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Name: you-make-me-wander (Signed) · Date: 14 Jan 2019 11:17 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Hey there. Here for your requested review :)


The narration was the first thing that stood out to me, and that thought was with me all throughout the chapter. I think your writing style is beautiful and a bit poetic, I guess, because it sucked me right into the narrative.


Then another aspect is the theme in itself. I have never read a story focusing on the Founders before, and so I'm eager to find out how you'll explore it.


Poor Salazar, thinking that things won't change. I'm almost positive they will lol and I'm assuming the look on Amara's face is a bit of foreshadowing about what's to come.


I'm also a little bit curious about how you'll deal with their age difference, how the girls will fit into the narrative, and the way you'll explore wandlore in this story. I'm guessing in ways it'll be a somewhat rudimental art, but it's a subject that fascinates me, so I want to now more about Salazar's father mentoring Godric and what more they will all learn in their journey.


Can't wait to continue the story, and to find out how all four of the Founders will come/have come to know each other, and how they'll get to the point of coming up with Hogwarts and all that it entails.


Great job, you've got me hooked!



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 14 Jan 2019 08:01 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Hello again Kat, here for two of two reviews (and more Menagerie fun, whoopie!) :)

 

First -- apologies for typos in my last review and any that may pop up here (oops) Okay so this got dark real fast. Like, REAL FAST. But not right away, so thanks for not dropping that on me, lol. I quite like the relationship you've illustrated more strongly here between Godric & Ingvar. The mentor-mentee dynamic is still there, but Ingvar now recognizes Godric as a young man in his own right, so there's a new level of respect involved. That conversation though -- such a painful thing to discuss, yet not completely openly because they can't for fear of being overheard. You've done a great job in the middle scene where Ingvar is alone with his thoughts walking home from the shop late in the evening -- the description works without being too elaborate for what is simply a man deep in his thoughts on his way home. And then we come to discover that his wife is pregnant with their second child, and he becomes even more conflicted now because he wants to help his fellow witches and wizards, but he doesn't want to risk his family and his unborn child. AND THEN SALAZAR SPEAKS TO A SNAKE OMG!! But then it gets DARK and SAD. KAT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

 

*Ahem* Anyway, please get the next chapter posted soon because now I am invested in the Slytherin family's well-being. And also, where is Godric during this attack??? I have lots of questions.

 

~MadiMalfoy x



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 14 Jan 2019 07:09 AM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Hey Kat, here for one of two reviews (which also counts for the Menagerie yay!)! :) 

 

Okay so I will say that I do believe this is the first Founders fic I've read (at least in the last two years -- my memory before then as far as fic reading goes is definitely very spotty) so congrats to you on that! Secondly, your main concerns were that this is a much revised version of the original, and that you wanted to make sure the characters were easily distinguishable from each other. On that note, my thoughts! 

 

I think you've done a great job so far of illustrating the basic backgrounds for Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor. Salazar is clearly still a youth -- spending his time outdoors with his nose in a book when he's not helping his mother with chores. I also like how you've written his mother so far. She's a soft character, with clear love for her son. And then you move right into Godric's perspective -- the only thing that could be slightly confusing here is that the timeframe is not clear right away, so until you introduce Invar Slytherin and then see the teenaged Salazar at the end, it's a bit up in the air. But I think the way it's written does actually make sense, I just am sometimes bad at time (and math :P ). The foreshadowing here is excellent also -- the tiny mentions of the early days of witch hunts & accusations of sorcery are done with a good lightness of touch. But also the dark times that Godric is in town for is also intruiging and definitely hooked me! 

 

The only suggestion I may have is to possibly give Salazar a bit more to do in the inital scene to give him more personality? The bookish teenager is great but I'd love to see a bit more depth with him -- please feel free to disregard this if he gets darker/more developed as the story goes on and he ages. Overall, great job with this opening chapter! Onto the next one! :) 

~MadiMalfoy x



Name: ShadowRose (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 06:33 PM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Hi Kat! I’m here with your requested review. :)

 

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever read a Founders fic before, so this will definitely be an interesting read. We obviously know some things about them, and some of their characterisation is determined by the Houses that they lend their names to, but much of it is a blank slate. I do like the start of this story - it sounds a bit like the start of a fairytale with the whole ’omniscient narrator’ thing, which feels fitting for a story that happened so many years ago.

 

Okay, so diving into the things you specifically mentioned wanting looked at - I think, thus far, it’s pretty easy to differentiate the characters. Salazar and Godric are very different at the moment, so keeping them separate is easy enough.

 

Haha, intentionally taunting Slytherin just to get a rise out of him and then having to duck when something’s thrown at his head is such a classic stupid Gryffindor move. Godric’s certainly a good reflection of his house, that’s for sure. (As a Gryffindor myself, I feel authorised to call us all a little recklessly idiotic at times, lol.)

 

I do like that you’ve established an air of mystery in this first chapter as well, with Godric sitting on some sort of news that he has to break to Ishvar (that’s apparently not good news, based on his nerves). I’m curious what information he’s holding onto, and how the older Slytherin’s going to react to it.

