Reviews For The New Skin


Name: blackballet (Signed) · Date: 22 Mar 2022 11:43 PM · For: Chapter 1: The Reverse

Hi there, here on Vicki's recommendation for the galazy review event!

 

What a great first chapter! I love the description of how Snape comes out of his death. Your use of colors and adjectives is so beautiful :)

 

and the aburpt breath he has when Aberforth wakes him is so jarring and cool. I love this idea of him getting out of the area under the dark of night. it's such a great start to the story, so dark and mysterious

 

love this chapter!

Catherine



Author's Response:

Hi Catherine!

 

Thank you so much!

 

When I was writing this chapter, I wanted to have something that was a contrast to the "afterlife" we see in the books, Harry in a train station. I wanted something that felt overwhelming, maybe a bit sinister, incomprehensible. I definitely wanted it to fit the theme of 'reversal,' because that will be important later in the series. I was also a bit inspired by the painting 'Death' by the expressionist Max Beckmann. Things are turned upside down, black and white are reversed. Yeah, it's a bit of a shock for Snape to come back to the land of the living.

 

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

 

Mottsnave



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 04 Oct 2021 01:18 AM · For: Chapter 14: Introductions

Your dialogue in this chapter is really brilliant. It sounds real and lively, it flows really nicely, it kind of feels like watching a scene in a movie. All enhanced by Snape's sardonic thoughts and reactions to meeting all these people.

 

I continue to love how you use humor. E.g., "He made a hole in the ground." It lands perfectly every time.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much!

 

This chapter was really a lot of exposition and probably introducing way too many characters at once, so I definitely needed humor and dialogue get get through it without being a slog, I'm so glad you liked it!

 

Thank you so much for all your excellent reviews, I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

 

Mottsnave



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 04 Oct 2021 12:49 AM · For: Chapter 5: What Purpose?

Such a great observation, at the end here, about Snape not knowing what to do with himself now that he has no specific assignment or cause to be working on. He's had critical orders to follow for his entire adult life and really no control over any part of his own life. He doesn't seem like a person who'd like to be idle or would handle any kind of down time very well to begin with, let alone the complicating fact of where he is now, where suddenly he has no specific purpose. Like what an identity crisis on top of all the trauma and just everything.

 

I'm super eager to read your take on wizarding America as this goes on.

 

My brain is not working right now, so I don't know how much sense this is going to make, but the way you're crafting your narrative here, in first person and being so introspective and methodical, I can't think right now of whose writing it reminds me of, but there feels like a literary quality to it. Like it kind of feels like the narrative in Frankenstein? (Though to be fair it's been eons since I've read it).

 

Anyway, I'm intrigued to see where this plot goes and what you make of Snape's life after canon, particularly as I know there are two sequels to this. This is review # 5 for your prize reviews, but I'll be back for more!

 

Melanie



Author's Response:

Hi Melanie,

 

Exactly, Snape without a Cause, a purpose, orders to follow, he really doesn't know what to do with himself. My interpretation of his character is that he may have an outward appearance of arrogance, but it's really a self-defensive mask to hide a vcious streak of self-loathing. He was living for the Cause for decades, and without it, he's struggling to find a reason for himself to be alive. He is way too used to having his self worth based on what use he can be to the Cause. He is not a healthy puppy.

 

The first person voice was originally because my first story, The Clear Cut, was written as a noir detective novel, so I wanted to use that same 1st person POV style. But I found it very useful for exploring Snape's character, so I continued it for The New Skin and The Good Friend. Basically, my interpretation of his character, is that his anti-social words and actions come from fear, a belief he is vulnerable or about to be attacked (like his whole worst memory in the books... I think he had an inkling that Lily might turn on him, so he turned on her first). This deep distrust of other people is sometimes justified, and probably helped keep him alive as a spy, but it's also something that makes him lash out at other people and destroys his friendships and is slowly destroying him as well. Having the 1st person POV allowed me to go into the contrast between his thoughts and actions when he lashes out, and go into the character development that he desparately needs, as he very slowly starts realizing that he's hurting himself.

 

Thank you so much for the reviews!



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 04 Oct 2021 12:29 AM · For: Chapter 4: Daytripper

Thank you, thank you, for the absolute GIFT of the image of Snape wearing a Sox hoodie.

 

I am so fascinated to see where this is going. At first I thought the story was going to end up being about Snape trying to kill Harry because of the misunderstanding that Harry was still a Horcrux-- glad that was cleared up and that's not the case!

 

Love how much thought you've put into what Snape knew, what he didn't, understandings with Albus and Aberforth, making arrangements for himself in case he needed to flee. He'd be in a very precarious situation, I guess, staying in Britain even after Harry telling everyone he was a good guy all along (I mean, even just the danger from Death Eaters alone, obviously).

 

You also have really wonderful attention to detail when describing a scene!

 

Melanie

 

(review #4)



Author's Response:

Hi Melanie!

 

Thank you so much!

 

Yeah, I was fairly baffled in the last book that Dumbledore kept so much information away from Snape, who was best placed to take care of at least one Horcrux and who was really the last hope of the Order if something went wrong with Harry. A really bed move strategically. I wanted to have the lack of informaiton have some consequences to Snape's mental state now. But yes, I could also see a plot bunny of a very very black comedy of a surviving Snape doing his best to take out Harry, ya know, just to be safe.

 

This was the second story I wrote in this little trilogy, the first being The Clear Cut. I wanted to go back and really get into the mechanisms of Snape's survival in this universe, the day-to-day stuff he is going through trying to start over. It's partly to reflect on his mental state, which starts to deteriorate if he lets his thoughts wander out of the here and now. His recovery in these early chapters is just being able to focus on the minutaie of survival and nothing else.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 28 Aug 2020 05:36 AM · For: Chapter 36: Departure

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

This chapter is such a jumble of emotions, I hardly know where to start in listing them all.  No one can accuse you of not delving deep into the emotional craft of fiction.  Cyril's dismay at realizing that Grossman knows who he was in his former life, fear that others will also know soon enough, appreciation (hidden) for the affection that the RAs seem to have for him after all this time, as shown by their heart-touching gifts, surprise at the arrival of Professor Wormburg and the feathered serpent, an eye-blink of romance with Uli, contentment during the sausage-eating picnic, firm resolve, and finally the almost-tear-jerker scene at the very end.

 

I love the tiny bits of humorous lines tossed in with no explanation or lead-up (e.g. I was going to have to kill him).  And I love the description of Park's gift of the knives, written and presented as if everyone (all readers) already knows the implications of the name Pullman, even before the box is  opened, and the meanings of the type-names of the various knives, and the fact that they're horribly expensive.  This paragraph pulls us straight into the world of the story.  The story's world becomes our world beause, of course, Pullman knives are common knowledge; they are real.  Very effective.

