This was a really enjoyable story to read, even for someone who has only passing knowledge of the Assassin's Creed games and the lore involved. (I watched my spouse play the second one for, like, a handful of minutes collectively over several months and have forgotten basically everything but a cleverly placed Mario joke.) Anyway, I absolutely ADORE Dorian (he may be my favorite character in the franchise, actually), and I'm always excited to read more about him.
I love how the Inquisitor still definitely has a presence in Dorian's life, even though he has passed. (RIP, Herald.) You can definitely see not only the longing in Dorian for the comfort and love the Inquisitor provided, but also the ways in which his lover has influenced him and the way he views and interacts with the world.
I enjoyed the little description of the tree. Am I right in guessing that it is a Vhenadahl? It would indeed be odd to find one of those in Tevinter, particularly in an upper-class area of Tevinter where elves would most likely historically have been slaves. If my guess is correct, I would love to know how it came to be there and what an interesting history it must have been a witness to!
I thought you did a very good job with Dorian's characterization and dialogue. It really seemed to fit his canon personality well, and I could picture him doing everything perfectly in character. In regards to the action, I did think it went smoothly. Fight scenes can be hard to write, because you have to strike a balance between giving the reader enough info to follow the moves each fighter is making without sacrificing the pace of the scene. I think you did a good job maintaining that balance.
If I were to give any concrit at all, it would be that in the scene where Dorian meets up with the group after tracking them, Tinia seems to kind of appear out of thin air. You hear his voice, and then suddenly he's standing in front of Dorian with the other three, but there is no mention of him approaching or materializing from the shadows or anything. So that kind of brought me out of the scene a bit as I wondered where the heck this warrior came from. Also, a couple of minor spelling fixes I noticed: The name of the world is Thedas, as opposed to Thadeus, and the substance mages drink to regain power is lyrium, rather than lyrim.
Over all, though, I found this to be a fun read and really enjoyed getting to hang out with my buddy Dorian for a bit. Thanks for sharing this story with us!
Author's Response: Hey lovely. I am sorry for not getting back to you right away in response to your lovely review. Admittedly the lore of Assassins is not strong in any of my Dragon Age Cross over stories and least of all this one. I just don't want to leave out the fact that the lore of Assassins does play a part in the story and for those who know it SUPER well they'll pick up on the notes from that universe while those familiar will only pick up hints. To everyone else they are incorporated elements that make for the whole story. I am 100% with you in a love of Dorian I think my top two boys are Dorian and Varric - whom I have also written. Both men have enthralled me with their wit and charm and it was hard to resist writing them when the bug bit. I am glad that I did achieve Dorian's voice correctly. I hate giving disservice to a canon character and would hate to part them from who they really are. Admittedly I was not thinking of the Vhenadahl when writing about the tree - it was going to have a larger plot point but ended up not being used at least not in this story if I continue my series EVER I might work it in but for now it was just an element I decided to incorporate into my story. As for the fight, I am so glad that flowed! I remember being extremely nervous writing that because it was my first time writing something of the like. I had to pause and think of the game fight style and yet I knew I needed to bring it down to reality as well, so that was my constant worry as well and not bogging things down and yet having it all makes sense. Thank you for pointing out the spelling errors! I think I've gone over this story so many times that some things have gotten lost, overlooked, or changed by an auto correct feature. I will eventually have to dig back in and fix those small errors as well as looking at the scene where Tinia shows up to help give that more flow.
I'm not one-hundred percent if you're naming the Inquisitor in question Amatus, or carrying on with Dorian's typical nickname. From the looks of the formatting, it seems as if you are, which is quite clever, actually.
I do feel so badly for Dorian at the beginning. For someone who couldn't believe that someone could truly want a relationship to have fallen in love with an Inquisitor who vanished must have been heart-shattering, as well as dealing with the looming presence of age.
I want to mention that I think you've added some awesome explanations and/or context for people who are unfamiliar with DA to have a general understanding of what's going on in the story (but not as much as to put people who are familiar with it off). His staff, for example. Of course, this goes for the backstory you've weaved in as well.
