Peter Sebastian Pettigrew, you goddamn idiot! (Yes, I know that's his full name only in my head... but this is personal, so...)
What? Excuse me, what?! You thought you would save them?! You thought you would be able to negotiate their lives?! You DO NOT negotiate with terrorists, you stupid git! Even if things had gone how they were "supposed to", your "plan" would have never worked... how did you even think that going to the Death Eaters could be a good idea?! How did that even cross your mind?!? I am so thoroughly disappointed in you, Peter!
Okay, now that I've expressed all my extreme disdain towards my child (did he really just spontaneously get in touch with the Death Eaters? Why would he do something that inane?) I'll try to give this chapter a proper review...
I will admit that, once again, I wasn't 100% able to follow all your characters' thoughts and plans... I mean, I'm probably not supposed to and should just learn to be patient and trust you, but I found it difficult to follow some of their things going on... also, little bit of CC while I'm thinking about it, and then I swear I'll give you all the praise you deserve... sometimes your sentences are a bit too convoluted and hard to follow? (This is something I noticed in previous chapters as well...) For example this passage in Barty's section:
He had been aware of James Potter at school. (who hadn't?) As First Year to their Third, he had scornfully watched as Potter and the traitor Black (Associating with such weakness, so lacking-) went through their education, flaunting friendships with the werewolf and their little spy (not then, then he had just been a shadow of his colorful friends) and who hadn't watched and gossiped as Severus Snape the future Potions Master (Another one, yet another who betrayed Their Lord-) and Lily Evans had fallen out-rather dramatically, too.
I understand what you are saying, and I understand that it is a stream of consciousness (and Barty's stream of consciousness at it) so I get why you would structure it that way, still I needed a couple of re-reads to actually get it well. But of course you can totally ignore me on this (after all, it might be just me being lazy and not so good at English etc)
That said, I did find this chapter fascinating. It is always so interesting to get a glimpse into the heads of the villains and I think you captured them all so well. They are all so different and their personalities really shine through in here. Barty with his unwavering loyalty and complete derangement and still his incredible lucidity... I never knew he was a Ravenclaw? But I do like it. :P
Lucius, his aristocratic mannerisms, his "politically correctness", the way he measures words and finds a way to turn things in his favour...
Rita and her total lack of scruples.
And finally Peter... my poor, little Peter... but I really want to strangle him right now... or at least slap him in the face really hard... yes, slap him in the face really hard sounds like a good plan...
I'm not quite sure... what the big deal with Charlotte being raised by Muggles is? I mean, I never thought Dumbledore thought it through really well when he decided to leave Harry (or in this case Charlotte) with the Dursleys, but still I would have thought that was of public knowledge? And anyway, what is Barty hoping to get from a huge scandal around Charley? I'm quite confused about what's going on, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see...
I'm afraid this review is a bit of a mess... great chapter, though, I really enjoyed getting to see these perspectives we don't get to see very often... And sorry if this sounded overly critical again, I really believe you did a great job with the characterization and the plot and everything else here. :)
Hope you'll stop by my request thread again soon!
Lots of love,
Hello, my dear! Back for your request! :)
Sorry for taking so long... and I also feel I should apologize if my last review felt overly critical... guess it's my fault in wanting to understand everything immediately, I'm not the most patient of readers, I'm afraid... :P
And talking about impatience... FINALLY! FINALLY THAT CONFRONTATION I'D BEEN WAITING FOR!!!
And Merlin, you wrote it so well! All of Charlotte's emotions felt so real, so authentic... and I can totally see where they were coming from... anyone would be confused and scared at something like that. It all made total sense, the disbelief at first, and trying to find a logical explaination, thinking you were being tricked (especially for someone with Charley's story, when she'd been tricked for basically all her life...) And then the fear of accepting it, because how can you deal with something so big and so wonderful, how can you dare believe, when you don't know if it'll all disappear all of a sudden. And then the confusion, the not knowing what to do with all those emotions, all the time lost and the pain and guilt over it. When she accidentally called Lily Mum, and then wondered if it was okay for her to call her Mum... that was such a powerful moment!