 

You have done so many things right in this story that i can learn a lot by referencing it and picking up many effective techniques.  Lots of writers tackle the character of Snape, but now I must consider them all as amateurs, compared to what is achieved in this story.  I realize that you have two more stories as sequels, but I don't see how they will be able to top this one.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

Thank you so much! You could see this chapter as a breakup in a way. He needs to end his relationship with the lab just like he needed to end his relationship with Uli, because he can't quite trust people. However, despite that, they can still end as friends. There is a bit of destruction here, but not all destruction is bad. I wanted to include a lot of humor in this chapter to give it a good bitter-sweet send-off. Even though he can't really be around people at the moment, these folks all had a huge effect on him, saving him from his own self-destructive tendencies.

 

Thank you so much for the bit about the knives. There is a kind of risk in confusing people by dumping in details with no explanation. But I also think that there is a lot of pleasure for readers too, in picking up the gist of things from context clues, like you are being let in on a secret, so when it works it's very satisfying. I'm so glad it worked for you!

 

The next two stories are both a bit different in tone. The Clear Cut was the first story I wrote, though it's set chronologically after this one by about 1 3/4 years. It's a noir mystery and it's much more focused on the mystery aspect than this story, less on Snape's personal development. It's faster moving with a bit more action, though I think my writing style was also more rough. The last story, The Good Friend, has Snape addressing some of his regrets and issues more directly, while again dealing with a mystery - I think the third story is where I was able to integrate the mystery and character developement themes most seamlessly. I still have a lot of affection for all three stories, though they each have their own tone and focus.

 

I'm currently writing another noir mystery - it's not directly part of this series since it's not from Snape's viewpoint, but it is in this same 'universe' where he survived. It's kind of a follow-up to Inconclusive Evidence. I'll post that one after I have this series all up.

 

Thank you again for being such a loyal reader and insightful reviewer! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and I hope you give the others a try too. Happy reading!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 27 Aug 2020 05:40 AM · For: Chapter 35: Too Late

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

I have read this chapter countless times without knowing where to start, in writing a review.  It's such an intense chapter, an atypical vision of Severus Snape, but we can never say "out of character" because we have always known that these feelings existed in him - must have existed in him - buried deep, deep inside.  How insightful of you to link his revealing his long-hidden guilt and regret with the sudden, unbelievable award of the Paracesus Prize because only an unexpected shock of this magnitude would have sufficed to shatter the protective wall behind which he had sequestered almost all his feelings for decades.

 

The dialogue in Dick's office after Snape drops his glass of champagne is just perfect, full of subtlety and subtext.  I studied hard over Snape's assertions: Too late.  Two hours late, and then, "I'm always too late; I couldn't save any of them.  I couldn't get anyone out..."  It's pretty clear that he's talking mainly about his students and his inabiity to protect them from embracing the dark side because of his double-agent status. (though I'm not sure what two hours late" specifically referred to).

 

Dick's line "Ah, you never let anything go, do you?" is golden.  Also, "Isn't that as good as it gets?  This might be your best chance ever to let everything be out of your control.  I suggest you take advantqgeof it."  Dick is such a well-drawn character; he grows on you as the story progresses.

 

I note that this chapter takes place in May of 1999.  That's only one year after May 2, 1998.  It's hard to believe that this entire story has taken place within no longer time span than twelve months. (And you covered four of those months in this chapter and the previous one.)

 

This is really a story like none other.  It's hard to see how you are going to top this one in your next two volumes.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

I definitely think one of Snape's defining characteristics is intense emotion, hidden under repression and compulsive self-control. We do know from canon that when the dam bursts it BURSTS though, and the pressure has been building in Snape for a long time. (Can we speculate that the sorting hat really assigns people into Slytherin based on who is prone to ugly cry when they think no one is watching? 'Cause Draco does it too.) And yes, I placed his breakdown after the overwhelming GOOD news, because overwhelming BAD news is something that he is usually braced for and can handle with repression and self-control. Overwhelming good news knocks him for a loop.

 

I think it's typical that when a breakdown comes, all regrets and traumatic memories come out in a jumbled mess, so he is focussing on several things at once. He talks about his students, his mother, and also about the Potters (as the ones that he doomed and went for help too late). The two hours too late is him teetering on the edge of a flashback. It's mentioned a couple of times through this series, but not in too much detail since Snape always tries to suppress that memory before it comes up.  I think it's fair to speculate that when he went to rejoin Voldemort in the cemetary after his rebirth, that Voldemort wasn't very happy with him at all.

 

Thank you for picking up on Dick's lines about letting go and control. It's a running theme of the whole series, that these same traits, which helped Snape survive for years, are now hurting him. Dick can see it at this point much more clearly than Snape can himself. He's also a bit of the anti-dumbledore in his refusal to judge Snape for his regrets.

 

Thank you again for your perceptive reviews!



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Aug 2020 04:47 AM · For: Chapter 34: Thaw

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

 

Things I note in this chapter.  

 

Dick is remarkably patient with Severus regarding Sev's reluctance to publish and Sev's harsh recommendations of his RAs.  Sev's bedrock negativity is showing to its ultimate extent, possibly reinforced by his unhappiness about his failure to develop a successful repeating element.

 

Still, it must be a lot of work for Dick, constantly hauling Sev down from his high horse and dealing with Sev's convictions that nothing is ever good enough.  Every point that Dick is trying to make comes at the expense of a lot of explaining, cajoling, and countering Sev's almost endless train of objections.  I had to smile when Dick finally makes Sev see the light about the references, and Sev immediately does a U-turn, saying "Let's do it your way."

 

I guess that Sev's potion research skills balance out a lot of his negative characteristics in Dick's mind, but I'll bet that Dick sometimes wishes it were easier.

 

The relationship between Sev and Uli has been a thread throughout the entire story, but I will confess that it never really worked for me.  As a woman I can't see why she's attracted to him, especially since he keeps rebuffing her.  What do either of them hope to gain from continuing to flog this dead horse?  I would have given it up as a bad job a long time ago.  As a plot thread, it seems to be in a kind of stasis itself, though you may have developed it further (in a way that makes a difference to Sev) farther along in the broader story.  We shall see.

 

A couple of tiny typos that jumped out.  Pargraph 2, line 3 "...pouring over my notes." The word you meant was "poring".  And later on, "Now I wasn't to talk to you about your references."  Retype 'wasn't' to 'want'.

 

Continuing to enjoy this story.

 

Vicki

 

 



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Clearly, I'm not getting notifications for reviews, I'm sure I must have some setting wrong, so sorry for the delay, and thank you very much for the lovely reviews!

