Hey there :)
I love how you’re setting the scene in the opening paragraphs, I think it’s just the right balance between descriptions and giving us background info on the characters. The way you effortlessly switch between Marlene’s and Luke’s perspective is also fantastic, it flows perfectly, and although you never have to spell it out, it’s always clear whose point of view we’re following, so that’s really well done! You’ve also managed to change the atmosphere from a ‘teenagers having fun’ kind of scenario to a much more serious and darker one very efficiently.
Oh, that was a cowardly move on Luke’s behalf, and I was just starting to like him. Not that I can’t understand, I mean Bellatrix is terrifying, but leaving Marlene to fend for herself is pretty awful. I do think you convey the physical pain Marlene’s experiencing really well, although I can’t help wondering how she can be so stoic during it all. It must require a lot of character strength for her to pick herself up like that. It does make sense though that she would break down like that one’s she’s safe at home. Also, having a violent scene like that in the first chapter really helps to set the tone for the rest of the story, and to demonstrate the dangerous times they’re growing up in.
I love how you’re establishing the dynamics between all the characters during the party scene, and the fact that everybody knows how to deal with Marley, like they’ve almost got a routine established makes me think this isn’t the first time something horrifying like this has happened. (Ah, there it is. It definitely makes a lot of sense for Marlene to seek out Mary after her experiences) Still even so, the way everybody keeps ‘having fun’, for lack of a better term, shows how they’re still just teenagers.
I can’t help but agree with Marley in worrying about Sirius, though. To start with whiskey so early in the day is not healthy… I hope he’ll be okay, and get his problems sorted out.
Review left for Quodpot, Match Two.
Hehe I love seeing things from Professor McGonagall’s point of view. Getting to hear the full conversations that she had between each of our favorite students was a lot of fun, and super interesting as well; it didn’t occur to me that McGonagall would have been actively recruiting for the Order of the Phoenix while teaching at Hogwarts, so to see her analyze each of the students to make sure they were up for the task was super cool.
Lily wanting to be a Healer is a new idea! I’ve never seen that one before. Since she later joined the Order of the Phoenix, I’d always imagined a more combative role for her in the war, but Healing is super, super important, too, and it’s noble of her to want to do it. And of course Lily can become a Healer, the girl can do whatever she puts her mind to.
Marlene’s section was chilling but very amazing anyway. Her focus and her determination to fight despite (or probably because of?) the horrors the other side caused her is very impressive. Same with Sirius – the two of them are of the same mind hehe.
I really enjoyed reading everyone’s sections, and hearing McGonagall’s thoughts about them! The list at the end made me very excited. :P
[Quodpot – “chapter with zero reviews”]
Oh my god these two. Like I said before, I was so thrown off at first because I’ve read so many fics where Sirius is just…not into girls lol, but this I can handle haha. But before I get into that, I want to talk about Sirius’s family history a bit. (Which I think you depicted beautifully.)
I just wanted to say, Regulus. That’s it, just Regulus. That’s my comment lol.
JUST KIDDING I HAVE MORE TO SAY.
My favorite thing in the world is a good sibling relationship, and while Sirius and Regulus objectively did not have the best of sibling relationships, the part that always gave me hope was the implication of Regulus’s loyalty to his brother. Like, there’s a reason why Regulus betrayed Voldemort later in his life, and I’m sure a good part of that was because his brother trailblazed a path to the good side for him. And I thought you wrote the relationship between Regulus and Sirius so well. Regulus is still this annoying little brother who plays to the audience (his parents) but who supports his brother when needed.
When Regulus levitated Sirius’s things to him while he was trying to escape, my heart warmed. So much. <3
Anyway, back to Sirius and Marlene. That scene when she woke up cuddled next to him was soo sweet. I wasn’t expecting her to kiss him straightaway but she did! And that made me happy. One comment that I wasn’t as fond of was when Sirius called every other girl he’s ever made out with “fake” haha. He’s criticizing them for pretending to be interested in the things he had to say when they only wanted him for his looks, but I highly doubt that he was ever looking for a deep, fulfilling emotional relationship with any of them lol. He probably just wanted to snog them a bit and then that was it. So I think it’s a tiny bit hypocritical of Sirius to say that.
He and Marlene are still very cute, though. <3
[Quodpot – “chapter with zero reviews”]
Dorcas Meadowes sounds like such a smart person omg. The first sentence of this chapter – “Dorcas Meadowes was a practical human being” – really sums up her character really well, in my opinion. You go on to describe how she’s practical, which I always love. (It’s always a bit of a pain when people say that a character has a certain trait but then proceeds to write everything but that trait for the character in their future actions/dialogues/etc.) Like, it’s so smart to have money from both worlds on her.
I feel like the only practical thing I’ve ever done in my life was to actually type out every phone number I call, in case I’m stranded somewhere without my phone and I need to have a few numbers memorized lol.
I’m glad that she inspired the Aurors department to begin common sense training for how to defend yourself against Death Eaters. (Can you imagine that? She inspired an entire new course thing at Hogwarts. Imagine the power that this girl has.) It’s an interesting tactic to use hand-to-hand combat against the Death Eaters, because they wouldn’t have much practice with that, would they? Clever idea.
I love that Dorcas struggled to ask Remus for help, but then found it much easier to ask everyone else. I feel like that really says something hehe. And everyone shipping Sirius and Marlene is very cute, as well.
[Quodpot – “chapter with zero reviews”]
Ohh, I love Lily’s point of view! Especially the parts where she gets a one-on-one with James. Who knows how to make pancakes. You know, people who know how to cook are automatically ten times more attractive in my eyes. I don’t know why, but that’s how it is haha. Anyway, it’s really cool that James knows how to make pancakes, and that he thought to make them for everyone.
