Hi Rumpels! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
I can't remember if I've ever read any of your (non-vampire-related) original fiction before, but this piece of poetry was so vivid and powerful.
The title immediately evokes images of death and pulled me in, wondering about the "Battle" and the ideas of chaos and turmoil that conjures up. It's such an intriguing title and subject for a poem.
The death imagery was so chilling and visceral; it kind of made my skin crawl to read this, and I think that was part of the intended effect. I think you really captured the sense of darkness and the sense of decay that accompanies death as well, and the battle imagery was really intriguing, especially with the idea that the River Styx is where the underworld meets the world of the living, because I think it captured this sense of tension throughout the poem which exists between the two states, each trying to hold on to its own being.
The final line was really interesting, the way that you bolded certain letters to spell out the words within those lines, emphasising the omnipresent theme of death and tying them in to the final syllable you've used for the final line of each stanza, too. That tied up the poem really neatly but in doing so I think added even more power to the imagery that was threaded throughout.
Hi, Rumpel. Thank you for beta reading. I hope I can have a look at my draft ASAP.
This poem is very dark and creepy. I wonder you meant all human-beings who died in vain after battles or something. 'cause 'Styx' means Roman goddess, right? Wherever the Roman god is related, it means war! (Sorry, if I am wrong. I am so much influenced by TV drama series, 'Rome', there are lot of massacre, slaughter scenes.)
So the middle part, you described how awfully the human's body went rotten after the battle. Those descriptions sent me chill. And disgusting, imagining the flies over the rotten bodies. You never stop there, you add the climax, the mysterious words along with 'Will rise, Eyes and bodies', does it mean resurrection? maybe not, you marked each word with bold, they say 'lies, dies'… the bodies were struggling to live longer the last moment, but the flies arrived, which meant the death arrived. My thought and emotion is going back to various battlefields in the past reading the last line of your awesome work.
@ Magical Menagerie 3, Team Wolpertinger
Okay, Rumpels. I know I failed at the reward reviews. At least, I think I did. I could have done them all and forgot that I did them, but I find that unlikely.
This poem is something else. It's dark and harsh and gritty and I'd love to know where it came from. It sounds almost like this is just the way things are and there's nothing to do for it until the fifth stanza. Fight back. Call to your gods. That's my favorite part of poems like this or songs like this. The part that makes you want to thrust your fist in the air and scream YES!
I like the last line as well, how you bold certain letters to point out hidden words and meaning. It is dark, but there is a fight to keep a light alive.
Hey, Rumpels! I’m dropping this review off before the Nifflers steal it again, on behalf of Kaitlin/TreacleTart!
I believe I’ve read your poetry before, and I really enjoyed it, so I thought I’d give another poem a go! Once again, I am a n00b when it comes to poetry, so please do not be surprised when I offer nothing useful at all!
Well, this was sufficiently creepy. I am completely and utterly creeped out. Well done. My skin is crawling. The last few stories I’ve reviewed have been quite fluffy and sweet, and this was just… the exact opposite. This is totally out of keeping with the weather right now, as well. All in all, I’m feeling this cognitive dissonance after reading this poem because of these two confounding factors, and that has just made me feel even more confused and spooked!
I really did enjoy reading this. This was quite different from the other poetry I read of yours – where you were playing with format, from memory? I really enjoyed the use of the bold in the last line, to pull out this extra last line without having to write another one. Of course, it’s like quadruple the work when you do something clever like that, but for me, was well worth the effort. Well done, as always!
EvS - team emerald
the way you write is absolutely....chilling and wonderful at the same time? is that a thing? if it's not, it definitely is your thing. for me, poetry can be hard to get into, i'm very picky about it (like...i basically only like baudelaire and william blake) so when i read something like this by you...i want more!
your descriptions are haunting and i think that the images you've brought to my mind are going to keep me up at night, at least a little. but i think it shows how great you are as a writer - to manage to convey so much with so few words and in poetry, for which i think is one of the hardest things to do and write well.
the rythm you achieve with repeating words works really well in creating tension.
rumpels, you're just generally awesome and i always love reading something of yours!
Wow, this is a dark and gripping poem Rumples. You certainly helped to paint the fetrid picture of death. I think you capture the despair that can be felt in the darkness below on the river styx. Wonderful job I particularly like how you took the last line and gave a hidden message in the poem as well.
Wonderful job of capturing such darkness, it is something that I have enjoyed in your writing I love how toughtful you can be with your words and your craft. It truly shows in your works.
Hey Rumpels!! <3
You are so good at poetry. I feel like I should’ve realized this back when we did the “poetry over prose” blog post together, but now having read a number of your poems, I’m just in awe of your abilities. Your way of handling subtle meter, sound, words… It’s all so masterful.
In the first stanza it seems to me that you use the association that “night” has with darkness and gloom and endings to describe the misery of the “children of the night,” who are always looking forward with this apprehension and wariness. Ugh, but just the way you describe it is so raw – “ill-fated suffering” has such a heaviness to it, which suits the tone of the stanza so, so well.
And then this – “Festering, pooling, rotting -- / the flies -- the flies.” – brought such a clear, nauseating image to my mind. Your words are so powerful, and you use them so well.
I admire how you managed to tie in the third stanza to the first, about how the children of the night see suffering before it even happens, and so it makes sense that they’re the first to see the lights go out. The fourth stanza is full of vivid, dark imagery, to the point where I saw things swimming before my eyes. You describe this pessimism about the future using such beautiful, fitting words, and I love that.
The last line is just one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. Ugh, Rumpels. You’re amazing. <3
[This review was left for Quadpot, for the category “chapters with zero reviews on them.”]