This has been my favourite chapter so far! I really love Kitty and Charlotte's friendship and how they seem to really complement each other. The Madame Puddifoot's section was funny - exactly how I imagine it would be.
So, Jack. I really wasn't expecting this at all. I kind of thought maybe it would be a romance gone very wrong, but having a friendship die out in those circumstances is a twist I'm totally here for. I think it is really awful the way he just changed because he found out about his father - I thought maybe that blood status thing would have diluted quite a bit in the Next Gen, but maybe not. I felt so bad when she remembered about the time he stood back and just watched her get picked on too, that was a crappy way to prove they were really over as mates.
The section with Professor Harper was quite telling really. As a teacher, she is really great, giving advice about her wand especially. It seemed like Charlotte could do with someone giving her a gentle nudge to be careful with her casting and inventing, so that was good. It's a nice way of giving her a bit of career support too!
Tasha xxRvG December - Team Red!
Oh this was a really great chapter. So we finally got introduced to Ralph who seems...well a bit awful. What kind of person demands his best mate ask their family member to move their WEDDING? He seemed a little aggressive doing it too, which is quite worrying. I mean, I get that he fancies her, like Kitty noted, it's quite obvious, but really. Still, she forgave him so easily, without even questioning why he was so horrible about it. It shows what a great friend she is.
James and Freddie seem to think they're quite hilarious - that pigs fly comment was funny - though playing with actual hogs is quite dangerous, not to mention rather mean to the animals. I really hope they're not real!
Also, Charlotte's wand is rather interesting. She seems to have a talent for inventing, but I feel her wand might fight back at some point as it seems to be resisting her. I hope she's not going to get too badly hurt, but I think that it's going to be important for the future.
Also, who is Jack and why does she not want to work with him so badly? I'm rather intrigued and off to find out more!
Tasha xxFor RvG December - Team Red!
Hi - I've been meaning to stop by and read this for ages and here I finally am!
Firstly, I loved the opening about choices. I thought it was a great way to kick off the story and really draw the reader in. It also gave an insight into Charlotte's character and seems that she really wants people to know the truth...whatever that is. She seems quite complex really and I feel for her having to put up with her awful dorm mates. However, the ABCD nicknames were hilarious!
"All this nonsense about me being a hero is crap. Just because I've been through hell and back doesn't make me a hero. I'm not a hero; I'm a survivor" - is a rather loaded sentence that I'm looking forward to unravelling. What happened to her? What did she do?
I'm really quite impressed with your characters so far. I already love Cole, he seems like a cracker. I mean WHO actually puts goldfish in the loo? I like Kitty too, though I imagine Charlotte might be on her own a bit more that usual now she has a boyfriend...we'll see. Oh and she invents spells too - that is a really interesting quirk. She must be super clever to be able to do that!
Great opening chapter, I'll definitely be reading more!
RvG December - Team Red
I'm here for RvG.
edhf[nhRIO[BGUOPA. SERIOUSLY. You've really hit your stride with this story now, this chapter was electric and the chemistry off the wall.
Jack is the worst like just the worst. I don't understand what he thought was happening when he was trying to touch Charlotte up like wtf is wrong with him? even if she did want to be friends again that I'm sure that not what she had in idea. Jack was so mean and I really wanted Charlotte to punch him. I would punch Jack for Charlotte. There were awful things that he said about/to her. BE FIERCE GIRL.
You've done a really good at sticking to the characterisation that you've chosen for her though, her reaction to having Jack here was just as I imagined.
other things: I love her relationship with her dad, just love the scene when he kept calling Jack by wrong name, dad seems so cool. I need more information about why he is cool and her mum is crazy.
Did Jack's dad really die in car crash? Is that important? I feel like more to that story but I could be wrong but that's my thinking.
OMG. the explosion. what??? this is really good cliffhanger. I can't wait to see what is going to happen and how Charlotte is going handle what comes next after all this drama.
ps. I hope karma HITS jack in the face.
- Abbi xo
Yeah, I DEFINITELY thought she was going to slap him. What a jackleg toolbag. So many things wrong with the way he sees the world. Including being TOTALLY blind to the fact that he was no better until CHARLOTTE found his long-lost wizarding relative. In any event, I thought you did a good job of showing his true colors and using the close dancing to do so. The public face and private conduct you showed also served as a nice juxtaposition to underscore the point. I try not to generalize the Slytherins in Next Gen, but he's working hard to fit the stereotype.
I also liked the way you handled her parents and grandmother in this environment. It's obvious that they're all about appearances and her mom is honestly super-manipulative. Trying to get people to make up or at least make peace is one thing. Inviting them to be their date to a wedding? That is a whole new level of meddling. At least her dad's a good guy though, especially in a story sorely lacking for them (not that that's a bad thing). He seems authentic and comfortable in his own skin - something I think Charlotte might just grow into.
