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Hi, Vicki! Since I have a bit of free time at hand and you are the next in review tag, it seemed a good occasion to finally get to the end of this awesome story! :D
And what a delightful, sweet conclusion to this journey of self-discovery! This epilogue is short and simple, but still so full of emotion and satisfying and hopeful! I love it a lot! <3
It's so lovely to see Harry finally in a good place, happy with his family now that his son is born. You can feel the love among them even in this short moment, and the little detail about Harry now Apparating to work, so that he can spend as much time as possible with Ginny and baby James is very significant, I think, because he's trying to give James all the care he didn't receive growing up! <3 I also love that you chose Christmas time for this last chapter, it just gives this additional joyful atmosphere to everything! :)
The present from Arabella and her letter are so touching! Such a thoughtful present, and so meaningful in the context of this story! These books that he now held in his hands were tangible evidence that someone had felt some affection for him during that bleak time. Wow, so much emotional impact here! I love how Harry can't exactly remember the books, but he also sort of does at some subconscious level (yeah, I guess that's what deja-vu feels like :P)
It's so lovely the idea that these books will be a means for Harry and little James to connect at some point later... <3
I also really hope that they'll keep in touch with Arabella... she's been so lonely and it would be lovely if they'd build a deeper connection from now on (it is so sweet that she considers Harry the son she never had <3)
Wonderful closing to a wonderful story! Thank you so much for writing and sharing! :D
Big snowball hug (and tag),
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara! Thank you so much for this lovely review! I am really glad that you liked this epilogue as a wrap-up to this fairly long story. It came to me 'out of the blue' after I had thought that the story was finished at the previous chapter, and it seemed to tie everythiing together. I think that receiving the books and realizing that, deep down inside, he could remember them was the final step in Harry's journey to recovery. You are so right when you say "It's so lovely to see Harry finally in a good place." He wasn't sure at all that he was in a good place when the story began, and he worked hard to get to where he is now.
I very much appreciate your choosing this story to review and continuing all the way to the end. It is very special to me, for lots of reasons. Thank you! <3 <3
Vicki
Hi, Vicki! Tag! :D
I've been away from this story for way too long, so I thought this was a good chance to catch up! ;)
Wow, this was so incredibly emotional, you had me almost in tears here... but before I comment on the serious stuff, there's something I really need to say... The cookbook calls for olive oil -- they use olive oil in all their baking, isn't that odd? Is there any other oil than (extra-virgin) olive oil??? :P (Actually, I think butter is more frequently used for biscuits than oil, but that's beside the point... :P Sorry about the extra focus here, btw, but when it's about Italian stuff, especially food, I can't help myself... :P)
I really enjoyed this get together after Ron and Hermione's trip to Italy, btw! Loved the cooking and the chatting and the photos... I had no idea Hermione was a good cook, but after all why not? I kind of wish we got more details about their trip, but that's not what your story is about and it would've probably required too much research for no purpose... again, I'm overfixating and I'm sorry... *hides*
Poor Harry, it must've been hard for him to open up... I can totally understand him, the fear of ruining the mood, the fear of being judged... but Ginny had a point, the Weasleys are his family now (they sort of have always been) and it's only fair of Harry to be honest with them, and more than that, they can give him the support he needs, right?
Molly's comment about why Harry searched help among the Muggles did feel a bit out of place, but it sort of fits with her character. We've seen her being mistrustful of Muggle medicine in the books and she probably doesn't know better, she's used to solve things with magic... but mental health problems can't be solved with a wave of wand, can they? It's not something you can solve overnight and it's definitely an issue that trascends magic.
Arthur, instead, is always the wise one. It's very fitting that he was the one to understand the real meaning of Harry's dreams. I had always assumed that the dreams came from Harry being afraid of unconsciously ending up mimicking the Dursleys' parenting ways with his own kids, since that was all he ever experienced, and maybe that's still a part of it, but the idea that he was actually dreaming about his guilt at not being able to save himself makes a lot of sense too... and it's so, so sad... :/
The funeral was weird, but I guess it served its purpose. But wow, it was so painful to read! The image of baby Harry taking his first steps and running into Lily's arms... ouch, that hurt! And then, when Harry spoke... "I wasn't bad. I was just a little boy. I just wanted to be loved!" You broke my heart there, you know?
I'm all for toasting with tea! A great way to close the chapter! It was such an emotional ride but I suppose it was needed, and I think you wrote it all brilliantly, as usual! <3
Great work!
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
I was so happy to see that you had responded to the review tag and had chosen this chapter of The Baby In The Closet. But before responding otherwise, I have to say that the cookbook Hermione refers to is one that my son William bought when he was living in Italy, and it really did specify olive oil in most if not all of the pastries and cakes. I thought that perhaps there are types of olive oil that are very mild-flavored, that the Italians choose for their baking, or maybe they're just accustomed to cakes with a hint of olive-oil flavor and therefore think nothing of it. Other details of Ron and Hermione's trip to Italy also come from my son's experiences there; see my reply to the oldest review of this chapter, by Noelle Zingarella.
I think that Hermione would be a good cook because in this story the trio are all 24 yours old, so Hermione has been out of school for about four years and would have had time to learn to cook. For her it was always important to know everything and to know how to do everything, so I can see her making a point of mastering cooking because she would be embarrassed not to know how to do it.
I sympathize with your curiosity about Ron and Hermione's trip to Italy (though I would probably get some of it wrong in the eyes of an Italian citizen), but I could not stray too far or too long from the trajectory of the story without going off track. So, just little hints. I got the same reaction to my story Forgive Us Our Trespasses when I shared it with my Creative Writing class at the college years ago (changing the references to Hogwarts at the final part of the story to modern-day Druid re-enactors at a ruined castle, to strip the Harry-Potter-fanfiction element out of the story). Some of my classmates in that class wanted to know more about Mairi's home life in the years before the main events of the story.
Thank you for saying that you liked the way I handled this difficult-for-everyone after-dinner conversation. It was not easy to write -- in fact the entire chapter was not easy to write because it dragged up so much stuff that we are so uncomfortable about discussing. Yes, Molly's first reaction was to question why Harry had sought help from the Muggles, but that was just a knee-jerk wizards-are-better-than-Muggles reaction. (She probably was not enthusiastic about her husband's fascination with Muggle technology either.) But in the end she had her own confession to make, and maybe it was the hearing of Harry's tale that gave her the courage (and maybe the understanding) to realize that it applied to her own life also. Thanks for your approval of the toasting with tea!
Thank you for this lovely review!
Vicki <3 <3
Hi, Vicki! Back again for our new swap! :D
Ah, this encounter with Mrs Figg was really lovely! I loved the way you wrote her, the warmth with which she welcomed Harry and Ginny! I also really liked how she sort of expected a similar visit to happen at some point... she's much smarter than Harry probably ever imagined. I like how you gave her so much backstory, her family, WW2, and everything else. I liked the details you included about how she ended up taking care of Harry, how she got around to it, how she tried to give Harry a bit of real care while keeping appearences so that the Dursleys didn't get suspicious... you obviously put so much thought into all that (which I'm not surprised about, since you always put so much thought in everything you write!)
Her grief for Cyrill and her experiences of the war were what touched me most. Really, wars are such horrible things... and WW2 in particular was so horrifying in so many ways... it's just so sad... :/
I'm glad the day was helpful to Harry, at least to some extent. Sure, there are still a lot of unanswered questions, but he has a clearer picture now and that's something, right? And his revelation about the broom bit, and how there must be some memories of his first months with his own parents buried somewhere in his system... I like that, and the boost of optimism it gave him! :D
I like the idea of Harry wanting to send his children to a Muggle primary school, to introduce them to the Muggle world. I think it's a good idea. And he's right, there is a chance that one of their kids might be a Squib, but I have no doubt they'd give them all the support if that happened, right? ;) The whole discussion about languages amused me... :P English is recognized as the official international language (for whatever historical/political reason) and that's okay. It's an easy enough language to learn anyway, and not too much effort, and it always makes me smile a little when native speakers feel bad because they aren't really fluent in any other language. I'm not really fluent in any language aside from Italian and English (and I can't even call myself fluent in English, to be fair... spoken English especially is very hard for me... :P) Anyway, all that to say that it isn't really that big of a issue from a non-native speaker pov! :P
Another great chapter, full of thought-provoking details! I really enjoyed reading it! :D
Thank you so much for the swap, as usual! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
Thank you so much for this review. I'm glad that you like this chapter about Mr.s Figg. It's one of my favorite chapters in this story because, although she is presented as a figure of fun in the Harry Potter books, I always thought that there was a lot more to her than JKR told us. She maintained a "batty old cat lady" persona as a cover during the wizarding wars, but even in the 7 books we did see glimpses of her competence and true feisty spirit. After Voldemort was defeted and the war was over, she was able to emerge from her cover personality and show more of her true self.
