Here for our swap very very late sorry! But this story really caught my eye - love some marauders and I love the way you've done it all through dialogue.
It's so clever how you've managed to get all the different voices across without all the dialogue tags. In that phase 1 section it was immediately so clear who was speaking, and it made me smile seeing Remus struggling to control his wayward friends and Peter's insecurities coming through.
Phase 2 and everything going wrong made me laugh, especially the 'Hospital wing? Hospital wing' exchange. They don't seem too worried about the damage that they've caused, and that fits in with the kind of casual, friendly arrogance we see in them in canon.
Getting little glimpses into the different stages of testing was a good way to tell the story. You've given an overall picture of it not going very well without writing the same thing over and over. It reminded me of a montage scene in a film.
Aw poor Peter. I'm glad Sirius enjoyed it. I'm also glad he didn't actually use the potion on Lily, because I'm not sure she would have been too happy with him once she got over it. This way they all had a laugh and nobody really got hurt.
This was lovely Chiara! Thank you for the swap <3
Hey, Emma! It's so lovely to have you here! <3
I'm so happy you picked this one! And that you enjoyed the dialogue only format! :D I love Marauders (as I'm sure you've guessed) and I'm so glad you liked them here! <3
Ah, thank you! I'm a dialogue-y person in general, but I'd never done dialogue-only before, so it's great to know that the voices were recognizable and that their personalities shined through! :D
I'm so glad phase 2 made you laugh! It was definitely meant to be ridicolous! :P No, they are not particularly worried about the damage they're doing, to the classroom or to themselves... but that's why we love them so much, isn't it? ;) Glad you enjoyed the snippet format in this section, too! :D
Poor Peter, indeed! :P At least Sirius had fun! :P Yes, it's probably a good thing that Lily didn't drink the potion, she definitely wouldn't have been impressed... ;)
Thank you so much for swapping and for the lovely review! <3
The title of this fic is just so perfect. I feel like this is an iconic hpft story, even though it’s fairly recent and I shamefully had no idea what it was actually about, or that it was dialogue only. *couch* I’m very glad I checked it out though, you’ve really nailed all the elements here!
I absolutely love the structure of this, with how you laid out the different phases of the experiment. It tied well to the theme of the story, and helped give the dialogue clarifying structure that didn’t quite cheat into being description.
I am really impressed that you managed to include all of the Marauders in this. Dialogue-only is challenging enough with just two characters, and you managed to really smoothly include FOUR distinct voices.
I was somehow really amused by your use of “...” because they made me think of unamused emoticons, which was kind of perfectly fitting
Wait, I just googled it, and is Bristlecone’s Law not a real thing in Harry Potter? That just goes to show how iconic this story title is, because I fully believed it was a real part of the potterverse. I’m shook. And now I need to know what Bristlecone’s Law clearly states, cause James cut Remus off from filling us in there.
The experiments section was HILARIOUS. You really nailed the comedy here, and I especially liked the hilarious brevity of the Madam Pomfrey section.
“No, thanks. Bye.” What a legend, Lily Evans.
A love story potion could’ve easily become very creepy, but you safely kept it away from that territory.
I am going to headcanon that the love potion was not successful, and Peter was either trolling them, or taking advantage of the moment because he was secretly in love with James.
This whole fic was honestly so fun, and I am so glad that I finally checked it out!
Ah, I always so love receiving reviews from you, they are always so clever!? <3
I would've never thought of this being iconic... :P I just tried to come up with something extremely silly for the HC opener... :P But I'm so, so glad you enjoyed it! <3
I'm so glad you liked the "scientific project" format! And that it helped structuring the scenes without ruining the only-dialogue format! :P
Yeah, I guess it was a bit tricky, having all four Marauders... hopefully it wasn't confusing... :P
Ahahah! "..." does look like an unamused emoticon! :P
Ahahah! Yeah, my bad! :P Okay, I don't know the exact enunciation of Bristlecone's law, but the concept is that there are some founding elements (life, love, possibly others) that cannot be created/reproduced by magic. You can make very good imitations of the thing (like when you transfigure inanimate objects into animals, or Amortentia), but you cannot create the actual thing. Does it make sense?
