Hey, sorry I'm late getting my review on for this story and your chapter!
I found this chapter amazing. I love how you wrote your Harry and Ginny. They do have a great relationship with each other. I love the fact that she went out to find him and give him the news. And - it was a bittersweet bit of good news.
It took me until just now to realize we'd killed Ron off. Poor Ronald Billius Weasley. The one most likely to get killed off by fanfiction writers. Your words made me ache for poor Harry in his grief. He's lost so much in life, and I'm so glad you had Ginny there to drag him out of that slump.
Poor dragon, too! Slamming the poor beastie into a mountain. But, I'm glad you've given Harry a way to blow off the steam inside him. Your Ginny is the perfect partner for him in so many ways. That Harry recognizes just how wonderful she is is heartening also. He's certainly put her through a lot in their years together.
Thank you for adding your expertise to this story! It's a fabulous and fitting read to it.
Hey, Rhi! I've come around to review your chapter of our amazing collab.
This chapter is great. Fabulous. Wonderful. It truly fit itself in to the story line we created with out a hiccup. (Possibly a cough, wheeze and shudder from the poor patients facing death in Hogwarts.)
Death can be such a scary thing, and that you've portrayed it by a nurse caring for one (out of the many she is caring for) is amazing. You had me rooting for young Joshua. It almost broke my heart when Lainie finally arrived with the cure and she thought he was dead.
That was a heartbreaking and sad moment. So glad that she was in time to administer the potion. I was truly amazed by that little twist. It could have easily gone the other way!
I love how you fleshed out your two main original characters in this chapter. With a word count limit, you gave us just enough to sympathize and worry over. That poor Joshua is now an orphan saddened me. I wish there was a way to find out what happened to him later in life.
Thanks, Rhi for writing this. May we collab once more, for it was a joy to work with you (and the others.)
I'm here to (finally!) review your fabby chapter in our collab! (I really thought I'd gotten to them all.
This is a fabulous chapter. I truly mean that. I love how you written your Draco and Harry. Both are very canon but have matured up from when they were kids in Hogwarts. Both have very fulfilling jobs and families now.
That they both haven't gotten the dread is beyond me. They both have great constitutions. Though in the past chapters I know that Ron lies at death's door because of it. That the two of them (Draco and Harry) can set aside their petty, high schoolish rivalry to work on this is, well, fantastic.
I also like how you added the realistic use of potions here. It was for a good cause, but there is always that chance for abuse. That Harry opens up to Draco and admits that he was possibly addicted to the wide eye potion because of work makes him that much more human in my eyes.
And, YEAH, the cure. Thank Merlin on that.
Great job, dear. <3 juls
Hey, Joey! I'm come to (finally) review your fabulous chapter in our collab! (Apologies for taking so long!)
This was fabulous, Joey. Neville has always been a character dear to my heart. Your Neville shows just how grown up he has become from the time of the Battle that he traveled back to from his present self. Meeting up with back then Luna had to have been jarring, but she seemed to be the perfect one for him to encounter out of all of those he knew. Her ethereal self wouldn't question his return, wouldn't be bothered by giving help and - she won't mention he had been there.
Being back to that day had to have been jarring to Neville. The events had been horrible, and he knew many that had died to keep the Wizarding and Muggle worlds safe. Knowing that he wasn't allowed to change anything in the past had to have been heart-breaking to the tenderhearted boy.
One can only hope that the book he found actually has the cure! That you tied in to where Goyle set the Room of Requirement on fire was a fantastic bit on planning there. It made the danger seem more real on his going back in time.
I love how well you wrote your chapter of the story to work with the other chapters to be cohesive. Thanks, Joey, for being a part of it.
Hey Juls, I'm here for the reviewing event, and also representing team emerald in this month's Slytherin EvS review battle.
Damn, you write a good Hermione. I know you do, so I don't know why this Hermione takes me by surprise, but damn... I find that trying to perfect the balance of her personality hard to capture, but you do such an amazing job of her characterisation. Her flicking back and forth between a grieving wife and Minister of Magic never felt unnatural, nor the pace of was rushed - which I think could have been a trap you could have easily fallen into, but didn't... at all. My heart goes out to her so much. She's got so much on her plate, I'm surprised that she isn't cracking more under the weight of it all.
I also think you did an amazing job of juggling all the (very strong) personalities in Draco Malfoy's office. While I am aware that this is your "Hermione POV" chapter, you do a great job of building and foreshadowing other events, as well as keeping the continuity of the series very much intact. Which is not easy feat when each chapter is told from a different perspective, and also written by different authors. You have this done extremely well in the small exchange about why it has to be Neville that goes back in time. It is something you have done that I think stands above nearly all other chapters in TEOO if I'm being honest with you - absolutely stellar job with it.