I've loved, loved, LOVED, all of James and Lily's banter throughout! They are just wonderful and I love how they work as a couple. You capture their personalities just brilliantly (or at least they fit so well with the way I imagine them). James' humour... oh, Merlin, I love it! He made me crack up more than once during the chapter. And Lily's fierceness never stops amazing me, and I loved how protective and sweet she was with Charlotte. :)
I would pick out favourite lines, but there are too many, I'm afraid. I just really loved all this chapter a lot!
I did get a bit lost at all the politics towards the end... but maybe there is some universe background that I'm missing and that would help me following this better... anyway, I can't wait for Sirius to get the trial he deserves and to finally be recognized innocent! Justice restored for once! I live for that!
If it wasn't clear, I loved this chapter a lot. I'll be back for one more in a little bit.
Lots of love,
Hi! Here with the first review for your request! :)
Well... looks like the relationships among the characters are quite different in this universe... has Neville taken the place of Ron in the Golden Trio? I don't really mind, I love Neville. I'm just wondering.
This universe is similar but also vastly different. There are details that escape me, to be honest... what's Charley's relationship with Cedric and Cho? And Luna? Why didn't Dumbledore believe them about Sirius? What else has gone differently in the previous years and how is it going to affect your plot? I trust you will elaborate on everything in due time. :P I have to confess, though, it makes me a little bit confused at times...
It's nice that Cedric believed her. Of course, like Hermione suggested, the shock on Charlotte's face should have told everyone that she never wanted what happened... but people like to judge, I guess? Still, I was a bit surprised by Cedric's declaration... Anyone who thinks that you'd want glory for anything other than winning the Quidditch Cup don't know you at all, Potter. This is interesting because it shows that Cedric actually knows her better than I would expect him to, which goes back to my previous questions... Also, what did he mean with that last thing he said? I'm a bit confused...
James and Lily's rage at the news of the Triwizard Tournament was great. I can't wait for the reunion. I'm very curious about how that'll go! I also really loved Dobby's appearence. :P And James' excitement about Charlotte being Gryffindor Seeker... eheheh! That's so James Potter! :D
I'm so angry to Zacharias and Megan, honestly. You put shame to the House of Hufflepuff, kids! I do get House Pride, but you don't judge without elements and you don't attack without warning! I don't think the Gryffindors actually deserved to be punished, they were just defending themselves. But I guess fighting back is still fighting, hence against the rules... *shrugs*
I'll be back in a bit.
This was an awesome surprise! Thanks for swinging by, Chiara!
To answer your questions: Yes, Neville's taken the place of Ron in the trio in this story; nothing against him, but eleven-year-old Charley and eleven-year-old Neville got on better than eleven-year-old Charley and eleven-year-old Ron. As for Cedric and Cho (I tried to elaborate upon it more in this chapter, but I could never write something that I liked; it'll get more attention later on) it's nothing too crazy. They helped Charley get over some of the mental conseuqneces of falling off a broom while hearing her worst memories, so they're friendlier with Charley than Harry was with them in canon. As for the last thing about Cedric, that may have been me going god-author again (I assume the reader, like me, knows everything), but I was trying to hint his feelings aren't exactly...platonic towards Hermione after said third year AU.
As for Sirius, there's a flashback explaining most of it in Chapter Eight; the real issue with that was not going too omniscient narrator since this is Limited 3rd POV, but I do mention it. The long and short of it is, through the canon cookie crumbling different ways here, Snape never hears the whole confrontation in the Shrieking Shack, and thus genuinely believes that Sirius is a mass-murdering lunatic; additionally, after conducting some research, I do believe that Dumbledore, with Snape's consent, looked at his memories of the whole thing and drew his own conclusions in canon. Here, it's just three emotionally compromised teenagers out after dark against the word of a man personally vouched for by Albus Dumbledore multiple times, who believes he is telling the truth and reiterating the accepted truth.