I'm definitely interested to see what happened to Charlotte at the end. At first I thought she'd been hit by a car (maybe she still has), but then there was the cruel laugh at the end. The terrorist chatter also piqued my interest because it's reminiscent of the wizarding wars. Is a new group rising up like that or is it just sophisticated Muggle terrorists? I'm hoping it's the latter, but I look forward to finding out.
Thanks for sharing this and don't forget to let me know when you update (whether by asking for more reviews or otherwise). I'm honestly the worst about following up on things because my attention is jerked in a lot of directions, but truthfully I like to read and finish novels.
As promised, here I am once more.
This chapter was short as well, but bringing the HEAT. Granny Ward seems like a feistily proper character and Mama Ward - somebody is FINALLY coming straight out with it to Charlotte about Ralph. "You deserve better"? Nailed it. I will say that I'm still struggling to see how Charlotte is so blind to it though. I know it's easy to be oblivious (God knows I am), but she's a smart cookie so...COME ON CHARLOTTE!
Then we end another with Jack. He's smirking his head off, which seems to be quite a common expression for him and it ending with him, I am of course intrigued to know what happens next. You write the Jack Morgan cliffhangers very well.
The other thing I noticed about the chapter was how it laid out the Ward lifestyle for us with more clarity. While it casts some doubt about the effect of Jack's "new" wealth on the Charlotte-Jack dynamic and could have been a bit more spread out throughout this and other chapters, I did like seeing beyond the veil. I know it's a tough challenge to write a character-driven story that doesn't have to hone in on things like this from time-to-time - I've been there myself with my writing.
Time for (I think) the last chapter you've got up!
This chapter was more shorter and it seemed like there was quite the time jump. I do like that it was able to set a stage of sorts though for the summer and continuation of some relationships. It seems the Pepper Pellets and young Hufflepuffs are to be the start of Charlotte saving people!
Ralph though. I can see why Mama Ward does not like him because he's reaching BAD status. I've had my share of unrequited affections and man, he just needs to pine in private. He is being SUPER passive-aggressive and reads like BAD news if and when he wins someone's affections. I'm thinking Charlotte's going to see through it pretty sure and cut ties - I certainly hope so.
As for her brother, I like his spunk. Did he go a little far with his prank? Yeah. I mean...he CLEARLY needs some mentoring in measuring the amount of prank product to employ. I think he ought to get some tips from James. But he's always good for a shot of fun and I liked to read him.
Ahh! I almost forgot! One of the biggest progressions I saw was Charlotte seeming a lot more confident. I hope we're going to find out the why behind that change, even if it's just attributable to heading back "home" to the Muggle world, but it was interesting seeing her in that light.
I'm excited to tackle Chapter 5 now. See you there!
I am back for another chapter. While I cannot endorse their final sentiments (:p), I liked the character development in this chapter, including how Charlotte and Kitty react to shifts in how we've seen them previously. Charlotte is often getting kicked down by things - at least so far - and just kind of taking it and isolating. While she's still isolating, she picked herself up these time and found herself at least a twinge of Gryffindor pride. Based on the title, I imagine the manifestation of her inner bravery is coming. Kitty meanwhile, is typically the steadying hand, but this time she's the one who's fallen.
As you know from my last review, I was NOT expecting the backstory between Charlotte and Jack (who definitely seems like a charter member of the fraternity of jerks). Based on her telling it's sad (though fitting with her character) that she's not sure who to blame. Maybe there's more to come, but as of this moment, the direction seems pretty clear.
To finish up with some quick hits, I liked the way you wrote the interaction between Charlotte and the professor. He spoke and acted like a professor, but also seemed very genuine, helpful, and interested in Charlotte's development. It contrasts with his laissez faire attitude toward Jack's date-driven disappearance and I think shows a little more of his seriousness about that interest. James seems...interesting. There's got to be something there and Ralph... Well, he was Ralph-ing again. Speaking of heartbreak in this chapter (actually a really good, consistent theme you maintained here that I should've mentioned before), he seems like he's continuing to set himself up for one - maybe even a bigger one since he's not being honest with her based on Charlotte's character.
For now I plow forward, but keep up the good work!
So, I actually finished this chapter like...a week ago, but forgot to leave a review. So having re-read, I am now back again to leave said review! Sorry!
My first takeaway from this chapter is Ralph's got it bad for our girl. My second takeaway is man, he better learn to get himself under control. His reaction is, to be honest, pretty scary. I get that a lot of effort probably went in to setting things up on top of him really wanting "solo" time with her, but yeah. Yikes.