My favorite part was probably when James was fixing all the teas and coffees, swishing his wand to make utensils and trays fly to various places. It’s little moments like these where I really feel enchanted by the magic of this universe (kind of like when Harry first stepped into the Burrow), and I’m so happy you thought to include it here. It really enhanced the piece and gave it an extra glow, and I really, really liked it.
It’s interesting that James refers to himself as a white Pureblood. Just because I wasn’t aware that there were any people of color in their friend group? Which would’ve been really nice to see. Maybe I was mistaken though, I don’t know.
When Marlene started yelling at Luke, I was ready to start munching on some popcorn while holding up a sign supporting Marlene lol. I don’t care what level of panic he was in, he shouldn’t have stopped until he found someone to help. And in addition to that mess, just all the bigots in the Slytherin carriage shouting those nasty things? Ugh. I’m sorry that Lily got scolded slightly for it, but really I’m happy that she shot that spell at them, whatever it was.
The school year’s probably not going to be very peaceful, is it. :P
[Quodpot – “Friends to Lovers”]
First of all - wow, that's a lot of reviews you've left! I am super glad, and I'm glad you're enjoying the fic so far. I've hit a bit of writer's block but your positive comments are really helping.
Now onto the reason I'm responding - in my head, although I don't want to explicitly SAY it, Dorcas is a person of colour. Her faceclaim for my fic is Jessica Sula, and if you don't know who she is then please google her, because she just fits my image of Dorcas so perfectly. I have seen POC faceclaims for James on Tumblr before, but in my version of the HP universe, all the Death Eaters are white. It just makes sense to me that they would be racist as well as purists. But that's just me, and everyone can picture their favourite characters differently!
Also in my experience of 25 years of living in the UK, it's a very white country. POC are very much a minority here, but I just felt like Dorcas was without explicitly saying so. I didn't want it to be a main focus point of the fic. It's like B99 where most of the main cast are POC, and one happens to be gay but it's not the overriding theme of his character. I feel like that's the kind of representation that's needed.
Anyway thank you for all the lovely reviews, I hope that when I get over the block and post more you will continue to read and give me your thoughts! <3
*rubs hands together gleefully*
It’s been far too long since I’ve read a real, war-time Marauders story, and so I am so prepared to launch right into this. There seem to be a number of chapters already up, which is excellent! Based on the quality of this first chapter, I can already tell I’m going to be enjoying this story very, very much.
I’m assuming that each chapter following this one is going to focus on a different character, and I’m so curious to see how you do that! As for this one – “Everyone” – I thought you included all the characters beautifully. It started off with Marlene, and everything seemed to be alright at first, but then Bellatrix came in and everything fell to pieces. Oh god. You didn’t go into detail about what Bellatrix did to Marlene, but you didn’t need to; sometimes the worst horrors are told through the imagination. Also, I’m not a huge fan of things being told in the most disturbing, nauseating way possible just because. So I really appreciate the subtlety with which you talked about what Bellatrix did to Marlene.
Honestly, Luke. He just up and abandoned her like that? What’s wrong with the guy?
I’m glad that Marlene has such a strong support system in her friends though. Obviously Sirius likes her a lot (I’m so used to Sirius being gay, but if I had to ship him in a straight couple it would certainly be with Marlene, who’s like one of my favorite Marauders Era minor characters) so he’ll take care of her, and James was kind in having her come to his party, and then there are all the girls, who are all amazing. <3
I loved the conversation between Marlene and Mary. Neither of them deserved what they suffered through, and I’m glad that they could at least confide in each other and understand the other.
Brilliant first chapter!
[Quodpot – “Friends to Lovers”]
Nice Marauders story. You have some good description but keep the pace going. Is this story going to focus simply on the death of the McKinnon family or more on the Marauders's joining the OoP?
You've done a good with each chapter focusing on each character-giving you details of themselves to help fill in the bigger picture. Although I wish this one had been broken into two chapters-one on James with his self-reflection and one on John McKinnon. There isn't a lot of action in this story and that part would be a great time to exploit it. Add details. His interrogation was good but his rescue was too fast especially since Voldy was there.
I like the way you've connected events here with those in the future. I never considered that Mary McDonald could be Mary Cattermole of the 7th book, but it's very feasible. I also love James's betting with Remus about Moony's possible outlandish future with a bright haired girl half his age. Who knew that James Potter was a seer!
Thank you for adding the note about bringing it over from HPFF. I read the first chapter and was wracking my brains convinced that I had read this chapter before. Thank you for continuing it so I could keep reading the adventure.
I love everything that you've done with this so far! I think you've set up a great beginning and begun building great characters that already have so much depth to them that I can't wait to see how them grow and change throughout the story. The bits about Sirius and Marlene already fascinate me so I'm super curious about them! And I loved the little Lily and James moment in the kitchen. Excited to read more of this!
So I don't normally read marauder fics - but there was something about yours that drew me in (that and i love the banner, ess is one of my favourite artists & what she made is perfection) .
Anyway! I'm actually really glad I read this! Once I started reading this it was very difficult to stop. Your description at the beginning was beautiful, I had a picture in my head of where Marlene and Luke were - and then Bellatrix appeared and I was hooked.
I love how you tied your plot in with Sirius leaving, I mean I could only imagine what that would mean to Marlene. I'm already excited to read more about her, I don't know that much - but I have a feeling I'm going to love your portrayal!
Thank you so much! This was originally posted on HPFF and I got stuck with writers block, I'm hoping that going through it again and reposting everything will inspire me to carry on with the story!