Hey hey, I wanted to come by and read the other entries for the 2018 Fic Feud Event, and here I am on chapter 2!
Great transition, using the crack in the wall, the one thing that I was the MOST CURIOUS about from chapter one. And SPIDERS! This is great. *gets popcorn*
Okay, so now I know I'm right. Someone DID die, and the knife... the knife was involved, wasn't it? Yeah. That. And the spiders... that was a transition from one chapter to the next, my FAVORITE transition ever, with the crack in the fireplace. And yeah, the MADNESS. IMAGERY. MADNESS. INSANITY.
Yeah, I'm coherent. I know how to sentence. Just. Not right now. :P
The red was fantastic. I loved the carryover from the innocent red in chapter one to the obvious ‘this is not right' red, where she names it and obsesses over it.
And the crack. There's this thing going on with the crack and how it opens up in chapter two, and I both love and hate that I don't know who I'm seeing here, but it doesn't matter because the crack is still there, and it reminds her of what had happened but not what had happened at the same time.
I'm very curious about the magic element, where she talks about how magic was involved, but it wasn't presented clearly in the first chapter. I can make all kinds of guesses, and maybe a few of them might be close, but I don't think that's really the point, especially when you're looking into the mind of someone who doesn't even know what happened. The past doesn't matter. Only what remains. I'll roll along with you on that.
After this chapter, I don't even care what the elements were. There was this drastic shift in mood, and it still connected to chapter 1 in a visceral way, so congratulations for doing that. It's great that this poor girl, the obvious survivor, doesn't even remember what happened. It's clear she's in prison and that her sister is dead. It's clear that something wasn't right in the first scene. I can suppose and speculate all day long, but the feeling I get when I read this is that she's lost whatever grasp she's had on her memories, and that what we saw from chapter 1 may not be exactly how it happened, just a pleasant daydream that fills the void in one of her more lucid moments when she's not smushing spiders and seeing red.
Really cool how these two pieces were brought together. Great teamwork on a fascinating story!
Hey hey, I wanted to come by and read the other entries for the 2018 Fic Feud Event, and here I am! I hope you guys had as much fun writing as I did with my partner.
Ok, so the gift SURPRISED me greatly, which is really something. I don't surprise easily. Well done! I love that Pavarti loved it, and I can't wait to find out WHY her sister would give her something like that.
And then things get interesting. I almost expected Pavarti to get bitten by the spider, and the way my twisted mind works, I half expected someone to die at the end of this chapter. Padma clearly had something going on with her at the end with that crack in the wall that raises all kinds of questions.
Ah, something DID die! LOL. It was the fire. Haha. Well, that worked out. I know it wasn't funny, and you wrote it so smoothly, so just excuse my crazy brain. The camaraderie between the two characters, the sense of family was really well-done. The description of the mantel and the flames, and the realization that there was something there which may not have been there before, was all really well written. I also loved the humming with Parvati, and how they just had that moment by the fire. So peaceful. I wish that I had more peaceful moments in my life too.
Nice start. You incorporated all of the elements really well. I didn't think anything stuck out of place here. And you set up some interesting things that I'm very curious about. I can't wait to see what your partner did with the rest of this story!