I've crawled in here wearing the cone of shame.
BUT you'll be happy to know that even though it's been a little while since I read the first chapter, I had no problems diving straight back into this story and feeling Rona's feels. It must be the worst, coming back to school after a long break and already having rumours being spread about you, especially when they aren't true. Honestly, I've only read the first seen and I'm already back to being so excited and invested in this story and its characters!
Rona is a pretty realistic teenager at school, to me. Especially when she doesn't want to take Defence anymore because of James, and probably only took it in the first place because of him. Let's face it, we've all been there, making an effort in a particular class because of a particular boy in it :P
You dropping all these tiny hints and creating such intrigue IS WORKING.
I absolutely love this bit: "I didn't hear the interruption as it strut across the library, not until it was right in front of me and dropped something onto the desk with a hard slap and stood back, waiting." It's so funny! And I can just picture it so well, I love it! Actually, that whole exchange is so amazingly written. Their emotions and the tension are so tangible, I'm really impressed!
"Was it possible to move in this school without running into a Weasley?" Probably not, tbh :P Clearly Louis is the best Weasley in this story. What a sweetheart! And he likes dragons, so we'd get along just fine. Also, with his writing in runes, Finn Blishwick would be proud :P
There's a few tiny typos throughout the chapter but I'm sure you'll grab them easily with another read through :)
Great chapter, my love! I really enjoyed it!
Deni hi!! Here with your requested review and for March RvG (go red)!!
Anyway, James is just so GAHHH he's terrible! In this whole thing, like even when he's coming up to apologize to Rona, he never *actually* apologizes to her. COOL NICE CHAT RONA?? Um ok? This boy is such a douche through this whole chapter it's not even funny. Rubbing in the new girl when Rona's right there. MAKING SURE SHE SEES AS HE KISSES HER? His whole approach to "making amends" for when he absurdly accused her in the library about the Prophet thing and wouldn't hear anything else. Honestly, he deserves every punch Freddie gives him.
Obviously the best line of this was the line about him dumping her, not the necklace. I LOVE that you worked that in here! It was actually perfect!
Louis, however, is a sweet, wonderful angel! Their History of Magic interactions just get better and better. He's got this dry, kind of snarky sense of humor I feel, like when he's like basically like ugh I could do this better than you during class, but he's so nice! I loved when he offered Rona his defense notes! Like low key the cutest thing- I mean, for Rona that's probably one of the sweetest gestures you could do right now! It's my personal nightmare, a boy offering me *more* work. But like, to each their own.
I was SO curious about Lucy at the beginning, when Rona mentions that they didn't get along. Like why wouldn't they get along, unless something had happened between them. But then we meet her later in the chapter. Her introduction is so interesting, basically just jumping right in to crapping on James. She is VERY direct-it's got to be hard to get along with someone like that, but it seems like she and Rona may have turned their relationship around. Nothing bonds you with a girl you don't like quite like a douchebag. I'm curious to see if Lucy sticks around.
I am fully onboard with Rona's party outfit. Armor indeed. I mean, quite honestly, with how much of a douche James ended up being, she may have needed it, but I love that my girl gets herself all dolled up in Slytherin colors for a night out with the Gryffies. No hiding anything-she's a Slytherin through thick and thin and that's not going to change. She's not going to let her break up with James change this.
I totally loved the ending to this. It seems like things may be turning for Rona! Louis definitely seems to be breaking down her armor, and is CLEARLY the reason this night was okay for her (I mean, after James was SUCH AN EFFING IDIOT) and Freddie is absolutely amazing, a great friend and human! I fully appreciate Cecily bringing out a bottle of wine and chunk of birthday cake for them to bring home with them. What more do they need to wrap up the evening? Lovely chapter as always Deni! Can't wait for the next one!
This was my favourite chapter so far, because there was just SO much going on, lots of hints about what's happened and what will happen, it was a bit of a whirlwind.
Firstly, Rona is awesome. She definitely has a kick to her which I absolutely love - like although she's clearly hurting, she's refusing to let James get completely the upper hand. I love that she turned up to a Gryffie party wearing green, almost like a defiance, which was really cool, and the necklace line really made me laugh. I do love me a common room party, but, ugh, James. Now, I really, really, really think he's an arse - there are several more words I'd like to use, but I don't know if I'm allowed on here!
I was watching him as he gave me one last glance, making sure I could see him, before he kissed her. - WHAT THE HELL??? That is awful. Not only is it a crap move, but it's so big headed of him to go out of his way to make her jealous, like he knows it will hurt her.
I really don't like him and it seems his family think he's a right idiot too. Fred punched him and even Lucy isn't impressed. Is Rona and Lucy going to become friends? I think maybe they might click a bit in coming chapters, because Lucy also seems like she has a kick about her.
