Reviews For Skating And Other Ways To Fall In Love


Name: maraudertimes (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2020 05:57 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi there! I'm here for the RvG POGs special!


I think this was a good start, a cute little story of Lily and James, and I'm a steadfast Jily fan so I really liked that. 


There were a few times where the verb tenses just seemed very off. The most notable example would be: "they didn't come out right and told anyone yet." That part of the sentence just felt a little disjointed. Perhaps adding 'hadn't' before the told? There were also a few run on sentences that just felt a little long.


Another thing I noticed was that it took Lily a while to realize that the boys are skating. Considering that it would be a very muggle passtime and she's muggle-born, it felt a little strange that she hadn't considered that. Personally, it would've made more sense to me if she assumed they were hovering over the lake 'almost as if they were skating' and then been surprised that they were in fact skating. 


I did like the inclusion of Sirius/Remus, and how you managed to bring in their large/reserved personalities as reasoning to why they weren't exactly 'out' about their relationship. I think that was a very nice detail that added a sweet touch to them.


I wish you would've involved Peter more. I feel like a lot of Marauder pieces leave him out because of who he turned out to be, but he was just as much part of the group as the others at the time. Even if it was a line about how he never learned so that's why he wasn't skating with them. Otherwise I feel like it's just ignoring him for the sake of ignoring him (although you are far from the first, nor will you be the last to do that).


Anyways, this was a cute little short and a fun little read! I think James' little quip about showing Lily how much she means to him is super cute, and how red she got as a result. Thanks for writing so I could read it!

 

Lo <3



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 01:05 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hey Lex!

 

I'm here to leave you another review for the CDMC Event - Round 2!

 

Yay for another sweet fluffy piece! I have to say that originally I wasn't the biggest James/Lily fan, but sweet pieces like this really have made me come around to them as a pairing. I guess it's because I always think of James the way Lily does initially in this piece....as a loud, obnoxious, arrogant prat. But in this moment you make him so much more subtle and palatable. I could see why she might've fallen for him if he'd start acting this way.

 

I love that they're ice skating on the black lake. I think it would be such a gorgeous setting with the lake frozen over and the castle in the background. I do wonder about the Giant Squid though. Do you think it hibernates when it's really cold?

 

Aww and Remus and Sirius are the sweetest! I love that Sirius is holding Remus' hands trying to keep him steady as he learns to skate. It's adorable. They're one of my favorite pairings, so I'm happy to see them included here.

 

And that ending for James was perfect. The quiet profession of his feelings, the statement that he's willing to change for her, and then the leaving without waiting for a response. It was brilliant. It takes the pressure off of her to respond immediately and sort of allows him to get inside of her head like a little earworm.

 

Beautifully written! I'm going to go have to scan your page for more fluff because you do it so well!

 

~Kaitlin



Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 01 Sep 2019 03:56 PM · For: Chapter 1

hey, i’m here with your challenge review ^_^

 

this was a very cute story – i liked how lily was just expecting the marauders to be doing something prank-y or bad but they were just trying to have some fun skating on the part of the lake that they froze (and that’s definitely an impressive bit of magic for a couple of students :P ).

 

her outrage at remus being blatantly out after curfew made me chuckle because, of course, we as readers know that moony is just as mischievous as the rest of the marauders, he’s just better at pretending not to be haha.

 

and then how lily was just a little bit jealous of sirius and remus, not in a bad way, just a person who wants to have something like what they have – it’s very relatable. and i think that seeing them together was what pushed her to give in to james and let loose a little bit, to live a little, even if it meant breaking some school rules.

 

the way james was earnest and really tried to be the kind of guy lily would want to be with, tried to and offered to act better than a cocky teenager was also very cute. and of course, she’s obviously attracted to him as well, no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she was blushing just because of the cold hah!

 

thanks for entering my challenge!

 

kris



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