 

I think Dick has a lot of experience with difficult personalities. He has to deal with Zosimos, after all, and there are a few hints around that Pfr. Aruego can be troublesome as well. I think his knowledge of what Snape has been through and that he's more clueless and stubborn than malicious also goes a long ways to make Dick patient with him. But yes, Dick finally gets Snape to come around (as he did in the earlier chapter when he and Grossman confronted him about his lab behavior) by putting it in terms of Snape's own self-interest. Always the best way to get Snape to listen to reason.

 

There is a way in which I'm gld that the Uli/Snape relationship didn't work for you. After all, it also didn't work for either of them. It was perhaps the most common type of relationship, two people who have a little bit in common and are thrown together by circumstance and location, but not actually very well-suited to each other after all. I did try to leave a few clues about what Uli is looking for in the relationship with Snape, but I may not have been clear enough for it to come through through Snape's viewpoint. She is someone who is looking for honest human connection, it's one of the first things that draws her interest in Snape, that she thinks he's honest and  says exactly what he thinks. She mentions that it's also what draws her to the Oi, that they are honest and quickly draw her into that human connection. Unfortunately, it turns out she is wrong about Snape, he's not really capable of trusting other people enough to create a really honest intimate connection. It takes her a while to come around to that conclusion, because he keeps giving her just enough tiny crumbs of connection (such as letting her into the plot against Zosimos, and trusting her a tiny bit about his nightmares) that she could get the idea that they were inching forward. But in the end she realizes that there's just a gap they can't quite bridge. If Snape hadn't pre-emptively walked out on her (in his 'best defense is a good offense' way) she probably would have ended it herself.

 

In terms of the plot, I included it for a couple of reasons. One, it seemed like a realistic part of Snape's reaction to a sudden release from the structure and rules of his mission (it's very human to get a bit reckless and horny after surviving a near-death experience). But I also wanted  to set up a kind of contrast to how in canon, so much of his life is apparently ruled and defined by a 'failed' relationship in his teens. Snape is, at this point, just plain BAD at relationships.  But the fact that the relationship ended, even though it was mostly his fault for his inability to trust people and communicate his feelings, is not momentous. It doesn't alter the course of his life or have long-reaching implications. It doesn't cause him to lose friends. It doesn't invalidate the comfort and hapiness the relationship brought him and Uli while it lasted. The fact that it didn't make a huge difference to Snape is the difference. It's a little way that he can just be a normal person now, with a short fling that ended in an utterly normal way.

 

And thank you for catching the typos! There always seem to be a couple that slip through once my eyes have glazed over.



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 10 Aug 2020 05:39 AM · For: Chapter 33: Results

Hello, Mottsnave.  After a hiatus of several months in this bizarre year I am back.

 

Here's something funny.  I thought that I had reviewed all the chapters of this story (and when I reviewed the previous chapter, it was the last chapter posted). I liked it as an ending to the story--hauntingly stark.  So when i came back, I started to read your new story, the sequel, Clear Cut, but upon commencing that story, I wsn't certain where our hero was located.  How did he get to The United States, if that was where he was?  So I went back to review the 'final' chapter of The New Skin and was surprised to discover four more chapters to that story which I had never read!

 

Time to catch up.  Since I must reluctantly give up my notion that the story ended on that hauntingly stark note, I will say that I am enjoying this chapter and am wondering how you will end this story with a bang, since the issue with the demon skin seems to be totally concluded.  

 

Some things I enjoy about your stories: the way you interpose bits of humor within the sections of deadly seriousness.  I like seeing the demonstration that a story does not have to be all humor or all seriousness; there is room for absurdity in the direst times and situations.  And I like reading how you include details that sound very authoritative and give your stories the weight of verisimilitude.  Either you know these details from your own experience, or you do a lot of research.

 

Thanks for writing these very enjoyable chapters.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki, welcome back!

I kind of got the inkling from the way you worded the last review that maybe you thought it might be the last chapter, but I wasn't absolutely sure, so I tried to hint in my response that there were a few more chapters making their way through the queue at the time. I'm glad you spotted them!

I can see how this story could work ending on that bleak note (after all, I was inspiried by noir detective fiction when I started this series! The Clear Cut is actually the most noir story of the bunch so far, so get ready for a little extra bleakness) but for this story, well, The New Skin has more than one meaning, and we've only fully dealt with the literal skin, not with the metaphorical one in the previous chapter.

The mixing of humor and seriousness is definitely intentional. I always try to add some bit of humor to scenes which are otherwise suspenseful/tragic/horrifying. I think the humor heightens the other emotions just by contrast, and it's also a realistic reaction that many people have in stressful situations. I'm glad you're enjoying the humor!

The details are made up... but they're made up with some basis in folklore or ethnobotany, so that's probably what gives it an authoritative air, I did want Snape to sound like he knows what he's talking about.

 

Thank you again for the lovely reviews!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 19 Feb 2020 06:05 AM · For: Chapter 32: The Hunt

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

This is quite a story, and extremely well written.  I had to go back over it to re-establish the timeline of the story in my mind, what happened when and in what sequence.

 

Some questions remain for me.  Was it a coincidencee that Aberforth Portkeyed Snape to Boston and then Avery turned up in the same city, or did Avery know in advance that Snape was still alive and going to Boston?

 

I could see Avery fleeing England and going to a foreign country to establish a new identity.  Did he take the library job, assuming that Snape would come to the library sooner or later, or did he do that only after seeing Snape in Boston (walking down the street)?  Snape's final thoughts seem to suggest that Avery decided to make the skin man and set it to hunt Snape only after seeing Snape in Boston, but then why was Avery carrying around a vial of Snape's blood (salvaged from the Shrieking Shack)?  

 

Avery must have made the skin man right after obtaining Snape's fake signature from the library sign-in sheet because only a few days later the skin man was chewing up Snape's island hideout.  So when did Avery kill the real Charlie and take his place?  How long would the real Chariie's corpse have stayed fresh?  (I suppose Avery had ways of keeping it fresh.)

 

So now Avery is gone, and the Ministry will never know where he went or what happened to him, alive or dead.  And Snape will never go back.  He has a new name, a new job, a new home, new friends, a new life if he can hang onto it, though a life forever haunted by his past.  He describes himself as a wrecker of everything he touches, but in this regard I think he has just had very bad luck (in contradiction to my previous statement that he has very good luck).  Life has dealt him a lot of bad hands.  It's time to start over.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

There are still a few chapters to go before the end of the story, but yes, some of these questions won't be resolved because we're limited to Snape's viewpoint and he doesn't have the answers himself.

 

I feel like there are a few different possibilities that could be fairly equally weighted about how things went down. It could be entirely coincidence. It could be that when Avery picked up some of Snape's blood at the end of the war for future use, he used some of it as a directional tracker on Snape. It could even be, since Avery has known Snape for many many years, that he knew that Snape had an active correspondence with Dick, despite Snape's efforts to hide that by destroying letters.