Anyway. Louis. Aww lovely, sweet Louis. I rarely read anything with him as the main love interest and I'm so on board with him. He seems such as sweetheart already and I love how he seems to 'get' her and her issues with school without even grilling her about it. It's great that he's suggested the Defence studying, what a cutie. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes, but could it be a bit awkward with him and James being cousins?!! I really don't care, because I love him and James is currently a tool, so...
I love how you tease your stories and only give a little away, HOWEVER, I am super impatient and really want to know what happened between Rona and James, like everything. Please spill soon, because I need to know why she ended up falling for such a moron and where the heck Harry and Ginny went wrong with him?!!
Tasha - for RvG - Team Red!
Deni! Here for RvG and the story! :D
What a chapter!!! There's teenage drama and then there's teenage drama. Sure, they're a bunch of teenagers, but the complexities you have ingeniusly layered into this teenage experience is amazing.
The chemistry between Rona and Louis... oh my goodness! They have this easy going flow between them. Whenever Rona is around Louis, I think she's the most engaged. While I think that she IS attracted to him (and doesn't quite know it), I also sense that she's letting her guard down a little bit and letting herself ask questions and grow and pursue what SHE wants (like Defense). And I think Louis is adorable. I can't wait to see more of his character development!
Rona getting ready for the party: I know that you were a little concerned about this scene, but I think you do a lot of world building and character development. This far into the story, you've already hinted at some tensions and potential plots... but now we get a glimpse into Rona's innermonologue and it works so well here, especially how you connect it to the events at the party.
The party: Oh James. James, James, James. He has SO much growing up to do. It's interesting to see his family members rolling their eyes at him. I can tell they care for him, but he's been making some very questionable choices. I'm glad that they try to support Rona as best as they can--and they haven't completely dismissed James yet, either. (Also, that line: You dumped me, the necklace didn't. CLASSICALLY BRILLIANT, DENI!)
Anyway, I'm looking forward to what you have in store for us next. This is a different Next Gen fic, and it's awesome that you're pursuing this possibility!
i'm here performing my duties as head cheerleader for this story but I thought I would also throw the review in for RvG too.
So I love this chapter because we get to see so much about Rona throughout the chapter. It's such good character development and it just added so many more layers to have characterisation but you write it all so naturally. It's not information dump as it's subtle but still very clear.I love the way Rona comes across, she's very guarded, hold herself to a high standard and not as confident as she comes across on the outline. The wonderful details like her outfit being like Armour in Slytherin colours. This was an amazing little character quirk.
I love how easy her interactions are with Louis, they have such a really nice rapport! There is a really good foundation for the future. I love Louis' little quip because not needing to know about secondary wizarding war. I like how his characterisation is going so far.
PARTYYYYYY. I can't resist reading a little bit of a party. Can I just say Rona is pretty awesome for standing her ground on creepy guys like Aaron. I like that she has a tough streak to her. James is just the worse in this chapter, he is so cold that kissing that girl and looking at Rona. what kinda issues does he have? It seems he likes having the power. The way he talks to Rona is ice cold. It makes so interested in what happened between them. How much tension is there?? very engaging.
I'm so excited about Lucy's character. I think I'm going to just love her. It'll be interesting to see things develop between her and Rona too.
- Abbi xo
Hi Deni!!! Boy oh boy do I have some shit to talk about our dear James Sirius Potter. Also, this is a very last minute contribution to February RvG. Maybe. If I can finish it in time. (Yeah update, I did not. I’ve literally already made the awards for February and I still haven’t written more than a paragraph of this review. At this pace, we’ll be lucky to achieve it by the end of March RvG.) (Update again, we've finished this in March. It's sad that I consider this something of an accomplishment.)
“That night time wouldn't fly.” Alright this was the blatant All Too Well reference, yeah? Because I’m now singing that bridge to myself because of this. Or the "I was there" line from Rona? If one of those *wasn’t* the blatant reference, you’ll have to let me know where it actually was and I’ll be very disappointed in myself for not catching it originally, haha.
Let’s just… start with the obvious, yeah? James is an asshat, a jerk, a douchewaffle, and a whole host of other creative insulting words I’m not allowed to use in this review without it getting reported. I mean, really, you pull Rona aside to talk, don’t even actually apologise for being excessively rude to her in the library, and then five minutes later you’re kissing some other girl?? And this: “I was watching him as he gave me one last glance, making sure I could see him, before he kissed her.” God, so apparently Freddy didn’t punch him hard enough the first time? Or maybe he punched him so hard it gave James brain damage and *that’s* why he’s acting like this? Regardless the reason, he needs a swift kick to a specific location that may or may not make it impossible for him to procreate.
Alright now that we’ve gotten the important things out of the way (TSwift and the shithole that is JSP), let’s move onto some of the other things worth discussing in this chapter. So Louis. Sweet, sweet Louis. I love that he clearly already knows Rona so well and knows that not doing well on her OWL bothered her and offers to help her take the NEWT exam by sharing all of his notes. What an absolute gem. I don’t understand how he’s related to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (no, not that one).
