Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 12 Aug 2018 05:59 PM · starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Tag
Love these lines: "His mother, kindly woman, and reminded Arthur of Molly. Though mostly in the way she fussed about her child, and not at all with her bony elbows and rather wilted frame." The way he sees Molly in a woman who doesn't particularly look like her, but rather because of their shared love for their children. It shows that Arthur loves Molly not just for what she looks like but for who she is and also gives a sense of the character of Buddy's mother.

And I really like the introduction of the "Gnomatic Flu". I'd love to read about Charlie suffering from that. Given the gnomes in the Weasleys garden, it fits with what we have in canon while also adding to it. And I love the addition of things like illnesses to canon. There are bound to be more than have been mentioned in canon.

"The boy's mother" should have an apostrophe before the "s" in "boy's".

Love the way Arthur forgets the Muggle word for "healer". It makes so much sense and reminds us he comes from a different world.

A Muggle and a wizard collaborating to solve a mystery. That sounds really interesting. The clash of cultures could be fun.

Whenever you write "Dr. Watson," the "d" in "doctor" should be capitalised as it's a title.

The reference to this ending in the morgue is chilling.

And I am now wondering if all these children had similar bears or teddy bears of all kinds of if they had all different toys. Each of those things would be a slightly different spin on what is going on. I guess that is something Arthur will have to figure out.

LOVE the comparison with Ginny's nursery. You can see from that how Arthur is equating these children with his own and thinking about how he'd feel if it was his children in the hospital, ill and at risk of death. That is bound to motivate him to put everything he can into figuring out what is going on here. Like he says, this is not a game. It's not even as if a murder has already happened, in which case the damage has already been done and there is nothing the detective can do to prevent it; they can only avenge it. In this case, the onus is partly on him to ensure these children live. That is pressure.

I think we get something of a sense of the little girl's personality too. She seems like a real "girly" type as presumable the things that surround her bed are things she liked.

"Cora was flushed and sweaty, and had a pained look on her chubby, sleeping face smushed up next to a rag doll with button t" This sentence appears to be unfinished.

*laughs at Arthur being inspired by Sherlock Holmes to decide that deception can be necessary even among friends* I almost immediately thought of "The Case of the Dying Detective."

"He felt safe and comfortable him as Minister." This line appears to be missing a word.

I really like the comment about how Dumbledore got on well with Kingsley so that means he can be relied upon. It makes absolute sense, given how much Dumbledore's advice is trusted.

I'm glad Arthur is finally being appreciated but not sure it will necessarily benefit him in this particular situation. The less notice is taken of what he is doing here, the better, I suspect.

Review left for Quadpot, Match 2: Crime/Mystery.

Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 13 Jul 2018 07:48 AM · [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Hide and Seek

Hi hi hi! :) So I saw this and just had to stop by - the idea of Arthur Weasley accidentally becoming a kind of wizading Sherlock Holmes is just amazing, especially with his fascination with all things Muggle :P 


And I love this - it's such a great beginning! I love how it opened with the Ministry and background about what happened after the war - how there was a clear-out of personnel, how so many people had sided with or simply obeyed the Death Eater administration in order to not get hurt and how that had left such an inexperienced group trying to manage things, and how Arthur's so dedicated and generous with helping people. (And how when he gets a piece of paper saying that an investigation's needed and a child's been hurt, he's straight there - doesn't leave any time to waste, because it's a kid and he's a dad, yk?) 


One of the things I always loved about Arthur as a character was how easy-going he was but at the same time, how he could be so brave and so compassionate where his kids are concerned. And you really brought him to life here, with all of his slightly bumbling, fascinated-by-Muggles, charming, kind kind of ways, yk, and I loved how Harry and Ron know him well enough to know he's going to go and investigate - and how Ron gives him the sandwich in case he gets hungry. It's such a great moment, and the characterisation of all of them it just so on point - it's really impressive, because honestly, I find the Weasleys so hard to do. 


Also, sidenote: I loved Harry stumbling over calling him Mr. Weasley, sir, Arthur :P Bless that boy. 


I'm so curious about what's happened to Teddy - why does he talk? why is he essentially alive? - and who Arthur's sidekick is going to be (I'm suspecting Teddy atm :P which reminds me so much of Paddington Bear and I love it!), and what's happened to that poor kid in the hospital. 


This is a great, great start and I'm so excited to see where it leads! 