 

About the whole ‘not having books’ thing - because I will admit, it was one of the first things I noticed when reading, and then saw that you’d addressed it in your author’s note as well - perhaps you can address the inconsistency in the story somehow? I could certainly believe that wizards had somehow invented books before Muggles did, because they’ve got spells for duplicating things and wouldn’t necessarily need a printing press as a result. Obviously this is just a suggestion and you’re free to ignore it, but including a note along those lines somewhere in the story that justifies the inconsistency could lend to making the story feel more accurate for the time period?

 

All in all, I thought this was a really interesting first chapter, with just the right amount of intrigue for what’s to come.

 

-Taylor

Written for the Magical Menagerie event and January RvG



Author's Response:

Hi, Taylor! Thanks for the review! 



Name: chinaglaze (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 4-01-2015

 

Another interesting chapter laying some good groundwork for what is to come. Good imagery and description. I particularly like the scene with the snake. A few typos again;

 

‘per say’. Should be ‘per se’,

 

‘tonesoundeing hollo’ this typo needs sorting out.

 

‘emergin.’ I think this should be emerging.

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks again, even with the countless times I've edited this, I swear every time I fix something a new issue pops up in its place...very irritating. I fixed it, the edits just need validation.



Name: twill (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 4-09-2015

 

Enjoyable to read . I was happy to see you continue with the second chapter and cannot wait for the rest. I like the creativity in your development of the characters. Hope to be reading third chapter soon.

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :)



Name: SunshineDaisies (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 4-10-2015

 

Okay, back again!

 

I don't have a ton to add to my last review, unfortunately (or fortunately? Depends on how you look at it.).

 

I did notice a HUGE difference in the characterization. Salazar definitely came to life for me here, and it was beautiful to see. I love how you've made him rather kind and compassionate instead of just cold and aloof. It makes him much more human, and obviously he couldn't be completely evil if the founders started a school with him. It's nice to see the softer side.

 

That said, I'm really excited to see his development into the Slytherin we're more familiar with. I think we're getting to the root of his prejudice against Muggles, but I'm really looking forward to seeing the cunning, ambition and resourcefulness he wanted in his students.

 

I think Godric is still falling a bit flat, but you haven't spent nearly as much time focusing on him, so that makes sense. I also think that once we really know his motives, what he wants from Ingvar and who he's working for, it will really bring him to life. That said, I sort of like the mystery.

 

Once again, I think the plot is fantastic. I am so excited to read what comes next, and to figure out how it all fits together. It's a very captivating story.

 

I did notice a few typos, mostly near the beginning, but nothing too major.

 

I'm excited to read the rest! I'm sorry this review is so short!:/

 

Author's Response:

 

Thank you, working on chaper three now. Hit a little snag during an action scene, which when doubled with homework ate up a big chunk of time. Don't worry, the mystery will be solved fully next chapter or the one after. Depends on legth and where it feels most natural to leave off at. But it's coming, as well as Godric's characterization. Trust me, there's going to be plenty of time for that...ominous sounding, isn't it?



Name: Penelope Inkwell (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 4-21-2015

 

Okay, well obviously I had to come back and read the next chapter of this story. I was promised action, and there was certainly some action here at the end of this. Yikes!

 

Your voice continues to be well-developed. I love the atmosphere you draw--when the scene is peaceful, I feel the peace. I can visualize it fully. When the scene is frightening or tense, I feel the fear and the tension. That's quite well done.

 

I loved that you included the Slytherin locket! What a fun touch. It's one of the fun things in these fics, when there's a sort of shout out to things we know. They're even more enjoyable in stories that are set this far in the past, when there are fewer familiar elements for us to expect. It always comes as a nice surprise.

 

Oh my gosh, this cliffhanger! Is Amara going to be okay? I mean, she's pregnant. I hope the baby survives this rough treatment. I hope they all survive! How horrible that, as worried as Ingvar was, all his fears should come to pass so soon. And even worse, if anything happens to his family, Salazar will probably blame himself! But it's not his fault--he was only using parseltongue to try to protect his mother. Poor baby!

 

I'm really curious to learn more about Salazar--I am a Slytherin after all. I suppose if something happens to his family at the hands of Muggles, his future purist stance wouldn't be surprising. Not at all justified, of course, but not surprising.

 

Where is Godric in all this? I can only hope he comes riding in to save the day. Yikes yikes yikes. This is a very precarious ending place and I am nervous.

 

Also, is Godric a Muggleborn? Is that why Ingvar took him in?

 

CC: There were a few little things here and there, not what I consider real mistakes, like plot issues or anything. Just little snags:

 

<i>He'd forgotten how peaceful the spicy scent of the herbs Amera collected every morning were, wafting through the air as they hung down from the low ceiling rafters by the hearth, and of the bright flowers she sat out in the rickety table on the far side of the main room, sat just the right position to be highlighted by the sunrays streaming through the window right above. </i>

 

--I love the picture you're painting - it's so charming and really sets the scene. It gives us a beautifully clear sense of what Godric has missed about this place, and why it feels like home (which, of course, makes it all the more upsetting when the peace is broken). However, the sentence runs on a bit. I think it would be stronger with a break, maybe between describing the herbs and describing the flowers.