I'm so glad you found the experiments' section hilarious! Especially the Madam Pomfrey bit! :D
Ahahah! Yes, Lily is a legend! :D
A love potion could become creepy, yes, but this was really meant to be just plain silly! :P
Okay, I love your idea that Peter was pretending because he was secretly in love with James! :P (I mean, we both know Peter only has eyes for Remus, but I'll make an exception for this... :P)
This review is just brilliant and I love you so much!
HAPPY CHIARA APPRECIATION MONTH. You deserve all the love in the world, so I am here to poke through your AP and find stories of yours that I have not reviewed yet. :P
How could I ever forget this fabulous House Cup opener one-shot! The choice of using a dialogue-only format to communicate the silly, slightly morally questionable actions of our dear Marauders was such a good decision—it works so well with this kind of story! While descriptions could very easily slow down the pace of the disasters (after disasters after disasters :P), the dialogue speeds us right along as the Marauders hurdle headfirst into life-threatening mistakes and catastrophic potions.
You write their antics so so well—I love how they just all kinda scramble to talk over one another, how they speak in very quick and short bursts (since, I presume, their minds and bodies are going too fast for them to really sit down and speak in elongated paragraphs :P), how funny and endearing they all are! Though a love potion is by nature a somewhat immoral potion, you really make their quest to create one work, with Remus being the reasonable, rational, moral one…and for James to finally realize that Bristlecone’s Law is not to be broken at the end hahaha.
I LOVE how the numbers of their experiments jump around because there are simply too many for them to remember and/or actually count properly hahaha. And each one was so funny, especially since you timed them just right so that the out-of-contextness made everything that much more hilarious. I walked into each one not knowing what the next ‘failure’ (or, as James would put it, ‘success in determining what would not work’ :P) was going to be like, and each one did not disappoint! From the scales to the too-green color to Madam Pomfrey to crying, I was smiling the whole way!
The ending “Goodnight” had me cracking up!! I love this story so much, it really picked me up this late at night! (It’s nearing 2 a.m. for me, haha.)
I love you!! I’m so glad that you’re recognized this month! <3
EVA!!! <3 <3 <3
You are the absolute best, you know it, don't you? <3
Ah, I'm so glad you enjoyed this silly one-shot, and the dialogue-only format! :P I didn't think about the quick pace thing, but I guess you are totally right! Those boys are real hurricanes, are they not? :P
Ahahah! I mean, can you imagine the Marauders speaking in elongated paragraphs? :P Oh, my... I might've just had a plunny... what's happening tonight? :O Anyway, I'm so glad you liked my boys and their quest (even if, yes, not exactly moral...) and how James had to admit failure in the end (except that he didn't... :P)
I'm so glad you liked the randomness and the disastrousness of their attempts! :P And poor Madam Pomfrey, I wouldn't have wanted to be her... :P
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this so much! <3
Love you loads!!! <3 <3 <3
--- for the sandcastle event ---
This piece is so cool! I love what you've done with such a general prompt. I think the marauders/potion gone wrong is really what the world needed honestly.
I think it's awesome that you've really tried something different and outside of your comfort zone perhaps. I think doing just dialogue can be really tricky sometimes to make the story clear and fleshed out in a natural way but I thought you really nailed that for me. I really like how you've chosen to use the dialogue because I think it helps the reader uses some of their imagination to get the idea about what it looks like (it looks hilarious in my mind!) while still giving all the information that we use for the story.
I think you've always been quite good at dialogue and this really proves that. I thought you did a really great job at getting all the marauder's voices right and it was always obvious who was talking at any point. I'm not surprised that it was James and Sirius idea first, that's very in character :P I love the banter between them and it all bounces off each other so nicely. I did laugh out aloud at this fic (leo is looking at me like I'm crazy!)