But also the fact that all the Weasleys immediately came to Rona’s aide when James was being a douchecanoe is really admirable, and I’m glad that they all recognise that he’s being awful. I’m curious to know more about why Lucy and Rona don’t exactly get along normally (especially because Lucy and Louis seem close so I feel like that relationship might shift at some point as Rona and Louis get closer), but I love the way you’ve written Lucy, as this incredibly blunt and to-the-point character.
THE LOCKET LINE. I knew you’d used it but I still got super excited when I read it - it’s SUCH a good comeback, tbh. And I really love that Rona intentionally dresses as Slytherin as possible when showing up to a Gryffindor party, just to make a point. She knows that she doesn’t entirely belong there and fully owns it, and even though she might not *feel* super confident inside during this party, it *is* a bit of a power move and I respect it.
I feel like there’s probably a lot more to James and Rona’s breakup that we haven’t seen - and maybe to their relationship as well, because I don’t really know how she could have dated him for so long unless he was a very different person when they were together and/or she was with him for some reason other than his personality. I’m curious to know which. ;)
As always, super pumped for the next chapter!
So, is this going to be a Rona/Louis story or a Rona/James story? I’m just wondering because I kinda need to know before I invest my time in it, sorry! It’s a fantastic start, but fanfics about the Weasley cousins isn’t really my thing, it’s the Potter siblings or not at all :/
And whatever Fred says, he is not friends with James at all. What awful thing did James do to have everyone turn on him? Because just breaking up with someone does not mean that you deserve the treatment James is getting from his so called friends and family— hope he punches Fred out the next time he says anything at all to him. I get that you’re trying to portray James as a douchebag, but right now all I see is the Weasley family being assholes to their cousin behind his back. Fred can go f’ck himself for all I care, and Lucy saying that James is embarrassing himself?? By doing what, moving on?? Trash, the lot of them
There is a bit more to the story of James and Rona than I've shown in the first few chapters. It's not really my style to give away all the information at the very start and the readers right now aren't meant to know the whole story. The beauty of Next Gen is that James's story and character can be left open to the authors imagination. In this one he's not the golden boy, he is a douchebag- at least for now. Part of my intention in writing such a story is to have readers question my characters' behavior, and your review has demonstrated the effectiveness of my approach.
With regards to your stated JSP/OC preference, this is a Louis/OC story. If that's not your thing then there are plenty of other incredible stories about JSP on this site that I'm sure you'll love.
Thank you for the review,
Hi hi hi!
Imagine my horror when I realized that your requested review has been sitting in the staff thread since before you became staff. We failed you and I’m sorry.
SO, I’ve actually read this chapter before but it turns out I never left a review! An additional apology for being a flake.
I can’t imagine the stress of being a major politician’s daughter. Like a minister of magic’s kid? The scrutiny would be unbearable. I do appreciate that she can tell media etc to back off politely so she can do the family thing first and foremost. That’s a good parent. If only she actually stuck to it and didn’t leave her kid waiting. I have a hot mom too and I get the “sisters” comment all the time and I’m like uhhh she’s in her mid-fifties, can you not?
Talking about Nyx, if I had a cat at Hogwarts I’d 100% have it on a harness. There’s so many dangerous things! What if your cat got out and was stuck in a trick step on the staircase? Or eaten by a basilisk? Or eaten by the giant squid? Genuine concerns here.
Ugh, James. You cute jerk. Ugh, Louis. You cute sweetheart. I do so love the Gryffindor/Slytherin friendships. It’s a nice change from old rivalries and really they are two sides of the same coin.
Rona doesn’t need a Potter to make her happy. Maybe a Weasley though.
I can’t wait to read the next chapter!
Paula!! Honestly I'd forgotten about that review request so no worries there haha! This turned out to be a nice surprise!
I'm there with you in the hot mum club and yes it is so annoying!! I had to get it in here somewhere, right? And yes like that cat should be on a harness... If one of my cats got in there then you can bet it would be on the roof in ten minuets flat but oh my god I love the idea of it facing off against a basilisk!!
I love you reactions to the boys and the Gryffindor/Slytherin friendships! I always love writing them because the dimanics are always SO interesting!
Thank you so much for the lovley review dear,
Deni hi!!! Here for your requested review and February RvG!!
Ok, before anything, honestly, I looked away from this chapter for a while and then looked back and was VERY SURPISED by the line of "at first sarah's lack of response" (which felt like a personal call out that I was not ready for, even though I am VERY LATE to reviewing this and probably deserve the personal call out).
MY GIRL IS ON HER POTIONS GRIND! I am low key excited to see everything she does with this and where it's going to go. I love all her notes (so type a of her) becuase it's clear that it's something she cares about and it's so in line with everything we already know about Rona! Also, the fact that she spent her week post break up thinking up new potions recipes is also so on point? Like girl needs her space, but also that's just a wasted week for her otherwise.
I LOVE FREDDIE! He's just...absolutely hilarious. I am completely on board with him just not having James' moods and behavior and just decking him. It's so great that he's not taking sides in this! HE BRINGS CHEESE TOASTIES♥ What a man!