 

With the library job, it could be complete coincidence, again. Or, as someone washed up on a foreign shore, if he tried to make contact with the wizarding world in the same way as Snape, it could have been his first point of contact. If he asked a helpful clerk for some information or directions, and that helpful clerk stepped outside with him and didn't have his guard up, well, Avery could have seized an opportunity there. Now Avery could very well have not killed Charlie right away. There's every possibility he was using Barty's old trick on Moody, of keeping him contained while using his hair and polyjuice to take his place. After Avery spotted Snape and had a good reason to need a fresh corpse, that could have been it for poor Charlie.

 

Yes, as it stands at the moment, Snape has every intention for all his ties to his previous life to be cut permanently and to have a fresh start. As you can see his luck is both good and terrible, or maybe his luck is his luck, and whether it's good or terrible depends on what he makes of it.

 

Thank you so much for your excellent reviews! Now that the last few chapters of this story are up, I'm getting ready to post the sequel, The Clear Cut.

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2020 04:32 AM · For: Chapter 31: The Joke

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

I see that things are starting to wrap up.  Almost six weeks after their return from Tepora's village, Snape's potion research is bearing fruit.  I love the descriptions of the theory behind his research, based on the four humours.  It is good that you give a lot of explanation of what Snape is doing, the wizardly counterpart of chemical engineering, but of course it can't be anything like moderrn Muggle chemistry.  What you came up with succeeds beautifully.

 

I'm thinking back -- where did we last see the skin man?  Was that when it was swimming down the river, trailing after the bloody lab coat being towed from the boat?  Did it trail Snape all the way to Massachusetts, and then back again to Brazil?  I guess so.

 

Snape is so incredibly lucky, given the life he has led and the company he has kept.  He is like a super-cat with ninety lives, not merely nine.  So smart to rescue Tepora's bundle out of the dirty bloody sock and keep it in his pocket.  He was right to fear that the skin man would no longer be distracted by bait.  (Well, no, maybe the skin man did eat that sock first, but maybe not.)

Snape was lucky that Mata was there, lucky that the skin man grabbed his arm first, not his head, lucky that he could remember the word in time, lucky that the bag worked as designed.  

Maybe there's something in Snape's makeup that gives him such incredible luck.. He should try distilling that.

 

So now Snape has decommissioned the tracking mechanism in the skin man.  It seems to have been a pretty simple procedure, compared to creating the potion or even manufacturing Tepora's sedative.  I can see a potential flaw in the proposal to send the skin to Svalbard -- a recent news article stating that the shrinking of the glaciers due to global warming is threatening the seed depository in Svalbard.

 

Poor Mata.  What a thing to have witnessed and been involved in. He's going to have a few nightmares about this.  Will Uli ever find out?

 

One more chapter.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

I wanted to give Snape the, uh, creative knack that the books hint to in how he relates to potions and magic in general. Snape is almost the only person in the original series who invents his own spells, changes established potions techniques, and uses particular forms of magic, such as long incantations. My interpretation is that he kind of has his own 'feel' for potions, a sort of natural understanding of how things can be altered. I decided to prtray that by throwing in some traditional alchemical terms, and having him relate to the ingredients as if they were different personalities he has to get on board with his goals. I'm glad it worked for you!

 

Yes, Snape is outstandingly lucky, while he regards himself as unlucky. Maybe part of it is his old Felix experiments. Part of it is his need for control of his situation at all times, so he wants Tepora's bag under his control too. Of course, that need for control has a definite emotional cost to him, but it does keep him alive.

 

Yes, the glaciers are melting at Svalbard (though that wasn't as widely known at the time of this story), but also, a skin locked away at Svalbard is not under Snape's direct control. He needs to be in control.

 

Thank yo uso much for you r very perceptive reviews!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 17 Feb 2020 06:31 AM · For: Chapter 30: Birdsong

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

So it's farewell to the jungle now. The scene of the men singing around the fires was pretty funny.  It made me think what song I could sing if I were caught off guard the way that Snape was.  Maybe "Old MacDonald" with all its animal noises, or a rousing rendition of "Deck the Halls". Not a scene that drives the plot line of the mystery forward, but a fun scene to read.

 

The description of Snape's experience (his "trip") after drinking the bitter concoction in Tepora's longhouse was vividly described but blessedly restrained, not "over the top" into uncontrolled flamboyance which would make it hard to follow.  The language you use here is precise and concrete, not so abstract and metaphorical that I would be left with no idea as to what Snape was actually envisioning.

 

That is as it should be.  The story is written in the first person, as if Snape himself were telling us this whole period of his life as a reminiscence some years later, and he would only tell it in his customary speaking style, with precise, concrete words, even an unusual experience such as this drug-induced trip.

 

As for the skin man, we are once again making visible progress.  Tepora's creation will hopefully put the skin man to sleep.  Not as much as Snape had wanted, but much more than Snape had expected.  And Snape cannot help being impressed by Tepora's success in making a functional bead with Dick's hair.  This feat may reassure Snape that Tepora's skill level is top-notch, even if he does not have the same magic as Snape.  Thus we can hope that the skin man sedative will work.

 

Great story.  Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

This singing bit, like the learning in the last chapter, is putting Snape in another vulnerable position. And he is able to get through it (with some alcohol aid, sure) safely.

I'm glad the description of Snape's hallucinations worked for you! I wanted Snape's little 'trip' to be something that could be read as either magic or as something completely physical and mental. These herbs aren't necesssarily showing him something new, he knows all of this already. And from back in his student days when he tried out experimental potions on himself, he does have some experience in acurately recording their effects.

Thank you!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 15 Feb 2020 07:41 PM · For: Chapter 29: Friends

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Again, as in chapter 28, we get a lot of information about how the Oi live, but no information on how to defeat the skin man.  Well, at least Snape's safe for now.  I can't imagine the skin man crashing through the jungle in pursuit of him!  (Humorous vision.)  I wonder whether Snape is feeling impatient or frustrated or worried about how long this visit with the Oi is taking, as the skin man problem has not been specifically addressed (to Snape's knowledge), and Tepora doesn't even seem to have any magic.

 

It's notable that Snape's first interpersonal break-through is with children.  I suppose that makes sense.  His career has consisted of working with children, and although he hated the Gryffindors on principle, he seems to have had kindlier feelings toward the Slytherins.  Perhaps he sees some children as less threatening.  But not all children, given how the Marauders treated him.

 

By bargaining with Viti and learning the new fly-manufacturing technique, Snape may also be demonstrating to the other members of his party that he is not just 'useless baggage' on this trip but can function to some extent with this tribe.  Only Dick knows about the skin man, and Uli and Grossman may be wondering why Doctor Ramson is there.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Thank you! Sorry for the long delay, but I'm out of the woods, work-wise, and I can answer more of these lovely reviews.

