Hi Nim! :)
Poetry has never been a strong suit of mine, but this piece you've written is so lovely! Haikus are especially challenging to write, but the series here are done perfectly. You're able to evoke different types of love and emotions so clearly in each one, and they all have a different tone from each other. Word choice is important in haikus, and yours are fantastic! Not only do you cover different feelings, but also the four seasons within each of the poems. Description can sometimes be bogged down with too many words, but it's important to sometimes whittle things down to their barest bones, like you've done in this poetry set. After a couple of read throughs, I found that it's almost like the relationship is progressing through the year as well, growing from a small seedling interaction to a full, passionate love, which is so unique and I love it. Great job, Nim! <3
For the 2019 Nargles Pre-Nominations Review-a-thon
Hi Nim! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
I haven't actually read that much original fiction that people have posted on the archives, but every time that I do I'm incredibly impressed - this was no exception.
I'm really amazed by the way that you managed to capture so much emotion, and tell the whole story of a new relationship beginning, in just seventy-four words. Honestly, that's so impressive - it says a lot about how effective your word choices were here, and the imagery that you managed to conjure and convey with your description, as well. I'm like a broken record every time I review your work, because your description is always beautiful, but here it worked so well to paint the story of this relationship beginning.
I loved your choice of second person narrative voice, pulling us immediately into the poems so that we connected with them more quickly; I think that it really helped to make it easier to see the progression and picture the scenes.
The way that you followed the seasons with each haiku was really effective, too. I really liked the way that you managed to capture the feelings of each season within those few short lines, and the way that each season reflected the progression of the relationship in the poems. The opening haiku, focusing on spring, feels so light and delicate, and the feelings and physicality of the relationship intensify throughout the rest of the haikus. I really loved the way that you managed to capture so much within four poems, and tell this story that managed to be soft and passionate at the same time. These were beautiful poems!
I find poetry to be a very powerful way of expression emotions. I am also very fond of haiku's their berevity just makes them powerful in my opinion. It is a great way to practice the power of each individual word. You stayed true to the form of making each and every word count and have meaning.
Every moment was filled with power and meaning and I love how you managed that. I love how you brought these four haiku's together to tell a story. there is a lot of power and passion in these simple moments these simple gestures from the blush to the laugh to the sigh the touch. I love how you progressed the heat of the relationship in contrast to the cooling of the weather in the year so to speak. It was a very nice contrast.
I also find that you did a lovely job of letting the seasons seep into the story not only to indicate the year but have a play on the status of the relationship. I am particularly fond of the line 'your limbs set winter ablaze' that contrast of hot and cold is partiuclarly powerful and speaks so many volumes.
Lovely set of poems Nim, I really enjoyed this read.
This poem is absolutely gorgeous, and I'm so glad that I'm here to tell you so.
You've done such a good job of capturing the depth of emotions in a new relationship/new love in only a few haikus, and I'm so impressed. I can't say that poetry is one of my strong points, so it's always good when I see examples of other people doing it so well.
I love the idea of a relationship that grows over the span of a year. Slow burns are my jam. (And my actual life, haha. My fiancé and I were friends for over a year before we got together in 2013.) I just think that relationships that start as friendships are more likely to last. And this haiku shows a lovely view of that.
Wonderful use of language throughout this story. Poetry is so dependent on diction and syntax, and you have a mastery of both. You were also able to stay within the form of the haiku without sacrificing the story within the stanzas/different poems. And your use of the two words ("you blush," "you sigh," "you laugh," "you touch") between the haikus was great to move the story along.
I just feel that you've done a great job choosing and arranging every word in this story. Wonderfully done. :)
Hey, Nim! I am here after battling with a Niffler for this review, on the request of Kaitlin/TreacleTart!
I haven’t visited your AP for probably several years at this point. I chose to review these poems because I really wanted to read something that had won first place in Rumpel’s poetry challenge, and I also wanted to challenge myself to read and review four haikus. I am a complete poetry n00b, so this will be a challenge for the both of us. Your challenge will be getting through this likely ridiculous review. But I shall move bravely onwards! To the haikus!
Ooh! I really liked these! So sensual and beautiful! They worked really well as a set of four, too. And I thought it was great how you sort-of cheated and used the titles of each haiku to set the scene. The haiku felt like a continuation of each title, rather than the titles simply representing the main theme. I was a little worried that winter’s haiku was going to be super sad and heartbreaking but yay! None of these left me feeling sad at all! What a pleasant bonus!
I am sorry that I haven’t been able to offer any sort of useful criticism – or useful praise, either :P These haikus were really wonderful and a pleasure to read.
Hey, Nim! I'm here for your entry review to the Poetical Mood Challenge.
There is something about Haiku that I've always loved (and is largely found in Japenese writing as a whole). It's the ability to say so much with so few words. That of course, comes down to choosing JUST the right words to make such a heavy impact. And what I also love about Haiku, is that it not only limits word count but syllabic count as well. Yet, with all the challenge, they have the potential to create some stunning poetry. Which is precisely what you've done.
This first Haiku is so soft and so sweet. There is a sense of innocence and purity and it fits with the Spring season so well. I can also see a relationship at its most initial progression. The sweetness and the shyness, the quiet thrill of developing feelings.
As the season changes, so does the relationship, it seems. Your heart skipping a beat at the melodic rhythm of someone's laugh reminds me so much of falling in love. The summer rain reminds me of the rise of passion, the heat you feel when you're around someone you love -- a warmness in the heart that seeps through your entire body.
Autumn brings will it something new, once again. As the crisp, cool air of the fall season can make you tremble, so can a relationship's progression to a more physical level. The sense of need and desire are apparent.
With Winter comes the grand finale, if you will. Unbridled passion to create a fire in the frigid temperatures.
You did an outstanding job at utilizing the seasons to showcase love and passion. Something sweet and new turns into something fiercely passionate. You hit home with your word choice -- something that's not always particularly easy to do. Your technique of labeling each Haiku, so that it acts as an introductory point OR a single-lined verse brought a lot to the table. You should be extremely proud of this piece.
Congratulations again on first place and be sure to get in touch with me on the Forums to let me know where you'd like your four prize reviews to go.
Here with another Quodpot Match 3 review because this set of Haikus has yet to be reviewed!
I’m actually super excited to check out your poetry. You write prose and description so well that I imagine your poems will be flawless.
As expected, this did not disappoint. Haikus are so tough to write because of the syllable count and the fact that you have very little space to paint a vivid picture. You certainly rose to the challenge.
I like how you built the evolution of the relationship into the description of the different seasons. My favorite was the winter. I’m a big fan of burning/fire descriptions.
Sometimes I find that the flow on poetry can be off because people try to hard to force a specific pattern or rhythm, but these were so smooth. They flowed just the way they should.
I really hope you post more poetry! I will certainly read it if you do.