The events of the bombing of Coventry (14 November, 1940) were fascinating to research. During the Great Depression, the British automotive industry was centered on the midlands region that included Coventry. It was converted from automobile manufacture to production of equipment and armaments for the war. Thus it was a main target for the German bombs. What Mrs Figg tells about the events of the bombing raids was taken from eyewitness accounts, including the people taking refuge in the crypts underneath the churches. The other information about the effects of the war and the post-war period were also obtained by research. Mrs Figg's husband Cyril, not being a member of the upper class, could not be a pilot, so he was a 'bomb aimer' or as we say in America, a 'bombardier.' (Another example of illogical class distinctions in Great Britain at that time.) After I had chosen the name Cyril for him, I discovered that there was another British aviator named Cyril Barton who also died in the raid over Nuremberg on March 31, 1944 and was awarded the highest honor for gallentry.
I like how you describe Harry's mood as a boost of optimism. I think that this visit has really helped him see a lot of things more clearly, not just about his history, but about how he wants his own family life to be.
Another story of mine which you have not reviewed (so maybe you haven't read it) that deals with Coventry during the war is The Irises Will Take Over The World, also in this archive.
I was in France a couple of years ago, and I did study French in school, but, as you say, not so good in the spoken language. I did feel bad about that, because I was down in Provence where most of the people don't speak English. My daughter is very fluent in French, having lived in francophone Africa for 17 years, so I feel very inferior! :)
Thank you again for this lovely review.
Vicki
Hi, Vicki! Here for our swap! :)
Ah, yes! I'm so happy Harry went through with his decision to confide in Ginny! It was something he really should've done from the start, but I can understand his worries and I'm just glad he's opening up now that he's made a bit of light on the meaning of everything! <3
And of course Ginny would be immediately supportive! :D Interesting, your point about how Ginny would've previously got a burst of anger at being cut out, but now that she's becoming a mother she's grown more patient, less prone to angry retorts. I guess it makes sense, that she would lose a bit of that fierce rebelliousness and pride as she started feeling more like a responsible adult.
As soon as Harry mentioned that he wanted to talk to someone who'd known him during his childhood years to get a better grasp of that period of his life, my first thought was Mrs Figg, and I was even a bit disappointed when she wasn't immediately mentioned :P But of course I just had to be patient (I'm assuming we'll meet Mrs Figg in the next chapter? :P) Visiting McGonagall still seemed like a reasonable idea, although there wasn't much chance that she knew a lot of useful details.
I will admit, I'm even a bit surprised that McGonagall was so surprised of learning what Harry's life with the Dursleys was like. I mean, I guess she couldn't know the full extent, I suppose no one ever imagined the full extent, or they would've tried to find a different solution. Even raising Harry at Hogwarts would've worked better... now I wonder, would there have been an alternative to the Dursleys? I understand that the blood protection linked to Lily's side of the family, but were there relatives on James' side that could've potentially taken Harry in? It's sad, that the Dursleys were the safest choice... :/
Harry's tale when talking to McGonagall was really painful to hear... the little episode of him playing in the garden... urgh, so cruel... it always makes me so sad to think of what kind of childhood he had... :(
I forgot to mention, the whole thing about how Petunia was trying to evening up the way she lost with Lily... I've always assumed, maybe unfairly, that Harry's grandparents didn't have a great predilection for Lily, maybe they had a slight special attention because her situation was so unusual and she was away from home for so long... I wonder how much they actually contributed to Petunia's resentment. Either way, I loved Harry's insistence with Ginny that they had to make sure to never express any favouritism among their future children. Of course that would be something he would be particularly sensible about, given everything that he's learnt the past few days. I hope they'll manage to keep up with that decision.
I'm probably forgetting something I should comment on, but I really, really enjoyed this chapter! A lot of thoughtful details here! Thank you so much for the swap, always a big pleasure! :D
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
I'm glad that you really, really liked this chapter. You will like the next one aso, which does include Mrs. Figg.
You may well be correct in saying that Lily's parents didn't have a great predilection for Lily, but of course they would have been excited and interested in the details of how her new life was unfolding, and Petunia would have interpreted this to mean that she herself was just the 'ordinary' daughter, while Lily was the 'remarkable' daughter. And of course the fact that Petunia did write to Professor Dubledore, asking to be admitted to Hogwarts also, and was turned down would reinforce her concept of herself as a 'loser' in the sibling rivalry contest. And of course Harry, having seen the effects of favoritism in his childhood home, would be absolutely adamant that such a thing would never be allowed in the house in which he was a parent. I think that Harry would not have any difficulty in keeping up with that decision.
I think that lots of fans have pondered the possibility of some alternative to the Dursleys as Harry's guardians during his childhood. JKR conveniently decided that both Lily's parents (middle-aged Britons in good health, with modern medicine available) were dead by the time she married James; lots of readers have decided that that was a cop-out, just to get them 'off the stage'. My story Beloved Son, also on these archives, assumes that that was not the case. I had to tag that story as AU to get it accepted at MNFF.
I also ponder why Professor MCGonagall was sorprised to learn how bad Harry's home life at the Durslley house was, since she warned Professor Sumbledore at the outset that the Dursleys were the worst kind of Muggles. I think that she now realizes she had been too deferential to Dubledore's authority to make that decision. And maybe both of them found it hard to imagine the kind of parental abuse that the Dursleys would heap upon Harry. Now she wants to believe that Harry can just put it all behind him, thus absoving her of guilt for the damage that occurred to him, but he says, gently but firmly, that the damage will always be a part of who he is. Her actions may be forgiven, but they can't be undone.
Thank you so much for continuing to read this story.
Vicki
Hey Vicki, hi! Here for our swap! :D
Ah, this is the chapter I'd been waiting for!!! I'm so proud of Harry for seeking external help and deciding to go to one of Patricia's meetings! I liked the glimpse of Patricia's pov in this chapter, and her reaction to seeing Harry showing up. Now his questions at the volunteers' training are making sense to her (you did say that it didn't go unnoticed :P)
I can imagine how hard it was for Harry being so honest and open about everything that happened with the Dursleys. Especially since he has trust issues and feels like he needs to solve things alone... I like the "Act as if" motto, I think it could apply to a lot of situations and could be a very helpful exercise... need to keep it in mind for the future... :P
I liked the way everyone shared their experiences and helped each other that way. I also thought it was interesting how they praised Harry for realizing something was wrong before the baby was born. The sooner he figures it out, the better for himself and the child, right? Insight is definitely one big first step! :D And yes, he does need to tell Ginny! I understand that he doesn't want to alarm her or put useless worries on her shoulder when she's going through pregnancy, but this is something that they need to work through together! <3
"It seems that when your mum and your aunt were girls, your mum was the winner and your aunt was the loser. Then, when your aunt was an adult, her son became the winner and your mum's son became the loser. I guess that evened things out, didn't it?" This is an interesting perspective to look at it...
I also thought it was interesting the point Harry makes about good role models, and how maybe the first fifteen months of his life that he spent with his parents being loved, even if he can't recall them, did have an impact of him and protected him from some of the effects of the Dursleys' abuse. Although, if we are talking about good role models, I think Harry had a few during his formative years as well... like the Weasleys, for instance. They weren't there during his childhood, but they did act like a family to him later, and that must count for something, right? Anyway, I like the idea of Lily's love being a shield for him in more ways than just protecting him from Voldemort! :)
Another great and very poignant chapter! Thank you so much for the swap! :D
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi Chiara!
Well, I'm glad to know that I produced the chapter you had been waiting for. There's probably a rule somewhere in the realm of writing instruction that says you're not supposed to go back and forth between two different people's points of view, but here in this chapter I just had to break that rule in order to set the scene, rather like describing the landscape before your POV character walks into the scene.
It is a measure of Harry's desperation that he makes himself come to this meeting because at this moment he doesn't know of any other source of help. This seems to be his only option. And, like with his encounter with Pamela in the café early in the story, he feels safer in talking to strangers who don't know him and whom he will probably never see again. They don't know his full name nor his address; their judgment will not trail after him for the rest of his life. So he is able to talk, even while staring at the floor. It's now or never, he tells himself. Perhaps he is surprised to discover that there are other people who have gone through what he's going through, people who can understand what he's feeling because they've been there themselves, people whom he can look to as examples of hope and healing. Finally he is beginning to see that it is possible, even better, to not try to solve your problems all by yourself, but to accept the help and support of other people.
It makes me happy to know that you are enjoying this story!
Vicki
Back again!
I'm loving this chase Harry has embarked in, all the little obstacles, going to a place only to be redirected somewhere else entirely... but he needs the information, so I just keeps going. I love his resilience.