I love that the Gryffies have a 25th of September party and they can't even remember whose birthday it was originally for. Honestly the most Gryffie thing ever. Wren's full on support of her Slytherin friends is great but it seems like she doesn't know how nice she is? Or maybe she just wants her besties, in which case, I get it. I feel like Rona is definitely going to go- I have no idea what's going to happen to make her go (LOUIS PERHAPS???). Or maybe she plans on slicing her new dress down in a double revenge (to both her mum and showing up looking super hot and sticking it to James). Her mother is pretty rough it seems, and the more we read, the more complicated their relationship seems. It's pretty rough that Sarah is buying Rona a dress to make up for something that wasnt really solved and I'm curious to see if the Witch Weekly comes back into play. But I'm sure there will be other stories; it sounds like Sarah and Rona's mum don't have much control over the journalists, despite what James said last chapter.
GREAT chapter Deni, looking forward to next one!
Deni~~ It's been so long! I'm so glad you've finally updated!
I'm ticked at her mom. Like I was already feeling ticked at her in chapter 1 because she clearly cares more about her campaign than her own daughter. But this? Like, she couldn't just give a response of like "I'm sorry this happened to you!" But noooo. She has to take care of politics first for two weeks!!! Two weeks! My goodness. Mother of the year.
I liked the scene with Freddie. It was indearing. I wasn't expecting him to choose her over James. Or maybe he doesn't really pick sides? Idk? I like this line: "James is basically my brother. You're my best friend. There's a difference." The only thing is, why hasn't he approached her sooner if they're best friends??? Hmm. I got really excited for some good drama when she and Freddie walked into the Great Hall together. I hope there will be more on that in chapter 4. Like what if James gets jealous? Or Louis? Duhn duhn duhn! Bring on the drama! There's a party coming up, so that feels like the perfect set-up for an emotional hurricane.
I also just got to say, when I read "cheesie toast" I was like "what in the world is that??" Is it some specific cheesy bread that's been toasted?? eh?? And then I Googled it, and wow. Yeah. Now I'm laughing. I'm assuming that's the British name for what Americans call grilled cheese hahaha I'm dying. Cheesie toast!! Bwahaha. Omg I love language.
Alwynse for RvG Februrary - Go GOLD!
Deni!!! Honestly, I was gonna review this anyways, but you posted it in my review thread as well so that ended up being a nice kick in the ass to actually get on it.
I love that Rona just has that abandoned bathroom as her own space - she definitely needs that and it lets her little potions genius shine through. You can just tell that she’s perfectly in her element coming up with new brews and putting things together like she does.
Also, the population of the list of ‘Men Who Do Not Suck in This Novel’ has officially been upped to two, with the addition of Freddy. Seriously, I really love him and his snarky personality and the fact that he knew where Rona was and that she would need food. I need a man in my life that just brings me cheese toasties when I forget to eat lunch. He seems like such a good friend, and I also weirdly love that he decked James in the face? From what we’ve seen of James already (and what you’ve hinted I should expect next chapter), he deserved it fully. And the whole “James is basically my brother. You're my best mate. There's a difference.” was really sweet of him.
That also raises the question of what Freddy’s role was before Rona and James started dating, and how he reacted to them getting together. Because if he was Roma’s friend before they got together and also super close with James, I feel like them getting together must’ve been either super weird for him, or he was all for the idea, but I can’t figure out which.
Ooh, a Gryffindor party where James will most definitely be there? And presumably the rest of the Potter/Weasley gang as well? (Hopefully Louis, considering he’s one of the few dudes not on my shit list from this fic right now?) I smell DRAMA, hehehe.
I’m also the worst at review requests because it’s only after all of this that I went to check what you wanted me to comment on, so honestly it’s a good thing you told me to talk about “anything you like” because this whole thing was done already anyways.
Anyways, I’m excited for the next chapter and to inevitably go off in the reviews about how much men suck. It’s actually pretty cathartic, tbh.
Written for the Magical Menagerie event and January RvG
I need to calm down right? I'm so excited that you got another chapter up finally!
I really love Rona so far, I wanna see where this potion making goes. I feel like there is so much to uncover like what does she do with all those potions? I feel like she has so many hidden depths like something about her character that you can see it bubbling away under the surface. I think there is something about the way you write her but it's so interesting. I WANT MORE. MORE. MORE.
The friendship between Freddie and Rona is so refreshing because normally OCs are just friends through the relationship with other family member but this seems so genuine. I love the tone of their relationship, there is some wonderful dialogue. He seems like such an awesome friend and I'm totally here for their friendship. I ship them as friends. is that a thing?? I'm making it a thing.
I feel for Rona like it's her life is a bit of Circus like how business like Sarah is when it's Rona's real life happening then it's like giving her dress makes everything better. I love the description you've used for that dress! It sounds amazing, I would totally wear it if I had anywhere to wear it you know. I could wear it reviewing right?