Great chapter Juls!
Hey Rumpels I'm here for the reviewing event, and also representing team emerald in this month's Slytherin EvS review battle.
How do you write dark/horror so well? It blows my mind, honestly. Having your chapter at the very start of TEOO definitely sets the tone on what this story is going to be about - death, loss and grief - and maybe hope (but let's be honest - not a whole lot of hope). I admire how you were able to truly immerse the reader in Ron's thoughts. As Ron battles his growing delirium more and more, I noticed that the sentences where becoming shorter - more fragmented. It was a great way to show that he was fading - dying a horrible, painful death, and that, The Dread, truly did does not take any prisoners.
My favourite line would definitely have to be 'The cadavers danced. The skeleton slinked towards him. The moths ate. Rats nibbled at his lips. The abyss hissed.' You precisely depict just how close Ron is to dying, to crossing that Threshold. You were able to pull on my heartstring with how, despite the pain and suffering that Ron is feeling, and how really, he would not mind stepping into Death's embrace, he continues to fight for Hermione. He holds on for her. Having her there, having her pull him back was a great decision and very realistic in that, Hermione is not ready to say goodbye to her husband. She's not ready to be alone.
This was a fabulous chapter, and a great way to start of this story. Well done!
Hey Rhi! :)
I’m here with a review for the Rager of the Decade Gift Giving event, and realized that I’d never actually read all of the Houses’ entries for the Halloween event last year, so here I am! As Slytherins, I knew you would go dark, but this was realllll dark. A pandemic killing half the population of Wizarding Britain with no known cure? It’s the Black Plague returned with a vengeance! Your OC’s are nicely fleshed out even with such minimal text describing them -- a hard thing to do with such limited story available. The little boy Joshua just tugs so much at my heartstrings, and Elaine is a truly hardworking Healer. My sister works in healthcare, but I never could, so I really appreciate it being written about here, and the uglier aspects of working in such a ward as this, with the sickest patients, with no known cure for the disease. My heart almost stopped when Elaine ran up to the Hospital wing with the cure in hand and Joshua had been moved to the dead beds! But then he was still holding on, just for Elaine, and got that lifesaving potion. I think you could have left it with him passing, but this is an equally emotional ending as that would have been, and I am personally glad you went the happier route with this one. Great job! :)
Hey there Madi. Thanks for your lovely review on my chapter. This was such a huge undertaking for Sltyherin House as a whole, and I'm glad it was so well recieved (as dark as it was - like you said, it is Slytherin's go-to, haha).
This is a great chapter for this story, focusing on one OC Healer, forced by circumstances to assume responsibilities far sooner than normal, but showing that human instincts are just as valuable as technical skills. And the OC patient, a little boy, shows that the will to live is as important as biological processes.
You have a good balance of exposition (the first five chapters) full of details that set the scene vividly, and then the longer narrative of one little boy and the Healer who tries desperately to save him. Thus you put a human face on the stark statistics that introduce each chapter.
The dialogue is excellent. The emotions come through clearly in these short sentences, and the dialogue is interposed with short action sentences that brings the scenes to life. One can see it as if on a movie screen.
Your final line, "The worst was over now," is particularly poignant because it has a meaning on two levels -- for Joshua and for the whole community.
One little lapse of POV: "Pinky swear," I said, offering my little finger to him.
Thank you for writing. This chapter is certainly Back From The Brink.
Hey Vicki, thank you so much for the positive review! I'm glad you picked up on the "human face" as you described it. I tried really hard to show what it was like "in the trenches" as it were, and I felt it was best done through and OC's perspective.
hey rumpels! i'm here for our swap and for EvS, team emerald *_*
i have to admit, i’ve gone back to re-read this chapter a couple of times since you first wrote it because i find the gruesome imagery you depict inspiring and beautiful (even though they’re…hard to read about). i know it might sound weird but your fabulous descriptions of ron’s current state made me try harder at writing my own descriptions :P it’s just so real when i’m reading – i almost feel like him, like there’s something breaking my body and i think it shows how great of a writer you are!
besides the descriptions, i also thought that you managed to characterise ron perfectly – he really is someone who would downplay his symptoms, who wouldn’t want to admit that he’s sick, especially not with something like the dread and then it would’ve always taken hermione’s intervention to make him see a healer. your hermione is true to her character as well – not leaving ron’s side even though she’s risking getting infected as well shows how much she loves him, how much she depends upon him, how loyal she is to him. and her being the thing that keeps him fighting is something i loved reading about :D
his hallucinations (?) during the worse parts of his sickness/the fever – the dancing cadavers and the skeleton and the rats and the maggots is some of the best writing i’ve ever read (including stuff from published authors) – i literally get goosebumps every time i read that part!
this was such a great chapter…and idk how to stop fangirling over it :P
(Reviewed for the Emerald team of EvS, and for the good quality of the chapter.)