And I love how he keeps running into weird but helpful strangers. He's had so many random encounters through this story and I find it fascinating, so many lives intersecting, it's so cool! :P
I also found quite amusing how he thought that he needed a library, because it made me think of Hermione rushing off to the Hogwarts Library to search for answers... but yeah, I agree with him, I doubt the Hogwarts Library would have the asnwers he was seeking this time... :P
I liked the use of magic you did here, too, with the University ID card transfiguration and then using Accio to detect the book he needed. And looks like he truly found the perfect book... interesting how all those defining qualities of Harry's character are actually a result of growing up with the Dursleys. Again, I wonder what he'll do with the info he's gained so far.
Another very interesting chapter! I'll be back!
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:I love that you love this 'chase,' as you call it. This was one of those research-heavy chapters, getting all the details correct, so that someone who retraced Harry's footsteps on this fateful day would see that it was pretty much as I described it. Everything is on the internet now, the maps, the floor plans of buildings, the routes and schedules of trains and buses, enough photos of interiors and exteriors to be able to cite some accurate visual details, the titles of books in the library of the Institute of Psychiatry, the titles of articles in the journals that Harry looked at briefly in that library, even the detail that the café is located oopposite the library doors. It was really an accomplishment, I felt, when I finally got it all done. I still have the binder full of all the printouts.
The book that Harry's wand chose for him is a real book also; I found it in the library of the School of Medicine at the University of Washington in Seattle while I was attending the School of Nursing. Not only does it point out how abusive experiences can warp a person's thinking and their interpretation of what is going on around them, it also enables a person to identify the thoughts, beliefs, and reactions he has which just aren't so. To get over the belief that everyone hates you or is out to get you, the first step is to recognize that it's a warped idea which is not true. You may still have thoughts like that from time to time for the rest of your life, but each time you can say to yourself, "Knock it off, Harry. You know that that's not real."
And here's something that perked me up. I described the big glass case of Sir Hans's donated library, preserved in the entry way of the British Library, but I couldn't find a photo of it, just a description Some years later I was watching an archaeology program on TV, and the host of the program walks through the entry of the British Library, right past this glassed-in tower of books, and I knew what it was! Big smile. There was a railing around it, a few feet outside the glass case, so that visitors couldn't go right up to the glass case and leave fingerprints all over it. I had not known about that railing until I saw the TV program.
As I think over the story, there are several helpful strangers whom Harry encounters, and maybe that's an indicaction that most people are good (as even Moody acknowledged). People are especially glad to give advice -- it's not much effort on their part, and it makes them feel good to know that they have helped someone.
Thank you so much for this delightful review.
Vicki
Hello, Vicki! Back again here for our swap!
I actually read this chapter some time ago, but never got to review it... so I'll do a second read now and try to review as I go ;) And I'll probably do one more chapter after that, because you were so nice to read all 4 chapters of 1981 :D
Anyway, let's go! :D
I love the opening. Poor Harry, so accustomed to Ginny's presence that now she's leaving for a few days he doesn't quite know what to do with himself... it's sweet! I love how he thought that he might've popped up at the Burrow, but that would defeat the purpose of Ginny needing some lonely time with her parents. I just really enjoy Harry's thought process there! :)
And what better chance than attending the class in this sudden free time? ;)
How awkward, being the first to arrive at an event like this... :P but I'm not surprised Harry did, he must've been really eager. "I was hoping to sneak in quietly and sit in the back row," Harry joked, "but it looks like I'm the first person here." This made me chuckle, it sounds like such a Harry thing to say... <3
Good that Harry didn't decide to flee after the first half, because Patricia's group is exactly what Harry was looking for, right? I found the image of Harry starting to ask loads of questions very amusing, for some reason. Good that other people jumped in, too, or that could've got awkward. :P I wonder how he'll take it from here.
Another interesting chapter, I'll see you on the next in a minute! :)
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara! I'm so tickled to see that you're proceeding on with this particular story. I feel as if Harry is approaching his problem like a police detective trying to solve a crime with very few clues to go on. So he justs starts exploring every possibility no matter how slight, like a detective knocking on every door in the neighborhood, asking if anyone has seen anything. His arrival time at this venue was controlled by the schedule of the tube (or as we Americans say, the subway), so that is why he arrived early; if he had taken the next train, he would have arrived late. But it always does feel awkward to be the first person there.
Some people would have walked out at the break if they hadn't heard anything helpful, but I wrote Harry to be like me, not assuming that what happened in the recent past guarantees what will happen in the future. (Isn't that what they always say about investments?) So he doesn't give up easily, waiting to see if something useful might still turn up. (Again like me, wading through eight months of that online writing class before it has finally started to become useful.) Yes, you're right that Harry's sudden interest in Patricia's presentation might well have been noticeable, given his silence up until that point, and you will see in a later chapter that it did become noticed.
Thank you for this thoughtful review.
Vicki
Hi, I’m here for the Second Times the Charm Challenge.
First, I feel you’ve hit upon a topic that definitely needs consideration. Because it was a children’s book, I understand why JK Rowling never touched up on the concept of how the abuse at home impacted his life at Hogwarts and beyond, it’s obvious that it would have.
Nice job tying in his personality traits and explaining how they were shaped by his home life. I was particularly interested in how McGonagall and Figg would react when confronted by Harry. It was obvious that they, at least, suspected something but did little about it. You gave them more of a by for their behavior than I’ve seen some writers but at the same time, I find your interpretation more realistic to how people usually deal with the possibility, but not definitive, abuse.
I think your Harry was much more forgiving than I think most young men looking for answers would be.
I can’t remember which chapter it was in but I loved this passage. “Harry had a vision of himself sitting on a stool, like an artist's model, and the author of this book sitting nearby, but instead of an easel and a paintbrush, the author had a quill and a parchment. The author would look intently at Harry, then write a sentence or two, look at Harry again, write a few more sentences, until Harry's whole soul was delineated on that parchment in revealing and undeniable words.”
I thought it was a beautiful description of his feelings and understanding of himself as he read the book.
You also hit upon an interesting idea about how his Mother’s love also protected him from the Dursleys. I’m not sure if it was realistic if one follows the line of thought that she actively gave up her life to protect him, but it’s a new twist I hadn’t heard before.
So, onto chapter 10. The flow of conversation between Ginny and Harry was well done. It transitioned from topic to topic with ease. Harry was very articulate and realistic explaining why he was afraid to talk to her family but not strangers. Ginny’s explanation about scars was well thought out (I particularly like the part about her not being able to pick up a blank book.) but she doesn’t diminish his pain.
I think you’ve hit another interesting point with the translation of the recipe book. With magic, perhaps things come too easily for these people, that they don’t recognize that the journey is as important as the destination. (I also wonder if they all have flabby muscles since they can just wave their wand to get something across the room and never have to pick up anything heavy.)
As Harry is telling the story, you did a nice job with each character’s responses, particularly showing their personality through their reactions. Molly’s reaction is so telling about her desire for everyone around her to be happy or at least she can make them happy with a hug and a cookie and how she tends to find it, almost, personally offensive if everything isn’t perfect. Plus, the guilt, she would have automatically put upon herself (although she and Arthur did more than anyone else to get him out of that situation by inviting him over for summer and holidays)
The dreams of the baby in the closet were excellent dream interpretations. From chapter one, it is obvious to the reader who the baby was and what the closet represented, but you did a great job breaking down the parts of the dream and the meaning of each small segment--obviously well planned out.
The funeral itself was an interesting therapy idea. The contributions were very sweet and I think it was a good, albeit unusual, way to help Harry through his healing process. Honestly, if I had been there, it would have made me a bit uncomfortable, but I can see how it could be therapeutic for someone in Harry’s situation.
In your explanation you wanted to explain “how his experience of years of abuse at the hands of the Dursleys have shaped his psychological makeup and his relationships with other people, especially when he faces the reality of becoming a parent himself. There is no question that his upbringing has affected him profoundly.” I think you did an excellent job of addressing this concern which is very much lacking from the books.”
Great job with the entire story. My results will be up soon.
Author's Response:Hi, Barbara!
Thank you for this long and thoughtful review of my story. It was originally posted in Mugglenet Fanfiction in 2013 and got a fair amount of reviews, and it was interesting to see the variety of reactions from the various readers. Some said that Harry's experience of child abuse would obviously affect him, but others said that it had never occured to them that his childhood experiences would be a problem. Farther down you say, "From chapter one, it is obvious to the reader who the baby was.." but most of my readers, back then, did not pick up on that and were surprised by the revelation at the end of the story. Kind of like the reviews for Chapter 3 of Tiramisu, where some readers realized right away that the Italian trader was a wizard who had Confounded the abbott, and other readers didn't make that connection at all until way later.