Moving on from Ralph, I'm going to dance into the Room of Requirement scene, where we see Charlotte freestyling with her wandwork. While I maintain my skepticism about this ability of hers, I think the spells you attributed to her are way more realistic than what's out there in most of the fic universe when people have these unusual talents (for their age anyway). I also thought you handled her thinking about the process well and that tied in with her personality as well as need. I am very intrigued about the wand situation as well. Will her wand turn on her? What does it mean? Is her inventing going to get her blown up soon? We shall see.
Finally we end with Jack Morgan. I don't THINK I remember him from the first chapter, but I'm also interested to see if this is going to develop into a love-hate thing. If so, I hope there's no actual triangle-type situation in terms of Charlotte's feelings between Jack and Ralph. I may be vibing wrong at this point, but I'm feeling a potential Jack and Ralph rivalry coming on. Lots of thoughts on that bit, but I've spent too many characters on my speculative musings already.
The story is developing nicely and I look forward to the chapters ahead!
Hi again! Here for December's RvG Review Battle!
The description at the start of this chapter of Madam Puddifoot's was perfect - it's exactly what I imagine it to be. The sort of place I'd run a mile from if someone wanted to go on a date with me there :P
I really like Kitty! I don't know whether you're setting us as readers up here to prefer her to Ralph and then to flip that around, but at the moment she just seems like a much better friend - someone who knows Charlotte much better. Even when she's got her date to go to, she's still worried about her best friend, and Charlotte obviously trusts her enough that she knows the history there. I thought that comment was a good way of returning to the subject of Jack after the questions you left us with last chapter, too.
The history that Charlotte has with Jack is really interesting, though! It's not quite what I was expecting - I guess you wanted us to leap to the idea of a relationship gone wrong, or something similar - so the friendship gone bad was a nice twist to that. It must be pretty rare for Muggle-borns to know each other before Hogwarts, now I think of it - but I guess Jack wasn't Muggle-born after all. I find it really intriguing that his mum is a Muggle but he's still happy to ignore and discriminate against Muggle-borns to belong to part of his group - almost like Snape, I guess, although you could say Snape had more reasons with his dad.
And, ugh - the pettiness from when they were younger doesn't seem to have faded at all. Jack seems arrogant and much more concerned with the impressions that other people have of him than anything else. There was something really satisfying in seeing Charlotte destroy his rubbish spellwork and recast all the spells, though - and I loved the fact that Harper seemed aware that it had been her work, and suggested a possible new career path for her. It definitely seems like Charlotte should do something with those spells she keeps inventing!
Ooh, the first real interaction - however brief - with James! They definitely come from different groups of friends but he seemed nice enough here. As this is labelled James/OC, I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops!
Aw, poor Kitty! I noticed one typo in that last scene - she says that "Gordon" broke up with her when "Brian" seems to have been used everywhere else. I felt really sorry for her here, though - who takes someone on a date to break up with them? You could have done that in much less dramatic circumstances, Brian, honestly. But she's sweet, wanting him to be happy - again, more reasons that I like Kitty!
Hello! Here again for December's RvG Review Battle and to find out more!
Hmm, the dynamics between Charlotte's two best friends are very interesting. I've had best friends who are from different places and parts of my life before, but whenever I've introduced them, there's never been any hatred and they usually end up getting on quite well. So it's definitely an interesting situation that they don't even seem to talk to each other here - I feel like there might be more behind it than Kitty simply thinking that Ralph has a crush on Charlotte, because that doesn't really seem like a reason not to talk to someone, in my opinion?
I can understand why Charlotte didn't want to tell Ralph initially about the wedding, but I'm glad that she didn't wait too long to tell him about it, because that could have become a much bigger thing. His reaction was really unfair, though, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he does have feelings of some sort for her, even if she's unaware of it?
The flying pigs comment made me laugh - although I'm a bit concerned about where on earth James and Fred and the others got hold of hogs, and why they're kicking them around - that seems really mean. I kind of hope they're magical or not real for that reason.
Oh my goodness - Alex's comment that Delta is prettier than a Dementor made me laugh so much. Of all the things to pick up on from that comparison??
I'm intrigued about who laughed at Charlotte's comment in Defence Against the Dark Arts. It seems like it's going to be significant, for some reason? And who on earth is Jack Morgan? Why doesn't she want to work with him? I still have so many unanswered questions!
Hello! Here for December's RvG Review Battle!