 

And thank you for pointing out how he's starting to be able to relate to others through children. And he's also making that breakthrough in the context of being intent on learning something new. Being a student is kind of a vulnerable situation in a way... he's trying to learn a new skill, and of course at first, he sucks at it. To the extent of his teacher falling over laughing at him. But something about being in this "other world" is letting him be that vulnerable for the goal of learning something new. Being vulnerable in front of others is a key way to make friends, though Snape doesn't quite want to acknowledge that's what's happening here.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 15 Feb 2020 07:11 PM · For: Chapter 28: Upriver

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Now we see a close description of the journey through the jungle to reach the home of Dick's friend Tepora, with lavish detail of the things that Snape encounters in the jungle and has to cope with -- the flora, fauna, and terrain.  This gives lots of background, and the length of time that it takes to tell all of this emphasizes the length of time this journey takes.  One can imagine that Snape's attention is so occupied with the moment-by-moment challenges of making forward progress on this trek that it would almost make him forget the ulltimate reason for the trip in the first place --to find a way to defeat the skin man.

 

Concrit tidbit: 'larva' is singular.  'Larvae' is plural.

 

There is a lot of ethnographic description of this indigenous nation in the Amazon jungle, and description of Snape's effort to cope with an unfamiliar society, but not much furthering of the plot (how to foil the skin man), except to suggest that it is necessary to go through this elongated getting-to-know-you process before anything can be accomplished as regards the skin man.  Frustrating for us impatient westerners, and maybe for Snape also.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Thank you!

Part of my emphasis on the length of the journey, the sights along the way, and the society they are visiting, is to give the feeling that we are entering another world, with different rules. Even though this doesn't directly address the skin man in this chapter, it helps set up the path to a solution in that by its own rule, there is no way to stop the skin, so we have to enter a place where the rules don't necessarily apply.

 

But I also wanted to serve a purpose outside of the skin... I think there are a few interesting parallels that Snape might see from the Oi's history, if he has the perspecitve to look at it. There own perspective on luck and survival has some bearing on Snape's life, for example.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 15 Feb 2020 05:07 AM · For: Chapter 27: Voyage

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

I am glad to see that you have posted some more chapters of this story.  

 

Thi chapter is shorter, mostly a link getween the gruesome but revelatory im age in the mirror and the arrival at the Oi village where lives someone who maybe can help.

 

The meatier part of this chapter is the pair of discussions between Severus and Uli.  Severus seems to be softening a bit.  He tells us that it would have been easier just to tell Uli some story or excuse to keep her happy, but he couldn't bring himself to be dishonest.  Not like him.  And at another point he says, "I', sorry."  Again not like him.

 

The newspaper report in The Pronosticator may hold some clues within that list of names of people net yet accounted for.  Of course Avery's name is still there; is the victim's name there also?  It wouldn't have been Rookwood -- he was too old to appear like a man in his mid-twenties, but the victim might have been one of the "lower level collaborators" named in the article, someone who trusted Avery until the moment when he found himself being murdered.  But would that have been safe, to Polyjuice yourself into the image of someone who also was wanted by the DMLE?

 

So now they are off into the jungle again.  I get the impression that you like writing these jungle scenes!

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Yes, Snape is finally showing a little more self-awareness and honesty in dealing with others, not just Uli, but the RAs too, when he realizes how he might be making them nervous. And Uli! She is very honest with Snape about how she is feeling and how his evasivness is affecting her, and in return he is honest, up to the point of what he feels he can't tell her. And while he's considering lying to her to make things easier, which is his usual impulse, it's actually being honest that makes things simpler and easier in this case. An important lesson for him. We'll see if he can keep that up.

 

Your thoughts about the victim as a lower level collaborator are very interesting, that would be a neat direction for the plot! I know you are already far enough ahead to know more about the victim's identity now.

 

And yea, you know I love those natural descriptions and landscapes!

 

Thank you!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 15 Feb 2020 04:28 AM · For: Chapter 26: Reverse

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Oh my gosh.  This chapter is so clever, with Severus and Dick using Professor Zosimos's mirror to see images that go back in time to show the flaying of the corpse that produced the skin in the little room off the side of the abandoned subway tracks.  Now they know that the perp is Avery and that he saved the victim's hair to use with Polyjuice doses to disguise himself.

 

So now the two problems to be solved are:  how to disable the skin man and how to ID the victim, whom Avery is possibly disguising himself as, from time to time.  Mid-twenties, fair haired, medium height, someone Snape knew.  Who could that be?  A former student?  I'm racking my brain.  And of course if Avery shows up from time to time in the form of this Person, no one will realize that the real Person is missing/dead.  1998, too early to make use of the amazing facial recognition software that is available nowadays.

 

And what do you suppose is the white thing that Avery sewed underneath the dead man's tongue?  Anything in the skin man literature about that?

 

You have said that you were inspired by old Icelandic tales and beliefs about supernatural stuff.  How closely did you stick to their descriptions?

 

The description of what the two men saw in the mirror was horrific, stomach-turning.  To actually see such things, not merely read about them in a story, would have been even worse.  Thus you get the reader fully immersed in the experience without have to use lots of descriptive words.  We immediately know how awful it was.

 

Quite a chapter.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

I answered a little about the Icelandic traditions in the last review response, but here's a little more. The length of time that the skin will be active (40 years x 3) is straight out of Icelandic folklore, I lifted that verbatim. Also, the part that I skimmed over quickly, of Avery bringing the skin's mouth close to his. In Icelandinc folklore, a wizard raising a corpse has to dominate the corpse, or they will be killed by it. Part of the dominance is licking the froth and mud out of the corpse's mouth and nose. Yep, delightfully disgusting.

 

Both the white thing under the tongue and the dead man's identity will be explained more in upcoming chapters. The white thing isn't from Icelandic tradition, though. There's a little bit of the golem in that.

 

Yes, I wanted to show how disgusting all of this was, not through super-detailed descriptions of the act itself, but through Dick's physical response to what he's seeing. He's not as used to Dark Magic practices as Snape is. I'm glad it worked for you!

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 14 Feb 2020 07:37 AM · For: Chapter 25: On Track

What an interesting chapter!  It's so fine to see Snape's mind at work.  After the horror of almost being accosted by the skin man, Snape seems to have calmed down some and is back to thinking clearly again.  And as a result he is making progress.

 

Thanks for the information, what little you have given us so far, about how a skin man is created.  You mentioned in a response which I just read quite recently that the old Icelandic traditions had quite a body of stories about wizards and ghouls.  I will have to check that out, since old Iceland figures in the background of my screenplay Relics, of which my daughter keeps bugging me to write the Iceland-based prequel.

 

That bit of tooth might turn out to be a clue as to the former identity of the hapless skin man, if indeed his identity matters at all.  He could have been only a random homeless person victimized by the maker of the skin.  But now it's clear that the skin man was created in America seemingly by someone who knew that Snape was in America.  Who would have known?