I didn't think of Harry so much as 'forgiving' as realizing when there's no point in beating a dead horse. He realizes that Professor McGonagall is quite aware about how she and Professor Dumbledore failed Harry, even if she doesn't exactly confess it, and she knows that he knows, so they both understand where they stand without anyone's having to spell it out.
The lines you quoted were in Chapter 6, 'The Institute of Psychiatry'; they were a particular favorite of mine also. That was a rewarding chapter to write, doing all the research to make it as accurate as possible down to the small details. The book exists also; I discovered it in the library of the School of Medicine at the University of Washington. (But the transfigured student ID card was, of course, fictional.)
Interesting, what you say about Lily Potter's having given up her life to save her baby. At that moment she must have known that her husband was already dead, and her only thought was to save her baby the only way she could think of -- to physically shield him from Voldemort's Killing Curse. She would not have had time to think, even for a second, about what would happen to Harry if she herself died and he survived. But that's how things turned out, and he ended up with the Dursley family. Hardly an ideal situation, but better than being AK'd. And yet, in my conception of the events, the love she had given him all his life, culminating in her self-sacrifice, was what protected him, to some extent, from the influence of the Dursleys.
I'm glad you like the conversation in Chapter 10. In the first draft it was too wimpy, so I went back and punched it up a notch. (I was just learning to write, stumbling along in the dark with my hands stretched out, when I wrote this story.)
I have always agreed with the thought you express, that the magic wands can make everyday life too easy, and that there is something beneficial in putting in the physical exertion to do the job oneself. (And yet we Muggles have a lot of labor-saving devices, and even devices that do our thinking for us, and i wonder how this is all going to turn out for us Muggles.)
It's not surprising that you say it might have been a bit uncomfortable to be present at this after-dinner conversation. I wrote it to sound as if they were all a bit uncomfortable. It would have been a difficult discussion for anyone, even us Muggles, and I always had the feeling (maybe as much from fanon as from canon) that the magical community was a bit behind the times in issues of mental health. Things are being said at this dinner table, and not just by Harry, that on any other day would never have been expressed. But it is healing to get it all out in the open. We all carry a bunch of baggage around with us, and the sooner we can recognize it and examine it, the better.
Thank you for this lovely review. It was a lot for you to read, just for one challenge entry. Thank you for reading.
Vicki
Hi, Vicky!
I hope you don't mind if I decided to stop here for our swap... I'll still review the next chapter of C/S once it's up, but I wanted to see what happened next and if Harry's phone call would get him anywhere...
And I suppose it sort of did, even if it wasn't what I was expecting... but there are seven more chapters, so I guess I just need to be patient... :P
One thing that amused me was how Harry made the call "on impulse" and wasn't really prepared on what to say... not because that's amusing in itself, but because I could never do such a thing... :P I have a serious problem with phone calls, and I would only make one if I had no way to avoid it and I would overthink it for hours before taking the courage to actually call, so the idea that a "impulse call" can even exist is so foreign to me... :P but not for anything Harry's a Gryffindor... and he's done much more daring things than a phone call anyway... (sorry, sometimes I go on a tangent for no reason... :P)
Anyway, I'm glad Harry took contact with this organization and managed to visit them and collect some material, I bet it'll be useful. And it does sound like important work they do... I'm not sure if I agree with Harry saying that he might be interested in volunteering if he wasn't, but I suppose I get why he did, it was an easy way to get more information and to explain why he was there in the first place, and I suppose he didn't want to disappoint the woman, either... I found very interesting the part when he was thinking of all the occasions/reasons he had found himself lying in the past. And of course you linked it to the reminder of Umbridge and the scars from her "punishment"... that was definitely child abuse, too... urgh, isn't she the absolute most hateful character in the series??? :/
I really, really enjoyed Harry and Ginny's evening walk in the neighbourhood! It was a very soft moment! A bit disappointing how the gardens there weren't up to what abroad is imagined to be the English standard... but I loved how Harry was suddenly so aware of how unsuited for children Grimmauld Place is... I think all this thinking about child neglet and abuse has made him even more sensitive to children's needs and I suppose he wants to make sure that his child will have the best childhood possible, and that's really sweet and so very Harry! <3
Another lovely chapter! I'll be back again for more soon! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:I don't mind at all if you read this story first. It is all finished and ready to be read, whereas Crofter/Snake will drag out over a long period of time, I'm afraid (unless some kind of miracle occurs).
Yes, you can see that Harry is still dancing around what he really means and what he really wants, not yet ready to trust people by saying plainly what is bothering him. He can't even tell Ginny, not yet. (Speaking of Umbridge, you might enjoy reading my story Threads of Hope, which gives a unique glimpse of Dolores Umbridge as a very young woman, surprising but believable. That's my next recommendation.)
Gladys Wilson is definitely enthsiastic about her cause, even at the end of a long work day, and I'll bet she recruits more volunteers that do the other people who work at that office because she's not afraid to ask. And as you noted, Harry has his own reasons for giving her a qualified 'Yes'. (Now he has to explain it to Ginny!)
Yes, the English are justly famous for their gardening, and I saw it when I was there, but there must have been some neighborhoods where the gardens had been allowed to go downhill, even the neighborhood where the wealthy and proud Black family used to live, and I can believe that Ginny and Harry would like to bring the gardens back to life, It feels like a symbol of what they were trying to do in saving the wizaring world from Lord Voldemort.
Thank you for continuing to read and review. <3
Hey, Vicki! Here for review tag! And for more of this wonderful story! :D
It was kind of hilarious, watching the conversation between Harry and Susan in the beginning, especially Susan's impatience with Harry's "pointless riddles", lol :P (Actually, I wonder why he had this convoluted approach... he could've just said, "do you think bullet proof jackets could be good against werewolf bites?" and be done with it... :P Susan makes good points about the wizarding community being too stuck in the past and wary of Muggle technology... which is a pity, to be honest... but maybe things can change?)
What would've Harry done with his life if he hadn't been the Boy-Who-Lived? What would he be like if he'd grown up with his parents in Godric's Hollow and never met the Dursleys? I don't think we'll ever know the answers, but he surely would be a very different person... maybe not at his core, but different nonetheless... I really liked all the descriptions of his friends and their career choices, especially Ron and his practical sense and how that helps giving George's creations a purpose. I always like when Ron's talents are actually recognized! ;) Also, Ron and Hermione on holiday in Italy? I approve of that choice... :P
The meeting with Pamela was so cool, and I bet it was the push Harry needed to actually seek help, and I'm very grateful! I enjoyed their conversation a lot, and all of Pamela's adventures. She's a really nice character! The bit about the difference between England and America is that in England people think a hundred miles is a long distance, but in America people think that a hundred years is a long time made me chuckle because it's very true (you could substitute England with Europe, actually) :P
I also really enjoyed Harry trying to bring his contribute to the conversation and then struggling a little to translate his experiences in Muggle terms... :P
"And because I am a stranger from a foreign country, whom you will never see again," Pamela finished, "so it is safe to talk to me." / "Yes," Harry said. "That's true." / Pamela put her hand over his, where it rested on the table. "Just remember, Harry, it is safe to talk to other people too." Fun fact, I have a scene (James talking to Arthur Weasley) in the new chapter of TSW I'm currently working on that sort of makes the same point... :P
Another wonderful chapter! I'll be back!
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:I see what you mean about the conversation between James and Arthur, where James feels the same way Harry does in this story. But Arthur was rather puzzled and uncomfortable about it, whereas Pamela takes it all in stride. I see her as being about sixty years old, a bit older than Arthur. And Harry is younger in this chapter (24) than James is in that chapter (about 32). And yet sometimes you feel an instant rapport with a stranger and find yourself telling them all sorts of things you wouldn't normally reveal. This converstion is the nudge that finally sends Harry off into his journey to face and and deal with his past. Some things cannot be swept under the rug or shoved into a closet forever.
Thank you so much for continuing to read this story. <3
Hey, Vicki! I'm here for our swap! :D
This was another interesting chapter! Poor Ginny, pregnancies are hard, aren't they? (I don't have any direct experience, but I would imagine so... :P) But it's lovely to see her enthusiasm behind all the discomfort <3 Harry resisting the urge to give suggestions make me chuckle! :P He's such a considerate man, isn't he? (Although I have to officially protest on the name choosing! James-or-Lily? Honestly? Did Ginny even have a say in it? Shall I comment on Albus Severus? Sorry, I know this is irrelevant to the story, but I had to... :P)
I really, really loved the descriptions of Harry walking to work. I understand very well the desire of enjoying the open air for a few minutes (and London is really pretty to walk through, right?) We spend so much time indoors, sitting the whole work day, so if one has the possibility to walk to the office, especially when the weather is nice, is a real gift! I really appreciated the way you described the feeling, it was very relatable for me!