The opening of this chapter (and story) was so intriguing! I have a lot of questions after reading that first section. The tone was really sombre and serious, so it definitely seems like something big has happened for Charlotte to talk the way that she does at the beginning. I'm so curious about what chain of events could have been set in motion by not returning home for the Easter holidays and having to take a date to a wedding - especially events that seem so deathly (pardon the pun) serious as those suggested by the last few lines of that opening section.
The contrast from the opening section to the rest of the chapter was really effective - you drew the reader in very well at the start and then the relative normality of the rest of the chapter made me wonder what on earth is going to happen in this story leading Charlotte to talk the way she does in the opening.
I thought you did a great job of building up a picture of what Charlotte's life is like here, introducing us to some of the characters who are going to be around through the story and who are important to her. Kitty seems really fun - although it's very annoying when your friends immediately abandon you for a boyfriend as soon as they start going out with someone new - and I'm glad that Charlotte at least has an ally in her dormitory, given how awful the rest of her roommates are - Alex and Delta especially. Who thinks it's okay to go rifling through other people's stuff and start stealing things? (Especially underwear?? That's so weird.)
The scene with Cole, reminiscing about Christmas memories, was nice to see as well. That's definitely the sort of conversation I can imagine having with my brother, haha - although he's never done anything quite like that. I think one of my favourite things about this story was Charlotte's link to her background, in fact - the way that she's so connected to her Muggle heritage and still studies in the holidays to feel connected to that world. Reading the newspapers from the Muggle world is important, too. Speaking of which - I definitely get the feeling that the attack mentioned at the end of this chapter is going to be more significant in the future, especially with the way that Charlotte seems to realise nobody in the wizarding world really cares about it. I'm intrigued to see what's going to happen next!
So I love the start of this chapter as it's really intense and I think it reminds me that this story is also going to have a darker edge which we currently haven't seen too much of yet but it really drew me into the chapter.
So I think her family dynamic is kinda crazy, it's interesting that they are hiding that they are magical from their grandparents. You thought they might be been clued in but judging by their reaction I can see why they weren't told. They are a very traditional family by the looks of things, I do like that her mum is pleased to see her but there is just so much tension still in her family. It'll be interesting to see that unfold further.
I love the balance in this chapter between humour, tension and drama. I think Cole is adorable and one of my favourite characters - I love how he told the truth and grandparents didn't believe him. He is such a great character to offer a bit of lightheartedness into the story now and again. I think his relationship with Charlotte is lovely. He has her back. The whole thing with the owl was very amusing!
Charlotte is so lucky recieving that car! I totally want one too!
Can we talk about her mum? is the woman crazy? why is she inviting Jack to this wedding? I can't get over her mum doing that. She's crazy controlling like she doesn't like Ralph (admittly a bit crazy) but she likes Jack is a total arse. Why does Jack even show up? He wasn't interested in Charlotte before so why is he turning up to this thing? It seems like I have a lot of questions! I can't wait to see what happens but knowing Charlotte it seems like they are in for an awkward evening as she's too nice to tell Jack to get lost!
RvG December - Gold!
I don't think you need to worry about chapters that are fillers! This chapter was fun and engaging. It went towards character development too so don't sweat it but your words make me excited for the next chapter.
So I really liked this chapter because I felt it was pretty natural and I think it had a nice flow to it. I always think split a long chapter is better (only if there is a good stopping point though.) and I think this worked great.
Again, Kitty is a delight. I like the interaction between Charlotte/Kitty and the younger girls in this chapter. I think it is really good to have your character's development to have interact with different types of characters, more realistic too! These pepper pellets sound terrible! There are some little things in their conversation which might becoming interesting especially Harper leaving and a new teacher?! ;)
Kitty's name is Priscilla! that's interesting, I would have do assumed that her name was Katherine but I guess I can see why she goes by Kitty as Priscilla isn't really a teenager name. I don't know if there is a backstory or she just picked it because she liked it.
Ok, So Ralph. I don't know what you're doing with his character because he seems like kinda intense person like overly so. He is kinda needy but seems well meaning. He obviously cares about Charlotte in starting to seem like it's a controlling way. I'm really interested to know why both Kitty and Charlotte's mum (if you're into britishism - it's 'mum' not 'mom') seem to dislike him as much as they do. What happened? It's really interesting and I can't get my head around Ralph's character but I assume all will become obviously over the course of the story.
- Abbi xo
RvG December - Gold
Howdy! The week has been, as usual for this year, total mania so I'm sorry I'm a little late with the first review on this.
In any event, I thought this was a good introductory chapter. The very beginning was probably my favorite aspect just because of the tone and the mystery it built. While it tells us a lot, and gives us some insight in terms of Charlotte's character based on the tone, it plants the seeds of things to look out for while leaving big gaps to be filled later. It had a couple of lines that felt a tiny bit repetitive with the choices presented, but all in all, great.
