Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 15 Jul 2019 03:46 AM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hey Reilly! :)

 

Apologies first and foremost on how long it’s taken me to get to this, but here I am! You mostly just wanted my thoughts and any constructive criticisms I may have, so here they are. :P 

 

Okay so I’ve never really read much fic where Draco & Luna interact, but man does this make me want to read more of them! You’ve done a great job with Luna here right off the bat -- yes, she’s still the same Luna we knew and loved in OotP and HBP, but now it’s war, and she’s been trapped in Malfoy Manor for who knows how long at this point, so her unwavering hope and optimism starting to fray and disappear is definitely realistic. Her fear at the person entering the basement so silently and in shadow is warranted, especially as she’s the only one awake, so she’s the most likely target for that person to torture. Seeing Draco as he’s kneeling down in front of her is both alarming and confusing to her because of the expression on his own face -- executing that conflict he feels is tough to do from another character’s perspective, but you do a great job here! 

 

While he doesn’t necessarily ask her permission to let him heal her, (which is where the consent issues tag comes into play, I’m assuming) once she realizes that he is down there to do that, not torture her, I think she starts feeling a bit differently about him. Not romantic or anything, but just that maybe he doesn’t fully buy into the blood supremacy as much as he once professed to as a younger child at Hogwarts. He’s trapped just as much as she is, and you do a great job of describing that while Luna’s being healed. I honestly don’t even have much, if any, concrit for you, to be honest! If anything it would just be to write more of these two together :P Really though, I enjoyed this fic a lot and your writing is beautiful as always, lovely! :) 

 

~MadiMalfoy 

(18-19 House Cup Finale Constituent Smoozing event)

Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 01 Jun 2019 04:40 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Reilly! Here for your requested review! And because I adore your writing, tbh.

 

What a powerful piece, a missing moment in canon (which I know you love, so I'm not surprised that you've written something like this). You put on full display the terrors of being a prisoner of war--a child prisoner, no doubt, since she's still at school. What horrors she's gone through at the Malfoy Manor! I am glad that you wrote a piece so blunt--but so delicate and raw and respectful of her personhood.

 

"Fighting served no purpose. They always won." My inner Gryffindor cringed at that. But I can totally see where Luna's coming from and respect her decision. It's true, and she's trying to survive. I think if I were her, my fighting would change tactics, but I couldn't say for certain because I am not in that position.

 

You also wrote her anticipation and fear so well as Draco descended into the basement and tried to heal her. I didn't trust him at first either--I'm not the world's biggest Draco fan to begin with. But what you did here is something I can totally see Draco doing. It's his way of making amends in a dire situation.

 

I didn't get the Draco/Luna feel in this piece, to be honest, though I can see how people might ship them. I think Luna being at the receiving end of his family's power at this time would be too much for her to commit. However, they do have. chemistry, and I can seeing them having a brief stint after the war, when they have a chance to confide in each other after surviving their trauma.

 

But what's more--you simultaneously show Luna's vulnerability and strength here. I'm heartbroken of her description of the colors--it shows how far she's come and what she's endured. Her leap of faith to trust Draco is so brave--because I believe she did have a choice here, and it pays off.

 

And Draco's lucky she trusts him because his gesture is vital to his character--to his personhood. You've given him a really redemptive arch here, offering what support he can give while they're both stuck. He risks a lot by coming down there, but his humanity begins to be restored in this brave act. This is why I think they have such great chemistry. They can be both vulnerable and strong together--but in the scope of reviving their personhoods. I love how much discussion and intrepretation you've left open for your readers.

 

Reilly, what an amazing missing moment. Thanks for requesting--and feel free to request again! 

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2019 10:13 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hi! I’m here with your requested review :)

 

The thing about the colors she had once loved -- that was a wonderful, though heartbreaking, line. It  shows how much the war is hurting someone who was always so powerfully optimistic, and even though  she still sees that in her own past, the war has turned her into someone else as she sits there in that  basement (which totally makes sense - I imagine those kinds of conditions would bring anyone down).  Anyway, that was a powerful sentence.

 

You’d asked specifically how the story works with the one sentence of spoken dialogue per character, and  I thought that fit the story perfectly. It’s logical that they can’t talk much, because they’ll be heard, and  someone far worse than Draco may come investigate. Tbh, they said a lot even without words. But they  had to say /something/. And with Draco’s line, that “I’m sorry” was very weighted, as it felt like an  apology for a lot of things. So yeah, I liked it as a stylistic choice and it definitely works!

The way you showed the gradual way Luna lets her guard down was really well done, too, as you noted  these different stages of the process - at first she’s flinching, protecting her injuries, and the distrust is so  obvious, but then later on after he’s done nothing to hurt her and is still working on healing her injuries, she trusts him enough to close her eyes.

