michael - have been for YEARS!!!! I am BEYOND excited to re-read this story (for like the 4th or 5th time now, haha!!) and I cannot wait to see what new changes and edits you’ve made since the last time I’ve read it, as you upload it here to HPFT!!! Welcome back, man. I’m so happy you’re here. And again, Happy Birthday to ya!! Hope you’ve had an amazing day!! =)
That picture at the beginning is super cute!
I don't know if it was just me picturing Luna as I read, or the fact you changed the writing style for Luna, but I just found it so easy to read in Luna's character for this chapter. Everything seems simpler, told how it is, which is definitely Luna's style. I love that she tried out for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team! I just love that her thought process is so carefree and unaffected by what people think, which is also so Luna. I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm impressed by how you write Luna :P
I'm starting to wonder if there's something more sinister behind Elysina's accident. I don't think she's involved in Quidditch at all, so I'm curious about what it is she really does, and whether it will affect Luna later.
Ooh is that Michael and Sirius she caught zooming past? I can't wait for when their paths cross!
Thank you so much for another review, it really does mean a lot to me. I'm thrilled you find Luna's character decently written, she can be pretty hard to get a good handle on when writing a chapter from her voice/perspective. She's such a great character, but in canon we only get her as a side character, usually only with a few lines, so keeping her true to herself while expanding her enough to be a true main character was definitely something I struggled with at times. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but I added a prologue prior to Chapter 1 that I would highly recommend reading. In all my previous versions of this story, it was chapter 38...or maybe 39...but regardless, it came much later. After thinking hard on it though, I felt like it answered questions and solved "mysteries" that were very apparent by the time that chapter was posted. I think it sets things off with better incentive to read on than it served much later in the story, as well as giving some background on Michael and STRIKE before throwing you-the-reader right in at it all. I'd be curious to know what you think, if it's a good start. Thank you again!
RoxiMalfoy recommended this story to me so I thought I'd come check it out!
I'm drawn in straight away. The premise is fascinating and raises so many questions. How did Michael survive Voldemort? What is Ron's purpose? Is there a more sinister reason to stay away from Ravenclaw? And I can believe that someone would be sent to guard Harry at Hogwarts, and the reasons behind choosing Michael to do it, so I'm excited to see how it plays out. Michael seems to have quite the past behind him, and I can't wait to find out what it is. He's an great main character, very skilled and resourceful, so I'm really going to enjoy following him in this story. Whoa, wait - and Sirius is alive?!
Great chapter, can't wait to find out what happens next!
First off, thanks so much for my first review! And I'll have to thank Roxi for recommending Moonlight War to you as well. I'm really glad you're interested in the story and its whole premise. You'll get answers to almost all your questions within the first ten or so chapters, and as to how Michael survived Voldemort, that's made clear in chapter three, and unfortunately for him, it wasn't by being skilled or resourceful. As for Sirius, well, that Veil has always been a bit of a mystery huh, hence its location. Did Sirius really die? Hmm, I don't really know why I'm trying to tantalize you like a narrator prepping you for a future episode. But thank you so much for the incredibly kind review, I hope you enjoy the story further. It might be cliche to say it, but it really hits its stride later. If you stick with it, I promise you'll be glad you did. Many thanks again