I think it was also very interesting Harry's thoughts about how the majority of people are good. I suppose a career like the Auror one, where you're faced daily with the ugliest part of humanity, would make you doubt the general good faith of people, so it's nice to see Harry trying to remind himself not to fall in that trap.
But... wow, that advert! It does almost feel like a sign of destiny, doesn't it? Poor Harry... but I suppose this is exactly what he needed. He's starting to realize where all his doubts are coming from, and now he has a contact that could help. And I can't wait to see where all this will lead him!
I love the the Survivor of Sixteen Years in the Dursley Household definition. And also the closing paragraph, the idea that his experience with the Dursleys is still wearing him down and a burden he keeps carrying along after all those years... which makes total sense, but it's also so sad... I think you wrote it all so well!
Great job again! I'll be back!
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:I have always agreed with you about the name-choosing business. It never seemed as if Ginny had any choice (well, maybe the name Luna was her idea, but that's all).
My feeling is that Harry has been trying hard, in the ony way he knows how, to build a good family life for himself and Ginny, but there's still something missing, the elephant in the room that nobody is acknowledging, a key to all of this that keeps eluding him. He knows he needs somthing but he doesn't know what it is.
The advertisement on the placard in the street is taken from a television public service adverisement that i saw when I was in Nursing School at the University of Washington back in the 1970s. Same colors, same photograph, same message. It was striking, and I never forgot it. But Harry does not watch TV, so I put it in the story as a placard. And what a question printed on the poster. Harry is finally beginning to connect the dots.
Thank you so much for coninuing to review this story!
Vicki
Hi, Vicki! Review tag! :D
You mentioned this story to me and I've been curious about it since, so I've decided to check it out... and I'm intrigued already!
Poor Harry... honestly, I'm not at all surprised by Harry having nightmares like these... it must be so scary, waiting for a baby, and it must be scarier for someone like Harry, who never knew his parents and grew up in an abusive environment... but wow, these dreams are really unsettling, and I'm not surprised they would make Harry feel so self-conscious about if he can be a good father at all... and that he's so reluctant to share with Ginny, because what would she think? But he does need to talk to someone about this... it's clearly bothering him a lot and he clearly doesn't know what to make of it...
I really enjoyed your writing in this, all your descriptions and the little details, like the teacups, and the way you wrote Harry's thought process, the present moment and the memories, also the references to Divination... it really enhanced the narration without disturbing the flow, really nicely done!
I really need to come back and read more! This first chapter was so well executed and I just love the idea behind this story and want to see how you develop it! Great job so far! ;)
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
Thank you so much for reading my debut Harry Potter fanfic and leaving a review. This story was my first venture into writing for many decades, and I wrote it entirely by instinct, not having read any books about story structure or story technique, and precious litttle by way of writing advice from any source. But in my curriculum at the University of Washington School of Nursing in the 1970s, I had researched the subject of child abuse and the supportive resources available for adult survivors of childhood abuse. So when I realized that no one had written this particular story, so far as I could find, and that it was a critical story that needed to be told, and that I could do it, I took a big deep breath and started to write.
The opening dream was one that I had had in 1974, before the birth of my first child and well before JKR wrote her story about Harry in the cupboard under the stairs, so it was just a coincidence that the closet and the cupboard were so similar. I got the other dreams by asking my female co-workers about pregnancy dreams that they had had, and then I dumped all the dreams onto poor Harry!
Hopefully you will find the time to read the rest of the chapters and will enjoy them also. it's a story dear to my heart for many reasons, one of which is that it started me writing, so I guess that one could say that all my stories (and the friendships with others writers that have emerged from them) are due to this one story.
Vicki <3
Hi Vicki! I'm here for chapter 11.
Okay, so I cried during this chapter too. And I didn't have a tissuebox either, because, like Scarlett O'Hara, I never have a handkerchief at any of the crisises of my life.
It's so sweet that Harry is Apparating to and from work to spend more time with his family. I'm sure he's a great dad.
When he and Ginny open the package of books--that's when i lost it. How kind and considerate that gift is. I really hope that the Potters and the Figgs become good friends. And her daughters sound like such wonderful people too. I have to say, for a story about such a difficult topic, I enjoy that you peopled it with such good and kind characters. Harry Potter was wronged in his childhood, but he really is surrounded by good people now.
I love the moment when he has the visceral reaction to the books and experiences deja vu. My eyes were shining (with tears) as I finished this story.
Really, really well done!!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Ho Noelle,
The final chapter. Thank you for going all the way to the end of this sort-of long story. It was an important one for me and I felt compelled to write it.
The little books seemed to bring things full circle for me. The idea for the epilogue came to me in the late summer as I was doing yard work in my back yard. Ideas often come to me in those circumstances. The description of how déjà vu feels stems from my own experience when I see pictures or videos of the Mojave Desert in California, which is near where I was born and spent my earliest years. Most photos you see of the American desert are actually photos of the Sonoran desert in Arizona, with its big saguaro cactuses and many colorful cactus flowers. The Mojave Desert looks quite different; the flora is all different, and when I see it, I get this feeling like Harry described -- "This is right; this is how it is supposed to be" -- accompanied by that whole-body visceral reaction. Kind of odd. But when Harry feels it, he realizes that he does remember the books, and it's a tie back to his early childhood.
Thank you for all your comments. I'm so glad that you read to the end.
Vicki
Hello Vicki! I’m back for Chapter 10
Well, I’m glad that Harry is going to talk to the Weasleys about what he’s been doing, but I wonder how they’re going to take it. I really feel apprehensive for him, because I know that he’s so worried he’ll be judged. And honestly, people can be so insensitive (without meaning to be) in their reactions that I am a little nervous about how it will go. But they’ve all been through so much together, that I’m sure that they’ll be able to manage this too. And I like that Ginny points out that everyone has some kind of scarring—not all the same amount—but scarring nonetheless. I think sometimes Harry gets wrapped up in his own troubles and forgets that he’s not alone in how he feels. It’s good for him that he has someone to remind him of that.
I am so jealous of the Weasleys garden!! It sound so glorious (and I wonder, is it a bit like yours? :-) The meal that they make together sounds delicious, and I like that you took the time to describe it. One of my favorite things about JKRs books was that she took time to mention the food and that it always sounded so delicious. I can totally picture Hermione being curious about the food in Italy and asking all sorts of questions about it. And, of course, she would want to cook from a cookbook in Italian and think about it in Italian. Spot on! And the fact that Ron took pictures of Hermione, while Hermione took pictures of architecture—also spot on! I love the Cave Canem that made a cameo too.
And then we come to the fateful moment—Harry’s going to take a big risk. I really liked when he coached himself to “act as if this is safe.” He knows everyone in this room loves him.
The reactions of each character were very well thought out. Of course Hermione would not be surprised—she is observant, wise, and clever. And Ron would be totally surprised, but he would accept it and be supportive like the good friend that he is. And Molly would get totally upset and have an emotional reaction. She just wants to make everything right immediately—and of course she can’t.
I love that Ginny is helping him stay grounded and his friends want to help him too.
I absolutely love that Arthur is so thoughtful and understands the dream. And, oh my, that the baby in the closet is Harry!!!!! What a perfect twist and it makes so much sense and I love it and I’m gushing. I totally cried again.
And then when Molly reveals that she and her father had a troubled relationship—-well, all I can say is that I really cried then. And I pretty much bawled all the way through the funeral for Harry’s childhood. Brilliant, just brilliant.
I loved this chapter and I love this story.
Back soon for the last chapter.
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle,
This chapter always gives me a lump in the throat too, although I have read it countless times. So much pain that has been carried for such a long time, and not just by Harry. I liked that little moment where Ron says, "That's pretty heavy, Mum," and Molly doesn't try to explain it away or soften it up, she just says, "Yes." Stuff like this happens. It's all through the story.
This was the hardest chapter to write, and I worked on it longer than any other chapter, I think (not counting ordinary informational research), trying to improve it in successive drafts. Arthur was always the person who had the answer in the end. Like Mrs Figg, he is smarter and wiser than he is sometimes given credit for, and his long years raising his children have given him a lot of insight into people. His sympathy for Muggles and appreciation of Muggle accomplishments have kept him down in the wizard hierarchy, though those who think they are better than he is could take a leaf from his book. Yet the Order of the Phoenix, no slouches themselves, had much faith in his abilities; they knew him well.
When my son was living in Italy, he visited Pompeii and took a photo of the dog mosaic. I said, "I see you took a picture of the famous mosaic," and he said, "I didn't know it was famous. I just took the picture because I thought it was cool." :) He always took pictures of Italian architecture and Roman ruins. So he showed up in this chapter. And the Italian cookbook is his too.
