I’m finally here with your promised review for your entry to my challenge, so here we go :3
First of all I have to say that you really captured Percy well. I can truly hear his irritation about being called the wrong name, and how he goes on about Stebbins needing to take his job more seriously, just as the books, really. And in my opinion that is truly hard to do, as i myself would never be able to get him right. Kudos for that!
I can also see why he hangs out with Viola. Despite her not being able to keep a secret, or so it seems, she seems like the perfect fit to Percy - at least when it comes to hanging out with him as friends. You did quite well there!
But of course its Percy who has to keep thinking or work and just goes to prove Viola’s point about him being there only to ruin peoples fun. Like I am sure he means well, in a way, but it just doesnt work out and pits people against him.
Oooh the awkward meeting of the ex-es! That is always weird and strange and I am not surprised this one just fits that bill right away. But I am glad it somehow seemed to make him realise that ruining the party was not the right way to go at it, so that’s good at least!
Oooh singing Valentines! I am glad it seemed to make it’s return. I wish we had more of it in HP bc it was so awkward it was funny! I am also forever in are of people who can rhyme and keep a semblance of rhythm in both bc I can’t do neither.
OF COURSE SHE GOT IT FROM LOCKHART. Oh my god that is just brilliant.
And they went out on a date! How sweet. Like i know they won’t stay together but it makes sense for them to date and it’s nice for them, so that’s a really nice change for the both of them really, and a nice ending to end it on!
It was a great story and thanks so much for entering my challenge <3
hey jane, i'm here for our review swap and EvS, team emerald!
i always felt a little sorry for percy that his boss couldn’t be bothered to learn his name properly but the interaction between percy and stebbins made fun of it in a good way :P
but the idea of percy being on a crusade against joy and/or fun was simply hilarious. i also love the way you show percy interacting with all these different people inside the ministry and the sheer skill with which you manage to portray these characters who we don’t know and only see glimpses of and yet they’re really alive on the screen (paper lol), it’s a wonderful aspect of your writing!
i literally laughed out loud at ‘brouhaha' and ' bacchanal' like they were planning god knows what and not a little office party. but i guess that’s percy haha
and omg that singing dwarf and the song! i have no idea where you come up with this stuff but it’s awesome, especially the lyrics. poor percy, nobody is listening to him :P
aah, so does percy likes viola? a tiny little bit maybe? since he’s unhappy that she’s chatting with another wizard :o i really like her personality - i think she’d be good for percy, make him loosen up a bit (even if they were just friends). okay, yes! they both like each other aww *_*
this was such a great piece – fluffy and humorous, i really enjoyed reading it <3
Hi Jane I'm back (and sorry for typos as I'm typing this on my phone, but) - this was just as magnificent as I hoped it would be. Also never would have guessed this was your first fic!! You really have a talent for characterization. I can totally see Percy behaving like this about a Valentine party, haha, but I was glad he finally asked Viola out (even if it took some incredibly obvious hints to get there). Loved this-
Dear Jane - I'm here for the EvS Review battle (batting for team Emerald, I am!)
I gotta say, poor, poor Percy. That kid just can't catch a break anywhere. Not even getting people to call him by his correct surname, it seems. (Though, I think Viola does it in jest.)
Percy has always been a superlicious prat to me. From his first show up in books, to his making prefect and headboy. JKR never gave him any redeeming qualities until the final battle where he joined up with his family and the others to fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters.
Sorta like Newt's brother Theseus in Fantastic Beast. (Just making that correlation. Amazing slow, I am, I guess.)
I feel for Viola, she's got this crush on an oblivious Percy. Not sure if 'unhung up' on Penelope there or not. But, it is time he moved on. (It's crazy to note, that I didn't ever realize that Percy and Penelope broke up until I wrote my Audrey Weasley fic. Again - just a tad slow on my part!)
I also like Viola, she seems kind. Taking that bold step to send that Valentine, and then coming up to ask him out was just the step Percy needed to kick him out his funk and actually see the 'rose' before him.
I'm hoping everything worked out for them in the end. They had a good relationship =). Percy the prat deserves that too. (Though, I don't think Viola understands just what she's gotten herself into. The Weasley Family is a tribe on to itself.)
PS - great beginning on your fanfiction life!
ive never read a story about Percy before and I really enjoyed this! You captured his work-aholic, goody-toe-shoes, suck-up-to-the-boss personality perfectly!
I really enjoyed the little song that he got from viola, especially the bit in () brackets. She’s so quirky and fun I really like her as a character.
this story was written very well, you learn a bit about Percy and his thoughts and his past. You learn a bit about his job. But my favourite was reading about him working up the courage to defy policy and follow his heart.
Great writing I hope you continue writing and That I can enjoy it!