 

--Also, Amara's name is spell Amera here

 

--It should probably be ""how peaceful the spicy <i>scents</i> of the herbs were,"" or ""how peaceful the spicy scent of the herbs <i>was</i>.""

 

<i>"but when you quite you lose a lot more. </i>
--I think ""quite"" probably ought to be ""quit"".

 

<i>There are others out there, Ingvar, other children. Shouldn't that have a chance too?""</i>

 

--<i>"Shouldn't that have a chance too""</i> might ought to be ""Shouldn't <i>they</i> have a chance too?""

 

<i>"She had eggs, with you were coming too close to.""</i>
--Maybe, ""She had eggs, <i>which</i> you were coming to close to,"" or, ""She had eggs, and you were coming too close to them.""

 

I'm glad I came back to read this second chapter. I'd definitely be interested in checking out more of the story in the future. Thanks for the swap!

 

--Penny

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks for the review, and for pointing out those pesky errors! I'm halfway done with chapter three now, so you're just going to have to hang tight a bit longer.



Name: BellaLestrange87 (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 5-03-2015

 

Hello! I'm here for our review swap!

 

I love your description. The beginning of the chapter, especially, was gorgeous. I could vividly picture in my mind Ingvar's cottage, and I want to live there now. It sounds so welcoming.

 

This Marcus seems like a Founders-era version of Voldemort, except not as competent. I'm interested to see how this will play out. If he's described as a power-hungry fool he shouldn't be as bad as Voldemort, but the whole business about having a name so scary anyone who hears it goes and hides makes me feel that either he's overhyped or he's smarter than he seems.

 

I'm really curious about what the news Godric had to bear, and why exactly he came back. Who do they need to fight, and what's already upon them? Please post another chapter!

 

That incident with the snake (and the deer) is very suspicious. I can accept that the snake isn't venomous, which is fine. But the deer... if it doesn't look like a normal deer, it's probably not one. Werewolves in their wolf form don't look like normal wolves, so I'm not sure what this deer-thing is. I'm pretty sure an Animagus would look like a deer. (And were-deer sounds stupid.)

 

Oh no. That ending. No. WHY? If those are Muggles who did this then I can sort of see why Salazar became anti-Muggle later in life (with a new wand, presumably). And while we know he survives, there's no guarantees about Ingvar or Amaris. Please, don't kill them.

 

I found a typo:

 

<i>There comes a time where we all lose something or someone, but when you quite you lose a lot more. You were the one who told me that...but maybe you've forgotten</i> - but when you quit

 

This was an amazing chapter! I really want to know what happens next! This is a really good cliffhanger; please don't keep me waiting (I beg, on my knees!)

 

~Olivia

 

P.S. I'm sorry if I ask for Chapter 3 too much. I just <i>really</i> want it.

 

Author's Response:

 

Thank you, and I'll be sure to fix that typeo. Although, it's Amara and it actually explained that the rustling was a man, that's why Salazar blamed himself. He knew someone saw him talk to the snake.

 

Also, I see Marcus more like Malfoy senior, though not quite as calculating and much more open about his manipulating and bullying of others. I just realized that I made their names close too...I just now noticed that. I can't promise anything about who does or doesn't die...sorry, trying to wrestle chapter three into corporating as we speak. Stubborn little thing.



Name: alicia and anne (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 5-11-2015

 

Guess who's back? Back again. Tammi's back (with a very overused Eminem lyric) guess who's back, guess who's back - and we're going to end that right there. :P

 

Oh god! for a minute I read that as two decades later and I was thinking ""Godric! You silly sausage! It obviously wasn't that urgent was it?"" But it was my tired eyes that misread :P

 

But I want to know what it is! :P I'm so impatient. JUST TELL HIM ALREADY GODRIC! SO I CAN KNOW TOO! :P

 

These are some great descriptions, it really helps me imagine it all so vividly because of your beautiful words.

 

I really love Ingvar! He's brilliant! He could totally take this tax man on! And win!

 

I just want to hug Ingvar! (I seriously love him so much!)

 

It's the tax man!! I hope he hasn't overheard anything that can get Ingvar in trouble!

 

Oh no! Who's attacking them? NO! INGVAR IS HURT!! ;( Oh no! Godric needs to come in and save the day!

 

Wow, yet another wonderful challenge! I can't wait for more! I am favouriting this story! It is by far my favourite Founders fic! :D

 

Author's Response:

 

Wow, this is awesome! I'm not sure how our old snake would react to a random person running up to hug him, but feel free to try! XD

 

I'm having trouble with chapter three, but no matter how long it takes it will go up, I''ll make sure of it!



Name: SilentConfession (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 5-14-2015

 

I really like reading Ingvar's and Godric's relationship here. It's really natural and it feels like they've known each other for a long time, which they have. Great job at capturing that and making the bond between them feel very strong. I also like how you've characterized Ingvar here and how he likes to spend time in the dark because it masks his emotions. I think we can all relate to that in some ways. It also shows a little Salazaar - how perhaps the boy grew from being the son of a man who was balanced to the person we know him as.

 

Nice pacing with the action too. It is all to childlike for Salazaar to not think first about using magic before he does it. It's only after that he realizes the danger he may cause. Danger we see first hand at the end when the family was attacked. I feel like this event is going to shape Salazaar into who will be.

