Reviews For windows that don't open


Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 02 Mar 2020 05:36 AM · For: Chapter 1

CMDC Round 3

Hi, Emma. I knew Kayla and you have been up to something around the ship between Sirius and Remus, I smiled at the happy friendship between you and Kayla. Finally, I got a chance to see  how you developed the fandom, Remus and Sirius.

Oh, Sirius is already dead and Remus has suffered so much including the death of Regulus. The fact that Tonks transformed to Regulus made the situation complicated. All memories lead to the loss of Sirius for him. So angsty and so sad.

Nobody tried to write the unique episode, one-way love between Tonks and Remus. The hints J.K.Rowling showed us in her books around the ship, Tonks and  Remus became the source for you to create a new world. Each evidence was gathered into the firm conviction that he was gay. The way you fermented the fan fiction is genius. It's very convincing and the readers can't stop feeling empathy for Remus even if they are not gay. Many kudos on the hard work.

 

The last scene is so miserable for Remus and Nymphadora's fans might say, 'no, Tonks, don't be so pushy.' But you needed such a character to put Remus into the complicated mental mess. I guess it's trendy in the HP fanfiction world.

 



Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 01 Mar 2020 08:23 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi Emma! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D

 

I love all the richness of Remus’s character and the depth of his relationship with Sirius. The opening scene with Remus trying to make it through the first few days after Sirius’s death is so heartbreaking—especially since nobody knows the depth of his relationship with Sirius. I thought that the image of Remus choking down leftovers from Sirius’s last meal was perfect—and made me so sad. And the way that Tonks was talking about wishing she’d known him better…I wish she had too.

 

Oh man, this way that Tonks and Remus hook up the first time breaks my heart too. She is so young and happy—and she’s happy to be with him—she’s got a lightness about her that neither he nor Sirius can have anymore. It’s so sad.

 

And it only gets sadder as it goes on! I wish that Remus would just tell Tonks that the real reason they can’t be happy together is that he has to picture having sex with blokes when he has sex with her. That would totally hurt her feelings—but she might get over it. And if she did, then I bet she’d be his friend and he wouldn’t have to live in an apartment with no heat and no clothes! :(

 

You do an expert job drawing these two together—it feels inevitable and not just because JKR wrote them together and this fic is following canon. But Remus is who he is and I can see how he would wind up in this situation where it’s suddenly too late to tell the truth—and that he would resign himself to something he didn’t want, as long as it made someone else happy.

 

Gosh—this is such an amazing story!

 

Yours,

Noelle



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 29 Feb 2020 11:16 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi Emma! Here for CMDC Round 3!


I’ve heard about this fic and always meant to read it but felt some trepidation about it because I knew it would make me have terrible feelings (which, honestly, I love to have, but some fics hit you harder than others). I’m neither a Ronks nor a Wolfstar shipper -- I can read about both and enjoy them but I have no special attachment to either. However, I do love Remus, and so going into this knowing it was going to be about his awful, neverending loneliness and turmoil and impossible choices he has to make, was enough for me to expect it would hit me hard -- and it did.


I think the first thing that struck me about this is how rooted in reality it seems, for many reasons. One is that you pay attention to the realities of the times when Remus was a young man -- like the fact that homosexual acts were illegal when they were teens and young adults. I sometimes see Marauders era fics with a same sex pairing where they’re just out and that’s cool with everyone, I guess, and I don’t hold any judgment for those writers because this is fiction and we’re talking about wizards so on some level we’re already suspending some disbelief -- but when I see attention paid to that issue in the way you have done it here, it makes the story so much more realistic and immersive. And it adds to Remus’s struggle. On top of everything else, here’s another thing he has to hide, and now that his partner is dead, he can’t even fully grieve or seek the support of others, because he can’t let them know (even if it’s not illegal by this point). Another little detail you threw in there that’s so 70’s, how Lily would always have a drink, but not too much because they had just started figuring out you shouldn’t drink during pregnancy.


What I also noticed is your characterization of Remus and Sirius’s relationship during these couple of years during the 90’s -- there’s not a lot of time, room, or energy for romance, so they have to get by with what they can, relying on the sufficiency of the romance they built up 15-20 years earlier -- which is awful, considering they’ve been reunited for only about two years by now, after 12 years of separation.


