Reviews For Healer Vance

Name: SunshineDaisies (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 04:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Healer Vance Chapter: Chapter 1

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 08/31/2015

Hello! Here with your requested review!

This is a really interesting start to a story, and it takes an approach to Emmeline that I don't think I've seen before. You've definitely piqued interest!

As far as characterization, I think you've done a lovely job. I definitely have a good feel for Emmeline at this point, which is always a good sign. She also feels very tangible, so I'm excited to see how you develop her further. I also commend you on her character in general! You don't see very many characters her age in fic, especially not main characters. I love that she's got that maturity about her, and that in general, she's more serious than most characters. She definitely stands out, and it makes for a much more interesting story.

Plot-wise, I think it's a little bit choppy. The paragraph describing her hesitance in joining the Order followed by the explanation of her husband's murder, followed by a flashback made things a little hard to follow. It took me a while to figure out that she was 56 during the flashback scene, and older in the ""present.""

I actually think you could integrate that information into the flashback scene. Instead of having her explicitly state that she was against joining the order, you could show her turning Dumbledore down when approached her. During that conversation you could probably also include her husband's murder, and how it affected her.

I also think that adding more scenes showing how she finally did join Dumbledore would at a lot!

I'm excited to see where you go with this!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Emmeline was such a fun character to write! This was my second foray into Marauder-era-ish stuff so it was definitely a challenge and fun at the same time. We're given very little description about her in canon but I used what we had and did my best to expand on it with her characterization in her mannerisms and the way she narrates the story. It gives me more confidence in my writing to know that you feel I portrayed her age and general mannerism correctly and it was still interesting!

I really do agree with you about the plot--I wrote this in very short bits and didn't try very hard to make the transitions seamless so I can see it being hard to follow. That is a good suggestion for rearrangement within the flashback, thank you! Maybe one day I'll go back and edit it, but this is just a little one-shot. I might write her another story sometime, perhaps when she's a bit younger still.

Thanks for the review, it's helped loads. :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: tangledconstellations (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 04:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Healer Vance Chapter: Chapter 1

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/22/2015

Hey there!

I'm here with your requested review from the forums.

I was really glad when you posted in my review thread because I love reading about minor characters, especially ones with really intriguing positions in the wizarding world. This was really fantastic though and I think you did Healer Vance's character justice - it was a really energetic but contemplative story, and one that really takes a good look at the wartime feeling and how scary it must have all been. My favourite kind of story! :D

One of your slight concerns was of your characterisation of Emmeline, but I don't think you need to worry at all about that. I didn't really have any major preconceptions about what her character would be like so I came into this expecting you to do your own thing, which you did. I thought she came across as really realistic. I liked that she was somewhat short tempered with the other Healers, and the hard working nature of her really shone through. I also like that it was written from her point of view, because everything was tinted very well with how exactly she would see it. I especially liked the way she described Harry at the very end, and the element of foreboding you left the reader with.

Another thing I really liked was seeing Emmeline at work, doing her thing, especially being able to see her thought processes and the way healers actually heal. All of the logistics behind the things we read in canon really interest me, so it was awesome to see how you picture St. Mungos. Yet even though there are lots of 'in the moment' elements to the one shot, it was good that you hinted to the over arching story, and we got to understand Emmeline not just at work as a healer but as a parent and a grandmother as well. You hinted at her story - her reluctance to join the Order, her death etc - but it wasn't in such a way that it took away from the present. I feel like you balanced the two really well.

Another of your areas of concern was about the length - whether or not you should have added any more sections. While I don't think you *need* to, because by the end of this piece we've got a good grasp of Vance's character, her mentality and her position, I think it would be nice to. Even if it's just a little section, like an old memory she recalls or something, just because we've really got to know her and it would just be lovely to see more. I don't think you have to though if you don't want to - but in my opinion I think you've set up a great character and you could tickle the readers interest some more with another section or two :)

I really enjoyed this, so thank you so much for sharing!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! I'm terribly sorry to have replied to this so late, review responses got pushed to the bottom of my priority list as the school year began.

Thank you so much for all of the detail you put into this review! It helps me out loads when I get very specific feedback on stories so I know just exactly what I need to improve on or what's already good.

Writing Emmeline was such a fun time for me and I almost want to write her another one-shot, perhaps one that is a bit more lighthearted than this one. Ahh my balance was well done with the present versus memories?? That was a concern of mine as I've had difficulties balancing it well in the past with other stories. This character isn't given much background canonically other than that she was in the original Order of the Phoenix and she had a customary emerald green shawl that she wore, so I wanted to take the opportunity to really flesh out her character with traits I thought would be fitting of a woman like her, and I'm glad they seemed cohesive and came across well!