One thing I was wondering about was - you know, since it’s so dark in there that Luna can’t even tell who  Draco is at first due to all the shadows - how can she tell the washcloth he brings her is blue? I know  that’s a really minor detail to fixate on haha, but it does make it kind of hard to envision the scene. I  appreciate the amount of detail you’re including in the story, just in this particular instance the attention to  color doesn’t fit with what you’ve previously indicated about the scene.

I love your endnote about Draco becoming a healer after the war, and I really like that idea. Your  portrayal of Draco in this story is one who seems very keen to atone for what he’s done, or, more likely,  for realizing he’s complicit in the wrong side of the war and even if he specifically hasn’t done these  things, his family and people he respects have done things that he’s just seeing the reality of, in his own  house.

This was a great story and I think you did wonderfully with your portrayal of both of these characters during wartime; not quite how we see them during the books, but that year was pretty powerful with huge  impacts on Harry’s classmates that he didn’t see any of it firsthand, and I think you wrote the characters  very well. Great work!

Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2019 10:21 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hi Reilly! I am here from the forum request (finally).

 

If you hadn’t pointed out in your request that this story only contained two lines of dialogue—one for each character—I don’t think I would have noticed that that was the case. So, I think that you succeeded in incorporating that challenge into a naturally written story. 

 

Your writing is very clear and your descriptions crisp, which serves you well in this mostly dialogue-less piece. You set this disturbing scene so well, with Luna trapped in the Malfoy basement and so wounded. I particularly liked this line:

 

“But even Luna - bright, courageous, optimistic Luna - was beginning to lose hope that she'd ever get out of that damn basement.”

 

You haven’t shied away from the reality of what probably happened to Luna when she was kidnapped off the Hogwarts Express. It’s so creepy and hopeless feeling. Luna has been there long enough at this point that she has learned what she needs to do to survive. 

 

Her fear of this man in black is so palpable, and it made me afraid as a reader, even though I knew it would be Draco from the introduction page. I thought it was very effective how you built up that fear. And the moment when Luna reflects on the colors that might come out of the wand—colors that used to be beautiful but now are terrible—that was heartbreaking.

 

But Luna is observant enough to see that this man is tormented as well as tormenter. It is such a relief when Draco is revealed and then starts caring for Luna’s injuries. He’s so gentle, and I think his actions here are totally believable. It must have been horrific for him to watch his classmates be hurt and tortured in his own house. I love how tender he is with Luna, and I particularly like the moment where her pain turns to physical relief as Draco’s ministrations take effect. And I agree with you that Draco probably did as much as he could during this dangerous time to help other people. I love the idea that he became a healer after the war.

 

The final line of this—that Luna dreamed of tranquil blue—was simply beautiful.

 

This was a well written and interesting story. Nice work and thanks for coming by to request!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

Hi Noelle! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review.

 

I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this. It was so, so hard to write Luna this way, because she's always so beautifully optimistic. But, I can't imagine she was able to keep up that positivity while she was trapped at Malfoy Manor. War can break even the strongest.

 

Thanks again for these lovely, kind words.

 

Cheers,

Reilly

Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 27 Apr 2019 11:10 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hi! I stopped by after Barbara recommended this story. Her opinion was right. I was very moved by the spot Draco tried curing Luna's wound.

 

The descriptions are all well written from Dean's state to Luna herself. I held my breath when Draco touched or grabbed her arms, feeling what she was afraid of though I could guess Draco didn't want to do any harm.

 

I was very impressed by how detailed your descriptions of curing Luna were.  Besides you didn't forget adding Draco's situatiin, his appearance. At the same time it was fresh to see good Draco, not just coward Malfoy's heir. Thinking how he lied about Harry's identity in front of his father and aunt Bellatrix, it could be possible that he must have been kind or tried to help the poor teen prisoners who used to be his school fellows, even they belonged to his rival houses. That's, I say, friendship in the war written in a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing a wonderful one-shot.

 

K

 

 

 

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 22 Apr 2019 09:06 AM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hello, dear! Here for your request! And sorry if I'm a bit late...

Your writing is always so lovely, you know? I totally agree with your interpretation of Draco here, btw. I do think that he would be disgusted with the Death Eaters' ways and that he would try to resist in some silent way. And maybe even offer assistance to the prisoners, when no one would notice. And I absolutely loved the way you depicted the scene here, through Luna's eyes. She waited for the tip of it to begin glowing, wondering what it would be. Purple for physical pain? Red for psychological torment? Green for death? All were colors she once loved. Once upon a time, they were beautiful. This paragraph was especially beautiful. So powerful and painful and so Luna-like at the same time. I just loved the way you wrote her thought process because it just felt so much her own, even if her desperation and fear seemed so out of place... which made it all even more powerful, because she's so broken. It's horrible to imagine all the pain and cruelness she must've been through... :(

Draco's compassion was incredible and again so, so powerful. I loved how you described the delicacy of his gestures, it was amazing to see. And I loved Luna's surprise, too. I just loved all the emotions you captured here.