 

Have you been down in the tunnels of the Boston subway yourself?  Or only read about the history of the subway system?

 

A fascinating story, with so many different scenes, that the reader could never get bored!  I was glad to see on the forums that you mentioned putting another chapter into the queue.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

Another busy week here, so, I'm only able to carve out a few minutes here and there to answer more.

 

I got most of my specifically Icelandic material from Jacqueline Simpson's collections of stories derived from Magnus Magnusson's larger collections. Iceland has some extremely specific traditions involving wizards raising the dead to send out for revenge, and creating sendings, sometimes from bones, sometimes from the corpses of many animals. This skin man isn't enitrely one thing or another, It's a little bit Thorgeir's Bull, a little bit Dead Man's trousers, and a little bit golem for good measure. But in any case, I highly recommend Icelandic folklore for the most delightfully gross dark magic traditions!

 

I've been in the Boston subway before, but not in the abandoned tunnels, which do really exist. I am fascinated with those kinds of hidden and abandoned places. I used photos and maps to help set the scenes down there.

 

Thnak you so much! I'm trying to get caught up again. I finally have the last chapters of this story up, and I hope to start putting up the sequel, The Clear Cut, in a few weeks.

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 12 Feb 2020 04:54 AM · For: Chapter 24: The Return

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Just when we had a humorous chapter about Snape's research and were enjoying seeing the 'new' Snape beginning to relax and have fun, then suddenly we're back to the monstrous skin man again.  A sharp change of pace that keeps us surprised and intrigued.

 

Snape came to Brazil via Dick's vanishing cabinet.  So how did the skin man track him?  Snape says it's by scent  Did the skin man go through the cabinet also, or can he (it?) smell something 3,000 miles away?  Grim thought.  At any rate, nowhere is safe now, and Snape must come up with a new plan to save his own life.

 

I see that you have reverted Snape back to his previous mode of desperation and near panic, falling back into his old habit of assuming the worst, but what's different now is that you have given him Dick as a companion and helper to calm him down, give him perspective, and offer alternative plans of what to do.

 

I enjoyed reading the conversation in Dick's flat in Boston, where the two men discuss what to do, but it's plain that they don't know how to stop the skin man, or if it can be stopped, or even how it travels.  This is setting us up for some fascinating and exciting detective work.  Your plot is complex, but at the same time it's simple because you have not lost sight of the goal, the arrow of your story line.  That's good.

 

Enjoying this very much.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Yes, I wanted to keep the mood and pace variable in the story - it's not all lighthearted, and not all terror. Just a nice humor/horror salad. Or something.

 

The story isn't going to reveal all the particulars of the skin's actions, since we are limited by Snape's viewpoint. However, since he was transformed by polyjuice when he used the cabinet, it would have been difficult for the skin to track him that way. On the other hand, he was wearing his same clothing, so perhaps...

 

Yes, while this is a sort of recovery story for Snape, he's not going to be uniformly progressing, I don't think that's quite realistic. There will be backsliding of various kinds. But yes, at least he has Dick now. One of Dick's roles in this story (and it's sequels) is to talk Snape down when he starts going into crisis mode. And he's pretty good at it.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 11 Feb 2020 08:03 PM · For: Chapter 23: Simple

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Another great chapter.  I loved it.  It was so funny.  And it warms the cockles of my heart to see that Snape is working with the people around him, not at cross purposes with them.  He is again seeing the advantages of congenial relations, as he used to know in the old days in his dealings with secretaries in the Ministry and at Hogwarts, but which he forgot during his period of super stress and paranoia  He taught his Slytherins to work as a group.  He can do it here also.

 

Good to know that he may be making some progress in his research.  Being stuck was so frustrating.

 

I loved Professor da Silva's deadpan "Good day, Potions lab," when the entire population of the Potions lab tumbled into his own lab suddenly and without explanation, and left a few minutes later just as suddenly.  The entire caper, so planned out and carefully set up over a period of a couple of weeks, is just the kind of thing that Snape would do at his best.  He honed his skills by years of scheming and planning with the Death Eaters.  This caper must have seemed much more light-hearted, except for the fact that Snape is deadly serious about everything.

 

Lots of enjoyment with this chapter.

 

Vicki

 



Author's Response:

HI Vicki,

 

This is definitely a fun break chapter, but it does set up closer relationships between Snape and the RAs and Snape and Uli. I also wanted this to be similar to the flashback in chapter 12, of the sorts of games he played with the other Hogwarts' staff members. He is finally back to being constructive with others, and viewing his RAs as allies. And to their credit, they make quite good allies in their own way. He's finally taking to heart Grossman's statement that they are on his side, and like Grossman suggested, treating them as on the same side really makes it true. A self-fullfilling prophecy, but, you know, the good kind.

 

Professor da Silva is a very calm guy. He had to be, he's from the Interzone. He has seen everything.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 11 Feb 2020 04:36 AM · For: Chapter 22: Metamorphosis

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

I got great enjoyment from reading these scenes of Snape interacting with Professor da Silva and then Professor Zosimos.  There was much humor, which made me smile.  The understated absurdity, which Snape handles, for the most part, with his signature calm exterior, is my favorite kind of humor.  Each of these professors has a unique personality that is fun to read about, and each time we see them, we learn a little more.  Both of these laboratories are described in enough vivid detail that I can envision them easily and feel some of what Snape is feeling when he sees them.

 

Professor da Silva is a fascinating guy, and I love all the invertebrates he has in his lab, including his good friend the wandering spider (obviously you just need the touch...)

 

Zosimos is a whole 'nother creature.  He thinks he has Snape over a barrel as regards possession of the distiller, and although the two of them get into a battle of sarcasm and insults, as Snape is guaranteed to do, it's almost like a comedy -- two fools staying true to form -- with the RAs listening just outside the door.

 

I was very happy  to see that Snape is learning.  Instead of battering his opponent with unconstructed rage, he is obviously going to counter with a devious, well-thought-out plan in order to achieve his desired end -- the repossession of the distiller.  Good for you, Severus.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

I do like the idea of each separate lab in the building as it's own sort of fantastic world, and each head researcher as the liitle god overseeing their realm. Each section has a very different mood and environment. Da Silva's office could be seen as extremely creepy on its surface, but there is an undercurrent of genuine warmth and, uh, healthy relationships between him and his charges.

 

Zosimos' lab, though it may be a realm of pure imagination and whimsy, has an undercurrent of real danger, at least in Snape's estimation. Both Zosimos and Snape have a very healthy level of arrogance and self-importance, so they were destined to butt heads at some poit. Myron's initial veneer of professional courtesy breaks down almost at once. I had so much fun writing their fight.

 

The fact that Snape is clearly about to put some cunning plan in motion to get back his distiller is a sign that his research project is slowly becoming a 'cause' to him that he is willing to fight for. He always needs to have some cause in his life.

