Reviews For Suffocating

Name: Glisten (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 07/20/2017

Merlin's pants that ending was totally unexpected!

When I saw the Draco/Hermione pairing and read ""When we get out of here, I'm going to bloody snog you just so I know I'm alive!"" I was sure help would rush over and they'd actually end up doing it! Why did you have to make it so dark and tragic?

It's so sad although I've got to admit I would be lying if I said I didn't really enjoy this story! I like how you set the whole thing up, with both of them walking, distracted, towards eachother one Saturday afternoon and Peeves deciding to play a joke.

The way you wrote Peeves' dialogue was really realistic and I can just see the poltergeist actually saying all that stuff. Good characterization there!

The way they both started trying to study was funny to read. I mean, i know that I wouldn't personally be able to study for finals with my enemy locked in the same broom cupboard that I am and Hermione said so herself she was only pretending to study.

The honesty and confessions were also really interesting to read. I mean, they'd never been in a situation that it wouldn't be out of place for them to be really open about their feelings, and when they finally get into a situation like that there would be a lot of things to say, I imagine.

I can't help but wonder why he was reaching for her at the very end? To hold her hand? To get her attention? They had six years to say whatever they had to say but now we'll never know what he was about to do since they ran out of time. . . THAT'S SOME HEAVY IRONY!

I know this was posted awhile ago but I'd thought I'd drop a review by anyways letting you know this one-shot is beautiful! Certainly not a conventional Dramione story. Great job!

Author's Response: Hi!

To be quite honest, I flipped back and forth on the ending at least eight times before settling on this dark ending. The main reason I did so is because I wrote the piece for the ""Dark Turn"" challenge and decided to take it another step further.

With Peeves, I got to play with a character I've never written before and who was drastically left out of the movies (RIP peeves) but has quite the interesting development in the books. I also spent a good chunk of time looking at all instances from the books where Peeves has dialogue to really try and capture the way he spoke, so I'm glad you found it realistic!

I LOVE IRONY AS A PLOT DEVICE!! I use it sparingly and this was a rather unintentional piece of irony as I didn't realize it until I had finished my first draft of the piece and was reading back through it for a proofreading.

Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and read this and also to leave such a nice and detailed review for me! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: The Basilisk (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 12/21/2015

Hiss Hiss, guess who? The Basilisk with a review.

I loved this. I love me some good horror from time to time and I surely enjoyed reading this. I enjoyed the banter between Draco/Hermione, how they were getting to know each other and learn to be nice. It was cute when Draco said he'd snog her if they got out. But alas, the ending, they died. It all happened so suddenly I was shocked. But it was definitely impactful.

Your descriptions were good and liked the dialogue. Peeves was crazily in character. The narrative flowed smoothly and overall I liked reading it. It was interesting. Good job!

Hiss Hiss

The Basilisk.

Author's Response: Hello again my dear Basilisk!

Ahh I'm glad you liked this! It was my first try at real horror and I was very nervous when I posted it because I didn't know if it was dark enough/too dark! It's not my best genre so I wrote it with a very quick pace and I think that's why I shocked a lot of people with the ending because it seems like they can make it or they're going to get saved at the ultimate last second, but they don't. This was actually the first time I've ever killed a character, let alone two at once! It wasn't enjoyable for me to do but I had to :/

I'm very happy you enjoyed my characterization of Peeves! With all of his dialogue I was constantly referring back to the HP lexicon to make sure I was getting it right without overdoing it. I'm halfway tempted to dip my toes back into the genre when I write my Peeves-at-Hogwarts origin story this summer, but we'll just have to wait and see. :P

Thanks for the kind review :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: wolfgirl17 (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 10/14/2015

You can't just rip my heart like this Mads!

Merlin, what did I do, giving you that prompt! You killed them. I mean, I was expecting Dark when you warned me, and of course it was a requirement of the prompt that the fic have a dark turn, but I was not expecting that.



*sobs incoherently*

What have you done to me Madi!