What strikes me about this chapter that you contributed to The Edge of Oblivion is the way that it provides a break from the urgent action of the other chapters to focus solely on a close description of the symptoms and progress of the deadly disease, both as seen by an outside observer (Hermione) and as experienced by a victim.
This close focus, so early in the story, is necessary to make it gut-wrenchingly clear to us readers just what a catastrophe this epidemic is. The numbers of afflicted and dead listed at the opening of each chapter arre so impersonal that one might faii to be moved by the human tragedy. And making the victim be someone whom we know and love doubles the impact.
I am glad that your description of Ron's suffering, hallucinatory as it was, was written plainly and clearly and that it encompasses a relatively small part of the chapter. More would have been too much, too overdone.
I almost expected that Ron would die in the final lines of this chapter, but his death would have violated the premise of the collaboration, 'Back from the brink.' So he is saved, as an individual, in this chapter, but wizardry is saved, in the whole, by the end of the story. A good job!
I am here for team Silver in the EvS Battle!
This story was such a great depiction of Neville, you really do write him so well! you have an excellent narrative voice when you write too which makes the story so much more enjoyable.
I love how he was instantly found by Luna and she of course being the odd brilliant woman she is knew it was him almost immediately. Her helping him to find the book seems so right, and I am really glad that he was able to see her in the past. It drew for a really great realization on his part that he had grown and matured over the years and he was not much like the Neville from his days as a student.
I felt my heart squeeze when he wished he were able to change things from the past and save his loved ones, andd dhow he begged their foregiveness for being unable to do so. I think that by far that would have to be my favourite part of the whole thing!
This was excellent writing Crestwood! I'm excited to read more of your other stories.
This is a clever chapter. I love the idea of the prophecy, and of course Hermione, even more than the others, will resist accepting it as having any value in their race to control the disease.
I also liked your explanation about why Draco had changed careers and had become a Healer. It is good when developments like that are given a canon-compliant rationale; it makes the Potterverse more self-consistent, so that our imaginative extensions of it can be linked back to the whole. :) And Draco shows himself not totally helpless in the fight against the disease because he is the one to see the acrostic that points them all toward Severus Snape. In the canon books, Draco is portrayed mostly as a jerk, but he was also quite smart, and I like stories that show us that.
I hope that these characters, even though already exposed to the disease, are not contagious before beginning to show symptoms, so that it will be safe for them (not counting Hermione) to go to Hogwarts and consult with Snape's portrait without inadvertently carring the virus into the parts of the school where the students are.
Will you five authors keep writing chapters in turn until the story is finished? I hope so!
Hi Juls! I thought I’d slide on by to check out your chapter of the collab for EvS :)
The description you give at the beginning as Hermione allows her emotions to overcome her are excellent, it starts the chapter off on a very high note. It’s a good commentary on the idea that, although death is unavoidable, it can often feel so sudden and debilitating at the same time. And a great reference to the time she was forced to wipe her parents’ memories, that must be a moment that haunts her a bit, even if she eventually was able to find them.
People always come for leadership in times like this, even if it’s not their fault or, really, anything to do with them. That much is for sure. Already, you’ve given us a taste of the brink that we’re going to be returning from right away.
It’s so much like Hermione to scoff at something, even when she knows it to be largely true :P
Everyone with a hand in writing the prophecy did such a good job, it’s haunting in the best way.
Ohh, I think I spy a reference to Cursed Child here, despite the fact that I have not read or seen it before. Hermione is so smart not to want to go back while sick though, she could sort of destroy time if so, I’m pretty sure.
I love the spelling out of the prophecy - brings me back to Voldemort’s anagram when Tom Riddle came out of the diary. I really enjoyed reading this - you’ve done an amazing job with this portion of the story! Until next time,
hey juls! here for EvS, team emerald :D
i really think you did a great job depicting hermione's despair and just..her wish to let everything go, be with ron, stop being the minister all the time and simply be a wife hoping that her husband will get better even though she knows it isn't likely.
then, when she has to deal with neville, harry and draco and put up the minister persona for them, it's obvious she's barely dealing with everything. i think the joke she wants to make really shows that off - it's not supposed to be funny and you obviously wrote it as a way to display her troubled mental state. it's a powerful tool! it also goes to show that she's willing to believe in and act upon a prophecy made by trelawney, when, while at school, she never thought divination had any merit. at this point in time she's willing to do anything if it means it would help save both ron and the wizarding world.
this was such a great chapter and you did an awesome job in writing it, especially showing the desperation!
Hi, Starbuck, I'm here for Team Emerald of the Slytherin EvS Review Tag to review the first chapter of this fascinating story.