Thank you so much for coninueing to read and review.
Vicki
Hello Vicki! I’m back for Chapter 9
I was not sure what to expect when Ginny and Harry went to interview Mrs. Figg, and I loved what you did with her. The details about her house: how she obviously made a big deal about the Potters visit by making a fancy tea, and getting her hair done, and dressing up. She sounds like a lady I’d like to know better. I also liked the part when Ginny gives Mrs. Figg the present she baked, but emphasizes that she wants Mrs. Figg to enjoy it later. I hope that there will be many more such visits between the Potters and Mrs. Figg, even after the baby is born.
I’m delighted to see you flesh out Mrs. Figg’s story a little bit. In fact, I’m so intrigued by what you’ve done with her, that I wouldn’t mind reading a story about her and her family, should you ever get around to such a thing. The idea of wizard families being ashamed of Squibs is a theme I hope to explore at some point in my own writing, and I love how matter-of-factly Mrs. Figg is when she talks to Harry about it. She’s such a spunky lady!
I got weepy again when she tells Harry about how her hands were tied to help him, because she didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize her access to him. And the whole section about Mrs. Figg’s WWII experience and the loss of her husband—-beautifully done! I was particularly moved by the memory of her and her daughter waiting out the bombing in the tomb. So very well done.
I also liked the scene of Ginny and Harry looking at Harry’s old school very much. I’ve wondered myself about when or if these wizards ever learn anything more than elementary school math, for instance. I love that Harry wants their kids to have a better education than even he got—Muggle history, French—I think all parents want that and it’s so sweet to see Harry talk about it. And I really liked how you interspersed the conversation with Harry and Ginny swinging on the swings and riding the merry-go-round.
Be back soon for more!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle,
I always assumed that Mrs. Figg was a lot smarter than people believed, and that her "batty, cat-loving old lady" persona was a cover for her resistance activities, to make the enemies think she was incompetent and non-threatening. Once the war was over, she was free to resume her true character. In fact, I'd say that all the Britons who survived World War II were strong, tough, and resourceful.
It was very satisfying to do the research for this chapter about the events of World War II. Before the war, Coventry and the midlands had been the center of British automotive manufacture, the one bright spot in the economy of Britain during rhe Great Depression (thus Cyril Figg had been working at Morris Engines), and those factories had been converted to wartime production, thus drawing the attention of the German Luftwaffe during the Battle of Britain and the Blitz. Mrs. Figg's description of the bombing was taken from actual accounts of people who sheltered in the crypts under the churches during the bombing.
I picked the name Cyril for Mrs. Figg's husband, and the date of his death (March 31, 1944, in the RAF bombing raid over Nuremburg), before finding out that there was an RAF flyer named Cyril Barton, killed in that raid, who posthumously received the Victoria Cross, England's highest award for gallantry. The RAF lost 96 bombers and 545 men that night. *Big sigh*
Bit by bit, Harry is piecing things together, and random facts are beginning to add up to give him and Ginny a slightly clearer picture. Like you, I wonder about the wizard children's basic education. Some writers propose that there were small wizarding primary schools, possibly private and unregulated, set up locally. I recall a story in which Professor McGonagall is complaining to Professor Dumbledore about the widely varying writing abilities of her incoming students because of their haphazard and unstandardized early education. But Harry, although he has embraced the wizarding world, still keeps a foot in both worlds and wants to take advantage of both of them.
Thank yu for the review!
Vicki
Hi Vicki! I’m back for chapter 8.
I was very interested to find out what would happen when Ginny came home. First of all, I really appreciate how you have matured her in this story. The younger Ginny would have been at Harry’s throat for keeping secrets, but this Ginny is older, has survived a war, and is about to become a mother. I love that she is able to meet Harry where he is and be patient with him. And I also love that she wants to go on this adventure with him to find out more about his past. She’s as supportive of him as he seems to be of her. I’m impressed with how positive both of them are that they will be able to meet this challenge.
I liked how you wrote Harry’s intense reaction to the idea of talking to the Dursleys about his childhood—it was very honest.
When you bring up the fact that Dumbledore didn’t tell Harry much about his past, it raised my hackles a bit. I’ve been known to be rather critical of Dumbledore and how he handled Harry Potter. I wish that he had been more honest with Harry. I also wish that he had done more than write the Dursleys a letter about why Harry was left on their doorstep—but I digress.
I’m glad that Harry and Ginny go to talk to McGonagall, but I am sorry to learn that Dumbledore did not tell her what Harry wants to know. I wish that Dumbledore had not been so fond of keeping the right hand from knowing what the left hand was doing.
The incident of Dudley ruining young Harry’s improvised games and then getting Harry in trouble and locked under the stairs is nicely done. It is moving to read and really highlights what his life with the Dursleys was like. It was horrible and it will affect Harry for the rest of his life. McGonagall is properly shocked when she learned the truth, and I really appreciate how she apologizes for not trusting her instincts to check on Harry before he came to Hogwarts. It must have been good for him to hear—not as good as if someone had helped him earlier—but good to hear nonetheless.
I got my hackles up again when McGonagall asked Harry if he could ‘simply put all these early experiences behind’ him. But I know that’s the sort of thing people will ask. I like how he explains that they’ll always be part of him in a clear, and kind way.
I am very curious to find out what will happen when Harry and Ginny go to visit Mrs. Figg.
I’ll be back for more soon!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle,
First off, thank you for continuing to read my story and to write a review for each chapter. That is so kind of you.
I did want to write Ginny as a more mature person. She is twenty-three years old in this story, and at the end of Deathly Hallows (not counting the epilogue) she was still only sixteen. A reader could get tired of seeing her always depicted as a one-note teenager, self-centered and quick to indulge in bad temper; the reader would begin to wonder why Harry married her. I would rather think that she had developed enough respect for Harry to allow him to decide what he wanted to tell her and when, within the general rule of not keeping perpetual secrets.
Yes, Dumbledore was a skilled wizard, but I am left scratching my head about his methods sometimes. That business, at the end, when he calmly discussed with Severus Snape that of course Harry would have to die like a sacrificial lamb in order to eradicate the last Horcrux...Aaagh! And what in the world made him think that one letter would suffice, and then he didn't bother to check later... He can't have had a child-like fantasy that all families were automatically happy.
When I wrote this chapter, I knew that Professor McGonagall was going to ask why he couldn't just put it all behind him, forget it, let it go. But if you haven't been there, as I assumed she had not, you don't realize how it has permanently shaped you. The women at St. Stephen's Church understood that. As Patricia said, "It will always be a part of who you are." Perhaps the most you can hope for is to become aware of it, as Harry is doing, and learn to compensate for it, as we hope he will be able.
I hope you are enjoying Chapter 9. It was a chapter that I particularly enjoyed writing.
Yours,
Vicki
Hello Vicki! I’m back for Chapter 7.
The scene setting paragraph at the beginning of this chapter was very nice. I could picture the church and the sunlight slanting through the windows. I like the view of Patricia preparing the space for whoever might show up for her meetings and that she wanted to make it easy for them. I liked the repetition of how simply showing up to the self-help group is an act of courage in and of itself. Patricia seems like a very kind soul and I think it tells us something about her that she’s willing to continue this work never knowing who will show up—or even if anyone will show up.
I wonder what Patricia was thinking when she saw Harry appear. She recognizes him from the conference and realizes now that his interest in child abuse is personal. I imagine she’s heard all sorts of difficult stories by now.
The shift to Harry digesting all the information he had read about abuse was where I started getting weepy. His realization that it’s so easy to get damaged in life and that what happened to him on Privet Drive was human inflicted damage did it for me. But, it’s also so moving that he expects to get better. He is the resilient child. He’s been through so much in his life, but he’s still able to be hopeful.
I love this parallel between the D. A. and Patricia’s group. It is true—Harry and his friends have been helping each other solve their problems for their whole lives together. This line: “Maybe what he needed…..knew from personal experience what really worked.” I found especially poignant.
I giggled at Patricia passing the tea and biscuits “early and often.”
I pretty much cried through the whole rest of the chapter where Harry and the other women are discussing their childhoods and how they have worked to overcome them. I was especially struck by the idea of healing one’s childhood wounds by being their for one’s own children. The examples of the mother overcoming her anger at her son and of staying up all night to sew a costume were very touching.
I’m glad that the ladies all told Harry to tell Ginny the truth. I hope it goes okay when he finally does.
The final two lines about Lily’s love protecting him from the Dursleys as it did from Voldemort were beautiful.
I’ll be back for more soon (and I’ll bring my tissues next time).
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle,
Thank you so much for your review of this chapter. This whole subject, as seen through the eyes of someone who lived through it, is pretty intense. Maybe that's why other authors have not tackled it, and why it ended up on that list I mentioned to you.