 

The choppiness was much better this chapter. The description and narrative flowed really well. The only thing I was left wondering about was where Godric had gotten to. I am guessing he has left, but I don't think you mentioned it (unless I missed that). It made the end seem a little disjointed because I was looking for him and couldn't figure out why he wasn't there. You did mention he was staying for the birthday party though...

 

Good work with this chapter though. I like how the action and tension keep building. It definitely shows that this story will be interesting with lots of twists and turns.

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks for the review and feedback, I edited the last chapter for that, by the way. About maybe 400-500 words were added after that???

 

And I love writing for those two, kinda sad they won't be together the entire story. It's fun to do their banter. Then again, Salazar is his son, so there's likely going to be plenty of snark from him. Ingvar is a fun character to write, and he's my first OC since the first story I wrote, which was horrible. I'm surprised I did him this well, honestly.

 

And it will certainly play a part, a big part, but there will be OTHER parts. Don't worry, you'll see.

 

Oh, Godric is there. I'll tell you that much, but no more than that. I can't give away all my plans.



Name: Princesss (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 5-21-2015

 

I enjoyed the flow of this chapter and how the events panned out well.

 

Some areas could do with a little work perhaps (a small expansion) but it isn't a necessity just a luxury perhaps. Overall I really enjoyed this chapter and loved that it ended in a way I would not have expected.

 

Author's Response:

 

Hey, thanks for the swap! Would you mind PMing me exactly what you feel needs to be expanded on?



Name: TreacleTart (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 5-21-2015

 

Hey there!

 

I'm here for our review swap. I'm sorry I'm a bit late, but better late than never I suppose.

 

I really liked this chapter. The idea that muffles are hunting witches and wizards seems to be realistic and is something we've even witnessed in real life history. It also makes sense that Godric would come back for Ingvar since he seems like a particularly powerful wizard.

 

Ingvar's reluctance to fight seems well warranted. With a new baby on the way, a wife, and a son, I could understand why he wouldn't want to risk putting them in danger, although judging by the ending it seems that danger is going to find him regardless.

 

I knew the rustling in the forest was going to be something ominous. I was worried that some sort of retribution was coming and I was sad to see that I was right. I'm not sure what's going to happen to Salazar's family yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be very ugly. It makes me wonder if this incident here is what causes Salazar to hate muggle sand muggleborn so much later in life.

 

All in all, I think this is a very strong start to your story. The characterization is solid. The plot is believable. And most importantly it's left me with a lot of questions about what's to come.

 

The only critique I have is that there's no third chapter for me to go read right away, but I'll be back when there is to see what happens. Good work!

 

~Kaitlin

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks! Yeah, I've gotten half of chapter three done, and I know what I want to do, the problem is putting it out. It doesn't feel right, and I have a nagging suspicion that the characters are trying to tell me something there.

 

It's very annoying...

 

And yeah, it's actually not the time of the famous witch hunts, but I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't happen before then. People still think the Harry Potter books promote witchcraft today, there's no way they'd handle actual magic even half as well as some still handle the books during such a superstitious time period. It just wouldn't happen. Heck, it might still happen today, we all know some real life Dursleys in our lives. It's just impossible not to expect that.

 

And maybe, definitely seems the start, I'd say...but it might not be the only thing. A big one, yes. The only? Well...we'll see.

 

I'm really happy to see that you enjoyed this, and I'm going to try and bribe my muse into cooperation. :)



Name: mymischiefmanaged (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 5-22-2015

 

Hello! Here for part two of our swap. So sorry for the delay.

 

Okay, I was an idiot last year and somehow didn't figure out that Ingvar was Salazar's father. Sorry was very tired when reading and that's why I was confused. Now it makes more sense.

 

This chapter was wonderful. You've really picked the pace up and it works very well.

 

I like how Ingvar and Godric spoke as equals. They show each other respect and I totally understand Ingvar's motives in not wanting to fight. He's at a very different point in his life to Godric and his family is his priority at the moment.

 

The whole scene with the snake was handled brilliantly. There's a lot of tension and you keep the characters believable while getting across the ominous atmosphere. I really liked that you didn't make it too obvious how much danger they were in. It's frustrating when characters should have recognised they were in trouble and ignore the warning signs, but this was just the right level of concern to make their reactions accurate.

 

The cliffhanger at the end! I want to know what happens! You convey Salazar's panic very well and make him very sympathetic as a character.

 

What I think is most impressive about this story is how much you've built up your own world within Rowling's. You've obviously put a lot of thought into what the wizarding world of the time was like, and it makes the story very original.

 

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. I'm definitely intrigued to see how Godric will respond to the attack, and I'm looking forward to meeting Helga and Rowena.

 

Wonderful chapter! Thanks for the swap!

 

Emma xx

 

Author's Response:

 

Thanks, and I'm hoping to get chapter three out soon. Thanks again. The others will show up soon. :)



Author's Response:

Thank you for the review



Name: Tonks1247 (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

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Originally left on 6-18-2015

 

Hello! Here from the BvB review battle!