Thank you once again for such a lovely review! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: UnluckyStar57 (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 04:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Healer Vance Chapter: Chapter 1

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/12/2014


I have never seen a fanfic about Emmeline Vance before. I liked your take on her--she's smart and sharp as a tack. Her bedside manner at St. Mungo's is a bit abrupt, but she was trying to save a patient by acting quickly. She didn't have time for useless Healers who don't remember first year potions. :)

The one thing that I would recommend you look over is the point of view of the story. You started out in third person, but at the flashback, you switched to first and then stayed in first for the rest of the story. I would recommend choosing only one PoV, because the switch was slightly jarring.

Great story! I loved seeing a character like Emmeline, who isn't written very much, get a moment in the spotlight. :)

House Cup 2014 Review


Author's Response: Hi!

I actually wrote this for an OotP Members challenge so that's why I picked her! There isn't much out there about her canonically I really took creative liberty with her, so I'm glad you liked her!! :)

Yes, I think I'm going to go back and edit the third person POV into first so it's consistent throughout. It would flow better, I agree! The reason I switched is because it's a bad habit (just read some of my middle chapters of my Dramione novel--nightmare!!) so I'm trying to get out of it haha.

Thanks so much for the lovely review and Emmeline Vance love! ♥ I might just have to write her a little companion story or something! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: patronus_charm (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 04:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Healer Vance Chapter: Chapter 1

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/11/2014

Hi Madi!

I really liked this interpretation of Emmeline as she really wasn??t I expected her to be. I always imagined her to be an almost weak person in my head, whereas here she was strong, determined, and set in her mind and I really could see why Dumbledore would value those characteristics and want her to become part of the Order because of them.

The use of flashbacks was really good here as I could really see how she still had still stayed in her ways from the very beginning which is something rare here. I can definitely say that Harry definitely left an impression on her though whether it was a good one or not I??m still not sure as the way she said he caused her death seemed kinda negative to me when she had been positive throughout, but that ambiguity there was cool and I did enjoy it.

Great one-shot!


House Cup 2014 Review!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana!

I really enjoy your reviews, you know that? With Emmeline's character, there is hardly any canonical information about her so I took creative liberty with her! I figured that if she was a part of the Order then she had to be strong because it was such a tough fight against Voldemort. But of course, something had to fuel her fire to stop the darkness so I had to kill her husband off (oops).

With the little Harry interaction, it's supposed to be ambiguous because you feel bad that she died because of Harry, but you're also happy that she died fighting for those she loved and against the Dark Lord. I must say, that closing line is probably the best thing I'll ever write and nothing will ever top that again :P

Thank you so much for the kind and out-of-the-blue review! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: marauderfan (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 04:07 AM · [Report This]
Story:Healer Vance Chapter: Chapter 1

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/10/2014

Hello there! It's lovely to see a fic about Emmeline Vance, as she's pretty uncommon to read about in fanfiction. I love the way you've characterised her too, how she wears the green shawl in all weather. And I suppose it's rather fitting that she's a Healer, then - since I believe their uniforms are green. She must really like green. :P

Anyway, what I really liked about this was how you focused on her work - it serves as a reminder just how difficult it must have been to be a member of the Order because not only would you have to be doing lots of work for the Order, but some people (like Emmeline) had demanding, time intensive jobs as well. It shows what a strong woman she is to have gone through something like the death of her husband, and then essentially working two jobs.

I also like the point you made at the end about when she saw Harry as well, like seeing him with this great weight on his shoulders reminded her of her own youth when she would have joined the Order in a heartbeat.

One thing I wanted to point out, if you don't mind - I wasn't entirely sure why it was partly in third person and partly in first. Was there a reason for using two different perspectives? If not, I think it might flow better if it were all in the same POV - perhaps all in first person, as I liked the way that worked in this story, particularly at the end when she says ""it would get me killed"". It's like she's looking back from the point of her death, or after her death.

Anyway, I hope you didn't mind my picky CC but I think this was a great fic, and I loved what you did with Emmeline's character. I don't remember if it's canon that she was a Healer but I find it to be such an appropriate profession for her. Well done! :)

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Wow thank you so much for the detailed review!! :)

I really took liberties with her character because all she has in the Harry Potter Lexicon is that she is described as a stately-looking witch who always wears an emerald green shawl and was part of the Advance Guard to take Harry to a safe house in OotP. I didn't even notice the happy coincidence of the green Healer uniform!

I really wanted to develop a good reason for her to have joined the Order in the first place, so I thought, why not kill her husband? Awful, I know! And then I realized that most people still had careers to do outside of their Order responsibilities, so I made Emmeline that way also to illustrate that difficulty, so I'm glad you picked up on that!

I kind of have a bad habit of switching perspectives a lot in my stories so I'm trying and totally failing to write in a single perspective in my one-shots. As I look back at it, it would be an easy remedy to switch all of the ""she"" to ""I"" no problem. When I find some more time I will definitely go back and change that so it's all in Emmeline's POV.

Thank you so much again for the wonderful review, I loved it! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

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