I thought the way you structured it was really cool like it was proper science project right up. This whole piece was just a delight to read. It was funny and clever. You always make me fall in love with the marauders whenever I read your stuff!
Hello again!!! <3 <3 <3
Ah, I'm so glad you enjoyed this little, silly piece! Yes, I agree, Marauders and potion gone wrong are just the best match! :P
I'm so glad you felt the dialogue-only style worked! :) I'm normally more comfortable writing dialogue, but I'd never done exclusively dialogue before and, yes, it can be tricky... I'm glad you could picture the scene in your mind, and that it looked hilarious (that's definitely how I wanted it to feel like!) ;)
I'm so glad all the voices felt distinct and recognizable, and that you enjoyed their banter! Of course it would be James and Sirius' idea! (Actually, just James' idea, but Sirius went along with it :P) Ahahah! Poor little Leo! (How is he, btw? <3 I would really love to meet him in person at some point! <3)
I'm so glad you liked the structure, too! I wanted to give it a proper science project vibe! ;) Thank you so, so, so much for this stunning review, I'm so happy you enjoy my Marauders so much! <3
Big snowball hug,
--- for the sandcastle event ---
I've never been brave enough to try and write a story that's only made up of dialogue, but you did a fantastic job of it. And not only did you choose to write a conversation (or conversations) between two characters, you had four different voices in the mix here, just to set yourself even more of a challenge. The Marauders were a great choice for this, though - not just because you're so wonderful at writing them, but because they're four characters who play off each other so naturally anyway that this piece flowed really well and I didn't find it confusing at all to follow the different speakers.
Honestly, this story made me laugh so much. You capture the Marauders so well - even without any description in this piece, I could see Remus's exasperation as he tried to convince James of why it was such a bad idea to try and create a love potion for Lily, and Sirius's amusement, and Peter's embarrassment. The fact you captured all of those things in so few words was really impressive.
I think my favourite part of this story had to be all the different attempts that they made on their "project". Like Remus, I could have told them it was a bad idea at the very beginning, but I really enjoyed seeing the different attempts at creating the potion and the many ways that it went wrong. I can only imagine the Healer in the hospital wing getting more and more exasperated when James keeps turning up with potions related injuries - and scales.... These four are definitely what I can imagine Harry and Ron being like if they hadn't had to focus on fighting Voldemort through school instead!
The ending really made me laugh as well. After seeing all of that effort going into making the potion and then Lily completely avoiding the situation entirely, almost as if she knew not to accept a drink of pumpkin juice from James Potter (I can't possibly imagine why!). And then Pete - I actually felt sorry for Pete here, but it did make me laugh to see him falling for James the same way that Ron fell for Romilda Vane after the Love Potion!
Sian!!! <3 <3 <3
I'm so glad the only dialogue worked well and didn't feel confusing! I love my boys a lot, and yes, they do play off each other so well! Glad you enjoyed it! :D
I'm also so glad this made you laugh! :) And that you could visualize the scene and imagine the characters' reactions even without the description! :)
It was a really bad idea to begin with... but yes, all their failed attempts were really fun to write! :P Poor Madam Pomfrey... :P
Lily is too smart... I wonder why she wouldn't accept a drink of pumpkin juice from James...? :P And yes, poor Pete... but it was funny from an external point of view... :P
Thank you so much for the lovely review, my dear! <3
Hey lovely! I'm stopping by with another gift for the Rager!
Oh my goodness, this was so funny. Literally, I laughed out loud several times reading this. Especially when Sirius was like, "I have nothing better to do anyway," because I imagine that is how most of their antics went. James has an idea, Remus tells them why it's stupid, Peter agrees with Remus, and Sirius is bored so decides yolo hahaha. James exclaiming now not everything he does is because of Lily was great. But my absolute favorite was "Potter... Black... Do I even want to know?" "No, Madam Pomfrey, you don't." I lost it at that.