The bulk of the chapter formally introduced Charlotte and the key character dynamics around her. She's a bit of a stereotypically nerdy loner, but she has a refreshing saltiness about her that elevates her beyond that. Then we have her interactions with the amusingly named ABCDs. Speaking of the what they called HER...
Anyway. :p I did get the sense that Elizabeth is going to be important later. She's a softer soul compared to the rest, but maybe a bit of a Peter-esque personality - a follower within that group. At the other end of a popular friend group is of course Domnique, but I similarly get the vibe that she and her to-be-developed relationship with Charlotte is going to prove pivotal too. Kitty meanwhile seems like a nice, solid friend that Charlotte will be able to count on as things get hairy.
Even though Snape did it, I'll confess I'm always a bit suspicious of students inventing spells at school, but it's not too extreme thus far so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt for now.
Finally, the "wonders" of mechanics. Though it's a tiny bit chunky (like mine), I think there's ultimately a good balance between description and dialogue which I think makes stories always read better than relentlessly prose-y or chatty. Unlike mine, I think you do a really nice job with the feathered in descriptions of things and places. They don't overshadow, but really complement nicely.
Though I'm too tired right now, you've definitely got me interested to read more and - hopefully - I'll be able to follow-up and maybe even finish up what's posted so far tomorrow (or at least this weekend).
Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad you thought the story has good balance. That was something I was really worried about when I first posted this chapter. As for Charlotte inventing spells... well, there will definitely be more to that! You’re the first reviewer who’s suspicious of that hobby, which I find interesting.
Thanks for the review!
Hi Aubrey! Here for December RvG! So, first things first, I 100% relate to this chapter title on so many levels. It’s actually been a little while since I did a legitimate group project, but ugh, they were always the worst if you got a group that wanted to slack off.
First off, I think it’s really interesting that Kitty and Ralph don’t talk to each other at all - I know Charlotte says she thinks it’s because Kitty thinks Ralph has a crush, but I can’t help but feel like there’s something else to it as well, because that seems like an awfully minor reason to completely ignore someone’s existence? Oh well, I suppose we’ll see on that one.
Ralph definitely overstepped some boundaries with how insistent he was that Charlotte’s cousin move their wedding or that Charlotte skip it (both of which are kind of big asks), so I don’t fault Charlotte for getting mad at him for it. It definitely seems that there’s more there than just friendly feelings, if that would elicit such a reaction.
The scene with James and Freddy and his friends was great - you could definitely see their personalities and Charlotte’s come through - more particularly, how those clash with one another. The ‘pigs flying’ thing was also pretty funny.
Also, the wand shocking thing. I can’t help but feel like that’s going to end up relevant at some point in the future - especially because it seems like her own wand’s rebelling against her in some way.
And finally, I’m curious about who Jack is, and why Charlotte’s dreading being paired with him so much. It seems like she’s got a decent amount of enemies at Hogwarts, so I’m interested to see what the backstory behind this one is.
This was a great second chapter, and I’m excited for more!
Yes, there’s more to the Kitty/Ralph thing! Charlotte just doesn’t see it yet, unfortunately.
I’m glad you thought the pigs fly thing was funny. Humor is something I struggle with in writing.
I love the whole wand shocking thing. Keep an eye on Charlotte’s relationship with her wand - it’s a subplot and there’s tons of symbolism wrapped up in it. Thanks for the review!
So I love this conversation between Kitty and Charlotte. Kitty is just wonderful, I feel like I'm a big fan already. She seems so fun and really good for Charlotte too. The dialogue was really spot on, it was fun and you've written these two character who just bounce off each other so well so a big well done!
Red and pink! Would it kill her to have an accent color? < this is my favourite line!
It's interesting considering when you left it with the cliff hanger about Jack Morgan that the chapter doesn't go straight into next scene like Jack and Charlotte having to talk to each other. I love how Kitty dropped in the line about Jack.
I feel really sad for Charlotte about Jack, it's just how it goes though isn't it? it's quite a believeable thing that people drift apart or become popular. I really felt for Charlotte when Jack laughed at her. It really sucks that happened to her. I think this section does endear Charlotte to me, I feel like it's the first time that we've got a proper look at her being vulnerable. I did really love seeing that. Being a gryffindor isn't all about charging into situation and being brave. Charlotte is very proud and wants to be the best person she can be. That's being a gryffindor.
Charlotte isn't having a good day but it's nice to see a bit of James in this chapter. Again, I love Kitty and Charlotte's relationship. I thought this chapter had a good flow to it too.
