Hello Taylor! I'm here for our swap!
Okay so I LOVE Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and I know you know that I also love the Marauders, so I'm so excited about this?? I knew you were working on a b99 AU and I knew you had a new story, but I didn't realize it was THE story!
I really like that you didn't just copy B99's plot and instead went with your own storyline, with clear B99 influences! I'm trying to figure out who's who here but I'm not doing a very good job hahaha. Obviously Lily is Santiago and James is Peralta, and I'm willing to bet Peter is Boyle... Marlene is... Gina? Mary's Diaz? Fenwick is obviously Teddy. Sirius and Remus are.... Hitchcock and Scully...? :P (I'm mildly insulted on their behalves if so! Hahaha) And then I'm guessing Kingsley is Terry and Dumbledore is Holt? I'm really not feeling confident about all of those guesses, though.
Hahaha I love the idea of Lily becoming extra-stubborn when she drinks, that definitely checks out to me. I thought the whole opening scene with the women in the precinct did a really good job of establishing setting, characters, and all that fun stuff! It painted a very clear picture of the dynamics in the precinct. And what I really liked about this (as compared to B99 canon) is that it's already explicit that Lily is attracted to James, and it's not him weirdly pursuing her as a gag? It's more genuine and although I love the canon B99 Jake/Amy trajectory, I think this setup works a lot better for these characters!
I really enjoy your interpretation of the Marauders here, I thought you did a great job capturing all their personalities. And I LOVED the alternate stories behind their nicknames! Plus (obligatory and predictable Kayla Remarks incoming) I thought the Wolfstar was wonderful, and I thought Sirius in particular was very well-handled! The way he needled James was on point (Get it? Get it?) and didn't come across as mean-spirited. James was lovely, I love the way you portray him. He's the perfect mix of confident/self-assured and a total dork. I can't wait to see him and Lily inevitably get together ;) It's so obvious they're meant to be! Hahaha.
I really enjoyed this first chapter, and I'm excited for more! Sorry this review is so rambly and overdue, but thank you so much for the swap!
Hey Taylor! Here for our swap!!
I have been looking forward to this release of this fic, especially after our lovely conversation on the toxic masculinity that is in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Your answer to my question in your novel nest is brilliant, btw.
This chapter is a fantastic opening chapter. Even though Lily and James are not seen actually interacting with each other, I already ship them. Of course, there's the whole concept of Jily that helps but also... I think it's the way you have them react when each other is brough up in their respective conversations. Lily is a little flustered and is willfully convincing herself that James isn't actually into her. And James clearly is nearly head over heels with her, but he makes sure to emphasize her individuality, her humanity. I love how you establish these things from the get-go, and I think because you estabdlish them, you've set up their relationship for success (and you get the reader to cheer for them, Jily ships aside).
I love how you give each character their own personalities and highlight them in this chapter. Mary, Marlene, and Lily make an awesome girl squad. They're all so distinct and have their own interests and opinions, and they all respect each other, too. As for the Marauders, well, their chemistry is spot on. I love how Sirius and Remus interact with each other. My favorite bit of this whole chapter is Sirius putting his hand in Remus's face, lol.
The bets are so amusing and believeable and a great way for B99 to meet HTLAGI10D. I'm curious to see if there is going to be any major case that is going to unfold during these 10 days... and how these funny and brilliant characters will pursue this comedy of errors (because how can it not be a comedy of errors when both Lily and James are trying so hard to do nearly opposite things? ahahaha).
Also, because you said BONUS POINTS, I'm going to pair your HP characters with the B99 characters!
Lily--Santiago; James--Peralta; Mary--Rosa; Marlene--Gina; Peter--Charles; Sirius & Remus-- Hitchcock and Scully (though Sirius also has some of Peralta's goofiness); Dumbledore--Holt; Kingsely--Terry. How did I do? lol.
Good luck writing the rest of this fic. I'll definitely be back to laugh (and possibly--probaby--cringe) at how things unfold!
I'm here for our swap!
I was so excited to get to read this because it's such a fun idea to put together. I know this was just the set up chapter for the story but I really loved it. You've always been so talented at working big casts and dialogue between multiple people. I love how you've build up the characters James and Lily. Lily is such a great character already but I love that she has so much space to grow throughout this fic as she needs to relax a bit. I do love how in charge she is though even when she's drunk she is still pretty with it. I think I would be dancing on the tables by now if I was her haha.
I'm really impressed about how much you've shown about the characters but you've done it all through the dialogue. There isn't too much 'inner thought' or 'telling' in this chapter but we learn everything we need to know in a very natural way. The whole chapter had such a great flow to it as the dialogue is really fun. I feel like even though it was 4k that it felt quite short like I personally find longer chapters a little tricky but everything flowed so well that it was really easy to read. I feel like I could read a lot of this (I guess I'm going to be ready for like 10k monster chapter later on!)
I love how you've already got so many little details into this story. I think the backstory is awesome as b99 has a lot of these little stories/inside jokes when builds up bigger picture and makes you love the characters so much. I think the code names is my favourite thing in this, I love how you've kept them but adapted them to suit the police life. You can see some elements of b99 in this fic but I think the characters still seem very fresh.
I do like James says "She's a person, not a prize to be won." this is just the best so much respect for him. It's kinda awesome that you've got to the point of this bet without James coming across like dick. I thought in this section he is so likeable because you've struck a nice balance between James being quite laddish and up for banter but he's also a decent human being haha. I think Mrs Potter is obviously awesome for raising her boy right.
squee for wolfstar mentions too. I think this is such a promising start for your story. I'm pretty much addicted to everything that you write because it's always just so beautifully written. I can't wait for more of this story. fantastic work as always!
- Abbi xo