Hi there, Bunbury! I'm here with your requested review! :)
This was a pure delight to read. I know most people loathe Percy (or at the very least find him dull), but I actually find him fascinating. This was an exquisite exploration of his character. I think what struck me most about this story was that you didn't make him purely unlikeable. Yes, he was being a stiff, and yes, he may have gone about certain things the wrong way, but you gave him this endearing quality through it all. Basically, he didn't read as someone who should be immediately written off as a git, you know? He reflected on his mistakes and behavior toward other people, and while he may not have admitted that to others, he admitted it to himself, and that's the most important thing.
This really felt like it's a missing piece from canon. The dialogue, the quirky humor, and the interactions between characters felt as if they'd been pulled straight from the books, and that really grounded this story. My favorite scene was probably the one between Percy and Penny. Cordial as they were to one another, the awkwardness of their conversation was apparent, even before David was mentioned, so I think that part in particular was very well done.
I also really admired how well-rounded your minor characters were despite having very little "screen time," so to speak. Stebbins, Viola, Penny, and the two ladies in the cafeteria all had very distinct personalities. Though we see them very briefly (well, except Viola - we saw her a bit more!), their actions and manners of speaking revealed a lot of about them. I felt like I was at work with Percy, and these were people I ran into regularly, too.
In your request, you mentioned that this was your first story. Honestly, had you not said anything, I never in a million years would have guessed that. Your dialogue sounded natural, your characterization was on-point, and your grammar was nearly flawless. (I think I spotted one oddly placed comma, but I don't even remember where it was and it didn't distract me one bit). So, that being said, my advice to you would simply be to keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Thanks again for stopping by my request thread. Feel free to come back anytime!
Reilly! Wow, thank you for this extremely kind and thoughtful review!
First of all, I'm thrilled that you like Percy -- our tribe is, alas, a small one -- as well as my portrayal of him. It's so interesting to me that he's driven primarily by naked ambition, especially when the rest of his family is so noble and self-sacrificing. And I think there's something poignant about how self-deceived he is about how other people perceive him. I'm glad you thought Percy came across as likeable. He might be a little self-important and power-hungry, but he's also just a teenager who's in way over his head. And it was important to me that he have at least flashes of self-awareness.
And I'm flattered that you liked the writing and characters! The Percy/Penny Owlry scene is probably my favourite too, and I'm glad you found it as awkward as I do. (Unrelatedly, I love Stebbins and I'd totally write a Percy/Stebbins slow-burn office bromance were there but world enough and time.)
Basically what I'm trying to say is, I'm so touched and inspired by your review, you picked up on everything I was trying to put into the story, and I'm really grateful that you took the time to read it so thoughtfully :)
This portrayal of Percy was absolutely perfect! The fact that he tries to convince himself that Crouch is too busy to remember such “trivialities as people’s names” in the beginning is just how I imagine Percy would justify it – and I knew this would be a great story from that line on.
Even though Percy can be a pretentious twat, I do think his colleagues are rather mean, but oh dear, Percy’s following cancelling of Valentine’s Day was super awkward. However, something I think Percy rarely gets credit for is the fact that he’s an extremely hard worker – there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, and it is after all people who devote their time to do something extra that become, say, Minister – which I’m sure is his dream. Unfortunately, Percy lacks the social skills of being a good boss, which is sad but could be worked on. I like that he realizes that he has to make some changes he if wants people’s respect. Also, Viola was a really nice addition to the story!
Your writing was spot on – flawless, humorous and very fitting of the story. I think you’re a master at dialogue as well, it felt super natural and I could clearly hear Percy’s voice in it. I could seriously use a tip or two from you. Overall, this was such a joy to read - you’re a great writer and I sincerely hope you’re still planning that Snape fic. I’m a fan already.
Beth! Thanks so much for this lovely review -- it made my day :)
I'm glad you liked the characterization of Percy. I agree that he's a really interesting character who's often unfairly maligned. I found him tricky to write because of how drastically his self-image deviates from how other perceive him. He's a slightly desperate person, because he's peripherally aware that he's not coming across the way he wants to, and that people laugh at him behind his back, but this only makes him do even more of the pompous, power-grabby stuff that they dislike. While he's got the drive and work ethic to become the next Minister of Magic, he's way behind on the interpersonal skills that -- he's starting to realize -- might also be necessary for the job. Anyway, so much for Percy rant :P
And I am definitely still planning that Snape fic, and I'm really pleased that you're looking forward to it! I've written a bunch of scenes, and right now I'm mired in plotting (basically I'm starting to worry that the plot is way too complicated and/or makes literally no sense. . .).
Bunbuty, this is great! Write more stories! Everything flows, nothing is stilted or awkward, just the right balance between reflections and actions, I loved the characteriztion of Percy, just the right amount of detail and all of it relevant. And humorous too!
Also, the manuscript is exceptionally clean, free of typos, misused words, and grammar glitches (and only one or two spots, in this many-paged story, where I would have altered the punctuation). It is such a pleasure to read it.
We Slytherins are lucky to have you in our House. I don't doubt that you will win us acclaim. Good job.
Vicki! Many thanks for this kind and encouraging review :)
Sadly I have no knowledge whatsoever of the formal rules of punctuation; usually my policy is to sprinkle it whimsically in :(