- Abbi xo
RvG - December
Whew. I’m glad you connected to Charlotte through her vulnerability. Ever since we talked about it, it’s been something I’ve been more aware of. And I also like how Charlotte and Kitty bounce off each other! Thanks for the review!
So there is a lot of stuff going on this chapter! I think there is a lot of strong character development going on too. I'm really impressed with this chapter because you've done an amazing job at showing me who Charlotte is. Each of her interactions shows something about her personality. I think I've come away with a pretty good idea of who she is.
I'm not sure what to make of Ralph's characters at the moment. I think this first section he comes across as really sweet but he turns a bit crazy pretty soon. I'm very interested as why Kitty doesn't like him. I can't believe there isn't more to that story than meets the eye so I'm interested in that thread.
I really had to laugh at Ralph's outburst when Charlotte says she can't visit him. I've planned a wedding before so I know the type of ridiculous things people ask of you so asking to move the wedding isn't that unrealistic! It was an amusing argument but I see why Charlotte wasn't happy!
I really like the scene with Freddie and James, it seems like Hogwarts is a fun place to be! I was wondering if Charlotte was going to show her silly side in that scene but obviously not. I think I see hints of that when she is on her own playing with her spells which was a lovely scene. I thought it was good to just a little scene mentioning the bombing to highlight the importance of it to the story.
I think perhaps this chapter as a bit too much going on it. There was a lot of different parts happening. I love all the scenes and they are all very written but I think I would have split this chapter up a bit if it were me. It doesn't really take away from the enjoyable of the chapter though. I think it's more my personal taste.
- Abbi xo
November RvG - Gold
Umm. I was going to comment on several things but I think we’ve talked about most of it?? Regarding how there’s too much going on in the chapter... lol is it too much to process at once or ... yeah, I’m just going to message you! Thanks for the review!
And here I am for Chapter 2!
I'm sensing that Ralph does have a crush on Charlotte, and maybe something else happened that kept Kitty and Ralph not talking to each other for so long? Maybe Kitty likes him? Or has he done something that Kitty knows about but Charlotte doesn't? Hmm...
And the indifference we're seeing from Charlotte towards James, I wonder how it came to be and if it'll turn into something in the future.
I'm a bit torn about Ralph. For one, I'm guessing that he had something special planned, perhaps to finally tell Charlotte he likes her and the damned wedding is ruining his plans. If that's the case, I'm hoping that drama will knock things off course and create even more chaos in the story (I am partial to occasional chaos, so...). In any case, his reaction to Chalottes' news was perhaps a bit too much, not to mention that he'll probably be crushed when he finds out that Charlotte (as I'm assuming) really doesn't have any more feelings for him than friendship.
I wonder if whatever Kitty saw in the tea leaves in her Divination class means anything at all...
Also, I'm curious about the room that Nick told Chalotte about. Is it a coincidence that the same pattern as for Diagon Alley is required for access? I'm doubting it, and I wanna know what's the connection and how it'll relate to the plot you're writing.
The scene where Charlotte goes into that room to practice her spells is fantastic. You can totally tell that she's in her element, and I think it's fascinating that she has that interest and talent. I hope we'll get to learn more about it, like where she picked it up, if anyone besides Kitty knows about it and, again, the role it'll play in the story. I wasn't expecting the wand to shock her, so I'm hoping that maybe it's also foreshadowing? I hope she tries to find out why it happened.
To finish, who is Jack Morgan?
Can't wait to continue reading this story, I'm loving it so far :)
You’re asking good questions! Ralph is a bit tricky right now. The reader sees everything from Charlotte’s eyes. She doesn’t know why others don’t like Ralph, so the reader also doesn’t really know. But that will be revealed later!
As for Charlotte’s indifference towards James, there is definitely a reason for that :)
For your other questions... those are good questions;) Thanks for the review!
Hi there. I'm here for your requested (and very, very late) review!
Let me start by saying that I absolutely loved the beginning of this chapter. It's beautifully written, and the focus on the importance of choices, no matter how big or small they are and whatever consequences they may lead to really set the tone. It also made me immediately drawn to Charlotte for the way she wants to tell her story her own way, and not let it be dictated by how others might tell it.
I'm also, naturally, very intrigued about what will happen (or really, has happened) to Charlotte. I'm only a few words in and I already want to know more, so great job!
I like that she comes from a Muggle background and that Charlotte enjoys keeping connected to her Muggle heritage. It's not something we read every day. I also found Cole a pretty funny kid.
I'm guessing the posts on the newspapers are foreshadowing, at least the one about the bombing if not the other one as well. I wonder how it'll play a part in your plot.