As expected, Dorian's banter with the AC characters is hysterical. "Now that is highly offensive! I consider myself to be quite spritely actually." I may have laughed a little too loudly, but I love what you're doing with his dialogue. His dialogue and thought, outside of his more serious thoughts, of course, is dripping with that witty confidence and charm that makes Dorian so awesome.
Can I say that the fight scene in this is on point? Oh my goodness -- it was so good. The flow was excellent and interesting enough so that I forgot to jot down my rubric notes for the entire scene and had to go back to it. I also love that although you've continued to paint him in badassery when it comes to his fighting skills, Dorian still gets injured, which is totally plausible in this scenario.
And the dialogue between Dorian and Aitia was so awesome. Dorian's patronizing was hilarious -- the kind of cover-my-mouth-can't-believe-he-said-that kind of funny. I also love how they are skeptical of the entire Inquisition, claiming that everyone Dorian's age claims to have been there -- but Dorian sticks them with the intimacy bit.
(I'm getting a little out of order here, I apologize).
I was seriously concerned that you were going to kill Dorian at the end of this. Sooo I assume that the portal-traveling young people will be our connection to the next story? :D This is going to be good.
Overall, it's just a fantastic piece. I mean, it's well written, entertaining, you have Dorian's character pegged and I'm really looking forward to the next piece!
*Snuggles tight and never lets go* (I will permit room for food and breathing)
Anyway, I've been epically excited for your review and response to this story. Your challenge was love and I knew eventually I would hear from you! <3
With the name of Amatus, you are dead right, Dorian is using the nickname for his beloved. I am really glad that you think the story translates well for those outside of the fandom, that was kind of my goal with this. I figured a mage is a very strong connection point for a Potter Fan that might fall into this story. The rest of it all fell into place really when it came to back story and details. I feel like I got really lucky.
I am also very glad that Dorian's character played well. I so adore his rapier wit and flashy flamboyant personality. Admittedly I am most proud of his though process regarding a statue being erected in his honor and his reaction to the idea that they probably wouldn't. I am glad you enjoyed the quips and patronizing. To me it seems so Dorian and then with him being old I think it adds to his flippancy.
Also (I get out of order too!) I went ahead and injured Dorian becuase in the game we take damage and it seems only realistic when it is 1 against 4. I will also admit that I was pretty close to killing off Dorian but I knew I couldn't becuase then the story would not progress to the next story and I needed 3 stories and I'm really glad I didn't kill him! I like it better this way and it allows my muses to try and do a story of Zeveran/Dorian because honestly they would be amazing together!
Again, thanks for the amazing review lovely! I am glad you enjoyed it so - this was a massive labor of love.
Here for CtF =)
I feel like I should start by admitting that I know literally nothing about Assassin's Creed. Sorry about that. I'll do my best with this story and hope that you forgive my lack of nuance about the fandom.
The Magisterium.. I appreciate that you start placing me into this world right away, so I can get a sense of what's going on.
It's interesting that he thinks of falling in love when the world's in chaos as unconventional, because to me that's a classic model for romance. But perhaps the couples in this universe tend to have better timing ;)
I was hoping this character would be queer and it looks llike he is so that's awesome =D
Ooooh, i LOVE the line about Dorian feeling as if Amatus were immortal. and then the shock of his death. That is so powerful!
It's nice to see some scenry described, especially as an outsider to this world. At least in appearance, it seems like a nice place to be.
omg! I couldn't help but laugh when he thinks that he is the longest surviving member of his political party, and then that they should build a statue of him. I mean, that is an impressive achievement, but also... this may not be the Potterverse, but it's not hard to guess which house this character would be in =P
I think it's funny that during his encounter with the women, he scolds them for calling him old, but then he says of himself "I'm getting too old for this" soon after. it's a nice contrast between how he presents himself to others, vesus his real self or self-perception.
This is probably silly, but it struck me as odd to use the word "kosher" in a fantasy world because it comes from a religion that I assume doesn't exist in this universe. Just a thought.
"Remember it is all for the greater good" --> you know, this phrase just doesnt bode well, does it?
Oh, wow! That got intense! I see that Dorian and I agree that time travel is generally a Very Bad Idea. It seems he prevented an apocolypse this time around. Good on him!
A very interesting story!
