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Reviews For At the funeral

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 15 Aug 2018 03:06 PM · [Report This]
Story:At the funeral Chapter: Peter Pettigrew

 

Hello Mel,

 

So I thought the first paragraph was a great opener because it really set the scene of the piece and the reference to the weather I thought was good because it reflected the mood of the piece really. A cloud hanging over Peter. I'm always interested in how people are able to portray Peter as I think developing him is something that is lacking with the fandom.

 

I thought your portrayal of Peter was really well because you've chosen here to show a lot of his slytherin qualities. I thought this was good because it didn't show him as weak you know? I thought you gave him a bit more personality and fleshed out his motives a lot more than most stories. It really strongly comes across how bitter he is. I thought it was good to get more insight within the event that got Sirius arrested at how he planned it with bellatrix. It would make perfect sense if it were to happen in canon.

 

I love your missing moments stories as I always feel that you are able capture the characters and motivations in such a realistic wy which in keep with canon in your writing. Well done for making Peter seem like a person and addressing who he is by giving him a voice through his inner monologe which is so effective.

 

- Abbi xo

 

Quodpot - Match 2 - War

 



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 13 Aug 2018 10:11 PM · [Report This]
Story:At the funeral Chapter: Sirius Black

Hey Mel!

 

Back for a final Quodpot Match 3 review!

 

Wow. Poor Sirius. You’ve gotten his emotions down perfectly. The anger is really the only thing that ends up keeping him sane. That laser focus on Peter gives him some sort of twisted motivation to live. That drive for revenge pushes him through each day.

 

The idea of him pounding on the wall is so sad. He’s so angry and there’s no outlet. The whole thing is just wildly unfair.

 

It does seem strange to me that Dumbledore wouldn’t have insisted on a trial for Sirius. I know everyone thinks he’s guilty, but it doesn’t make human rights violations okay. Dumbledore should know better.

 

I like that you had Mulciber taunt Sirius about the funeral. He, being a death eater, would know that Peter was really the guilty party. I’d imagine after the fall of the Dark Lord, taunting Sirius must be his last bit of satisfaction.

 

Overall, a very sad story, but well written. Good work!

 

~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 13 Aug 2018 09:56 PM · [Report This]
Story:At the funeral Chapter: Severus Snape

Hey Mel!

 

I’m here to leave you another Quodpot review for match 3 because this chapter has zero reviews.

 

I thought you did a good job on this capturing Snape’s conflicted feelings. His hatred for Potter, his love for Lily. His anger and desolation. It’s very fitting. I think he’d really have struggled with the idea of Lily and James being buried together in particular.

 

He’s definitely right when he talks about this all being his fault. He would’ve sold anyone else. It’s sort of fitting that the consequence is that he loses the only person he’s ever loved. Karma for his sins sort of. 

 

I really liked the bit about him trying to hide hide his tears even though no one is watching. He does see emotion as a weakness, so that completely makes sense. It’s amazing that he manages to regain some semblance of control.

 

I wish Dumbledore would’ve insisted that Severus go inside. He deserves his chance to say goodbye. He did wrong, but he also paid the highest price to save her and eventually to save her son.

 

Good work on this! Headed to the next chapter soon.

 

~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 13 Aug 2018 08:32 PM · [Report This]
Story:At the funeral Chapter: Remus Lupin

Hey Mel!

 

Back for another Quodpot Match 3 review because this chapter has no reviews on it! How is that possible I ask you?

 

Ugh. I always feel like Remus is one of the most tragic figures in the entire HP world. He is affected by something he can’t control, a helpless child victim of a werewolf attack. He’s stigmatized and left impoverished and then he has his only friends ripped away from him. Of course, he eventually finds out Sirius innocent and has to live with the guilt that his friend has been wrongly jailed for all those years. Then he finally finds love and some stability only to die shortly after his child is born. It’s just all bad. Somehow you make that all the more tragic because now he’s a week away from losing everything and he has no way to provide himself a living or dignity.

 

I like that you had Remus shoveling the dirt manually without magic. It really echoed Harry for Dobby’s burial. It seems loving and respectful.

 

I do like to think that Dumbledore realized Lupin’s situation and provided him the support that he could. He would’ve known how messed up he was and tried to help in some capacity. 

 

It’s sad to think that Lyall was still alive but that Remus refused to burden him. I imagine his dad still really loves him and wants to see him.

 

Another great, but heartbreaking chapter. I’ll be back for more soon!

 

~Kaitlin



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 13 Aug 2018 07:40 PM · [Report This]
Story:At the funeral Chapter: Peter Pettigrew

Hey Mel,

 

I’m here to leave you some reviews for Quodpot Match 3 because this story currently has zero reviews!

 

I always wondered what Peter might think at the funeral of James and Lily. He killed one of his best friend and his wife, orphaned their child, sent another friend to prison, and in essence destroyed the third friend. It’s pretty horrific and I’d have to imagine it would weigh on him at least a bit.

 

I liked that you explained how he felt like he was pulling one over on all of them. I think you really captured his resentment at being the tagalong to the popular kids. He definitely felt like they viewed him as inferior (and in some ways I think they did) and I think him proving that he wasn’t inferior was important.

 

That being said, I have to believe he’d be a bit more conflicted. He’s calculating and cold in some ways, but we know from canon that he does suffer from some guilt from it. That guilt is in essence what saves Harry later on. I think I’d have liked to see a bit more of that conflict here.

 

It’s interesting that he noticed Snape hiding as well. I guess it would seem odd that he’d be at the Potters’ funeral if you didn’t know how much he loved Lily. Sad to think how heartbreaking it would’ve been for him too.

 

Great chapter here! I’m off to check out the next chapter now.

 

~Kaitlin



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