Seriously now, I really enjoyed this fic and I'm so pleased you put the prompt to such good use. I wasn't at all expecting that type of ending. I was actually picturing something much darker, with some snogging turned violent leading to Hermione's untimely murder at Draco's capricious hands.

*she says, not at all planning on torturing the Dramione fans of the world by writing that version herself* *cackles*

But excellent job Mads. I loved it, even if you did you know, rip my heart and leave it lying in a dusty broom closet.



When I got to the end I was sitting here, staring at the screen, just trying to come up with the best way to make this turn for the worse. Originally I was going to go along the lines of what you've said, but I decided not to as it felt a bit too expected to me and I wanted to surprise you :P

I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that you liked my first try at real horror! This was a great challenge and I'm so happy I entered it. :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: EVERYTHINGISAWESOME (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 10/11/2015

That is so sad! I wish they were brought back to life though...

Author's Response: It was very hard for me to write the ending, if that makes you feel any better. Also, your username made me chuckle a bit because I don't think everything is awesome with this story :P Thanks for the review! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: Frankie05 (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/27/2015

Hey Madi,

Wow. This did get dark. And stayed dark. My heart is hurting from the pain of this! But it was really well written. Especially the dialouge. I can understand both of them in their frustrations and lack of knowledge of how the other feels. You did a great job of showing that they come from very different worlds and didn't really do much by way of getting to know each other or their circumstances.

Peeves language seemed a bit off. It felt very childish- like a toddler- and I don't feel like Normal Peeves would have spoken that way- but that could be just me.

And then you took a turn for the worse. The air is getting vacuumed out of the room! Oh no ;( and magic can't save them. Which is Terrible. Especially after all they had just confessed to each other. And how bright both of them are. Peeves went too far. And then they passed out. Only to die in the end. My heart hurts.

Good luck in the challenge. You definitely made it go dark and stay dark. And made me sad when it didn't end happily. :)


Author's Response: Hey Frankie!

Literally every single review I've gotten on this story is that ""it got dark and stayed dark"" so I guess I'm doing something right with this genre! It hurt my heart to write it, let me tell you! This was a challenge to write because while we know they hated each other, it's not explored very much in canon and the prompt Ellie gave me for the challenge fit perfectly with doing a snapshot of them attempting to work out their frustrations with each other in a high-intensity situation.

With Peeves, I tried to stay true to quotes from the HP Lexicon, so I may have laid it on a bit thick at times. It was actually rather difficult to write him and his dialogue because he speaks in a way I'm not used to writing, so my unfamiliarity with him might have caused that.

I just had to do it, okay? I didn't want to! It broke my heart to do it (I've never personally killed off characters before) but I'm glad it translated well. Thanks for the review, I greatly appreciate it :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: Mischief_managed18 (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/27/2015


First of all, you did a wonderful job writing this story and making it as dark as you did, especially for it being your first time writing something like this. I made the mistake of reading this in class and I'm pretty sure I scared the guy next to me because I just sat there glaring at the table afterwards. Ugh.

I loved how you wrote Peeves, I felt like he was utterly perfect. Hermione was spot on, though Draco apologizing did feel a bit rushed. I know she kind of exploded at him before that, but I feel like he was a little too quick to start apologizing.

Overall, it was fantastic, even though you called it and I'm not happy with you for that ending. :p

Keep it up,


Author's Response: I WARNED YOU LAUREN! I WARNED YOU! But the fact you scared the guy sitting next to you in class made me chuckle a little bit!

Because it was for the dark turn challenge, I decided it was either all or nothing, so I just went for it and so far the reactions have been similar to yours so needless to say I'm rather happy with how it turned out :P

Peeves was a bit tricky--I referenced the HP Wikia for nearly all of his dialogue to make sure I toed the line between childish and the way he is written as speaking by JKR. I would have to agree with you a bit on Draco's characterization--when I wrote this I was having difficulty figuring out the best way for him to begin apologizing and after agonizing over it for a while I just barged through and went with it. I may come back later and add some more lead-up dialogue in to make it less rushed and more natural.

Thanks so much for the review, Lauren! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: AngelEyez3954 (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/21/2015

Hello! I'm here for the BvB Battle!