I NEED LOUIS. WHERE IS MY BOYYYY? *CRIES*
I expect to see him soon, please?? haha
- Abbi xo
Magical Mengerie/RvG (mainly because this story is awesome and you're amazing!)
Hi Deni! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.
I'm really excited that you have another chapter of this story up - I actually came to review it last round but it turns out I was caught up already, so this is perfect. Anyway.
The character details that we got about Rona at the start of this chapter were really great - I feel like we're definitely getting to know her better as a character here now and there's some traits coming through that really distinguish her from others. I absolutely love the fact that she takes advantage of a Sunday morning at Hogwarts to hide away from other people. I feel you, Rona, I feel you. I can't imagine living with that many people permanently without a chance for escape, so I love that she's got a place that she goes where she can be on her own and feel calmer.
Hmm, James's knack of turning up and finding people in odd places couldn't have anything to do with the Marauders' Map, could it?
I love that Rona is spending her Sunday morning making potions and adding her own notes to the different recipes - that's such a nerdy way to spend a morning off but it gave us a real insight into her passions and what she's good at.
And Freddie! I've been wanting to see more of him in this story and it's really sweet that he's still coming to find her with food and check in on her as her best friend. Of course, all of that just makes me even more curious about what happened between James/Rona/Freddie - if it's the sort of love triangle thing I'm thinking of at all, or if you're just feeding us red herrings here and going in a completely different direction. Why did Freddie punch James???
I really liked the scene with Wren and Cecily, too, although I get the feeling that the party - if she goes - is going to be difficult for Rona. And maybe a big scene in the story? She can't avoid James forever, right?
Ugh, the apology at the end, as much sense as it made, was really frustrating to read. It can't be easy for anyone to have their lives dragged through the newspapers like this, but even less so when you weren't the one to choose it in the first place. I'd hope that side of things would get better for Rona but I'm not holding out much hope with this campaign!
I was SO excited to see you had updated this as I really love this story. The bit with Freddie and Rona in the loo threw up more questions for me that I need to know the answers to. First, I wasn't expecting her and Freddie to be besties, so that was a surprise - a good one! I NEED to know what happened between her and James because clearly it resulted in Freddie punching him, that's massive, considering they're like brothers as Freddie said. And it seems like they were visiting Charlie in Romania too - there is so much I don't know!! This break up seems like it was quite a nasty one considering they're talking about official statements and all that. Deni, what happened?!!
I feel that James is going to have more to say when his letter arrives, so hopefully we'll find out more. I'm guessing this party is going to be where it all comes out, so I can't wait for that.
Rona's such a great OC and I love her little quirks, like leaving sweets out for Myrtle even though she obviously can't eat them. It's quite thoughtful really, bless her.
I see there's another chapter on the way, I'll be clicking away as soon as it's there to find the answers I desperately need!
Tasha: For Magical Menagerie & RvG - Team Red xx
Alright Deni, I’m finally being not-a-piece-of-garbage and reviewing this second chapter! :)
I feel bad for Rona in so much of this chapter - she’s in a really rough place both with the fact that everyone’s talking about her break-up, the Prophet publishing stuff about her and James, and the whole NEWTs situation. I honestly got second-hand stressed for her when Montgomery told her to drop subjects, because I totally know that feeling of wanting to massively overachieve in everything. Although tbh, Rona took it a lot better than I would’ve - there would’ve been a lot of angry yelling on my part if that was me, haha.
Seriously though, that’s got to be rough, having your relationship that’s just fallen apart shoved back in your face again via magazine article. And then the idiot that is your version of James has to show up and make things worse.
On that note… ah, James. He seems like a nice guy. And by nice guy, I mean TOTAL ASSHOLE. Seriously, there is absolutely NO NEED for him to be so rude to Rona over the fact that a newspaper article got published about them that she had no control over. And the fact that he’s playing the victim when Rona’s undoubtedly getting the worst of this situation… I just. UGH. MEN.
Although, actually I take my gripe about all men back, because I love Louis. He’s the only one not on my shit list right now. And idk why, but I’m giggling like an idiot at “James speaks about as much French as a door handle.” But he’s just being genuinely nice to Rona and making her laugh, which she honestly both needs and deserves after everything that happened in this chapter. I’m really excited for this friendship/relationship/whatever of theirs to develop more as this story goes on, so I fully expect to see chapter 3 of this very soon. <3
Written for the Magical Menagerie event and January RvG
Hi Deni! Here for December's RvG Review Battle!
I'm so excited to see that you've got a new chapter of this story up, and I loved the second one as much as I loved the first! I still have so many questions, but I felt like we really got to know Rona a bit more in this chapter, especially away from the media circus that opened the story - well, almost.
Cecily seems like an awesome best friend! I loved the way that she shut down the people gossiping about Rona and James breaking up by talking about the Quidditch tryouts - that and her conversation with Montgomery later on make it pretty clear that she's going to be an awesome Quidditch captain this year. She definitely doesn't seem like a bad person to have at her side.