 

Thank you again!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 10 Feb 2020 05:44 AM · For: Chapter 21: Rules

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

Back again for Chater 21.

 

In this chapter, Snape seems uncharacteristically losing his grip.  He attributes it to carelessly not following his own rules of self-protection.

 

I see that you provide two explanations in Snape's mind.  First, he has lived for so long, almost twenty years, with a firm and rigid plan in his mind, so occupied with covering all the bases and anticipating every possibility that he scarcely has time to think about anything else.  And so he feels adrift, rudderless, and he doesn't know how to live without a long-term plan laid out in front of him.

 

And second, he has firmly avoided any attachment to a woman.  He knows his six rules, his six "Thou shalt nots", and now he sees himself breaking every one of them.  No wonder he feels that his life is about to fall apart.

 

Uli is an enigmatic character.  She seems attracted to Snape (although I don't know why; I certainly wouldn't be), and she puts up with his vague answers that are really no answers at all.  What could possibly be her motivation for pursuing this relationship?

 

We don't see much of Snape's lab work in this chapter, just the hints that things are progressing more smoothly than they did before, and that metamorphosis may be the clue concept, once Professsor da Silva gets back.  I am left wondering whether Snape's lab project of creating the anti-lycanthropy long-term potion really ties in with the plot, or whether it's just a background for his real need -- to avoid detection and attack by the lingering forces of the Death Eaters.  We shall see.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Yes, he has been flailing in one way or another since his unexpected survival. He has had these rules for self-preservation, but some of the bassi for those rules has been removed, some of his foundation has dropped out.

 

Yes, we don't know Uli that well yet (neither does Snape, for that matter). And of course, physical attraction is a mysterious beast, so there's no accounting for her taste one way or another in that regard. We can see that she seems to appreciate his bluntness, thay have bonded over that in regards to Zosimos. She likes someone who says what he thinks, and is very very honest. I'm sure it will be a great match.

 

Thank you!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2020 07:47 AM · For: Chapter 20: The Meeting of the Waters

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

Back again after a hiatus in which I addressed my to-do list.

 

There is an impressive amount of local detail in this chapter about the fishing trip in the jungle.  All the sights and sounds made me think that you had been there yourself, or else it's a great piece of research!  Have you been to Brazil?  Your descriptions made it very easy to visualize not only the river and the jungle, but also the hi-jinks on the boat.  Snape is actually relaxing some and enjoying himself, and that impression could not have been conveyed to the reader without our seeing in detail why this environment is functioning so well in taking him out of himself.

 

It was really a good idea to take Snape on this boat trip.  Interacting with his fellow lab workers in this setting has allowed him to see other aspects of their personalities and to come to know them better as human beings, although he has not stopped being judgmental about them (he still thinks that Park looks foolish) and he still needs to come out on top.  Thus he teases them by getting back aboard the boat unseen and letting them think he's still underwater (drowning?) and then getting both Gtossman and Mate tossed overboard also.  Sure enough, in the end he's the "champion".

 

And he still has to protect his dignity, as we see in his conversation with Uli about the descriptions of alchemists, seers, herbologists, and potions masters.  It's fine, even fun, to mock the others, but potions masters?  Never!

 

I would have liked to think that his question "Who else lives on this floor?" indicated that he was beginning to think of the others as persons with personal lives, but I suspect that I am hoping for too much.  He is only looking to increase his self-protection by knowing who is around him.

 

Snape starting to get sentimental in the closing sentences?

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Yes, it's a time for Snape to have his "start over." He's probably aided a bit by his playing a mental trick on himsself to try to think of the RAs as Slytherins he needs to train, rather than all the eyes on him in the Great Hall, watching and hating him. And who knows what pep talk Grossman gave the RAs to get them on board, but they are all interacting in a much less guarded way now.

 

What you noticed here about Snape is exactly right, he can mock others but he cannot let himself be mocked. Uli will point this oput to him in a chapter or two as well.

 

I'm not sure Snape is getting sentimental exactly, but maybe he's almost ready to take a small risk. Aided by a few beers and a nice day...

 

Thank you again!

 

Mottsnave

 



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 05:26 AM · For: Chapter 19: Start Over

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

I have been otherwise occupied for a few days, but I am trying to get back to your story, bit by bit.

 

This is a powerful chapter.  Snape is so dysfunctional with his RAs that I'm surprised that they haven't all quit.

Snape is losing his grip, and you write this process in all its painful detail, blow-up by blow-up and breakdown by breakdown.  It's painful to observe, but it engenders a gruesome fascination.

 

Snape's interpersonal skills are rudimentary and he wears a suit of defensive armor a meter thick, but in this chapter he goes even beyond his usual self.  I suppose it's a combo of the stress of running from his enemies, the lingering physical effects of his near-death experience, and the psychological trauma as evidenced by nightmares and lack of sleep.  But he can't really leave this university because he has no other place to go.  He knows that somehow he has to make this position work.

 

The intervention by Dick and Ben is also painful to read.  Snape is so resistant to suggestion, so convinced that he's always right and the other person is always wrong, so reluctant to entertain any other way of seeing things, that I was surprised that he grudgingly agreed to make any changes in his own approach or behavior.  But I fear that the changes are only on the surface.  "I didn't want to concede the point to Grossman.  It would only puff him up."

 

Snape is certainly not an attractive person now.  Any story, in its structure, will have some high points of success and low points of crisis.  This is one of those low points, but not the last, I'm afraid.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

Yep, Snape is really having a breakdown here. We know from canon that the guy is capable of change, but it's also canon that things have to get VERY bad first.

 

I did want to show, beneath the surface of his indignation and temper, some real discomfort on his part about how he's slipping into something he can't pull back from. Even though you're afraid that this chapter only shows grudging changes, he does have this little flicker of how not right this all is, such as when he realizes that the peace and quiet he has gained feels like a defeat and doesn't really help his mood. And how the words of Pulcipher that he wrecks everything he touches come back to him when Grossman points out that he is hurting himself. Part of him knows that Dick and Grossman are right, even if he desparately doesn't want to concede any points here. Grossman and Dick are kind of geniuses to make sure to frame this all for Snape in terms of what is best for him and his goals, rather than on any sort of moral basis. I'm assuming they've dealt with some difficult personalities before (*cough*Zosimos*cough*). And yes, Dick recognizes, like you, that there is a physical component to how Snape is acting. The guy is running on fumes.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 01 Feb 2020 02:02 PM · For: Chapter 18: Another World

Hi, Mottsnave,

 

I just have to shake my head and sigh.  Snape is downright paranoid, twisting every remark directed at him into a perceived insult and assuming that everyone is his enemy.  The very first dialogue in this chapter is such a perfect example of what he does continually.  Snape's true enemies may be the skin man, the person who set the skin man onto his trail, and uncaptured Death Eaters in general, but his worst enemy is himself.

