Name: DracoFerret11 (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 03:59 AM · [Report This]
Story:Just an Atypical Saturday Chapter: Rise and Shine

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 06/11/2015

Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the House Cup 2015! So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was quite random, now wasn't it? :) I think it was cute. I can't really imagine Luna and Neville getting married, but if they did, I think their life would be a bit like you just described -- hectic and crazy and loving. The story wasn't very complex, but I liked it. Good job.

Characterization: I think Luna was a bit spastic for me in this, but not in a way that was TOO unbelievable. And Harry and Neville were pretty canon! I can see poor Neville panicking every time Luna did something crazy in his life. Poor guy.

Descriptions: I would have liked to see more details about how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc. Those sensory details can really help bring a story to life. Since this is so short, you have plenty of space if you ever wanted to expand the story.

Emotions: I wish we'd seen more of Luna and Neville's love/relationship. It would have been cute to see how they acted together. But I liked the ending where they danced. Really sweet. :)

Overall, good job! I'm actually reading a Tamora Pierce book at this exact moment, and I read Mastiff last summer, so it was fun to read a story with a quote from her books. Again, well done!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hiya! :)

This was a bit of a random storyline, wasn't it? :P I do agree with your thoughts on Luna--I wasn't very sure in how to write her and do her justice, so my writing wasn't super confident with her character. I'm glad you liked Harry and Neville though! I feel like they became closer friends after Neville chopped Nagini's head off and everything.

It's always the descriptions for me! I tend to write things in a rush (if there's a deadline that is looming and I've procrastinated) and this is always the end result. I should know better by now! :P I would have liked to put more description in there as well--it does feel rushed to me because of the absence of the scenery and such. I'll probably write another Neville/Luna in the near future so pop on over if you want to see more of them being more in love!

Tamora Pierce is a great author--I loved her Beka Cooper trilogy so this challenge was perfect for me!

I'm glad you liked the story! Thanks so much for stopping by! :)

~Madi x

Name: marauderfan (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 03:59 AM · [Report This]
Story:Just an Atypical Saturday Chapter: Rise and Shine

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/21/2014

Hi Madi! I'm here with your requested review!

All right, I'm going to start this of with a big AWWW ♥ ♡ ♥ This was adorable. As much as I love the canon Neville/Hannah and Luna/Rolf, there is something really cute about Neville/Luna and before JKR said anything to the contrary, I totally shipped these two :D

For a short fic, you really got the fluffy, cheerful mood across very well. Everything about this fic is happy, both with romantic relationships and friendships, the latter of which we know is particularly important to Luna so I loved that you included that scene with Harry :)

I loved the way you wrote Harry! Especially the fact that he let Luna put an anti-Nargle charm on his house just because she thought it was important (though I doubt Harry is that worried about Nargles, of course.) It's exactly the sort of thing Harry would do to be a good friend and not push Luna's feelings aside.

I also thought it was really quirky and appropriately Luna-ish for her to wake Neville up with balloons and confetti :D The thing that stuck out to me about Luna in this, though, was her dialogue, and that's where I'd like to suggest some CC. Luna is a rather tricky character to write because she's such an interesting balance of dreamy and direct, and I mostly got the 'direct' vibe from her in this story - she seemed a bit more focused than JKR wrote her. Here's what I mean:

?®Come on darling, we have loads of work to do today. We??ve got our anniversary to plan for, your birthday party to plan, we have to stop at your mother??s (which will take at least three hours), and we need to fix that wall and plant the garden, and get the cat more food and litter...?∆ -- Luna is listing plans and things that need to get done, in a way that makes her almost sound a bit like Hermione - very goal focused.

What I suggest (this is what I do when I write Luna) : If you haven't done this already - when you write Luna, try to hear her voice saying her lines in your head. That way if anything doesn't quite sound like her, it will stand out more and you'll notice. So yeah, I think a little touching-up on Luna's dialogue could help the story out a lot to make Luna seem more Luna-ish (there's really no other word to describe it haha), but otherwise this was a lovely fic!

I hope that helps! Thanks for requesting this story, I have a big smile on my face now after reading such happy fluff :D

Author's Response: Hello!! :)

*blushes"" Oh, stop it you!!

I'm very glad you think I got the fluffy and cheerful tone across well--fluff isn't my usual cup of tea so that's very nice to hear! I figured that since Luna had a surprise for Neville, why not wake him up extravagantly? Yay, I'm happy Harry was characterized well in your eyes, as he's one of the more difficult characters for me to write.

With Luna's dialogue, I agree wholeheartedly that it is very Hermione-ish (oh the woes of a Dramione novel author where it's mainly in her POV). I'll have to go in and change what she's saying to be more Luna-ish. I just might have to use your tip! :)

Thank you so much for the wonderful and lengthy review, it's much appreciated!! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: AdinaPuff (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 03:59 AM · [Report This]
Story:Just an Atypical Saturday Chapter: Rise and Shine

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 07/20/2014

Hi, here with you requested review! Thanks for being the first ever! :)

Might I say, this was an extremely adorable story. I loved how light the atmosphere was. I've never read a fanfiction quite so laid back and fun--it was marvelous! I loved the light air.

You wrote Luna quite well. The confetti, the happiness, and the talking Harry's ear off was all her on the dot. Neville was very well written as well. I particularly loved when Harry asked if Neville was still asleep, and Luna said that he should be down soon as long as he doesn't get distracted by his plants. That was perfect, honestly. It put a smile on my face. I loved the small talk, and Harry dropping by and talking about his growing family! Awe, baby James! So sweet!

All in all, this was quite perfect. Congratulations on placing in the challenge this was written for! It most definitely was worthy of doing so. What an adorable piece. Thanks so much for having me read this! It put a smile on my face :)


Author's Response: Aw thank you so much for the kind review!! You're off to a great start. :)

I'm glad you enjoyed my characterizations and felt they were spot-on! I was worried somewhat about Luna because I haven't written a whole lot with her (really only just a scene or two in my Dramione novel) so she was harder for me to write than Harry and Neville.

I feel happy to know that I made you happy for reading this! And thank you for such a quick turn-around time! I wish I could do that, but real life just gets in the way. I'll come back soon :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: Freda_and_Georgina (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Oct 2018 03:59 AM · [Report This]
Story:Just an Atypical Saturday Chapter: Rise and Shine

Transferred from offsite at request of the author

Originally left on 05/19/2014


I usually don't read fluff-romance, but this one was cute. It was rather short, but it works well with the challenge's quote prompt. I wish it was longer!


Author's Response: Well I'm with you on that one--I don't typically write or read it either! I decided to try it out for a change for this challenge. :) I do also wish I had written more but maybe I'll write another scene for it sometime in the future and add on to it. Who knows! Thanks for the review :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Submit a Review