I felt really sorry for Rona in this chapter. I think in the first chapter, she was definitely trying to put a brave face on everything, especially when she knew the cameras and journalists were there for her mum, but the reality of her and James breaking up is starting to hit her more now, it seems. She's starting to realise how much it's going to affect her day to day life at Hogwarts with how different it'll be from last year, and the fact that she'll be spending more time at the Slytherin table is one of the smallest of the changes, probably.
The Witch Weekly article seems so unfair, and just another reminder that even if Rona's kind of protected by being at Hogwarts in some ways, her mum running for Minister is going to affect her daily life while she's at school still - especially since she dated James and he's another high profile figure in the wizarding world.
Dropping down from nine subjects to five seems like a lot to be expected to drop, especially if she's still managing to achieve Os in most of them. I'm sure there's a reason they've noticed her grades dropping and that going down to five subjects seems to be the best decision for her, but I could really sense the way it weighed on Rona here - she's used to being a high achiever and feeling like she's ahead of the pack, and dropping four of her subjects places her back with the average student. I don't know how much of it is her personality or her family background, but I got the impression that she doesn't much like the idea of being average. I wonder if that'll come up more later in the story.
What happened between James and Rona? Why did they break up? Why's he being so rude to her? I can understand him not wanting anything printed about them in magazines like Witch Weekly, but it still doesn't seem fair that he took it out on her the way he did, especially when he knows just as well as Rona does that they don't have any control over it. I'm so curious about how things ended between them!
The last scene with Louis was my favourite - I love him already! Making his notes in Runes or in French is just genius, and I really liked how easy the conversation between him and Rona seemed here. I can't wait to see more of the two of them together and get to know him better. Although of course that scene also gave me more questions - why were Freddie and James hardly talking at the start of the trip? Does Freddie have something to do with Rona and James's break up? I'M SO CURIOUS!!!
Hi, just looking around the archive and wanted to share my brief thoughts on your fic (i'm no good with reviews, hope you don't mind)
I was really drawn in by your writing - it's seriously good. Can tell your experienced, just love everything about it.
I also enjoy the dynamic between Rona and the rest of the characters - her mum and James in particular. Not sure what to think of Louis just yet - hope I'll find out. Love that Rona's a Slytherin and I'd like to see more of her personality unfold.
Just overall great job!
Hello! I'm here for your wishlist!
Oh man, there's already so much interesting stuff and interpersonal dynamics going on. So, Rona's mum is campaigning for Minister for Magic, and is supported by the Golden Trio! So she's basically a shoe-in, but has to act the part and it's really stressful for Rona who just wants a normal life, not putting on appearances (i mean you already have so many appearances to put up as a teenager even without that!). I think you wrote that awkward scene with her mum in the beginning really well. Like you can tell there's a lot of love there, its just buried under a lot of frustration that Rona is being ignored and that her mum doesn't have time for her. I really liked the moment when they hugged, because it's in the middle of this whole scene when Rona is annoyed, and then for just one moment, she isn't.
I'm also super curious about her relationships with the Weasley-Potters. It mostly seems that they're all friendly with one another, given that their parents are friends. With the exception of James, of course, as he's her ex. V curious about all the dynamics there and how their parents' working relationship impacts their own relationship (not Relationship, I know they broke up, but just relationship in a general sense haha) And what specifically has gotten into him recently that made him so angry to see her. And Louis, I can't figure out what's up with him or whether he's just a quiet dude.
Wren's response to Rona's mother is really interesting too, and I think it shows the way the general public sees someone versus how their family does. To a lot of people, I imagine, Rebecca is super wonderful, and I'm sure she is, but they don't see the side of her that is a mum who had to give up a lot of things, including time with her daughter - to run this campaign, and I wonder if that's going to be a source of tension between Rona and Wren in the future.
Great opening chapter, I really enjoyed this!
Tasha here for RvG, but also, I'd have totally reviewed this anyway.
I love, love, love this already! I adore Rona and it's nice and refreshing to have a Slytherin that is likable and sassy too (even though she seems really sad at the moment). I like that Rona's background is touched on straight away, it already gives an insight into why the character is the way she is.
You have packed so much in already, teasing things to come. It's been very intelligently written and I've been asking questions the whole way through: What's going on with her grades? What happened with her and James? Why wasn't Freddie talking to James?
Also, her mother didn't like James, but was happy for the publicity with the Potters - very interesting. I'd also like to know much more about James. He seems pretty stroppy at the moment - is that because of all the publicity? Or is he just heartbroken?
And lovely Louis! He seems so sweet and I think he'll end up being a support to her. I especially loved the runes section. It is little touches like that which really bring characters to life and you've done that brilliantly the whole way through.
I'm hooked and can't wait to see what happens next!
Hi Deni. Here to review chapter 2!