Wow. Even knowing this was written for the Dark Turn Challenge, I just didn't see that ending coming.

I'm slightly confused about when this is set? Draco mentions being sixteen, so I assume this is during their sixth year? If so, I find Draco's characterization to be a bit off. I can't picture him admitting to all of this prior to Voldemort's downfall.

I love Hermione's outburst at Draco. It fits her characterization perfectly to explode like that when confronted with Malfoy one on one.

Overall, I think this is a great story :)


Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by!

This was honestly probably the hardest story I've had to write because I've never killed off a character with such a twist before!

The timing and setting does make it a bit iffy with Draco's characterization, I do agree, but I couldn't really decide how to improve it any better in the short amount of time I had left to write this (oops!)

I'm glad you liked her outburst! That was fun to write because I always wanted her to do something like that again after punching Malfoy in 3rd year so this was a bit of me doing that again.

THanks for the lovely review! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: moonbaby11 (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/19/2015

I'm here for the BVB Review Battle!

Here's the thing - I'm really not a fan of Dramione. I don't think I've ever read a fic with them as the main pairing, but your summary really drew me in so I had to put all of my feelings for the pairing aside to read this fic!

And I'm honestly glad I did. This was dark - and I mean DARK. I know this was for the Dark Turn Challenge but, honestly, I didn't imagine it would end that darkly! I loved it, though! I liked that you had it end the way you did instead of habing them come back because I think that really helped to solidify the horror aspect of this story.

Your characterization of Peeves was so great! I felt like you were taking parts from canon, that's how well you wrote him! His words and phrases just sounded so Peeves-like and I really think that helped to tie this whole piece together. I think everything in this story felt realistic and as if it could have perfectly fit into the canon of the novels, so good job with that!

I quite liked the imagery of Draco reaching for Hermione's hand as they were about to die and how that was the last thing she saw. How, even if she didn't seem overly pleased with him throughout this story, she still had someone there with her, comforting her in a sense, as she died. I think that was a really beautiful idea and I'm glad you included it.

Overall I really enjoyed this one-shot! Good luck in this challenge :)

Author's Response: Ah hello! :)

Ah thank you so much! It always warms my heart when I see people put aside how they feel about a pairing to read the story for the plot/asthetic instead and still manage to enjoy it!

I'm so glad you liked Peeves! I've gotten mixed reviews on his character but my method for writing him was literally to write two words of dialogue, then check with the HP lexicon to see if it was similar enough to what he said canonically. He's also a fun character to write and I'm actually going to write a little one-shot about how he came to be at Hogwarts (an origin story of sorts, if you will) soon.

That bit was my one source of happiness in the piece. I was already hating myself for having killed them and with it my Dramione shipper trash heart, so I had to give them something good at the end. It makes me happy you liked that as well and that it seemed to fit in and make the twist that much more heart-wrenching.

Thanks bunches :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: ArtsyTigs (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/18/2015

Great job! I loved it.. The ending was perfect.Thank You for sharing.

Author's Response: Thank you! So far I haven't gotten too many people yelling at me for the ending so I'm glad you liked it!

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: Flower n Prongs (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/18/2015

Hello! I'm stopping by for this month's BvB. =)

First and foremost I have to compliment you for nailing the concept of the Dark Twist Challenge. When I read that this was written for that challenge I knew that it would unfold differently than I would assume at first but I did not expect it to unfold the way it did. There is dark and there is DARK and you leaned strongly to the latter. I was legitimately surprsied by the ending - I felt like they had to come to, they just had to. When Madam Pomfrey said that they were gone I was shocked so kudos for that.

One suggestion I would make for the future is slowing down a bit. I know that pacing for a different genre can be difficult (it is certainly something I really have to work on) and it was by no means a bad first shot at horror, but I think slowing down could only help. I would have loved to hear more of the aftermath and seeing how Dumbledore would react. But, at the same time, he can be a scary character to write so I don't blame you for skipping over that!

This was a really unique story and concept. You managed to pull off a great twist in this, which is always impressive!