It's so sad that Charlotte has to put up with her roommates, as they are. They'll butt heads all the time, won't they? At least the way her spell worked was pretty cool. Maybe Alex will think twice next time...
I love that Charlotte creates spells!! This is such an interesting branch of magic - as well as plot - to explore. I cannot wait to find out what you'll do with it.
All in all, a really strong first chapter! I'll get to the second one right away :)
I’m glad you liked the beginning! It was my intent to draw the reader in :)
I wanted Charlotte to be different than the cliche Next Gen OC. Hence the connection to her Muggle heritage and spell invention. Though both of those things are important to plot too!
Thanks for the review! Alwynse.
Hi, here for our swap! :)
Well, I guess this replies to some of my questions... She is actually a Muggleborn and Jack is not (again) a love interest, but a childhood friend who abandoned her for... the cool guys, I guess? Not exactly sure... I wonder what exactly happened to make him so cruel towards her... interesting backstory, anyway.
I also wonder what role it will all play in your plot... I have so many questions still and I can't wait for the wedding to happen and for whatever consequence it will have. (Sorry, I'm an impatient reader, maybe I told you already)
I'm glad Charlotte had her moment of glory with the DADA test. And the details of the pine wand was interesting. Is that canon (like Pottermore info or stuff) or did you make it up?
And then the scene at the pub... No, definitely not the best day... :/
And poor Kitty! That must have been hard... but I guess it's something that happens? And yes, Brian was unfair to her, but his behaviour is probably understandable as well? (Sorry, I need to justify everyone... Hufflepuff thing...)
This was an interesting chapter, I especially loved the Jack backstory, it gave some more depth to Charlotte's character and I loved it. :)
Thank you so much for swapping! :D
Lots of love,
Thanks for the review! Yes... this chapter brought out some more backstory. As for the wand, yes I am using information from pottermore, as well as adding in my own things. On pottermore, Pine wands like an owner who’s unique and individualist and sometimes perceived as a loner. If memory is right, they like being used creatively and don’t protest to new methods and spells. I took that a step further and said that Charlotte’s pine wand is adept at inventing new spells.
Hi there, here with your requested review and doubling up for November's RvG Team Red! This was a nice second chapter, with a lot of good stuff, very different from the first, but I can see we're starting to get more into the plot!
Ok, so at first I felt bad for Ralph, because Charlotte wasn't going to be able to meet up with him this summer but his reaction when she finally told him was ABSURD. He just seemed so genuine and excited first but now I'm a little concerned for Charlotte! He does not seem like a nice guy! Asking a family member to move a wedding because it conflicts with a friend travelling to visit you is absolutely unreasonable! Charlotte, girl, why can't you see what Kitty sees? You are blinded by years of friendship! This boy defintiely likes you!
Hogwarts Rumble Tumble sounds like such fun! It was fun to see some familiar next gen characts like James and Freddy. I'm curious to see how they'll come up again. I also liked that we got to see some of Charlotte's sass in that scene. I hope she continues to bring it out!
That scene where Charlotte was practicing her new spells was really intresting. You can tells she is really in her element when she's doing that and that it's definitely something she loves. I'm curious about the wand shocking her, if it had something to do with the spell or if that's something bigger happening over all!
The last scene few scenes in class were really interesting. I kind of can't belive that she forgave Ralph, except she seems to be a very forgiving person (which is a good thing), so I guess I kind of can? I just want nice things for her! It was awesome that she got to show Delta up in Defense, but it being followed up by a the announcement of a group project is rough. Group projects are THE WORST! I'm anxious to see what happens with it, especially after Charlotte's reaction to her partner! Who is this Jack Morgan? What happened between him and Charlotte?
Great chapter! I really like Charlotte and Kitty's friendship so far and I'm still pretty curious about the bombing which was mentioned in here once or twice.
Okay, I take back anything I said about Charlotte liking Ralph... even if he clearly has a huge crush on her... I'm also not totally sure if I like him or not... I mean, he seemed so sweet at first, his entusiasm about Charlotte visiting during the summer, and then when they run into James and his sheningans (poor hogs, btw... surely there is some animal protection laws they were breaking?) were so endearing... but the way he reacted to the news of the wedding was so out of place and... patronizing? He did apologize though, so I don't know... I'm conflicted about him... once again I guess I'll figure him out in later chapters.
Instead... did I detect a romantic interest in Jack Morgan? Once again, I might be wrong... let's just wait and see...
Getting back to Ralph... I wonder why exactly Kitty doesn't like him? So, yeah, he has a crush on Charlotte even if they both deny it, but I can't see why Kitty would see it as a problem? Unless there are other reasons? I mean, after the library fight I think she might have had a good intuition (as I said, I'm very conflicted about Ralph) and I wonder if there is a specific reason she's so wary of him...