 

OH MY GOSH HOW DARE YOU END A CHAPTER LIKE THAT! I WAS JUST GETTING SO INTO IT AND THEN YOU END IT AFTER THE WHOLE MINI PANIC ATTACK ABOUT THE SNAKE BEING POISONOUS AND JUST…THIS IS TOO MUCH.

 

Okay. Sorry. Had to get that outta my system right off the bat here.

 

So. Really loved this chapter. I love Salazar, and Godric, and Ingvar. I love their interactions with other characters and how they handle conversation with each other. I love the history you put into Godric and Ingvar, with Godric bringing up the past in ways that affect Ingvar in ways he doesn’t realize exist. Your characterization is flawless, as each character reacts the way they should, based on the roles you’ve assigned to them. It really is fantastic.

 

Other things I loved…the plot, so far. I have a feeling I am starting to have an understanding of what Godric is visiting Ingvar for with the letter and all, though I don’t know the significance of said letter. I’d also hedge my guess, but I think I need a little bit more than what I’ve been given to feel confident in sharing…but really, I like where this is going and I’m so excited to see how you’re going to develop it from here! (Also, cliff hangers are the way to go, despite my displeasure with not knowing what happens next…)

 

I did find a few things, some nitpicky, some just writer’s preference or wording things. They are listed below, in order they appear I believe…

 

""...twirling a blade of grass absentmindedly between his fingers as he gaze rested thoughtfully on the small Slytherin cottage."" –he should be his

 

""Now, he's after me, all because I'm not going to be cowed enough to run off and hide in a hole..."" –This one I’m being nitpicky with commas. Sometimes I feel they’re overused, as here, you really don’t need the one after now, I don’t think. May be a preference thing

 

“Stepping inside Ingvar began navigating the clutter with a familiar ease, but midway across, he hesitated.”-Nitpicky comma thing again—would lose the comma before but. It may just be a style thing, so definitely not something you had to change, but I think it think it makes the sentence flow better

 

“It hid things for him, and even allowing his emotions to show, no one else could see.” –Wording thing, that could just be me—here I would get rid of the ‘and’ and replace the comma after show with the word as so the sentence reads “It hid things for him, even allowing his emotions to show as no one else could see.”

 

This last one, I’m thinking there is a word missing, or something? Not quite sure what you’re trying to say: “We need this cleaned before it's then, and I don't know a spell for that.”

 

Okay. That’s all. Sorry for being nitpicky and all over the place with little edits. Because really, this chapter was quite fantastic and I enjoyed the read! I enjoyed it so much so that I was unable to narrow down which one quote or part was my favourite, so I’m sharking the three that drew my attention:

 

""Half the time you deserved it, you do realize."" // ""And the other half I think you just liked smacking me around."" // ""Point taken, lad. I do admit that it was certainly fun at times.""

 

""...how we all lose things we care about, but when you quit you only lose more...""

 

“Even after their discussion there was still so much left unspoken.”

 

Great job! I’ve enjoyed the story so far and can’t wait to see where you take this!

 

-Mikaela



Author's Response:

Thank you for the review



Name: DaaOne (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 6-29-2015

 

Hi there,

 

I agree you don't find many stories in the honor of the great Hogwarts' founders. I myself am writing one but quiet different from what you have going on here.

 

I like the plot: the idea that Slytherin's father was Gryffindor's mentor explains well the relationships those two had. And the fact that the old Slytherin was a bold man gave him lots of muggle enemies so it would be natural for them to discover there's something odd about him.

 

I look forward to seeing what happens to this family, I hope there wouldn't be tears though... I already like the mother and I've grown a bit on the Slytherins.

 

All in all, you're doing great job with this story: the pace is just right for it, you give your reader enough information without completely overwhelming them or boring them and you keep them wondering what might happen next wanting to read more. And that's just great.

 

So I hope I can read the next chapter soon enough, until then enjoy writing :)

 

DaaOne



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review!



Name: toomanycurles (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 7-03-2015

 

Hello!!

 

I found Godric and Ingvar's exchange really interesting. First of all - it was weird timing that Godric would avoid bringing up the reason for his visit and Ingvar waited the same amount of time to ask about his visit. Even before they brought up the purpose of Godric's visit, their discussion was very interesting. You do a great job bringing in the mentor/student vibe between them. With their conversation focusing on Marcus, I'll be interested to see how he plays into the story.

 

I can't remember if you talked about Godric's reason for seeking out Ingvar for help but I'm now desperately curious to know what it is that has him going around to garner help/support.

 

Ingvar's reflecton and hte revelation that his wife is pregnant gives such a needed depth to his reactions and character. Each character in this story has a nice complexity to them which makes me eager to keep reading.

 

Seeing Salazar speak to (or at least understand) the snake was very cool. I enjoyed the moment between mother and son but am worried that he snake bite will turn into something worse.

 

dude! Did muggles just attack them!??! O.O when are you writing more?

 

-Rose



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review!



Name: AlecJamesCaius_ (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 7-08-2015

 

Hey there, here for our multichaptered review swap!

 

I liked Godric and Ingvar in this chapter, its interesting how the relationship between Godric,Ingvar and Salazar intertwines.