And yeah, you know what? 35 ain’t old, but it is when you compare it to how you felt when you were 20, and it has to be exponentially worse for Remus.


There’s a grimness and a grittiness here that’s not overdone but just -- again -- so real. Like the reflection that the Sirius who Remus loved was the one from before Azkaban, and how the sex with Tonks just happens and they haven’t discussed exclusivity anyway. THEN we get to the discussion of Remus’s daily life and his poverty, and it’s so, SO sad without being overdone. You don’t have to belabor it, you just have to point out the realities, and the sadness makes itself plain. It’s a crushing paragraph where you describe him taking tutoring jobs but being unable to keep them and then having to crawl to Dumbledore for money, and still the power gets shut off, and that’s what drives him to meet with Tonks, that maybe she’ll buy him a meal and treat him like a person. That says so much about the basis of this relationship, that Remus is participating because it really does come down to survival for him. But you can’t find it in your heart to dislike him for it, because it comes from complete and total desperation. And he goes to her place because she has working heat -- Jesus Christ, here’s my heart, torn out of my chest.


I particularly enjoyed the irony of the moment when Remus and Tonks are talking about Christmas and she mentions Proudfoot/Savage, and Remus’s surprised reaction leads Tonks to lowkey accuse him of being homophobic.


I was super interested to see your spin on how everything eventually wrapped up, how he agrees to engage in an actual relationship with her when he’s been dodging it. Because he’s self-aware enough to know that he shouldn’t be doing it, and it’s obvious that he values her as a human being as well, which is why he’s been keeping her at arm’s length despite those moments where he does use her. And the way this wraps up is this sort of grim combination of the fact that he’s a genuinely caring person who doesn’t like to hurt her, but also he realizes -- I think -- that he’s going to look like an actual garbage person if he turns her down because then she (and probably other people) will know he used her. So it feels like there’s still a self-preservation element here, which I love.


I have really enjoyed this beautifully written work and how it explores and breaks down this ship that is understandably seen as problematic.

 

Melanie



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 29 Feb 2020 05:52 PM · For: Chapter 1

 

Hi!

 

This was a really interesting piece! It's really given me a lot to think about. I think the characterization of Remus was brilliant, you've really got inside in his mind. I love that you weren't really afraid to explore his thoughts. A lot of these thoughts aren't nice like who would admit to using someone but you've been bold in creating an piece that explore all parts of what makes a person human. I think you've really done a good job with this aspect.

 

The first section is really sad, like the fact that Remus believes himself to be so old is really in character but I guess he means old in life experience. his life seems long than others almost because he is lived through so much and he feels half dead. I think you wrote all of those feelings really well, it was very emotional to read. I love some of the details that you've included in the piece especially idea of them drinking the favourite drink of those who have died as a way of coping.

 

It was really heartbreaking just this whole piece. I feel awful for tonks in all of this but I suppose she pushed for him. He wasn't really strong enough after everything. You've obviously put a lot of thought into this fic because this piece because it's so full and detailed.  I think your nomination was full deserved! Well done.

 

Abbi xx

 



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 28 Feb 2020 06:26 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi, I'm here for the CMDC, round #3

Very interesting perspective of Remus and Tonks. I’m not sure if his feelings were that neutral about her, but I think you’ve taken canon events and twisted our understanding of them in such a way that one could say, “that might have been how it was.”


The first part was excellent. I would really feel the despair of Remus after Sirius’s death, but what I was particularly impressed is how we could see glimpses of Sirius and his post-Azkaban devastation through the eyes of his werewolf lover. It just breaks your heart when you realize just how much they’ve gone through and despite their attempts, they will never get back the relationship that they had.

 

Then we move on to Remus and Tonks. Personally, I think Tonks was a bit pushy here and couldn’t see the signs that he wasn’t interested, but at the end of the story, I’m actually more concerned for Remus. Is he really going to be any better with this? Yes, he’ll have a warm house and someone there. He won’t be alone, but will he really be alive? Still, I don’t think he’ll ever show her the truth. Remus is a gentle soul and he wouldn’t consider purposely hurting her. He’ll just play along and muddle through the best he can. 



Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 28 Feb 2020 12:05 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hey there!

 

I'm here to drop off a review for the CDMC - Round 3 event! Congratulations on your nomination for the FROGs!

 

I have to tell you, I'm really nervous about what's to come. I know you and Kayla are off writing all of the Sirius Black stories to shred everyone's hearts to tiny little pieces, so I'm expecting this one to hurt especially bad considering it's nominated for Best Angst.

 

*BRB, let me go get a preemptive cup of tea and cookie to help my shattered soul*

 

Yep. You start out pretty brutally, setting a world in which Remus is not only morning the death of a best friend/secret lover, but is also stuck in the terrible predicament of having to sort through his stuff. I feel like that's always the worst part of someone dying too. You're standing there staring at some stupid knick knack and then you start feeling all the feels because you have some strong memory attached to it. It's worse for Remus though because he can't even be honest with the depth of his love and all of the memories attached to all of the things.

 

It does make me sad that they felt the need to keep hiding their sexuality though. I do get why they did when they were younger, but I'd have hoped that by the time of the second war, no one would be offended or judge them for being gay. I guess he is right though about the uncertainty causing complications.

 

I love that you've written Molly into this mother/friend role for Remus. Of course, she would care for him and keep him safe. Of course, she'd help him manage his grief and keep him fed. That's just who she is and in a way, I think it's how she manages her own grief. She puts it into caring for others.

 

I think the bit where he's in the park, reminiscing about how he's the only marauder left is just so tragic. I can understand why he must feel so isolated after losing so many of the people he cared for. I do wish he saw that there are still people he loves alive though. I know he loves Harry at the very least and I certainly think he has a respect and friendship with the Weasleys, even if it isn't the same depth he had with James and Sirius.

 

I think you wrote Tonks guilt really well. I could see how she'd be suffering from survivor's guilt. I think Remus is right though, even if he doesn't say it eloquently. Sirius knew better than to go charging off. He knew the dangers of engaging Bellatrix in combat. But we all know that Sirius would've never forgiven himself if Harry had been in trouble and he hadn't gone to help. Harry was the closest thing he had to a son and I have to imagine that risk would've always been worth it to him.

 

Ugh. That scene with him and Tonks hooking up was brutal. I mean, it makes a lot of sense, but I also feel bad for Tonks because she's so clearly into him when he's really more using her as an escape. At least, he too feels bad about that. I can understand how the laughter and lightness of it would make the situation with Sirius more painful though. It's miserable trying to hold onto someone who is a jagged mess of scars and trauma.

 

Well, the second time he sees Tonks really isn't any better. This time it's just because he's desperate and needs a hot meal. You were right about your warning. This is not for the Remus/Tonks shipper. I really wish he would just tell her the truth about why he doesn't want to be with her. She deserves that honesty from him at least.

 

I love the little character note that she spent Christmas having kebab and being on duty so Proudfoot and Savage could be together. That's so sweet and it really rounds out her character. I also like what it adds to Ted's character too.

 

I'm glad that Remus gets to hear about a lesbian couple and realize that everyone is okay with it. I would hope it might make him more comfortable in his own relationship with Sirius and maybe someday telling someone.

 

Yeah. Remus is pretty infuriating in this. I get that he's scared and dealing with a lifetime of repression and hiding. I get that when he was growing up, being openly gay was dangerous...but god, poor Tonks. She's so hopelessly pining after him and so miserable without him. I think he could trust her and just tell her. It would stop her from asking and pestering and it would give her some closure to finally move on.

 

Wow. That ending was brutally unsatisfying. Remus trapping himself into a loveless relationship is awful. Tonks thinking she now has a boyfriend when really she has a passive captive. It's just....I don't even know if I have the words.

 

~Kaitlin

 

 



Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2020 10:23 PM · For: Chapter 1

Howdy! I'm sorry it's taken so long in getting to you. I'd hoped to do before the event began, but failing miserably at that - here I am.

 

I really enjoyed this piece because it worked on a number of levels with the prompt. I won't recite them all, but I found it impressive, the way you worked that into a cohesive narrative. Obviously the inner workings of Remus's mind (which I think you wrote well) were a huge contributor to that, but you still had to make a plot that was believable in content as well as time frame to put it all together and you certainly succeeded.