I'm getting the feeling that not only was the breakup bad, but also that it will heavily influence some of the group's dynamics. For one, where the girls usually sit in the Great Hall, and then with their friendhsips (at least Rona's) with the boys.
And why did Rona and James break up? Was it just not working anymore? Was it something else? I'm curious...
I wonder what came out in the magazine that left Rona and James so bad, and why Rebecca did it.
Something that didn't sit so well with me was Rona giving up on some subjects because of James, although I can understand why she did it given the pressure she's under. I'm hoping she'll think about this again more logically no matter if her decision changes or not.
That said, I'm liking that even though she didn't interact much with Louis as of yet, he's already telling her that he thinks she's smart and making sure that she can talk to him, no matter what happened with James. Maybe he'll encourage her and guide her through her Seventh Year, even though I'm guessing it'll bring major drama with James when he finds out.
I look forward to continue the story, Deni :)
Hi there, Deni. Here I am for your requested review :)
First of all I'd like to point out that, for such a short chapter, the plot got my attention several times.
To start, I'm very interested to find out more about Rona's relationship with her mother. Obviously she's hurt because of all the attention her mother isn't giving her, even if she tries to play it out as if it doesn’t mean anything. Is it just because her mother is running for Minister? Does it have to do with her father? And that poses the question, what happened to her father? I look forward to finding out.
I'm also guessing that part of the process of dealing with all that pent-up anger is engaging in those activities they mentioned, so I'm eager to find about that as well.
Then, of course, there’s the guys. I wasn’t expecting James to be her ex-boyfriend, so I’m assuming there will be plenty of drama ahead. And it seems as though Rona might have gotten along with at least Fred as well, so she’ll probably suffer a little with James not talking to her and influencing Fred to do the same.
At least she’s got her friends. I've really liked them, which is unusual for me. Tipically I either don't like the MC’s friends all that much or just one of them and not the others, but I'm quite enjoying Wren and Cecily. I think they make a powerful and interesting trio.
I found Rona a strong and independent character in this first chapter, if a little sad even though she tries her best to disguise it. Also perhaps a bit of a troublemaker? We'll see. All of this makes the plot all the more compelling to me!
All in all, a great start ^^
OMG I love your banner!! Where’d you get it??
… Yeah, okay, I’ll walk myself out now.
Hi Deni! Here for RvG, your request, and because I totally would’ve reviewed this anyways even if the previous two weren’t happening (it might’ve taken me ages, but it would’ve happened, lol - thanks for requesting this and giving me a much-needed kick in the ass to actually write the damn review).
I love love love the premise of this story. Poor Rona has a whole lot of drama to deal with - her mother being a frontrunner for Minister puts her in the spotlight in one sense, and having just emerged from what seems like a rough break up with James is another. The Prophet is imaginably having a field day with her at this point (hence your story summary).
I like how you’ve described Rona’s mother here - she’s definitely got the polish and poise of a seasoned politician, and it shows. And for someone who has to live with that - “the Rebecca effect,” as you call it - that’s a lot to live up to. And it seems like she does love her mum, she’s just annoyed with some of the things her mum has to do in her current campaigning position. And like, rightfully so - only being brought into the spotlight just to be touted as “the daughter of a single mom” has to be annoying.
Also, very curious as to these “extra activities” Rona mentions here. Foreshadowing, perhaps?
HAHAHAHAH “ ‘Oi, McKenna!’ ... One day I’m going to poison Fred Weasley.” I love this line so much.
James seems... well, he seems kind of like an asshole at this point. We obviously don’t really know what happened between them yet, but he’s acting awfully rude for someone who dated her for two years. (I have no self-control and read ahead before writing this review, so I’m also vaguely basing it off his behaviour in the next chapter as well.) But I like Louis so far, who seems to not have adopted the same coldness as his cousin. It really makes me wonder how their relationship went down, because it clearly wasn’t something that tore other people apart with it, because neither Fred or Louis seem to be behaving as coldly as James did.
I love Wren and Cecily already - you’ve written them as such energetic and confident characters, and I love me some super confident and sassy characters.
“ ‘Rona doesn’t need a Potter to make her happy.’ “ Is this... more foreshadowing that I detect? She may not get a Potter, but she will get a Weasley. ;)
Anyways, I adored this first chapter - feel free to come back and re-request if I don’t manage to get my act together and review it on my own, lol.
OMG thank you! You should get the same girl to make you one. She's really good and REALLY humble.
Hey Taylor! Wow, thank you so much!!!
You're right, she has a lot to deal with. She hates the spotlight so you can be sure that that's exactly where I'll be putting her thoughout this story :P
Her mum's charcater is a lot of fun to write so I'm pretty releved she comes across alright. You've got Rona's thoughts on her pretty much nailed. James... (the next chapter says all I need to about james at this stage) James isn't the nicest interpritation of the charcater lol. You know that I love him but I'm having to throw that opinion out of the window at the moment lol.
Glad you liked the chapter, thank you so much for the review and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the next one!