 

I also love how well the characters are portrayed, Godric being as Gryffindor as they come (a man to my heart, ghehehe)

 

The pace is also picking up, which was welcome. I'm still waiting on Helena/Helga though, can't wait to see how they all come into this. I also appreciate the lack of typos.

 

You're doing pretty good so far I reckon. Too bad there are only 2 chapters of this story as of now.

 

Waiting on your review!

 

Alec



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review!



Name: Beezie (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 7-09-2015

 

Hey, Kat! Back for BvB!

 

Oooh, there were a lot of things I really liked about this chapter! I wish there was a third chapter up so I could get deeper into it - I'll have to keep my eye out for it in the future.

 

It was heavily implied last chapter, but now it seems pretty clear that Salazar really is younger than Godric, both in age and in experience. Where Godric has been out in the world, Salazar has been largely protected from it, particularly from any violence <i>within</i> the wizarding community, which I can see becoming very important in how his perspective of the world is shaped. The tension between his father and the Muggle world also makes me understand his tension toward Muggleborns a little better; while we can see that danger and violence can come from all quarters, he isn't necessarily able to, in a large part due to Ingvar's isolationism.

 

And that's without the ending, of course, which would breed anger and resentment in pretty much everyone. I can't believe you ended on that cliffhanger, though! I'm <i>assuming</i> that what he saw were people - Muggles, likely? - and it was horrible to read, particularly when I realized that their wands were broken. That's a pretty effective way to stop most wizards from retaliating. And if either of Salazar's parents died or his mother lost the baby (which is fairly likely, IMO - <i>a lot</i> of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester, often before a woman even knows she's pregnant), I can see this spurring him both to leave home and to hate Muggles.

 

This was so interesting, and I can't wait to see if my guesses are right!

 

A little CC:

 

Salazar's mother mentioned only being <i>"a few weeks pregnant, not months.""</i> That didn't make sense to me on a couple levels. First, pregnancy isn't generally measured in months - it's measured in weeks, so I don't think it's likely that Amara would ever think of herself as being ""a few months pregnant."" Women generally don't realize that they're pregnant just a few weeks in in the first place, and they certainly don't eschew walking outside to get some herbs even much further into the pregnancy. Magic might be able to explain away some of that, but overall, it just came off as odd to me, and I think a couple small changes would make it much more plausible.

 

Overall, though, excellent job! I can't wait for the next update!



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review!



Name: Unluckystar57 (Anonymous) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 06:05 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author. 

 

Originally left on 8-14-2015

 

Hi Kat! I'm here for our swap from yesterday, and for the BvB Review Fest. :D

 

You write Founders era like no one I've ever seen before, and that's a good thing! I love all of the bits of backstory that you put in this chapter--just enough to leave me wanting more and only being able to guess at what happened. For instance, Salazar's sickness when he was younger intrigues me, and the relationship between Godric and Ingvar is something that I want to see more of! I want to know all about him, and he's Salazar's father!

 

Ooh, and I really want to know what was in the letter, too. Is Godric already planning to start Hogwarts with Rowena and Helga, and he's just trying to get Ingvar in on the plan? But Ingvar's so reluctant and I'm looking forward to seeing Godric's further relationship with Salazar as he inevitably accepts Godric's invitation to found Hogwarts.

 

Ooh, this line was so lovely: <i>Gone were the people, jostling each other about in their mad rush, and the hectic tangle of voices crashing over each other faded far away. It was a time of peace, of reflection, a time he sorely needed.</i> Some really beautiful imagery there of the people in the crowds. And I can totally sympathize with Ingvar on the enjoying-night-better-than-day thing.

 

A few things that I caught (very minor):

 

<i>Low you always used to knock me upside the head for example. </i>~I think you meant ""How"" at the beginning.

 

<i>Godric, why did you came back?</i>~This is supposed to be ""come back."" Small typos, like I said!

 

Salazar's interaction with the snake was really interesting! I like how you wove in that part of his character, although it's a shame that the snake bit his mother. And I really enjoyed the passing down of Slytherin's locket--it's a cool kind of origin, that the locket is one of Salazar's treasured objects because it was given to him by his father.

 

It looks like that shadow in the woods <i>wasn't</i> a deer after all! Oh no! What's going to happen to the Slytherin family?! I hope that you can update soon, because I remember really enjoying your chapter three when I beta'd it, but I can't quite remember what happens in it.

 

This was a really great, information-filled chapter!

 

&hearts;Mallory

Author's Response:

 

Thanks, and sorry for the wait. Just reviewed yours after...ages. *hides*

 

Anyway, this review really made me smile, and makes me feel really guilty that I can never manage to write ones so long. I'm really happy that you liked it. :)



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 10 Jan 2019 12:27 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

Hi Kat, I’m here with your requested review!