It is said that the author should not switch suddenly from one character's point of view to another's, although there are plenty of exceptions, such as the scenes in the seven books whre JKR switched from Harry's POV to Snape's. I did that in this chapter, starting off with Patricia's POV in order to set the scene and explain the situation; I think that worked okay. Sometimes it is good to see the main character as he appears to other people. (I did it also in "Tiny Animals".)
There is a lot of truth in what Patricia says: "It will always be a part of who you are." Harry can make great strides in becoming a well-functioning person again, but there is no 100% cure. Hints of his childhood will always be apparent to people who know him well and know what to look for. Hopefully these traces will be so small that they will not pass down to the next generation.
I hope you will enjoy the remaining chapters just as much!
Vicki
Hi Vicki! I’m back for chapter 6.
I chuckled when I read that Harry’s first thought in this chapter was that he needed to go to the library for more information. I love it because that is exactly what I do when I have a problem—I check out a stack of books from the library. I was also amused by Harry realizing that there was so much of London that he knew nothing about. He has an urge to see it all now, but realizes that the baby is going to be born so soon that it is impractical for him to suddenly see all of the rest of London.
I like how comfortable Harry is navigating the Muggle transportation system. It is a tricky problem that he has no Muggle form of ID though. You would think that the Ministry of Magic would eventually figure out something wizards could use, but I suppose they simply assume that wizards don’t need much of anything from Muggle society.
The description of the British Library was nicely done, especially the sculpture of the chained book. I like how you brought that image back when Harry realizes that he can’t access the books in the British Library. I’m glad that a kind stranger once again helped point him towards the right direction.
I was glad to see Harry so determined to find his answer. Off he goes to the bookstore and he spends such a long time pouring over all the choices there—but not yet finding what he wants. I am impressed that he is able to ask so many strangers for information about child abuse. I would think that many people would be nervous or embarrassed to ask about such a sensitive topic. But maybe Harry is finding it easier to ask strangers because they are strangers. And once again a kind stranger points him towards the right direction.
He hesitates here, as the Institute of Psychiatry is far from where he is, but he perseveres. I had a laugh over him transfiguring himself an ID in the men’s room. Especially when, at first, the picture is moving. Once again he has to ask for help, and I was interested that, when given a choice, he asked the female employee instead of the male because he thought she would be more sympathetic.
I love that he used a spell to find the book he needed. That sequence, from his despair at ever finding what he needed in that sea of books to his decision to try the wild shot of the spell was just great. I was so happy when a book presented itself and it was exactly what he needed.
The following section where he reads the book and it tells him all about himself was both moving and accurate. I loved the image of the author of the book as an artist and Harry as his model. I like the examples you gave of his behaviors throughout the book. (As a side note, I think Snape has many examples of the same behaviors.)
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m very interested to see where it goes next. I’ll be back soon!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle,
Thank you again for commenting so quickly, as is your delightful custom. I vividly remember writing this chapter, with all the internet research research that went into it to get all the details just right of all the places that Harry went. What would we do without the internet? Within the past couple of years I saw a TV program in which the narrator, an archaeologist, was walking through the British Library, and he went past the big glassed-in display of Sir Hans's books, and it was so neat to recognize what that thing was! Everything's available now -- the floor plans of public buildings, a few photos that allow a brief description of the sites, the rules for accessing materials from the British Library or the library of the Institute of Psychiatry, even a list of titles of the books at the Institute of Psychiatry on the topic of child abuse, and a list of articles in the professional journals. And the cafe really is on the second floor, opposite the doors of the library.
The book that Harry's wand selected for him really does exist also. I encountered it in the library of the School of Medicine at the University of Washington, and it is as described. Reading it would have had a profound effect on him. If he ever wondered how his life in the Dursley household had affected him, he wonders no more. "He saw himself in every sentence." This is the major turning point for him.
Thinking about this chapter, I think of you and your stack of books about Romania, and your need to get all the details right. There is such satisfaction when we can achieve that.!
I hope you will enjoy the upcoming chapters. :)
Vicki
Hey, Vicki, I'm here to add to the Emerald total in the EvS battle!
I gotta say, this is pretty powerful. I know you mentioned I should read it, so that's why I picked this one (it's got some chapters to it, so it'll give me something to r/r.)
I can understand Harry's being bothered by the nightmares. I can understand that his nerves (and subconscience) are making him have those particular nightmares. While I don't doubt that Harry will be a great Dad and that he'll (possibly) learn how to effectively change a diaper, he's got that PTSD from growing up in the Dursley household.
Locking his baby in the linen closet is the fear of how he could have been forgotten in the cupboard under the stairs. Even, rationally, he knows that he's not going to do any such thing to his baby (or any other child) he still fears it.
PTSD is an awful thing to live through, and I hope that there is some sort of magical therapy he can through. Even if it's just talking to someone he feels comfortable with. I do agree, at this time, Ginny is definitely not the one. She's got her own pregnancy stuff to deal with now. (I suggest Molly or Arthur, myself.)
I feel for poor Harry though, and can see just how crazy he's feeling.
Fab chapter, Vicks, will be back soon.
<3 juls
Author's Response:Hi Juls. I'm so glad that you picked this story to r/r. I wrote it over a period of about 9 months shortly after I discovered that such a thing as fanfiction existed, and noticed that there seemed to be a lack of stories that addressed this particular topic.
The particular dream that begins the story, the dream about leaving the newborn baby in the closet and forgetting about it for an entire week, was actually one that I had when I was pregnant with my daughter, and this was long before J. K. Rowling wrote the Harry Potter books, so I just included that dream as a 'scary dream' and then asked my friends for examples of scary dreams that they had had while pregnant, to complete the list of several scary dreams. If you can believe it, I didn't even see the parallel with my first dream and Harry's early experience at the Dursley house until after I was well into writing the story.
Thank you so much for saying that this was a fab chapter. I hope you like the rest of them also. :)
Vicki
Hi Vicki! I’m back for chapter 5.
I was interested by your first paragraph about traveling concerns while pregnant. I have wondered myself about what sort of magical things are safe during pregnancy. I would assume most potions would be out. I love the idea that Apparation carries some risk.
I like the image of Harry feeling ‘like a dry pea rattling around in a pod.’ I bet he would be welcome at the Burrow too. Although it looks like he needs to do a few things alone during this time.
I was amused that Harry was the first one at the volunteer event. He’s so eager to find some answers. As the meeting starts, he seems disappointed that he’s not getting the answers he needs.
After I read the section about Patricia, her self-help group, and the idea of the resilient child, I started wondering if Harry is that child. He is certainly a surviver, but to my understanding adults who have been abused as children don’t always realize the extent of the damage until much later in their lives. Sometimes it takes them having children themselves to understand the full impact of what happened to them.
Thank you for writing this!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle.
Harry's arrival first at the volunteer training was the result of his eagerness, as you surmised, and of his taking public transportation, which means you have to accept the schedule of the trains or buses. Doubtless there are people who, not finding what they wanted to hear during the first half of the training, would get up and leave. But Harry is sufficiently invested in this subject that he stays until the bitter end, intending to not give up hope until the lights are out and the doors are locked. And his persistence pays off. as the story goes on, he will learn more and more.
You are quite correct about abused children's not realizing the extent of the damage. I did a lot of exploration of this topic when I was at nursing school at the University of Washington. There was much in the way of information, organizations, etc., Seattle being a big city and the UW being a big school.
Thank you so much for continuing to read and review!
Vicki
Hi Vicki! The kids are in bed (for now) so I’m on to chapter 4.
I feel a bit embarrassed for Harry at the beginning of this chapter as he tries to navigate his impulsive phone call. He’s trying to get help but I feel that he isn’t quite sure what he needs yet. When he is thinking that he is the abused child he is calling about, that made me so sad.
Mrs. Miller seems very nice, if she is a bit eager about recruiting volunteers :-).
This paragraph about lying really struck me. I found it telling of Harry’s character that he finds it harder to lie as he gets older. I really liked how you segued into him reminiscing about lies he’s told in the past: as a child, during the war, for romance. I agree with his thought that the lying was something a young person would do—but because children do not have much power. As an adult, he can tell the truth and deal with the consequences in a way he, and any child, would be unable to do. To me, it’s a sign of how secure he feels as an adult that he can have the luxury of telling the truth.
I love Mrs. Miller’s statement that things will never go back to ‘normal’ after the baby is born. Of course there will be a new normal.
This last section of the chapter between Ginny and Harry is so sweet. I was amused at her grilling Harry over the strange woman he talked with at lunch. Their walk together trying to find gardens was adorable. I was struck by them deciding to eventually move to the country (probably because that’s what my family did a couple of years ago—we lived in the big city until then). I loved the last sentence about them holding hands like teenagers on their first date.