Aph xx

Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 15 Jun 2018 08:02 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Red Rover

Seems a bit unfair to expect the bear to change its name, After all, people do have the same names as each other. No reason there can't be two Teddys.


Oh, you've written that "it had never occurred to him the bear might now where it came from." It should be "know."


Aw, charming the snail shell to glow so the bear won't be scared is sweet.


I really like the detail about Fleur becoming plumper as she learns Molly's cooking. It gives a sense of time moving on and things changing. It's only minor but it makes her character seem less static.


Poor George. Losing your twin in such circumstances has to be an appalling loss. It's awful for all of them, of course. Losing a son is pretty horrific too. But Fred and George were practically always together and everything George does must remind him of Fred - their shop, playing Quidditch, coming home to the Burrow, their flat, making jokes, playing pranks, developing new products for the shop.


I can really see the similarity between Arthur and Ron. I never thought of it before but now it's mentioned, I think Ron is the child who resembles Arthur most.


*laughs at the castle having its own ideas about rebuilding* I would never have thought of that, but it's pretty unsurprising really.


I LOVE Molly's line about the war having taken enough. After losing Fred, she is bound to want to see all she can of her other children. And to be relieved that they made up with Percy.


And of course, sleeping in a room would two beds would be yet another reminder for George. And that part about Fred having bought the book for Arthur is so sad.


You've written that they'll go to the memorial site and "say our peace." It should be "piece."


And YES, Fred would LOVE all that stuff at his grave. *laughs at the toilet seat* He WOULD be amused.


You've written that the bear gave Buddy a nasty "freight", when it should be "fright."

Author's Response:

Arthur isn't always logical. Haha. And the bear is niave enough to maliable, something he happens to be taking advantage of to occupy him at the moment. Poor Teddy. Lol. I have plans for George and I'm thinking of having this be loosely related to my Ilvermorny series. It would be fairly simple to encorporate small details later on. George plays somewhat of a part in my head for those plot lines, and he'll feel much better if this is in the same world as that, I promise. 

Molly puts her foot down when she needs to, which honestly, isnt very often for how many willful children she has. 

YOU SHOULD BETA ALL MY THINGS! Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and challenge. It was quite fun (in a morbid angsty sense, I mean).

Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 15 Jun 2018 07:42 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Adventures of Arthur Weasley: Detective Games Chapter: Hide and Seek

I will review Lucky Penny, but as I was scrolling down I came upon this and oooh, I have to read. I am a big detective story fan, ESPECIALLY Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle. And children becoming ill...also something I enjoy reading about for some weird reason.


And it is SO in character for Arthur Weasley to be fascinated by a Muggle detective. And now that I think of it, the wizarding world has some shades of Doyle's world. I mean their technology is quite late 19th century. So it would probably be more recognisable than modern day literature.


I can well imagine that the Ministry would be in a mess after the war. Coming from a country that was independent for less than a century, the idea of state building fascinates me. 


Oh, in the third paragraph, you've written Bill and Fluer when it should be Bill and Fleur.


REALLY glad they are removing the Dementors from Hogwarts.


And ooh, an ACTUAL Dr. Watson. I assumed you were using the term "Dr. Watson" as it's slang meaning as an assistant to a detective.


I LOVE the amount of detail in this - the detail about the Ministry and about the sewing shop. I wonder if that shop is going to be significant or if you are just giving a sense of the world.


Love the part where Arthur is thinking about the toaster. It just sounds so like him. You've captured his voice perfectly and it isn't an easy one to capture in my opinion. He's somewhat quirky without being Dumbledore or Luna style random, so it's a balance.


*grins* With 7 kids and that including Fred, George, Ron and Ginny (and probably Charlie too, given the job he chooses later on), I'd imagine Arthur and Molly have had a child get up to just about everything.


I can definitely see why Arthur would be wary of the toy. Between his own job (where he must have seen many objects to odd and dangerous things) and Ginny's experience her first year at Hogwarts, he's obviously going to be wary of any object that can think for itself.

Author's Response:

I also enjoy reading about ill children for some reason. It just adds insult to injury I guess. 

Arthur is very endeared to me, and with all the Sherlock stuff that's gone about I figure eventually it would filter down through the ranks, right? Haha. Yes! Actual DOCTOR WATSON! My guilty pleasure in all this, really. I wanted this to really be FROM Aruthur's POV and that means little quirky thoughts and distractions. He is a wise man >.-

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