 

I notice that you still cleverly hide exactly what it is that Godric is worried about and Ingvar won’t take  part in. Clearly a building war, or at least an ongoing series of skirmishes, but what I don’t know is  whether it’s between wizards and Muggles, or whether it’s between different groups of Muggles as was  very common in that region during this period in history. And I’m curious why Godric thinks they need  Ingvar specifically. Either he knows people on both sides and has a chance of stopping it, or it’s because  of Ingvar’s unparalleled skill in magic, meaning this is muggle/wizard wars. I’m leaning towards the  second because solving things diplomatically doesn’t really strike me as Godric’s modus operandi. I think 
he’s more of a sword guy. I’ll be curious to see how my powers of deduction hold up as I read on :P

 

It seems that Salazar’s mother, at least, is aware of Salazar’s ability to speak with snakes. Kinda makes  me wonder if this is a trait that runs in the family – does Amara or Ingvar possess this ability as well? Is it  the fact that he talked to a snake, or the fact that he did magic, that worries Amara about someone  overhearing? Whoever (or whatever) overheard them must have been very fast indeed if they scrambled  out of a nearby shrub and only appeared to Salazar as blurred movement. Either that or they were using  magic too, in which case they have no grounds to judge Salazar :P

 

The final scene in the chapter is one I kind of expected, but that didn’t make it any easier to read - how  awful for Salazar and his mother. At this point it’s not clear whether this happened due to Marcus the tax  collector, or to someone seeing Salazar performing magic, but you’ve given pretty good hints toward  each. And, for all I know, it could even be both. Marcus the tax collector could have been hiding in the  shrub.

 

Lingering questions: How did Godric sleep through all of this commotion? He was on the floor, and I  can’t imagine capturing the whole Slytherin family and taking them outside was quiet, but he’s not  mentioned at the end.

 

This chapter’s POVs seem a lot more evenly distributed than the previous one, and as such I think it flows  better.

 

And, since you mentioned separating the characters in your areas of concern last time, I’ll address it again  – I like the further look into the three POV characters’ minds (Amara I still feel like I know less, but she’s  not a POV character) and after this chapter I feel as if I know the characters better, and once again there is  no difficulty in distinguishing them from one another – they’re all quite different. Even Salazar and  Ingvar, whom you’ve pointed out have some similarities, I can already see where they are not alike,  which is that Ingvar was not willing to go into battle/war/the unnamed conflict because he wants to  protect his family, and it has nothing to do with his feelings about the other side but about the people he 
loves. This is a huge event in Salazar’s life and I think it’s going to have far reaching effects as to his  character in the future and his motivations. Though, to be fair, I suppose I can’t predict Ingvar’s reaction  if he survives whatever happened to him here… Either way, this will bring out some very different sides  of these characters, I’m sure.


Great work on this chapter.



Author's Response:

Hi, Stella! As always, your review is amazing. *hugs*

 

Godric is typically at least thought of that way. We'll see. Could be one of the other. Could be both. 

 

It was actually his father that warned Salazar.

 

You'll see what's up with Godric shortly. Promise.

 

Glad to see I fixed that issue. Hopefully Amara will have a bit more insight into her character within the next chapter, and it definitly is a big event, I'd say. 

 

Thanks again for the lovely review!



Name: MrsDarcy (Signed) · Date: 09 Jan 2019 10:45 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Hi Kat. I really loved this first chapter - I don't think I've ever read a Founders story and I agree - they lack canon story.

 

Your writing is awesome - I was immeadiately immersed into an old world with horses, swords and villages. I find it interesting that Salazar is much younger than Godric and that he knows his family - that really creates an interesting dynamic. I also liked the contrast you made between them - how Godric is cocky and outgoing, while Salazar is quiet and thoughtful. 

 

I think we got an excellent insight into Godric - and I hope to see more from Salazar's POV soon. I can only assume the next chapter will be about the girls? Yay! 

 

Overall, a great beginning to your story! 

 

- Beth 



Author's Response:

Hi, Beth!

Thanks for the review! They won't be here quite yet, but Rowena and Helga will show up soon. Don't worry. :)



Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 08 Jan 2019 10:10 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: Every Beginning Is The Start Of An End.

....i seriously can't wait to find out why godric came back?!?! the suspense and mystery are killing me :I

 

somehow, i think that there's more to this marcus than ingvar is letting on? to be honest, i expected marcus to be dealt with with magic but i understand they're careful not to use it in front of muggles? this is before the statute of secrecy so i'm looking forward to seeing how the living alongside muggles is dealt with *_*

 

i loved the bit when salazar talks to the snakey :D it was kinda cute - both his concern for his mother and the reason for the snake attack :)

 

with the way this chapter ends i suspect salazar was right and it wasn't a deer that saw them...but was it marcus? or someone else? :o

 

another interesting chapter! i like how you're weaving the mystery in and drawing it out but obviously i'm also looking forward to finding out what happens :)

 

kris



Author's Response:

Thanks, Kris!

Might be. May not be. It is before the Statuete of Secrecy, you're right. I'm sure you'll see soon enough.