Hope this explains the madness (Suppose I deserve it for dropping a story four years' worth of alternate canon in, but, c'est la vie), and thanks again for reviewing!
Here for Team Gold for RvG... and to pick up where I left off, of course! :)
You capture Charley's reaction incredibly well. Not being able to think, not daring to feel... that is bone-deep astonishment, insurmountable terror. I actually am having a deeply, deeply emotional reaction to this chapter, which goes to show how powerful this chapter is.
For Charley to see her mum and dad... it's a hope that's haunted her, because she'd better have not dared hope it because it was impossible... and yet that immeasurable ache to have your parents back... and then to see them again! Her protective barrier is so realistic, and it's heartbreaking for everyone involved. Her parents were already taken from her once. Now, no matter what happens, they will die again, which means that Charley will have to lose them for a second time. I feel like this is rarely touched upon in stories about bringing people back from the dead. To die again, to lose again...
And I love how James has a list of things he wants to address. He and Lily have such a good chemistry and flow between them. I hope they'll have a chance to shake up the wizarding world.
And I'm curious as to who this Protector is!
I'm happy you came back and enjoyed the story so much! This part was pretty emotional, and a bit trick yto write, but I'm glad so much of what I meant to communicate came across so well!
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Tag! Here for the Gryffindor review tag!
I must say, I really enjoy Charley's character. She has such sass! The Gryffindor girls' dormitory scene is very relatable with how teenage girls talk amongst one another. There's an appropriate amount of teasing and snapping back and lounging on beds. Is Hermione in this scene? If so, she's rather quiet; I'm sure she'd have something to say on the matter. I'm curious to know her thoughts, and Ron's and Neville's. But I really feel for Charley, and I'd be angry, too. Her nightmare in Voldemort's mind is terrifying, even though it's so briefly described. Well done!
I love Lily and James in this, too. I am so glad that Lily asks Dumbledore the tough question of why he stuck Charley with the Dursley's. James and her have such an old-married couple's dynamic in this. I'm curious to know more. When Dumbledore mentions Sirius, I wonder if the events in PoA happen as we know them. Does Dumbledore know of Sirius' innocence? Or is Sirius even innocent in this AU gender bend?
And I'm nervous for the grand reunion between Lily/James and Charley... I'm hoping it goes well, but this revelation of the dead resurrecting is going to make a big wave for sure! You've laid some solid pieces for plot development in this fic. Well done!
Okay, so I decided to read one more chapter because I was curious. :P
Poor Charley... everyone thinking that she signed up for a potentially deadly tournament, when all she wants is a life as normal and quiet as possible... just like it was for Harry... her annoyance at her roommates was so well done. Poor girl...
But again, my favourite bit was the one with James and Lily (I just love Marauders, can't help it...) I loved Lily's rage, you really write her so well. Honestly, Dumbledore deserved all the shouting he got. I mean, I understand the reasoning behind his choices, but I still feel that there must have been a better solution than sending Harry (or Charlotte) to the Dursleys, blood protection or not. Btw, I didn't realize that Lily casted an actual spell to ensure that protection. I mean, I guess she didn't in canon and that it was her sacrifice that generated the ward, but I think it's interesting that you made it an intended thing here.
Also, I'm confused. Dumbledore didn't know about Sirius' innocence in this story? Does Charlotte know? Did PoA go like canon at all? Just wondering...
Anyway, poor James and Lily, they have a lot to digest... and this is only the beginning... I wonder how the meeting with their daughter will go. I hope it'll be a mostly happy reunion, but I kind of feel things will get messy somehow.
Anyway, another interesting chapter. I'm having fun with this story so far. :)
Lots of love,
Oh... they were resurrected! :O (Of course they were, I'm quite sure it was in the summary and so I should have known... but I forgot? Sorry, I'm distracted... :P)
I loved this chapter! A lot! I think you characterized James and Lily perfectly! I loved James' trait of thought, his use of logic, obviously dictated by his Auror training? Anyway, the way he listed facts to analyse the situation was really great. :)
And Lily's fierceness. Merlin, I love that woman. She's so great and I think you really captured her brilliantly.