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: Hi Rhaenrya! :)

Ah the challenge. Yeah, I had no intentions of going as dark as I did but when I got to that point in the story I stepped away and looked at it objectively. Ellie wanted it to be DARK so I figured, okay, when she says dark, she means it, so I just have to go all the way or it won't be up to par. So I did it. I finally killed off characters in my own writing. It was surprising to me too when I wrote it! :P

I would have to agree with your comment about pacing--I do too feel it's a bit rushed and I never got my brain cleared about what year they were actually in so that messed me up a bit as well. To be honest, once I wrote the end, I couldn't bear to write anymore! Not because writing Dumbledore scares me, just because I was recovering still from having written death.

Aw, shucks! Thanks so much for this sweet review :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Name: TreacleTart (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/18/2015

Hi Madi!

I saw that you had posted about this on the forums and I always enjoy a good horror story, so I thought I'd stop and see what you'd come up with. The premise sounds really interesting.

Oh! Draco and Hermione get trapped in a closet together. I can see so many potential ways that this could go bad. I'm betting that they get into a duel. That could get ugly fast.

And I'm wrong. The two of them actually start to talk and be somewhat amicable. It's kind of nice to see Draco talk to Hermione like she's human, even if he is just giving her excuses. I'm glad that Hermione doesn't believe his excuses either. Regardless of his upbringing, Draco knew he was being cruel and what he was doing was wrong, so I think it takes a bit more than a pretty speech to make it better.

Peeves is just awful for the wind spell he put on the room. How will they get out? I mean Draco and Hermione are usually characterized as the smartest two students in the school, so they have to come up with something, right? RIGHT? You're not going to kill off my babies are you?!!

Ugh. The ending was tough. I can't believe that Peeves took it as far as he did. Usually, he seems like he's just causing havoc, not doing anything malicious, but this seems pretty uncharacteristically evil of him.

Now just a small bit of concrit. In general, I felt that this story was a little bit rushed. I would've liked a bit more lead up in certain areas. For example, when Hermione and Draco get locked in the closet, Draco just suddenly blurts out an apology. I think that he'd be likely to struggle with it a bit more. Maybe they'd insult each other. Or McGonagall at the end. I think she'd be livid and I doubt that she'd just quietly banish Peeves for fifty years. I think adding a bit of detail to her reaction would improve it. All in all, I think just a bit more detail throughout would slow down the pace just a touch and enhance the story. (I really hope this doesn't come across too harsh because it isn't meant to be.)

As far as the horror aspect of it goes, I thought you did a pretty good job with it considering this is your first time. You came up with a really unique plot and one that's pretty terrifying. No one wants to suffocate to death. I think including little bits of Hermione and Draco panicking would drag out the suspense a bit more. Like once they realize the spells aren't working, what happens? Do they pound on the door with their hands? Do they scream? What goes through their minds? How do they feel?

All in all, I thought this was a really good first attempt at horror and that you certainly imagined an effective Dark Turn. Good luck with the challenge and I hope you'll try writing another horror story again at some point.


Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin!

Thanks for this wonderfully detailed review! I was very nervous to post this with the ending I did because I've never killed off characters before, so I'm glad it turned out okay in your opinion.

I greatly appreciate your concrit as I did post this last night at 2am and didn't really look over it, so I will do that now! I agree that I feel it's a bit rushed and needs some more buildup/character development. Definitely going to edit this and get it changed up tonight hopefully!

Thanks so much for stopping by! :)

~Madi x

Name: WittyRaven (Anonymous) · Date: 13 Sep 2018 12:56 AM · [Report This]
Story:Suffocating Chapter: The Broom Closet

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Originally left on 08/18/2015

I like this! Especially the way you wrote Peeves, very well done. The dialog was very on point and it had a natural flow in the story.

I think it was a good choice to have them stay dead, it makes the story more powerful and dark.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was very difficult for me to decide whether or not to really make them die because I've never actually killed off a character before, but ultimately I did because then it emphasized the challenge. Thanks for the review! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

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