All my love
(I MAKE NO COMMENT ON ANY FORESHADOWING ;) no comments happening on that last like... none.... nope...)
Hello my twin, I am here to review for the dungeon theme, for October's RvG (go Red!), and because I absolutely would have anyway and am all for killing multiple birds with one stone!!
LOUIS!!!! AHHH there was so much of him this chapter and I am THRILLED about it! I'm so so curious about his character, there were so many fun things dropped about his character this chapter. He takes notes in runes? I love him already (as you already know)
I should probably go back to the beginning of the chapter to give this nonsense some sense of organization and content so it's not just 1000+ characters of me rambling about Louis.
I LOVED the first scene here. I'm 100% here for Cecily's snark all spots are available on the Quidditch team as a way to shut down someone gossiping about her best friend is LEGENDARY (and I wish I could insert a barney stinson gif because I don't think all caps truly does this justice). But I also think Rona's monologue about contrasting her spot at the slytherin table is going to be really important later--like usually this feast is the one time of year she spends there but now that she and James are done, she'll be spending a lot more time there suddenly. Things will definitely be different this year!
BIG drama with the Witch Weekly article! I was so curious when Rona first got it and her showdown with James was much needed. I'm DYING to know exactly what happened with them (ALSO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END OF LAST YEAR? SHE AND JAMES BROKE UP, HE AND FREDDIE WEREN'T SPEAKING WHEN THEY WENT TO ROMANIA?). And her reaction to the article was intense! I loved how she just ripped the page out and was like deal with this, and I think it's pretty telling that she just sends it to her mother's assistant.
Thought Rona's scheduling thing was super interesting! Dropping from 9 to 5 subject is huge, especially when you've been preparing for 9 (and at least some of the ones you had to drop were related to last year's boyfriend). But even bigger, I feel, was her reaction. my chance to flatten everyone was gone. So she's definitely got some internal things going on--a big change for her this year
I truly don't even know what else I wanted to say about this, because I can't stop thinking about Louis now, like I literally love the scene with him and Rona at the end. He seems maybe the more calming presence of the three boys? I loved when he called her out for not taking the easy way out of things and am glad to see them as seat buddies! It'll make for an interesting year to have them so close together and I wonder if it will cause any drama with Louis and James? Another wonderful chapter Deni! Excited for next update!
Hi twin!! lol I love it, get all the birds at once!
I LOVE THE LOUIS LOVE!! And I love the rambling. Honestly I could go on for 1000+ characters about Louis... which I guesss is good since I'm writing a novel about him. ANYWAY...
Oh my gosh there is so much to respond to here. Cecily's snark is so fun to write and you're right about Rona's spot at the table. It's going to be pretty differrent to what she's used to, an odd situation for her to be in. The subjects will be simmilar. It will all unfold as we go on!
All will become clear with James and Rona :P eventually...
Okay and back to louis... I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE HIM!!! He is totally the calm one out of the boys and sitting next to her in class, well you'll just have to wait and see :P
Thank you so much for the review!
All my love
I feel like this chapter has got a few moments which feel like callbacks to the series which I really love. the first scene is like when Harry first enters Hogwarts and everyone is talking about him which is shown through clips of dialogue from nameless characters. its so effective for setting the scene like that buzz around the school. I also like the professor wanting a progress report on the Quidditch team, very Mcgonagall-y but I love it. Always your female friends for your OC are great and the rapport you've created via dialogue is exceptional.
I think that Rona's personality has be become a lot more clear and her slytherin side is definitely on show especially in her show when she was wanting to take all the subjects. She is someone that has drive and creativity. I really like that about her. she's obviously got pretty defensive side ans had put up some a major emotional walls around herself which is interesting.
So I loved this contrast that you created between the interactions between James then her conversation with Louis. James was the super intense and basically super rude in his scenes. It really interests me because I really want to know about what caused that real tension between those two. I can't wait for that to be unwrapped. I thought Louis was just lovely and the 'antidote' to James. He seems really cool, easy going! I LOVELOVELOVE the thing with the runes. I thought that was just a cool little touch. I'm so obsessed with your Louis already. He is such a breath of fresh air! I'm really excited to see her relationships develop with both James and Louis. I feel like she has this dark chemistry with James but this light chemistry with Louis (but you know Lona forever <3)
- Abbi - fan girl forever ;]
RvG - Team Gold
YES! There were a few wee nods to the books there, the quidditch-loving head of house especially! I'm blushing... You know I love me some OC's but dialogue is a huge struggle so thank you!!!
Rona's personality will continue to unfold but do get a good look at her slytherin side in this chapter! As well, as you put it, as the walls she's got up!
YAY! You liked my babies! The contrast between them was sort of an accident at first haha. I finished writing the scenes and then read them back and just laughed. I love your idea of dark/light chemistry. It's certainly how I wanted it to come across. I'm just really happy you like them! (well... louis at least!) <3
Thank you again for the lovley review!
Rona x Louis = <3
Hehehe! Any it's only chapter two!