I see that you have started your gang of authors off with a bang! No beating around the bush. Your idea to tell the story of the outbreak of the disease and the rapid deterioration of the situation by using serial news releases works very well indeed. It is just how some poor wizarding family would get the news day by day, each day worse than the previous one.
You have such good details: The cult group's conspiracy theory; the hoarding of supplies by doomsday survivalists; the initial medical advice to the public of not panicking into thinking that a simple common cold was The Dread, later followed by advice not to try self-healing measures; the closing of schools and their conversion into more treatment space; the interdiction on travel. All these news reports really add up to conveying the sense of emergency and panic, although the journalists try to remain calm and give the impression that the government is actually dealing with the epidemic responsibly.
Interesting to cast Draco Malfoy in the role of Head of the Magical Disease Control (the wizarding equivalent of the CDC). His early interest and talent in Potions, plus his familial example of executive functioning, reasonably leads to this administrative career in health science.
But we can sense Draco's anger and frustration at a situation that is out of hand by his language in the radio interview. First he refuses to estimate when a cure will be found (he probably doesn't know, but doesn't want to admit that), and his controlled, unemotional speech quickly devolves into coarse language, and he refers to Harry and Neville by their surnames only whereas a more formal speaking style would be to refer to them as Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom, along with their professional titles.
Interesting that here in 2029, almost 31 years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the press is still referring to Harry as The Chosen One and referring to Ron as a member of the trio who managed to defeat Lord Voldemort. Some things are hard to live down!
Enjoyable chapter, nice job.
This is a really great continuation of the story that leads up to my chapter! I really liked how Hermione was able to compartmentalize her life, its very much something Hermione would do. you really write a great Hermione!
I like how Draco must know Hermione well enough to recognize how her not noticing it first was out of character for her.
and most of all i really appretiated the sensitivity Harry showed about his bestfriends. That really struck a chord in me.
Rumples! This chapter is so wow! You actually had me getting all misty over Ron. I desperately love the way he talks about Hermione here! And the way you described the skeletons and the rats (lol i mean thats golden right there) coming for him, that was perfect, and i could literally picture every bit of this story in my head.
you are a fantastic writer and you did such a fab job continuing where Starbuck left off.
Just popped in to say I absolutely love your Snape! He's soo snarky it makes me swoon.
You did a great job on your chapter, and I love it so much!
I can't wait to read all of the rest of them!
This colaboration has been one of my favorite projects of Slytherin House has been this collaboration. I am in love with how things are coming together. You did an amazing job of writing Hermione and her struggles with everything going on in this story.
I am particularly fond of how Hermione has her true nature and then the mask of being the minister or magic. I think you handled her brink very well and how she came back from it to continue to do the work she needs to do.
You have also done a wonderful job of laying out the gravity of the situation as everyone tries to figure out the answers to the problem the Wizarding World is facing. You also did a nice job showing the reasons and emotions of the other characters present while focusing on Hermione and her role in this tale.
I truly enjoyed this read as I have enjoyed everything that is written thus far fantastic work.
I think you've done a lovely job in depicting Hermione as she works through such awful times. It must be difficult for her as Minister for Magic, as a lot of people are looking to her for solutions. I love the sense of hopelessness that you've woven in here because it's a completely realistic set of emotions she's struggling with as she watches the world around her crumble and her husband cling to life. I also love how this depicts everyone (who can) come together under the circumstances -- Neville, Hermione, Harry, Draco... just to try to battle this thing.
Just wanted to stop in and say kudos!
I just wanted to make sure to pop by and leave you a review! I really really enjoyed the build up of the outbreak! You are truly a talented writer. The way you are able to engage your readers inspires me and I cannot wait to read Loren of your writing. I think there is no better way this story could have begun. Again really great story!
Nicely done, Kris. You've written the build up to the crisis well. Given us (the readers) enough of a sense of urgency and hopelessness. That Ron is one of the afflicted gives validity to the story idea.
I also like (aka love) the fact that you've various publications as your sources to build up the level of the crisis. Showing the dispair of the magical community we've all known and come to love.
That the magical world could be very well at the brink of extinction. (Just like the dinosaurs, dodo and others. Now, it has hit humankind.)
Aww, Rumpels, you had to give me the feels for Ron with this chapter. He's not my favorite (but NOT my least favorite either - that is left for Umbridge herself!), and I've killed him off in a fic (or two, possibly). You've given him a human side, more so than JKR ever did for me. (Of the trio, I honestly think he was the leass fleshed out. More fleshed out though than our beloved Draco!)
His pain is panful to read. It makes me root for a cure in time to save him, actually. That's a powerful thing =)
Thanks also, for humanizing Hermione. Your writing off her is beautiful.
Let's kick this 'Dread', okay?