I am a complete Snape nut, so when I saw this one in the archives, I immediately dove in.
First, congratuations on attempting to tackle this. As of now, since it's only about one solitary person which very challenging to keep that interesting for four chapters but it's worked well. Second for attacking PTSD: a difficult subject to talk about and portray in a character. We always think of Snape as the stoic, unruffled type, but once he's free, this is very realistic. I like the way you keep dipping back into dreams and memories and the description of him as he deals with it.
The first part was rather confusing and I was honestly about ready to drop the story. I assume that is purposeful to show Snape's socio-emotional state-just make sure it doesn't drag on to much.
The part when he realizes that Potter is still alive made me laugh-so classic Snape. Idiot Potter messes up again and now I have to go deal with him by killing him.
I love the scene with the little boy who spies a shark. A nice way to add a bit of lightness to the story. Plus it give us a reminder. Severus is clueless about little children (also big children and adolescence but that's another story that's already been told.)
His vision of Voldemort is interesting. - "we can speak like this because we have always been friends, Severus. Some seem to think that friends must always speak carefully, politely, spare each others' feelings, but I feel just the opposite. If you can't be perfectly open and straightforward with your friends, then who can you be honest with." Besides the obvious (of I should have killed you better the first time), I wonder what Snape's subconscious thinks Voldemort still needs to say to him.
The only real critique I have is the formatting. I still haven't figured out how to efficiently format my stories. After pasting, I add a line of space between each paragraph. It makes it much easier on the reader's eyes.
Thank you so much! I'm new on this site, but the stories I'm posting right now are some of my older works. I want to get everything up here before I start posting the newer stuff.
I know the first chapter is a bit confusing, since we're in a first-person viewpoint and Snape is literally delirious. I originally chose the first-person perspective for another story (the first story I wrote is actually a sequel to this one. I'll be posting it here as soon as I have this one up) that is more of a noir detective genre, and the viewpoint comes with that style. However, I found that I really liked being able to examine Snape's inner thoughts and, well, paranoia, so I stuck with it for a trilogy. I know it turns off some readers who (legitmately) might not like the first-person viewpoint, but part of me doesn't mind having a kind of hurdle at the beginning. Readers who stick with it will probably be able to handle some of the other things I'll toss their way. And I'm certainly glad you stuck with it!
These first few chapters are a bit heavy, in part because Snape is so isolated. This will be changing through the story, and there will be some more humor along the way as well. And yes, I'm going to go into Snape's relationships with Voldemort and the other Death Eaters a little more as we go along too. I think his decision to flip over to Dumbledore is more meaningful if he had real friendships on the other side.
Thank you for wonderfully detailed and thoughtful review! and thank you SO MUCH for that bit about the formatting! Since these stories are up on other sites, I'm cutting and pasting to post them here, and I did not know how to make the formatting work! I'm slowly going through now and getting those extra line breaks in. I just don't want to overwhelm the validators. Since the story is already completed and posted elsewhere, I'll be adding chapters pretty frequently. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!