Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2019 05:59 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Bram Stoker Be Rollin' in His Grave RN Chapter: Darktooth's Vampire Emporium

Hello, Rumpel!


I'm here for the Magical Menagerie =)


I adore this chapter so much, omg. My pun-loving heart is so full and happy right now, that you for this beautiful gift. <3 


I particularly love imagining this as if it's in the BtVS verse. Yay? Nay?


Now, I believe your waiting for a review. And I have several! ;)


Super Slurper Straw

8 out of 10 Bats

Bought this for my husband who is always making a mess at supper. Before the Slurper Straw, there'd be a ring of blood stain all around his seat at the dinning table. Now he hardly spills a drop! Would be 10/10, but the top started to leak after a few months of use. Had to patch it up with spell-o tape, but it's been great ever since then.


Creature of the Night Vanity Mirror

2 out of 10 Bats

My mother gave this to me on my 30th anniversary of turning into a vampire. I have to say, I was offended! I think I always look just fine, thank you very much, mum! Moreover, living here in London I have only been able to use it on two of the last 10 days. Weather limitations, not a practical tool at all. Perhaps better suited to the vamp colony in Bermuda.


Holy Water Repellent Guard

10 out of 10 Bats

You must get some of this Holy Water repellent ASAP! My friend recommended it before my family vacation to Rome. Couldn't have survived without it. This even got me and my spouse through the Vatican without a single singe mark, depsite several attempts by the clergy to splash us away. Great product!


Moontan Lotion

6 out of 10 Bats

This lotion did not change my complexion in the slightest, but it does have a wonderful consistency and aroma. A great general moisturizer, even if it does not meet its intended purpose. I did not care for the AB scent, but the O- scent is wonderful - truly a gift any vampire would love!


This Chapter

10 out of 10

Rumpel I really love this a lot. I don't read a lot of parody type stuff, or even a lot of humor, but this was just right. It's so accurate to the advertising industry, and makes fun of that so well. And don't GET ME STARTED ON THE PUNS and vampire jokes. ADORE!


I particularly like the slurpy straws for young vamps, and the blood type scented lotion. Truly quality products! =P




xoxo Renee

Name: Pixileanin (Signed) · Date: 12 Jan 2019 12:11 PM · [Report This]
Story:Bram Stoker Be Rollin' in His Grave RN Chapter: Human Conservation Reserve


Hello Rumples!  I came to see what you're up to in vampire world, and I was a bit disturbed by this idea, but absolutely not disappointed!


Also, this is for the Magical Menagerie event, such a fun thing!


First off, I like how you painted a post-apocalyptic world in which vampires have run amok and tanked their only food source so much that they have to now protect it in order to survive.  The absolute clinical way in which Perspiration goes about the tour for this poor, desperate human is quite appropriate for her status. Perception was exactly how I'd picture someone in her position: cold, calculating, and all kinds of condescending, yet politely business-like at the same time.  I can see how the MC (who I think you only mentioned her name once, and no one cared, because she's food, lol!) had a difficult time with her name. The snarky way she just didn't even try to get Participation's name correct was a testament to her own character. My god, give that girl a hamburger already!


I don't often enjoy second person narratives.  They can come across as being too "pointy finger" and I can't get over it, but you have hit the voice just right.  It was a perfect way to showcase someone coming into a situation with a great need and being told things. I think I would have been disappointed if you had flipped it to Prerogative's POV and had her be the narrator in second person.  Come to think of it, it wouldn't have worked at all. Great choice there, because I got to discover right along with the food source all the wonderful things that the Happy Artistic Fun place had to offer... (snort)... oh my, the food court kind of churned my stomach, thinking that vampires really believed that's all the humans wanted to eat... and the cinematic choice... very disturbing and also very funny.


I wasn't sure up until the end whether the human was going to stay here or not, but seeing as she'd already survived in war-torn, starving situations, I was ready to believe that she'd give up her freedom for that burger.  It might have taken me a bit more than a burger to stay in a place like that... maybe I'd have to think long and hard... maybe take that year to regroup and re-evaluate... but I love the idea that she was presented with a choice between Hell and Hell, part 2 cleverly disguised as a not-Hell.  And until the end of the fic, I wasn't sold on Pristine's title of ‘Princess of Hell', but now I get it. I just hope that all the vampires enjoy their cholesterol-filled, under-exercised cows. Speaking of which, I could totally see that the MC, (who hadn't seen a cow in years) was about to become one.  


I do have to say that the concept of a voluntary system baffles me.  I suppose that this is another thing that vampires had considered when they set up the Reserve in order to keep their humans content.  My guess is that perhaps happy food tastes better than stressed out food, or maybe the war has taught the vampires that humans, even though they are fragile, can also be their own kind of crazy destruction, and so it's just easier if they don't put up a fight.  Gives me a lot to think about there...


What a crazy concept this was!  I applaud you for your ingenuity and ability to intrigue me and make my skin crawl at the same time.  I'll definitely have to check out the other stories that are making Bram Stoker's unrest.




Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 30 Dec 2018 08:43 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Bram Stoker Be Rollin' in His Grave RN Chapter: Darktooth's Vampire Emporium

hey rumpels...............i don't know how to say this..........but..................................you are a genius :O :O :O


i don't know what's better in this story - the idea? the products? the names???? like...everything is hilarious and perfect!


i love how you've written this whole thing as ads. tbh i think you belong in mad men (idk if you've watched it? it's about advertising in the 60s if you haven't) but you'd fit right in along with don draper.


i know this whole thing was meant as a spoof but it's a great spoof with lots of awesome and amazing humour thrown in!



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 30 Dec 2018 12:54 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Bram Stoker Be Rollin' in His Grave RN Chapter: Darktooth's Vampire Emporium


Here to spread some holiday cheer!


I have to admit it. It was the title that pulled me in and I wasn't disappointed. I was laughing (okay snorting) so much my husband was giving me funny looks. 


I'm not sure which you have a better innate understanding of: those cheesy TV commericals or vampires. (Is there something we should know about you, Rumpels?) Either way, you seem to really "get them"  creating a hilarious text (not really a story, shall we say advertisement/testimonial turned disaster) 


I love the advertising style. "Are you tired of getting annoying and painful canker sores from lapping an unclean neck?"--Such picky vampires and the moonlight mirror. What a creative idea. I think I'll take my made of lead for one never knows when they might need a murder weapon in their bedroom.


Thankfully, those vampires are wise consumers. They know cheap products when they see them and have evidently voiced their displeasure of Darktooth's products. I love the ending with the going out of business sale.

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