I just re-read your areas of concern in your request (I tend to forget it more often than not... :P) and, honestly, it didn't even register to me that both Draco and Luna only spoke once... it worked brilliantly that way, honestly. The flow is absolutely perfect, and there is no reason for any more dialogue at all. This is so good the way it is.

I'm not sure if there's anything more I should add, aside from this was brilliant! You are a really great writer! Keep up the good work! :)

Lots of love and snowball hug,

Chiara <3

Name: VaguelyCreativeName (Signed) · Date: 20 Apr 2019 08:34 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Hey there, I’m stopping by with the review you requested!

 

Your depiction of Luna in the first few opening paragraphs is so good! Obviously, this Luna is very different from the carefree, optimistic girl we see in the books, but after being held captive in a dark and dingy dungeon for months, that’s very believable! Especially since she makes so many references to what she used to think, what ‘the old Luna’ would have done, so that, while it is clear that “bright, courageous, optimistic Luna” is still buried somewhere within the girl we see now, the contrast between these two versions of Luna is even stronger!

“Fighting served no purpose. They always won.” This line in particular stood out to me, because it exemplifies that contrast so well – just a year earlier, Luna was one of the few DA members to fight when called to arms, and one of the DA leaders at Hogwarts during the Carrow reign, but now, after so much time subjected to torture and imprisonment, her spirits are nearly broken

 

“Luna slowly cracked her eyes open to see an emotionless expression and a pair of equally indifferent grey-blue eyes” I also love this line, especially the last phrase – it’s really clever, and super effective, to link Luna and Draco through a shared description of their eyes: It is immediately evident that Draco, too, is affected by the imprisonment taking place in his home. Luna’s reaction to facing Draco is also very telling of how the war, and being held captive, is changing her; while her immediate reaction is to notice that Draco looks unwell, and to pity him, ultimately her sense of self-preservation wins the upper hand, and she’s wary of what’s to happen next. I also love how you focus the motif of eyes throughout the scene, like how Luna first second-guesses Draco’s motives because of his eyes, her tears when she realises he’s come to help her, or his when he struggles to apologise.

 I also think the lack of dialogue during the healing scene is very powerful; of course there both mindful they have to be quiet and sneaky if they don’t want to be caught, but the fact that there never is a proper explanation of Draco’s motivation, that he doesn’t declare his intentions and allegiance outright but acts stealthily instead really brings home how there isn’t just black and white when it comes to good and evil, but a large grey area, especially during war time.

 

I really loved your characterisation of Luna in this, I think you’ve shown super well how she struggles to reconcile the two sides of her you’ve shown – while her gut reaction seems to be to trust, and to recognise beauty in things, the instincts honed during her imprisonment tell a very different story. I also really liked the motifs you used here, particularly your use of colour and the contrast of the crimson of the opening paragraph and the tranquil blue of the closing line!

 

            Much Love,

            Julia

Author's Response:

Hi, Julia! Thanks for much for reading and taking the time to review.

 

It was a challenge to depict Luna in such a manner (a fun challenge, but a challenge nevertheless). Throughout the series, she's such a beacon of hope and happiness, so it was hard to imagine her feeling so dejected and hopeless. But, I certainly can't imagine her being her usually happy self during her capture; everyone has a breaking point. 

And I'm so, so happy you thought that Draco's own torment came through in this. Seeing such actions taking place in your own home over and over again - and especially at such a young age - is bound to have its effects. And I'm willing to bet he wasn't the only Death Eater child that was learning he was on the wrong side of things, and figuring out how (and if) he could fit in with the light.

 

Thanks again for your kind words! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

 

Cheers,

Reilly

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 17 Apr 2019 11:41 PM · For: Diamond in the Rough

Yes, your idea worked very well. There was a valid reason for there to be virtually no dialogue.

 

This story is beautifully written.  Wonderful description, but all of it plain and straightforward, not sailing off into clouds of metaphors, so the reader is able to envision everything perfectly without having to translate and hope that he/she is guessing correctly.

 

This story is a good example of how we can express a character's (Draco's) state of mind purely by his actions.  Since Luna is the POV character, you have more freedom to tell us what she is thinking, but for Draco, it's all just your art.

 

You are right -- this scene could have happened in canon.  That makes it all the more valuable because it does not simply stand alone, but adds to the richness of the wider story that we all know and love.

 

Very good job.  Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki

 

 

Author's Response:

Hi, Vicki! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

 

With the exception of a few things here and there, I tend to try to make everything I write canon-compliant, so I'm happy to hear you felt that was the case with this fic. Obviously we only see Harry's POV in the books, but I firmly believe Draco was showing where his loyalties truly lied in his own, subtle ways that we never got the chance to see. It's why I find him to be such a fascinating character to both read and write about.

 

Thanks so much for stopping by!

 

Cheers,

Reilly