All of the attempts were just funnier and funnier. But the fact that Peter drank it, exclaimed his love for James and KISSED him, was the icing on the cake. Just too, too funny. I know I've said it dozens of times, but the way that you just get the Marauders' characters is astounding.
Also, I know that dialogue only is really difficult, and I thought you did a great job of making it flow, easy to follow, and painted a great picture through just their words. This was really great, and again, so freaking funny. I'm glad I chose this to read!
Happy Holidays, love!!
Thank you so much for stopping by with this lovely gift, I really appreciated it so much! <3
I'm so glad this made you laugh! :D And yes, that's 100% how their antics would go! :D Ahahah! No one believes it, James... :P And yes, poor Madam Pomfrey... :P
I'm glad you liked all the failed attempts! And then Peter drinking the potion by accident (and everything that came from it... :P) Ah, thank you! You write the Marauders super well yourself!!! <3
I'm so glad dialogue only worked well! And that you had so much fun reading this!
Thank you so, so much again!
Hi Chiara! :)
I’m here with your requested review from a couple weeks ago. This was a cute piece for the Opener, and it definitely put a smile on my face when I was reading it for judging! Even though you say in your author’s note at the end that this is your first attempt at writing a “dialogue only” piece, you do a remarkably good job with it! You give yourself scene breaks but they don’t feel abrupt, rather natural, especially as you’ve managed to fit twelve of them in the span of about 500 words. I also love the tie-in to Thomas Edison -- being a scientist myself, I was really happy with the way you chose to go about using this prompt for the Opener & how James executed his plan. The Marauders having to come up with excuses why they have to go to the Hospital Wing is hilarious, especially when Madam Pomfrey just gives up asking why and treats them. I like that you ended it with James being successful with his potion creation, but having Peter accidentally drink the spiked pumpkin juice and then having them die of laughter after the whole ordeal is over. Such a comedic piece, and you did a wonderful job with it! :)
Hi, Madi, dear! Thank you so much for stopping by! <3
I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece for the Opener! And that you felt the all dialogue worked well! :D (Fitting everything in 500 words was a real struggle... :P)
I'm really glad you liked the Thomas Edison "quote" and the "scientific" aspect of the story! I had a lot of fun imagining how James' experiments would go! :P
Poor Madam Pomfrey... those four must've driven her crazy... :P And poor Peter, too... :P
Thank you so much again for the lovely review! <3
Hi there! It's DanyFire aka Meg for our swap!
This was an entertaining read. I loved how you wrote this. I was just visualizing the scenes as I read them. It made me laugh. I needed that laugh today. You are a great writer! Keep writing so well! I love your stories.
Hey, there, Meg! :)
I'm glad you enjoyed this little piece and that it made you laugh! :D I love the Marauders and their shenanigans and I'm glad this lifted your spirit a little! ;)
Thank you so much for swapping and for the kind words!
I'm sorry this is so late but I'm here for both the review request you left me and the Hufflepuff review swap.
I had to read this during the judging phase for the HC opener and I loved it then (I love it now too just so you know)! I think it's a unique take on the prompt and think you did an excellent job with writting all dialogue.
The interactions were sometimes hard to follow who was speaking and to whom but once I read through it a second time, it got easier. Sometimes when writing all dialgoue, you need to indicate which of your characters are speaking and who they are speaking to, especially in stories like these when there are 4 individuals.
I also want to know some of the other methods James tried that didn't work since there are only a few listed. I know that with such a limited word count, there was no way to get all of them in, but I would like to see this expanded into a possible one shot and beyond just to see more Marauder potion mishaps.
This is a great drabble and I really enjoyed reading it. I want...no I NEED more of this story.
Peace, Love, and Tacos
Hi Tasha! Thank you for stopping by! :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed this little story! A potion creation gone wrong kind of called for Marauders, don't you think? :P Glad the dialogue-only worked too, even if it felt a bit confusing at times! :)
Ahahah! I had to cut a lot to fit into the 500 words limit... maybe one day I'll write the extended version... :P
Thank you so much again for the lovely review! <3