I will admit that Assassin's Creed only has a small impact in this story. I took a very small part of that game's mythos and actaully based this story in the world of Assassin's Creed. I am glad that you were able to pick up on the world that surrounds Dorian! That was my aim and goal was to introduce the world to people some. Yes there are some nuances that are missed but they are not so big that you miss the story itself.
Also I am glad that you were amused by statue line! I was particularly proud of it. Yeah Dorian is probably a bit of Slytherin, Honestly everyone in country are very Slytherin esque in the not good way while Dorian is a good guy and I honestly he has some strong Ravenclaw leanings. It wasn't shown in this fic but in the game when not traveling with you around the game world he's found in a library studying to try and figure out the answer to the world ending threat that he lived through. As for fall in love at the end of the world, that is kind of how the Dragon Age game operates. You get your character and you can romance some of your traveling companions and you typically gain them with everyone coming together to stop the end of the world as it were. However you don't expect something like that to happen for yourself so I wrote that with Dorian - he wasn't looking for love - he like to flirt lots but love he didn't expect it at all.
I am glad that you found the story intersting - you are right about the word kosher I'll have to look for another word there - and yes you are right that time travel is very bad particularly in this world and the greater good line was a nod to HP. I know you only reviewed for CTF but thanks all the same!
Hufflepuff CtF Review
Hello! First off, I’m afraid I know nothing about Assassin's Creed beyond having seen a couple of their trailers, so you’ll have to excuse me for the fact that I don’t understand a lot that’s going on here. That aside, you do a pretty good job of establishing context and exposition. It’s hard for me to tell just how much is actually from the game and how much is character development you have created, but it gives a good baseline for me, even though there’s a lot I don’t totally get. I’m curious if you wrote this intending it for an audience of Assassins Creed fans or hpft folk.
This story certainly has the feel of a video game! I think that particularly sows in the setup, of how we’ve got a main character just minding his beeswax, he stumbles upon something, and he is suddenly swept up in this whole adventure. Although you explained his motivation, like in video games it kinda had the feel that he was just going because he was supposed to for the sake of the game. That’s something that I might be critical of in other stories, but it works quite well here. You also do a great job with the action and fight scenes, which seems mandatory for a video game fic. One thing that you include here that I wouldn’t expect to see in the game is extensive personal exposition and inner narrative, which I appreciate - that way you are mixing what is intrinsic to the games with the advantageous of this form of narration.
At least once you spelled Dorian as Doran - I wasn’t certain which was right until I’d seen it consistently a few more times. I’m assuming he’s a main character from the game, but I could be wrong.
What I most enjoy about this story is the wit that goes into both Dorian’s dialogue and your narration. Particular haha at the blunt “because the stories are far fetched.”
Oh wow, that all wrapped up rather abruptly! Or did it? I’m really curious whether the characters who got sucked into the portal will appear in the next two stories in this series, or if they are more stand alone stories.
Very interesting! I hope this has gotten some attention in its fandom by people who can appreciate it more than me!
Hi Sam! Thanks for being a good sport with a world you have little experience with. To be honest the stories in my collection has very little relation to Assassins Creed in the grand sceme of thing, I honesty only too a small bit of mythos from the Assassins Creed world to play with it here. Most everything you see is strongly and solidly placed in the world of Dragon Age. Dorian is a chracter in Dragon Age and is a companinon of the main hero of the games and could be a love interest. As for the audience I wrote it for I tried very hard to try and make it relateable to any reader - it will of course be instantly recogniable for those that play Dragon Age but I tried to be detailed enough that one outside of the world of Dragon Age they could follow along with the character and his trials.
I'll say that I am glad the action scenes communicated well. I'd never really written an action squence before I landed on this fic. So I was dead nervous if it would communicate well so I'm gald it does. That and Dorian's wit - he is a man of very rapier wit and I was hoping I captured it well.
As for the characters who got sucked into the portal they were ported to another world and if I can ever find the muse to write more stories in this world I'll be referencing them and their role in things later. The whole story in my head is much bigger than what is seen here and actually plays into the world of Harry Potter some in my head I just haven't found the muse or the voice of the characters that I want to focus on to help bring things full circle.