here for ctf
I know you're not really a fan of this piece but I love this! I thought the concept of the piece was really wonderful with the snapshot but especially really unique with the story being told through the eyes of their friends instead of themselves. It's really cool to get those different opinions and views of them as a couple.
I can't even decide which one is my favourite section as they all offered something interesting to the piece. I do like the opening that you've chosen an OC to open up this one-shot. I like the scene because I thought you played the mind set of 11 year old quite well and how they have black/white view of everything. I feel sad that they were in different houses after being so excited about Hogwarts. I was happy to see Manjinder mentioned again in second year as I would love to think they were friends.
my favourite line was '.There goes Gryffindor's main source of entertainment.' I like it because it just made me chuckle and I can totally imagine that the whole common room thinking the same. I do have a vision of them kinda making the older students laugh to with Lily's temper. I do think it's awesome how much the progress of the relationship is shown especially James. It's cool how much character development is coming through even in this short piece. I thought even though you thought that it could have done with more words to finish it up that it felt really complete as a piece and I love the last line from McGonagall. It really wrapped up the piece nicely!
- Abbi xx
Tasha! Here for CTF, Team Red! :)
THIS IS SO CUTE. ACK. SO ADORABLE. I love how you captured seven moments throughout the years. So much of Lily and James's relationship is up in the open, and I admire how you let us catch a glimpse into their developing romance through the eyes of others.
I also like how you don't have Lily despising James until seventh year. Yeah, she was mad at him in Snape's worst memory, but I love seeing her interaction with him in their Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth years. I love how she listens to James's apologies (and in the books, doesn't accept Snape's. It goes to show the differences between their words and actions, though James was still a prat in that scene, too).
Sirius and Marlene's points of views were probably the most amusing. Sirius for his grumpiness that James is so fixated on Lily. And Marlene for her cursing. You show their personalities well in so few words--just like all of the other narrators.
I love how you end the story with McGonagall (and ugh, Sirius, what a goofball, asking her to the wedding). She's watched all of these kids grow into young adults. The way you capture her worry at the end about the War and joining the Order gives the reader a real reminder of what's to come, because it's easy to forget after giving us some incredibly cute and fluffy and endearing memories of Lily and James through the eyes of their friends. Despite what's to come and McGonagall's worry, there's still hope and love at the end. After all, we all know that James and Lily end up married!
So well written Tasha! Good job!
As soon as I figured out the structure of your story, it was fun to look at the character named at the beginning of each "Year" and then be on the lookout for how you captured his or her voice. You did a good job in that, both in the character's dialogue and word choices, and in the types of things that each character focused on and thought about. It was hard to choose my favorite of them all, but i finally settled on the piece about Sirius Black; you depicted his character well.
Yes, it's discouraging to discover that you've gone over the word limit and are forced to tighten up the sentences, word by word, hoping that you'll reach your goal before you have to start excising entire sentences. *sympathy*
Thanks for writing. It was enjoyable to read.