 

I was left feeling for Tonks more than Remus though in the end. Left feeling like maybe she did deserve better actually the way he was written. His denial and self-loathing don't justify treating a friend, let alone someone that you reciprocate feelings for on top of that, the way Remus treats here. Even in the end, the beginning of their relationship is him giving permission rather than a more positive - or for lack of a tidier term as this moment - romantic fashion. It is, like so much of this story, allowed to exist only on his terms.

 

I really liked the characterizations of Tonks and Molly too, but the above are the things the story drove me to think on most.

 

Thanks for sharing and for participating!



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2020 06:30 AM · For: Chapter 1

Heya, Emma! 

 

Apologies about the lateness on this, life just sort of...happened..oops!

 

First of all, thanks for literally breaking my heart six times over in this fic. Second of all, great job on breaking my heart six times over in this fic. :P Your major concerns were about writing a realistic Tonks as a character, the relationship of Remus/Tonks, and an unrequited one at that. I think you’ve done a great job with this -- we get that touch of Wolfstar at the beginning and then it’s rudely taken away from us by Sirius’s death. What I really love about what you’ve done by having this relationship here is give us a better reason for why Remus continued pushing Tonks away during the Second Wizarding War, and the rebuttals being so wishy-washy the whole time. Obviously you’ve written dark/war-themed stories before, but this is unique in that it’s much more an indirect view of the happenings going on during that time. Splitting it up into the six different sections helped with the passage of time as well as define the different points in Remus and Tonks’s relationship. The growth and pain that Remus goes through over the course of this time is so so so GOOD but also so so so HEARTBREAKING and the fact that he is so defeated after Bill’s encounter with Greyback when Tonks corners him is so so sad. He’s just been so worn down by not one but two wars and losing so many friends along the way. He gives up, basically, and yet Tonks doesn’t even really realize that. 

 

So to wrap up, you’ve really nailed the unrequited love for Remus/Tonks, and I think you’ve gotten Tonks’s character down as well! Honestly, you broke my heart with this fic, which means you’ve done an excellent job! :) 

 

~Madi



Name: Ineke (Signed) · Date: 22 Dec 2019 10:52 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hiya Emma! I’m gonna leave you a Christmas gift here and I’m jumping into this story shipping both Remadora and Wolfstar and while I now fully expect not to see any Remadora, let us see what this story will being us.

 

Also you’re starting of great, breaking me with the first sentence alone. Couldn’t you have been nice and set this story earlier? Damnit.

Yeah, no that’s a very healthy way to cope, Remus. Truly healthy.

You can’t tell me Molly hadn’t noticed Remus coming out of Sirius’ bedroom. You legit cannot tell me that.

Oooh, but Molly keeps trying to set him up with girls. Meh. Molly wants him to be happy, I guess.

 

I guess that when living in a war, every day you get to live is a gift you didn’t know you’d be getting.

And of course he’s wasted and needs help from Molly and god I feel so sorry for Remus. And Molly isn’t getting it and oh my god.

Why am I not surprised Sirius had worked against Molly.

Oh Lily that isn’t a good idea…

And Molly is so worried and I keep wanting to hug Remus but also berate him for what he’s doing bc surely this can’t be helping.

HAHAHA OF COURSE SIRIUS SEND ANDROMEDA A CONGRATULATORY HOWLER. OF COURSE HE DID.

Tonks feels so guity omg I want to hug her.

The contrast between Sirius and Tonks is shocking in every degree, especially because it’s all so different for him and he doesn’t know how to deal with it being… happier? But also not?

Emma. Why did you have to brign up Moody/Sirius?

This just makes me feel sad again.

Nah this isn’t being selfish, Remus. I doub’t Harry would care, really.

Tonks truly is brave and knows what she wants. I legit would not have done the same, I think. But yeah, I also feel sorry for her considering Remus doesn’t return her feelings.

Yes, be angry at him, Tonks. Frankly, he deserves it.

You’re imagining it, Remus.

