Reviewing for the review event: title words in alphabetical order.
You do a really great job setting up the dream that Louis is having at the start. Your descriptions pull us into the dream and it's obvious that it is a dream right from the start because of your brilliant word choice. The care you took in writing an re-writing this shows through with your excellent use of prose.
We see Louis's personality here, and it gives us a glimpse of what he must have been before the accident and how he's going to be after the accident. Victoire's care for her brother shows through her, too and it tells us a lot about her.
I also like how Louis is very reluctant to see the Healer, but agrees pretty readily afte just gentle pushing from Victoire. Again, it shows their relationship and what they are like.
You also do a great job in intriguing the reader with the dream: is it prophetic? is it just a dream? is it Louis's subconscious? Is it something else? I really enjoyed this and hope to read more of it. The scar is similar: why is it manifesting in the real world? Psychosomatic? Side-effect? Your story will keep the reader wanting more.
Hey Kyle, I’m back again for the House Cup Finale!
I absolutely adored the descriptions of Diagon Alley! To have it remodelled seems like a very sensible thing to do, especially because so much of it must hold a ton of awful memories for a lot of people, what with the wars and so many shops being forced to shut down, so to extend and redecorate it is a brilliant idea, and it sounds incredibly beautiful the way you describe it! I particularly loved all the flowers; they sound beautiful both visually and also because of your choice of words and your fantastic alliterations!
I’m curious to find out more about the bracelet – the reactions of both the siblings here were very intriguing. Louis clearly knows exactly who it’s from, and it holds a lot of sentimental value for him. Victoire is more difficult to read, even if she might not know who it’s from, she must have an inkling at least, or she wouldn’t have such a strong reaction to it. I wonder what the gift-giver did to get on Victoire’s bad side like this.
The ending was so unexpected! I didn’t expect to encounter the dream guy again, and especially not so soon! I hadn’t realised he was a real person – or is he? What with Louis acquiring the scar from the last dream, I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out more elements from the nightmare had seeped into reality.
I can’t wait to find out what happens next!
Hey Kyle, I’m stopping by for the House Cup Finale!
I absolutely love the beginning of the story! I love that we basically don’t know anything about the main character, and so are left feeling a bit disoriented until we find our feet – I feel like that reflects how the main character must be feeling really well, because they don’t know what’s really happening, either. All of the unanswered questions are a fantastic way to build up suspense, too! Who is the mysterious man? What is the main character doing at the chapel, and how did they get there?
I’m really intrigued about this apocalyptic setting! Your descriptions of the chapel and all the destruction are so good, too! I really want to know how and why this chapel survived, if everything else surrounding it is in ruins. The phenomenon of the burnt city expanding to catch up with the main character is a very haunting image, and the sense of panic the character experiences as that is excellently portrayed as well, this is just so good!
Okay, so it was a nightmare! That was unexpected, but the experience was certainly hellish, and ending it so abruptly is very like suddenly waking up, so that’s great! And it looks like these dreams are a recurring theme? It’s good that Louis has his sister to help him through it, and that they seem to be so close. Are the dreams the result of trauma, perhaps from this mysterious accident? I can’t wait to find out more about it, if it can cause dreams this bad, and for over a year, it must have been a really horrifying experience. I don’t envy Louis having to cope with a huge party and family gathering after just experiencing a terrifying nightmare like this.
This was so brilliant, Kyle, I especially enjoyed the fast-paced narration of the dream at the beginning! Good luck on re-writing the remaining chapters!