 

He can't recognize a joke; he thought that Grossman was serious about threatening to throw puff adder in Mata's cauldron.  He almost sounds like he's somewhere on the autism spectrum.  But surely in his years of teaching adolescents and overseeing Slytherin House, he's heard all sorts of casual talk.  He must have heard Hogwarts staff members making humorous or exaggerated remarks in the staff lounge.

 

Professor Funke tries to calm him down by saying "There shouldn't be joking in a lab."  Never?  Not even the mildest and most harmless, the kind that any normal person could recognize?  She laughs, and he worries that she is laughing at him.

 

I did not perceive such a degree of paranoia in the Severus Snape of the seven Harry Potter books, although the scenes, even the ones in which he was the main player, were not from his point of view.  For example, Chapter One of Deathly Hallows was not from any individual's point of view.

 

A reader of this chapter would have serious concerns about how Snape's relationship with his RAs is going to develop and how that will affect his further tenure in this department.  After all, Dick's patronage can extend only so far.  Dick didn't really know Snape at all well when he offered him this position, and Dick's patience might run out.

 

In your response to my review of Chapter Two, you mentioned the old slogan "Show, don't tell".  The book "The Emotional Craft of Fiction" by Donald Maass has an excellent and much more nuanced analysis/discussion of this three-word rule.  An excellent book; I use it all the time and highly recommend it.  It would be useful for a story that is constructed like yours.

 

A bit of concrit:  When you say that Snape "poured over his Portuguese textbooks," the verb you want is 'to pore', not 'to pour.'  Your dictionary will clear this up.

 

Thanks for writing about this frustratingly self-unaware charater!

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

Thank you for recognizing that Snape is getting worse. You're completely right - he's exhibiting a much higher degree of paranoia here than even in the last year of the war when he must have been under tremendous stress.

 

I think there a couple of crucial differences with Snape now that is leading him into this breakdown. First of all, his all-consuming purpose has been removed and he is unexpectedly alive. I think in this situation, a person like Snape who has probably been holding himself together under very strict mental control, would begin to slip.

 

Second, he really is in a completely unfamiliar situation now. I mean, the last years of the war must have been horrible. But they were familiar in a way. He was surrounded by people he knew in places he lived and worked all his life. He didn't NEED to be paranoid about anyone, because he already knew exactly who wanted to kill him and probably had some good guesses of how they might go about it. But now... with the exception of Dick, he knows none of these people. He has already identified one as a physical threat, (Zosimos) and he has decided that Grossman might try to undermine him. He is jumping to these types of conclusions because he is so out of his depth in this unfamiliar place that he has subconsiously decided that it's safer to treat everything as a threat.

 

The irony being that the real threat to his well being is his own mistrust and distance from others. Oh well, old habits die hard.

 

Thank you for miaking it through the chapter without slapping Snape through the screen. And thanks for the concrit and the book recommendation!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 07:52 PM · For: Chapter 17: In Order

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

This is actually a lovely chapter, and a refreshing change from the darkness of the previous chapter.  Things seem to be going all right for Severus -- his language skills are coming along, his research proposal is taking form, his contract negotiations are completed to his satisfaction, and he has an entertaining visit to the zombie piranhas and their feeding behavior.

 

Too bad that he takes Grossman's casual, generic remark so personally.  To say "..even a marginally competent research project would be raising the bar" is a slur again the previous postions master, not against Snape, but he is quick to see insult when none is intended, and to take everything in its worst possible light.  True, Snape has enemies, but sometimes he is his own worst enemy.

 

Professor Funke gives hints of becoming a friend, or more than a friend.  Perhaps she will be an actor in Snape's rehabilitation.  He definitly enjoys being with her.  She is not a bumbling Research Assistant or a charlatan,or perpetually grumpy and suspicious.  Besides, she's young and pretty.  Can Snape loosen up on his lifetime devotion to Lily Evans to give another woman a shot at his heart?  Will his experiences in this new world eventually soften his protective shield and allow him to open his heart to happiness?  We shall see.

 

Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki!

 

Yes, I felt there needed to be a little relief after those intense flashback of the last couple of chapters. It's also setting up a bit of the relationships to come with Grossman and Uli, both good and bad. Snape is partially so quick to take offense here from neutral remarks, in part because of how unfamiliar he is with this whole situation. He's in a strange place, among strangers, doing work he has never done before (in a professional setting, of course, he's researched privately.) It's putting him on edge, and he's not quite ready to come down off that edge yet.

 

Thank you!

 

Mottsnave



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 07:23 PM · For: Chapter 16: A Good Cause

Hi, Mottsnave.

 

This chapter is quite the tour de force.  Maybe I should just burn all my own manuscripts.  I am in awe of how you have created this broad and satisfying explanation of what Tom Riddle's philosophy was and how he managed to instill it into his followers.  It was also surprising to see how quickly Tom's organization developed into a mass killing machine and how quickly his idealistic followers became disillusioned and horrified by what they had been caught up in, even to the point of "suicide by Auror."

 

I would bet that Snape had pushed all of this terrible early period of his life out of his memory, too painful by far to even think about, for all those years when he had nevertheless been trapped in his position of double agent, unable to put Lord Voldemort out of his life entirely.  All in all, what a waste of a life.

 

In canon, that was the end of it.  But in your story, Snape has a chance to build a new life, especially if he can get away from the skin man and whoever sent it.  These letters that he feels compelled to reread bring him back to his nightmare years in all their clarity.  Could he just decide not to read them any more?  Surely he can come up with some directions to his potions research in Brazil without torturing himself like this.

 

A powerful chapter.  Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki



Author's Response:

Hi Vicki,

 

Thank you SO much, but please don't burn anything! I've mentioned in my reply to another review how I was attempting to address some inconsistencies in canon through this interpretation of Voldemort's rhetoric and the prophecy. I was also trying to match up a bit of what I've studied about how genocidal movements begin, commonly with a feeling of victimization or fear by the group which will become genocidal. So, I thought, what would make wizards feel victimized by Muggles? What in their society feels unfair or unacceptable to them? And I think anyone of that time period could have some very legitimate grievances about the way their society was going, so I wanted to play up the most rational arguments. The more convincing Voldemort is, the scarier he is, after all. By the time the second war rolls around, he's lost that rationality, and his followers have hardened.

 

And yes, it would have been a waste of a life! That's why I love fanfiction, we can give characters second chances. Or third. Or whatever. Ok, Snape needs a lot of chances, and he does have a bit of a drive to torture himself with his past. I feel like we have some pretty strong indicaitons in canon that he's got a streak of self-loathing and he feeds it. Hopefully looking back at what he was in that terrible time can help to point him in a new direction.

 

Thank you again!

 

Mottsnave



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