This is jsut sad, honestly. That Tonks didn’t spend the holidays with her parents and was on duty on christmas. 

HAHAHA NOT HAVING A SPY IN THE ORDER HAAHAHAH THERE IS ONE THOUGH.

Then again most of his loved ones were already dead emma why

OH THAT IS CRUEL.

It truly is a good thing that she can focus on the mess still, really.

Emma I hate you so much right now with these parallels. Seriously. You’re making me sob.

I was gonna say something crude here about what Tonks is missing for Remus here but bettter not.

This is so terrible, but it so fits within this story you’re writing. As in, it’s terrible for Tonks and it might be better for all around if nobody found out and god. It’s such a well written story, though! Excellent job and I hope you have a happy holiday! (Though I truly hope that you won’t make me cry with the next story I read of you)



Name: BookDinosaur (Signed) · Date: 16 Dec 2019 09:50 AM · For: Chapter 1
Hellooo Emma, here for our review swap! This summary absolutely caught my eye -- I don't often see Remus/Tonks takes from Sirius/Remus shippers, let alone this painful!

And painful it was, good god. This is such a harrowingly good look into Remus' (extremely sad and damaged, to say the least) psyche after one war and in the middle of another, after losing Sirius... He is such a sad man, someone help him. In that context, his relationship with Tonks makes so much tragic sense. He’s got such a weight on his shoulders -- that anecdote about getting munted (!!) on any recently deceased Order member’s poison of choice felt so representative of his past and the horrible effects of the first wizarding war. And with all that behind him, and Sirius gone, you do such a good job of showing how he's absolutely starved for affection, the irresistible pull of self-destruction. He seems almost to have given up entirely -- I get the feeling that if it wasn’t for Molly dragging him around he’d be in a much worse state.

Ugh, I just feel really bad for both of them :( I found it really interesting that we don’t even really see what draws Tonks so strongly to Remus -- but it makes a sort of tragic sense, too, because the story is told from Remus’ point of view and he wouldn’t have the slightest idea why she’d be attracted to him, either. Their whole dynamic is so messy and terrible but I have no trouble believing it -- you painted a really compelling picture of why he would keep saying yes to Tonks even though he knows it's a bad decision for both of them. Massive kudos to you for that!

And that final note, oh no. It definitely feels like there’s more to explore in this concept, the way that a longer-term relationship plays out for Remus, but I do like that you’ve chosen to end here. It feels like a natural end point to the struggle of this fic, and we know what happens in canon, so we can fill in exactly how this goes and how others perceive it. This was such a tragique fic! I’m so glad I got to read it, haha. Thank you for swapping with me, I look forward to coming back to your page soon!

❤ Emily


Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 07 Dec 2019 07:39 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hello, Emma, my love! I'm here for your wishlist! <3 <3 <3

Ah, Remus... why are you the world's biggest idiot? (I'm quite sure you know that I actually ship Remus/Tonks and that I have quite different ideas, but still... Remus is the world's biggest idiot in every universe... and yes, I still love him anyway...)

Anyway, let's go with order, shall we?

The grief for Sirius was so heartbreaking! He must've felt so devastated, and you showed it so powerfully... and of course his self-deprecation would immediately come up... he isn't worth the effort of Molly taking care of him, surely she'll tire of him, surely everyone will hate him if they find out he's gay... he's too old, too broken, too unworthy... everyone's much better off away from him... right? (No, Remus, wrong! But I've given up making you see reason...)

I love the portrayal that comes off of Sirius here, too. The stark contrast between pre-Azkaban Sirius and post-Azkaban Sirius... and that also is so horrible to read about, because he deserved so much better! I loved the small details, the memories you put in, like the singing bit... that actually surprised me, because in my head Sirius would be completely off-key... but thinking about it better, the Sirius in my head would be off-key on purpose... :P

The development of the relationship between Remus and Tonks was... interesting, I suppose... and it made too much sense, too! And I hate him for taking advantage of it the way he did... but at the same time I feel bad for him because all he wants is some warmth, some kindness, and can I blame him for it? Not at all... still, I wish he'd been sincere and saved himself and Tonks and me all this agony! (Don't get me wrong, I loved every word that you wrote here, but it was still so painful...)