Also, I loved all the mentions to the other Marauders. Especially this:
For that matter, what would Sirius say?
He'd call me an old man and tell me I'm losing my touch, that's what.
Ahahah! Yes, he definitely would.
Their confusion and their grief were so well done. I found everything 100% believable and in character. And also your descriptions were so well done, too.
I really enjoyed reading this. I think you have crafted a really interesting story so far. I'll try to come back some time soon (and if I don't, feel free to jump in my request thread again. I won't have you wait so long again... hopefully...)
Thank you so much for requesting!
Lots of love,
Oh... someone is in trouble... :P
I love the way you took this very familiar scene and made it sound fresh and new. And the bit about Halloweens... yes, something always seem to happen then, doesn't it? :P
I'm mostly very curious about how the interactions between the characters changed in your universe, having a female Harry... is the Golden Trio always the same? Is Charlotte closer to Parvati and Lavender here? I enjoyed seeing Neville and Parvati getting some of the front stage and I'm very curious about how the relationships in this story are different. :)
If I have any CC (I'm not actually sure if this count as a CC at all...) is that the chapter felt a bit short? I guess I would have liked something more to happen... maybe it's only because we already knew what was going to happen so I would have liked something that surprised me more... as I said, this is not actually a CC, just a very personal feeling. And it's only the beginning of the story, so it's totally fine if things go a bit slow for now. ;)
I guess I'll move to the next chapter now, I'm curious to see how Charlotte and everyone else will react and how you diverge from the original story. See you in a little bit.
See you in a moment. :)
Hi! Finally here for your request (and please, please forgive me if I had you wait so long...)
Okay, well... this was... different? I must admit that I had a bit of trouble getting into it at first, but once I did I really loved it. It's such a fascinating concept, such an interesting grasp on Lily's protection... the idea that the ward she left could "think", that it had a will on its own, is fascinating. I never really stop considering these sort of things (the nature of magic, the rules behind it, etc) when I write, but I always love following other authors' reasonings behind it when I come across them, and I really loved what you did here.
Also, your style in this prologue felt almost poetic and I really, really appreciated that.
Another thing I really appreciated was this:
It was a good thing the Potters had never particularly cared for rules. Lily Marie Evans had cared even less, when it suited her.
I love this because it says so much about Lily as a character, and I completely agree with you. We are so used to see Lily as Miss Perfection, if you know what I mean, but I do believe that she had a very strong rebellious side, and especially that she wouldn't care about rules at all if it was about something she deeply cared for. After all, she did marry James, and that must mean something, right? :P
Great start, and I'll see you again on the next chapter. ;)
Lots of love,
Hey, I know this character! :) If I'm not mistaken, this is the same Charlotte Potter from the other story I read by you, which is pretty neat as I feel like I already know her a little right from starting out on this story.
I did read the prologue here btw, but kept reading and didn't review it mainly because it raised a lot of questions and my review wouldn't be remotely helpful just a lot of "?? I wonder! Wow?" and I wanted to give you a more thorough review than that for tag :P but it was definitely a very mysterious way to start things off and as I read along further, that prologue and everything brought up in there is in the back of my mind as I try to figure it out - prophecies? how it relates to the Triwizard Tournament?
So, into the bulk of the story! Starting off right in the middle of the action at Halloween of their fourth year. And the dynamics of the friend group are so itneresting, rather than the Trio we have a sort of quartet, with Charley, Hermione, Neville, and Parvati. I honestly love this combo and am looking forward to reading about all of their adventures, as much as I love Ron and will miss him.
So Charley was chosen as champion! And my main wonder is whether it's because of Professor "Moody" putting her name in, or whether in this story it's related to the prophecy/Threat/Childe/Protector thing of the prologue. The threat is Voldemort? Barty Crouch jr? The tournament itself? It could even be a Hungarian Horntail XD There are just so many directions this could go, so the story is pretty unpredictable - and I like that in a story.