Might not be a dear. Again, I'm sure you'll find out. Thanks for reading, and hope the reveal is worth the wait for you. :P



Name: lovegood27 (Signed) · Date: 08 Jan 2019 05:16 PM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Oh Hello! I thought I would check out some stories of yours after the review you left me, and this story caught my interest :)

 

Okay, so I thought this chapter was really good; it definitely sparked my interest and got me eager to know more. You didn’t overwhelm me with information about the Slytherins and Godric, as might have been tempting, but eased me in more slowly while still managing to keep me engaged. I really want to know what the bad news is now, though! Got a bad feeling about what’s coming next :P

 

I love your character portrayals so far, especially Ingvar! He shares a lot of traits associated with Slytherin house, like shrewdness and resourcefulness, so it’s quite clear he’s his father. I think the idea that Salazar’s father was Godric’s mentor is really original, and gives more depth to their relationship, because they’ve known each other for even longer than canon has suggested. I’m curious about when he was being mentored- will we see more of Godric’s early years? Why did he have to leave? What does Ingvar do for a living, and why is he mentioned to always be on the move?

 

I think you don’t need to worry too much about the historical accuracy of not having books- people didn’t even have surnames until the late 1000s so... ¯_(ツ)_/¯

 

Anyways, I enjoyed this first chapter, it was a good read. Hope you’ll update soon :)



Author's Response:

Hi, thanks for the review! Chapter two is actually waiting to be Validated now, so hopefully it will be very soon.

And that's very true about the name thing. 



Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 05 Jan 2019 12:49 AM · [Report This]
Story:Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages Chapter: The Beginning

Hey Kat! I'm here with your request. I remember this story from before - in fact I even see my old review from HPFF has been transferred over here already haha, but since you mentioned in your request that this is being rewritten, I'll give it a read with fresh eyes!

 

The tone you set right from the beginning is great, with the omniscient narrator telling the reader right from the beginning that this is not a happy story. It also really makes the reader feel like this is a Story, you know, as opposed to the stories where they just jump right in, this beginning piece kind of makes me feel like I'm opening a heavy gilded book cover or something. (That might have made more sense in my head, lol. Regardless, I like the beginning :P )

 

I really like the interaction between Godric and Ingvar Slytherin in the shop. You've done a wonderful job with their characterization even in this short section, Godric always toeing the line to see how far he can push Ingvar, who is less annoyed than he pretends to be but is too dignified to show any amusement at Godric's nonsense, and puts him in his place. I would love to read more about these two, particularly as you mentioned Ingvar was a mentor of sorts to Godric? and that has to have been so interesting. And probably very amusing when Godric was quite young and Ingvar had absolutely no patience with him, I can see it :P Anyway, I like this friendship/mentorship as a way to explain how Godric and Salazar first became friends (even though at this point, they're not yet)

 

It's interesting that you have this small prologue sort of thing from Salazar's perspective in which nothing is particularly noteworthy - but I guess that's the point of it, right? XD I mean, the end of that section where he says nothing would ever change kind of indicates that it's all about to change, and then (assuming around the same timeframe, possibly later that day) Godric comes into the house with news about something. Given my familiarity with Founders Era I have a pretty good guess as to what Godric is worried about, but I like that you don't say, you just leave the mystery pending to keep the reader wanting to read on.

 

The only thing that strikes me as kind of weird about the transition between the two sections is only that I'm not sure what POV to expect as the story goes on. The fact that you specifically made this narrator omniscient with knowledge of how the story eventually pans out in the beginning kind of suggests that the story will be told from a lot of different points of view. But, the majority of this chapter, and all of the action of the chapter is from Godric's POV, and at the end of the story it kind of feels like that's where the story will stay, and almost makes the Salazar section feel a bit out of place? And I think that feeling is only because the Salazar section is really short whereas the one from Godric's POV is twice as much and far more detailed. I do like what you have here, I just can't tell what to expect from the storytelling side of it quite yet, if that makes sense. And I suppose I might just be getting ahead of myself, because the answer to this will be clear by the next chapter. But, idk, I think it might benefit from the narrator popping in at the end again? Maybe, if you plan to introduce the other founders in the next chapter, give a hint about that at the end of this chapter?

 

Some typos/small fixes:

instead of a more plane looking sword -- should say plain

In anger, embarrassment, or more likely a mix of. -- this I think is maybe missing the word "both" at the end

It was almost nightfall Godric and Ingvar finally came in -- This one is missing a word, maybe 'it was almost nightfall when Godric...'

her face brook out in a grin -- broke, not brook

 

Regarding the other things you mentioned in your request - I had absolutely no problem differentiating the characters. You've done very well giving a distinct voice to each of them so far, so no worries there, just keep doing what you're doing because it works :) It's true that I don't feel as if I know Amara very well yet, and I know very little about Salazar, but given that it is only the first chapter and most of the chapter focused on Ingvar and Godric anyway, that's to be expected. Of the characters you focused on, you did a great job with them.

 

I think this is a great introductory chapter and am glad to see this story appearing on the archive again! Keep up the great work :)



Author's Response:

Hey, Stella!

I was hoping to try for that. Glad to see I pullled off the start without it being too forced.

Yeah, I had a lot of fun with that scene. I really enjoyed the interaction and it's always nice to have a chance to write witty back and forth. I may write a oneshot one day back when Godric was younger and living with Ingvar. Probably not now, but someday.

Yeah, it won't just stay in Godric's POV. It'll shift around for different characters. I've edited the beginning section to stay in Salazar's POV after the inital introduction. I also fixed the typos, so thanks for pointing them out.

Thanks for coming by and giving such a great review!



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