I know it's only a small detail, but I loved that bit about Metamorphmagi having a default male and a default female aspect, and that Tonks' male default looked like Regulus Black. And of course the bit about Regulus made me even more sad... how are all these characters so damn tragic? I know it's a big part of the charm, but I just want them to be happy, for a change? The parallel you drew when Tonks fell asleep crying in Remus' arms, and he was reminded of when Sirius did the same after Reg's death... that was just cruel, you know? You are evil, Emma! Extremely evil!

I hope that at least Tonks will live in this pretence happily. Part of me wishes that Remus would confess her the truth at some point, but another part of me argues that, after everything, breaking that illusion for her would be just a useless cruelty, so I really hope Remus would just stick to the act... since they'll both be dead in a year anyway, I doubt it really matters... and now I've managed to make myself even sadder, why am I like this?

Sorry, this review is a mess... but the point is that I absolutely adored this story (and by that I mean that you broke my heart... you always have that ability to make me cry, and still I can't resist your writing... crazy, isn't it? :P)

Love you!!!

Snowball hug!!!

Chiara



Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 07 Dec 2019 04:17 AM · For: Chapter 1

HELLO, you beautiful, wonderful person! Here to leave you a gift for the Rager of the Decade event. <3

 

Kayla mentioned on Twitter that this was one of the best things you’ve ever written, so of course I had to check this out! I already thought kiss each other clean was one of the best things, like, in the history of ever, so I needed to read this one. And then after I read it, my heart was shattered in pieces and I just sat dumbly on the bus for the remainder of my trip because I was so struck by the way you wrote this. It’s incredible. I think it’s such a masterpiece, such a detailed character study on Remus (though obviously this story is much more than that), and by the end I just wanted to cry my eyes out.

 

Honestly, I cannot remember how Remus grieved in the original novels, which makes me wonder whether JKR spent much time on it at all—and your interpretation of canon is just so good and so convincing that I feel like eventually my understanding of canon will have largely been shaped by your stories. Even though the canon is SO BAD at time (especially about Remus and Sirius!), you made amazing, heartwrenching sense of it. Which is amazing. I mean, the idea that Remus was so weary of life that he allowed Tonks to officially date him is so saddening. There’s so much messiness here, but none of it is unbelievable or crafted just for drama’s sake—Remus is grieving and exhausted and wants nothing more than to live in physical comfort, so this incredibly difficult ‘relationship’ becomes cobbled together.

 

The messiness made me uncomfortable—but not in a bad way! Your writing is so good, that I’m just experiencing the waves of conflicting emotions that Remus feels throughout this story. After all, the context of the world that Remus and Tonks are living in is different; I kept forgetting that this story is not in the twenty-first century, where the LGBTQ community in many areas are exponentially more welcomed than a couple decades ago (and even now there are some problems). Remus’s secret relationship with Sirius had to be kept secret, and that must’ve really worn on Remus’s mind, being closeted in this way. When you described in the beginning the penalties for being gay, I just felt really, really depressed. The two of them deserved to be out and happy. :(

 

And the way that Remus and Tonks…approached each other, to say the least. Tonks wasn’t being malicious, exactly, but to keep pestering someone who felt clearly uncomfortable about being with her…probably not her most thoughtful action, yeah. And it made me just so incredibly sad that Remus was really the opposite of attracted to her, but let her have sex with him in order to stay with her inside her heated house for a little more. UGH EVERYTHING IS SO SAD I JUST WANT TO CRY. There are so many different parts to this, where you no longer really feel the desire to blame anyone, but just feel INCREDIBLY SAD ABOUT THE OUTCOME.

 

Your writing in this story is just unbelievable! I felt so much throughout the whole thing. Remus’s exhaustion came through so strongly that I felt it myself, and choosing to end on when he finally submits to Tonks’s requests was a really good story-telling decision. It ended the story almost on a cliffhanger, and when I reached the end it kind of felt like I had skidded off a cliff and just hung midair, suspended.

 

But it’s a good ending, and this entire story is just beautifully written. And it’s a wonderful counter to JKR’s ridiculous decision to force these two together. I can’t express that enough.

 

<3

 

Love,

Eva



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