Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)
I'm really intrigued by the premise of this: there's not that many stories around which feature someone who was friends with Bill or Charlie - let alone end up with either of them - so I'm excited to see how that goes; how she fits in and how she ends up there, as well as what she makes of everything going on around it all (since this is set in second year). I'd imagine that as a cursebreaker the idea of Slytherin's heir being back would be kinda fascinating, especially when they unleash something petrifying people.
I like the set-up here: how you show us the flashbacks back in time with Esme starting training and introducing her family, with her sister and brother; and then the final flashback, which I assume is the relationship mentioned in the summary: Tamrat Otieno. It's a lot to get through but it's all interesting stuff: I'm really curious to know more about her family, since they seem super close and why she wouldn't go there rather than to Bill? Is there a fight or a falling-out?
You have a real gift for dialogue. You write it so easily and so naturally - it really lets both Bill and Esme's personalities come through in it: how easy-going Bill is and how caring they both are; how family-oriented, with how they both go home to their siblings when they need them. It's lovely and it's a real help because dialogue is really kinda hard to get right, and it can throw a reader out so quickly if it's just obviously wrong, yk? But you do it so well!
This is a really great start! :)
Hi, Delaney. Here for our swap.
Poor Esme, I did feel for her, being late on her first day... I mean, I don't think I've ever been late on a first day, but I have trouble getting out of bed most of the time and always end up running every morning... life is hard...
At least she found an understanding work partner in Bill. I think I wouldn't mind working with a Weasley, they are all quite nice and of good heart. :)
It was also nice to meet Esme's family, I especially love that she has a twin sister, I always enjoy reading about twins.
If you don't mind a little bit of CC, this felt all a bit rushed... especially in the second section, you jumped from the family reunion to the letter to Ginny without giving the reader much indication that time had passed and that we were in a different scenery. Also, I think I would have made the letter a bit longer, I felt like it lacked a bit of emotional impact...
I think in general if you tried to expand more on your scenes, putting a tiny bit more description etc, your writing would come out more powerful. I know you said before that you struggle a bit with description (and I understand it, because I do too, a lot) but I really think it would be worth to put a little bit more effort in it.
Anyway, it was nice to read this and get to know Esme. You always have very original ideas for your characters and their background, which I think is one of your biggest strenghts. I love that she is a cursebreaker and that you are setting your story in Egypt. I love Egypt, it's such a fascinating land, and I'm sure working as a cursebreaker would be fascinating, too. :)
Thank you for swapping! :)
Here for our swap :)
I've never read a story like this before so I'm so happy I get the chance to. Your characters have such promise, they're so cool and their dangerous jobs add this level of action I'm excited for in later chapters. I hope you'll be going into some more detail in terms of what their job entails because I really want to know haha.
I like the dialogue between her and Bill. He seems just like I'd imagine him to be: kind, chivalrous and funny. Esme as a character seems so relatable and I can't wait to read more about her!
Hello! I’m here for our review swap.
I want to start by saying I think this is a great idea for a story. Curse-breaking and Egypt and romance sounds like a fun time.
I like how you have just launched us into the action. I also like how you show Esme being nervous. I’m glad that Bill is being nice to her since it seems that her boss is a bit difficult. I also liked how you put information about her family in right away. It’s very interesting that her twin was sorted into a different house.
The next scene is very sweet. It’s nice that her family is fairly happy and meeting for a birthday celebration.
It might be a good idea to add a trigger warning at the start of the chapter that there will be a mention of a miscarriage, just in case. I am glad that Bill is still being so kind and understanding.
I wonder what is going to happen while Bill is away though.