I do wonder what will happen to Harry while Ginny is visiting her mother though.
Nice chapter!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi,, Noelle. I'm glad you're grabbing a moment for yourself.
Mrs. Miller is a good example of the principle that it doesn't hurt to ask, and you'll never get what you want if you don't ask for it. And the other staff members of this organization wonder how Gladys Miller manages to recruit more volunteers than they do!
Harry's ponderings about the value, or even the possibility, of telling the truth will inform his subsequent actions and insights in the rest of this story.
When I was writing this story, some years ago, one of my secondary goals was to characterize Ginny as a more mature, self-controlled person than she was often depicted in canon, where her child/teenaged self could be thoughtless and tempermental. Perhaps her feistiness was the result of having to stand up for herself as the youngest in a family of so many boys, but she doen't have to live with them any more, and it is better to live peacefully with one's husband.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Hi Vicki, I’m back for chapter three.
I found it interesting that this chapter begins with a discussion about using Muggle made fabrics to protect Aurors from werewolf bites. I like how it shows us that Harry is able to think outside the box and that he is more worried about something being effective than whether it is made by wizards or not. It also seems like the wizarding world has a ways to go since Susan recommends that Harry get Ron and George involved to play the politics that would be necessary for such a thing to even be considered.
I like the digression about how many young wizards wanted to be Aurors after the war. I wonder if after the anxiety of the war years it simply felt natural to want to continue in a profession that would have some danger in it. I think it’s very believable that Ron and Neville would have trained and worked as Aurors and I am glad that they eventually found work they found more fulfilling. And Hermione, of course, always seems to know what she wants to do. Her path always seems so clear.
This conversation that Harry has with the Muggle Pamela is very interesting. She seems like someone who is easy to talk to and truly would make friends wherever she goes. I was amused that she was in England shepherding a bunch of Girl Scouts (although we never went anywhere that interesting when I was in Girl Scouts—I’m jealous). I like that Harry manages to tell her about his problems and that she seems to understand what’s really bothering him. Her parting advice that it is safe to talk to other people too was something he needed to hear. I’m glad that at the end of the chapter he reaches out for help.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle,
You make some interesting observations. My impression of the Ministry of Magic, obtained from reading the seven books, was that it was pretty traditional, hidebound, obsessed with its own history, and focused on a centuries-old image of Muggles as way behind wizards in their technological ability. The wizards in the MoM (and maybe wizards in general) fail to see that, while traveling by broomstick may have been better in some ways that traveling by oxcart, the broomstick has been superceded by the automobile and the airplane, and the owl on one's shoulder has been superceded by the mobile phone (in areas with cell service and facilities for recharging). So the MoM would automatically dismiss any report of Muggle technology as being valuable because, of course, they're Muggles, and that one word says it all. But Harry sees it differently, as seen in his predition that Muggles would, in his lifetime, deveop an invisibility technology. Question: would Harry and Hermione, in later years, in their higher administrative positions, shake the MoM from its hidebound position and bring it more into the 21st century?
I like your point about wizards who have been accustomed to the adrenaline-raising conditions of the second wizarding war possibly having become adrenaline junkies and wanting to continue in a dangerous, exciting line of work. I had not thought of that (and so I didn't have Harry think of it), but there are people who come back from combat and have trouble re-integrating into a peaceful society.
I based Pamela's remarks about her trip to England on my own experiences (I really did travel to foreign countries with Girl Scouts in my slightly younger years and did those things she mentioned), but I am less outgoing than she. However, as one gets older, one does become more confident about sharing one's philosophical wisdom with younger people -- age does have its prerogatives. On a basic, even subconscious, level, Harry knows he needs help for himself, but he is still far from being able to ask directly for it, as you will see.
Vicki
Thank you for continuing to read and review.
Hi Vicki! I’m back for chapter two.
I really like how sensitive a husband Harry is in your story. In the books he seems to have a natural sense for other students who need support and I love how supportive of pregnant Ginny he is. He realizes that she needs understanding rather than solutions to her problems. He’s patient with her enumeration of the discomforts of pregnancy. He’s just so understanding! I also enjoyed your detailing of Ginny’s pregnancy ailments—especially the heat. I’ve always hated being pregnant in summer myself. The detail about Ginny spending more time with her mother was sweet and I had a good laugh over the comment that short women have less room to hide the baby, and thus look larger than tall women. (I am short, and boy do I look huge when I’m pregnant). Of course, Fleur would have none of those problems.
Then we take a walk with Harry and join him in his thoughts. I like the idea of Harry reminding himself that most people are good. In his job he has to deal with lots of not so good people, and I like the idea of him consciously trying to keep in mind that his job is a small slice of the rest of the world. I also smiled at the idea of Mad-Eye thinking the same thing, even paranoid as he was.
Harry’s encounter with the child abuse awareness poster was unexpected and effective. I like how you dwelt on the colors of the poster: black, blue, and white—like a bruise. And the fact that Harry writes down the number on the poster; just in case.
It’s so true that children who grow up in neglected and/or abusive homes have no frame of reference and so it is not until later when they are older that they can realize just what is wrong.
I’m looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle,
Thank you, as always, for commenting on another chapter of my story.
I think that it is a real accomplishment for a man to realize that sometimes other people just want to vent and do not want a barrage of suggestions on how to solve their problems. I wondered, when I wrote this, if it was unrealistic for Harry to understand that, given that he is young and a male, but I wanted it to be true, so that's how it got written. :)
Yes, Mad-Eye did have a strong, almost paranoid, reaction to the evils and dangers around him, but he also had a logical brain (which made him able to do his job), so that he could probably recognize that the majority of people were neither evil nor purposely dangerous -- he trusted the members of the Order of the Phoenix -- and perhaps allowed himself some moments of stopping to smell the roses (fake Moody seemed to be having a good time at the Yule Ball).
The child abuse and neglect poster is a copy of a public service announcement that I saw on television back when I was in Nursing School at the University of Washington in the late 1970s, but of course Harry didn't watch TV, so I converted it into a poster. It (the TV spot) was striking and memorable, so it was easy to call up from memory and insert into the story in 2012.
I'm looking forward to seeing where your story goes also, and I check every day to see if another chapter is up yet.
Vicki
Hello! I was very intrigued by the title of this story and also by the title of the first chapter. I had to pause a moment before clicking on it.
The dream that starts chapter one instantly makes me feel so much sympathy for Harry. So many expectant fathers worry about being able to care for their babies, but he bears the burden of childhood abuse. It’s hard to believe that you can be a good parent if you’re struggling to overcome that obstacle.
I also feel sympathy for Harry that he feels he can’t talk to Ginny about his fears. He’s judging himself so harshly and he seems to expect that she will judge him too. But I think he’d be better off if he found someone to talk to about his fears.
I really like the description of the stones being a heat sink and making the house comfortable. It’s such a nice image after the frightening dream. I also liked the description of the baby being safe in Ginny’s womb. It was nicely put.
I smiled at the thought of Ginny loving the dainty cups that Hermione had given her. And I appreciated the detail that Harry wanted something more substantial to ground himself and the memory of how he got the mug he chose.
I’m impressed that Harry is so aware of all the father figures in his life. Even though he never knew his own father, he can pick out several men who have been a good example to him. And even a few who have been negative examples. He’s so thoughtful—he’ll make a good father if only he can stay out of his own way!
The examples of the bad dreams were good choices. They seem like the normal sort of things any new dad would worry about, but Harry doesn’t have anyone to tell him it’s okay yet. I also enjoyed him reminiscing about Divination and half thinking he should read his tea leaves.
The interaction with the aging Kreacher is very touching. It’s so nice to see this relationship, especially considering the way it started.
I suspect that Harry is going to regret not telling Ginny about his dreams earlier as the story goes along. No more secrets, indeed.
I’ll be back for more soon!
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle,
Thank you for embarking on this, the longest of my stories. The dreams that are described at the beginning of this chapter are ones that I and my female colleagues at work remembered from our own pregnancies, so they are all genuine. I don't know whether men have dreams like this -- I never asked. :) It's funny, given his utter scorn for his Divination classes at Hogwarts, that Harry even considers looking at his tea leaves. A sign of his discomfort, that he should grasp at such weak straws?
What Harry is doing here, judging himself harshly and assuming that others will judge him also, is a common belief of abused children, and they carry this belief over into their adulthood.
As I recall, writers of fanfiction generally depict the relationship between Harry and Kreacher during the post-was years as a good one. Harry gave the old locket that wasn't a real horcrux to Kreacher, who wore it during the Battle of Hogwarts as a remembrance of Regulus, so I think that Kreacher was grateful for the locket, and his attitude toward Harry may have begun to improve at that point.
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