The bombing... I wonder if and how this will impact your plot. I actually wonder what you are plotting in general. We are clearly heading into something, only we don't know what that something is yet and I'm so curious (I'm not the most patient of readers, I'm afraid...)
One last thing I will say is that I'm super impressed with Charlotte's Charms abilities... oh, this reminds me... what was up with her wand rebelling to her? Will this have a meaning for your plot later on, too?
Interesting stuff. Really great work, my dear!
Lots of love,
(Second review for our swap)
Here for our swap! :)
Okay, so... the beginning was very intriguing... I loved all the premise about choices, how sometimes a choice that seems insignificant can have much bigger and unexpected consequences... and now I'm extremely curious about what those consequences were and what's going to happen later in the story... so great job building the suspance and giving the readers questions already. :)
Charlotte's family seems interesting. Are both her parents muggles or just her dad? I think her mother might be a witch, since both her and her brother are magical and since she actually used the word muggles in her letter. But I'm not 100% sure...
Speaking of Charlotte's brother... I liked Cole, he's surely a funny kid. Very Gryffindor-ish, too... :P Maybe a bit too much of a prankster, but that's okay, I guess. :P
Instead, Charlotte seems more of a Ravenclaw? Inventing spells and stuff... but of course there's still a lot I don't know about her. :P Guess I'll get to know her better later on... (I spend too much time debating on Houses... sorry...)
The friendship with Kitty seems so sweet, they seem to be really close and protective of each other, which is always nice to see! :) Those other girls were really unpleasant, instead... except maybe Elisabeth? At least she was kind when she asked about Charlotte's holiday...
Dom seems pretty cool, too. I love that she watched out for Charlotte in such an uncomfortable situation and that they developed this sort of friendship as a consequence, even if it isn't exactly a friendship. (Btw, I really want to meet more of the Wotter clan, I'm very curious to see how they will fit in this.)
Who is this Ralph? And just a friend, Charlotte? Are you kidding me? But again, I guess we'll see what happens...
The article about the terrorist attack at the end... wow... that was impactful. And yes, sometimes you really just wonder what's going on with the world... It's so depressing... I think it's interesting how no one seems to care, I guess there is this sort of big separation between the muggle and wizarding worlds... we saw that the other way around in the books, but still... the two worlds do influence each other and I wonder if this is one of the themes of this story? It looks like it will be and I find it deeply fascinating.
If I could give you a small CC, or rather a suggestion, there were a couple of passages where you repeated the same word within the same sentence or in two consecutive sentences and I felt it ruined the flow a tiny bit? It's not really important, but just in case you decided to go through some editing sometime, maybe this is something you might want to look into...
Otherwise, this was a very well crafted first chapter. I love that it made me reflect too. Moving to the second now. :)
Lots of love,
Hey Aubrey! Here for the story and for November RvG (Team Red)!
First off, your chapter summary made me laugh. What a great way to hook the reader. It's so snarky, I love it!
And the beginning part of your chapter: wow! You do such a good job at everyone's characterization. I feel like Charlotte's mother is so manipulative, first calling her out on her (albeit justified) behavior but then complimenting her to get her to do what she wants... It's just... gah! Charlotte, stay true to yourself! And her character here is stubborn, which I love, and I suppose she is trying to appease her mother and to try to get through this awkward situation as unscathed as possible... but Jack certainly does not make it easy on her, with his compliments which he says to make her uncomfortable. Gahh! But her father and Cole are champions. Their shining personalities give this dramatic chapter some proper hope and comedic relief. Even her stuck up grandmother was a joy to read (especially because I picture her to be similar to Lady Violet on Downton Abbey).
But the whole wedding sequence... I related to Charlotte's struggles well. I've had some family members try to pressure me into giving people a chance, and I've felt the pressure of accepting attention because it would have been considered rude to reject it... I think this is a common problem, especially for women, and I love how you include that. You do mention in your author's note how difficult it was to make her so passive, but I'm glad that you did. Not only does it give you room to develop her character, you also paint this common issue. Well done! And I have a lot of things I'd like to say to Jack, and I can only hope that one day Charlotte can say them to him herself (and I love how her dad calls him all the wrong names. Such fierce passive aggressiveness!)
Also, love the foreshadowing in the wedding conversations: Jack/Cole's Quidditch talk and then the adults' talk of the terrorist attacks... and then that ending! Here I thought that whatever happened at the wedding happened at the wedding. But you have shown us something different. I love it! I'm eagerly awaiting what happens next. Good job, Aubrey!