Ooh and before I forget it was really interesting that Charley had some sort of sense that something was About To Happen, just as the goblet spit out one last name. I feel like this is important, and that together with the lines at the end of the prologue makes me think that the fact her name showed up in there has less to do with Crouch and more to do with this magic/prophecy that's been going on since she was a baby. Lots to think about, for sure! Great chapter, very thought provoking and an interesting start to your story!
Hello again! Review 3/3 for the requested reviews!
POOR JAMES! It's quite creepy to think of waking up in a coffin. I like how you narrate him here. He goes down the list of what he remembers. And his voice is very unique. I can imagine him thinking these things as a young adult, especially using humor to downplay the terror that's Voldemort. I think that's a very good coping mechanism. And I wonder why James doesn't know of Lily's fate? Maybe I'm still too attached to canon, where I have perceived that Lily and James both know that they're dead. Maybe James has forgotten this aspect at his resurrection. I also love how fondly he thinks of Sirius. I do hope they can reconnect!
It's a little confusing after James casts his spells. Did he break out of his coffin and into a burial vault? I'm glad that Lily is there to help him out. You capture his struggle and Lily's suspicion really well. I'm a little surprised James doesn't take Lily more seriously after they reunite, especially since he was betrayed by Wormtail and murdered by Voldemort. I want to know more about how their deaths--and now resurrections--have affected Lily and James.
Very curious to know why they've been brought back to life. Is it to prevent Voldemort's return? Hmmm...
Hey! Back with another requested review!
I love the opening epitaph to this chapter. It brings back many good memories of watching the films, singing a piece set to this text, and reading Shakespeare of course! Immediately, I'm looking forward to what comes next.
Poor Parvati. I'm not sure how I feel about having a fourteen-year-old being practically engaged to something who's old enough to be her grandfather. I'm glad that Hermione chimes in--and Neville, too, with his plethora of knowledge. What you've proposed about British wizarding colonalization on India is really interesting (as well as devasting, because, you know, colonialism).
Ah, the Triwizard Tournament! It brings an air of familiarity in your story, which has changed things around from the canon that I know. I think it pairs well with your changes: Female Harry and having Neville and Parvati have bigger roles within the group. I'm wondering about Ron. Is he best friends with Charley in this AU? Also, I'd like to know more about Charley, since she does a good job focusing on her friends. I still know little about her. Your characterization of Hermione and Dumbledore are pretty close to the books. Your Neville and Parvati are a little different, but in a good way. I'd like to know more about them. The most mysterious character is Charley, which I think is fine for now, but I'd love to get to know her more soon!
And her name comes out of the Goblet of Fire... hmmm... this doesn't bode well. Must continue reading!
Hello there! I'm here for your requested review.
This is quite an interesting way to begin the story. There's a lot of complex things happening here.
First, your epigraph sets the mood well. Creating, willing, desiring. These actions connect the reader to the story, since 1. we do these things daily and 2. characters we know from other stories have done these things. Now, the reader asks How? How do the characters create, desire, will? What do they create, desire will?
Then we go into the epilogue, and I'm left with more questions. Who is the Childe (spelled with an 'e'--is it an old prophecy or ancient magic?)? Who is the Protector? The Creator? The Threat? (My guess is Voldemort on this one.) Somehow, I don't think Lily and James Potter are any of these characters. And who is the narrator?
There are lots of intriguing things happening here. Sometimes it was hard to follow; the wording could be a little clearer. For example, the use of the pronoun 'it' seemed interchangable with 'she/her.' Granted, the female pronoun is used in italics. I'm not sure if that's another narrator's voice (maybe the Potter's?) or an antiphonal thought process. It could just be that I need to read on to find out more, which I intend to do!
I'm also curious to meet the Childe and why the Protector is so invested in protecting her.