Name: WriteYourHeartOut (Signed) · Date: 23 Oct 2018 06:47 PM · [Report This]
Story:Death Eater's Kitchen Chapter: once more, with quiche.


I read this story forever ago and I'm so glad to have a reason to come back to it now! I forgot how absolutely hilarious it was! :')

So I really have gotten into baking and decorating since I last read this many years ago, and I think it's made this even funnier. Like stenciling a Dark Mark onto a pie crust? So much more vivid in my mind! hahaha

"And of course, wizards can’t do maths past primary school level because we don’t teach that here, so if a dark wizard is faced with a quadratic equation, he will be overwhelmed." - Bahahahaha! So true, though! And the baby part leading to teenage pregnancies... So funny. You're ridiculous and I love it.

Can't knock the brilliance of using the Imperius Curse for a homemade meals. That is literally exactly what I'd use it for, too.


"How dare they be prejudiced against him, those stupid, filthy Muggles." - I'M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO JUST QUOTE THESE GEMS BACK AT YOU BUT IT'S REALLY HARD WHEN THEY'RE SO FUNNY.

Dumbledore's time-turner logic is not at all flawed.

That rejection letter from the network was so professional. For the record, I would definitely watch his cooking show. Be right up there next to the Great British Bake Off! Their mistake passing it up! :-p

AH! QUADRATIC EQUATION! Got him in the end... I almost feel bad. I nearly flunked Algebra II myself.

What I love most about this is that it's not just outrageously hilarious, but it also makes some really genuine points and has great insights into several bumps in canon. It's not just a goofy parody, but an observant piece of writing!

There are about a billion other things I could mention in this review that I loved, but I don't have all day! Just look at the section between "Barty Crouch Jr was profoundly happy with his life" and "Barty Crouch Jr screamed and collapsed to the ground in a dead faint, never to recover again" and know that I loved everything in between.


Author's Response:

♥♥♥ Tanya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg I can not even begin to tell you how happy I am to see you around here again. SO HAPPY. *glomps*


I'm so glad you have found (or re-found) this this story, and especially glad that you enjoyed it. Bahaha, and I love the fact that having done some baking yourself, you can relate to, or at least just laugh at, this story on a whole new level. :D


You know, I never did enjoy my math classes, but I admit they were useful. And when you think about the fact that the Most Evil Dark Wizard of All Time couldn't even find the area of a triangle, it kinda makes him a little less threatening XD And there was no need for all these spell fights and battles and things that happened later on when they could have just taken him down with algebra! Lol, yeah, this was written in 2013 and there just seemed to be so many teen pregnancy fics on the archive at the time. And, you know, if I'm going to poke fun at the HP series itself, I'm sure going to poke fun at fanfiction too. I'm glad you enjoyed that, haha!


XD I love that that's what you'd use the Imperius Curse for.


The line about "stupid filthy Muggles" being prejudiced against him was probably my favorite of the story, haha. I was so proud of that one. :P I'm glad you liked it.


I love GBBO! And now because you said that, I'm imagining Barty's cooking show with like, him trying to make these Showstopper-level of fancy crystallized sugar in the shape of the dark mark or cakes that look like the graveyard where Voldemort is regenerating, with fondant headstones. Omg, it's such a ridiculous image and thank you for this. XD


ah, the bit about this story being insightful and observant as well as totally ridiculous - thank you! That's honestly the best compliment ever. <3


Gah, when you look at it that way - just those two sentences, and that's the making of a very sad story. Like, in between profound happiness and collapsing to the ground in a dead faint, a lot clearly went wrong, but at least it was amusing in the process? XD hahaha. Thank you SO much for this review! ♥♥♥♥

Name: juls (Signed) · Date: 29 Sep 2018 04:26 PM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Death Eater's Kitchen Chapter: once more, with quiche.

Happy birthday!! I'm here to offer you a present in the way of a review!

This story was hilarious. I loved the bit about the cooking shows. (Why I picked it, because I've been binge watching Gordon Ramsey for the past few months. LOL) It was charmingly AU, as well as a good excuse as to why he never got around to doing his part of the task and getting rewarded by the Dark Lord himself! Possibly, and it's a huge 'if' of a possibility, Voldemort could awarded him with his own show if he'd actually completed his job.

I'll be honest, through out the whole movie/book, I never realized that there was anything wrong with Moody. I did find him sort of scary when he first appeared in the Great Hall, but for all of overshadowing JKR threw in, I never got it.

Again, the happiest of birthdays, and keep writing your lovely stories!



Author's Response:

Omg! Thank you so much! This was such a wonderful surprise.

Ha, this is one of the weirdest things I've ever written XD I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! And found that it sorta made sense to explain why he took so long. Like... It COULD have happened this way. Guess we'll never know. :p And now I'm wishing he had been successful because I would love to see voldemort hand out cooking shows as rewards ahaha. Thanks so much for your review!

Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 28 May 2018 09:54 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Death Eater's Kitchen Chapter: once more, with quiche.

Okay Kristin so the prompt we were given for the Bingo review game was “parody,” and so of course I go and search through all the parodies written by Hufflepuffs…and you had so many omg. Which shouldn’t have been so surprising because, I mean, you’re hilarious, but I didn’t realize you’d written so many!




Barty Crouch, Jr. being a masterful chef??? I was already delighted out of my mind at the prospect. And then the fact that he indirectly caused the highest number of teenage pregnancies at Hogwarts almost made me fall out of my chair with laughter. And then I absolutely couldn’t deal with the fact that he used the Imperius Curse to get Colin Creevey to make him lunch just sjd;aklsg I LOVE IT ALL.


That entire saga where Barty Crouch tried (and failed) to get on a television programme was the best thing ever omg, thank you for this marvelous creation of a story. AND THEN HE DECIDED THAT TO STALL FOUR MONTHS TO KILL HARRY BECAUSE OF QUICHE. There is nothing in the world that could top this story, I swear.


Wait wait wait but the absolute best part is when Barty looks at the dementor and then sees the freaking quadratic equation omfg I was dying at that part. Especially because that equation was the cause of many a nightmare during my middle school days hahaha.





Author's Response:

Yeah it’s no big secret that I’m crazy and that once in a while I need to purge the weirdness out of my brain so I can go back to writing real fic. XD I think I have four or five really wacky humor stories and/or parodies. Omg yay thank you, I’m so glad you enjoyed this!!


Lol. I think this was written around the time when it seemed there were so many teen pregnancy stories everywhere you looked. And cliches like that are the bread and butter of parodies! (Food pun 100% intended)


Can you imagine how much longer it would have taken Barty Crouch to kill Harry if the series had been set in present-day instead of the 90s? He’d be Instagramming his food pics 24/7. And then probably get found out because of all the ominous dark mark pie pictures.


XD I’m so glad you enjoyed the dramatic ending with the quadratic equation. They don’t learn math at Hogwarts! Voldemort does not know how to find the area of a triangle! That is a weakness Harry never exploited. Like I get that magic is so cool and I’d love to go to Hogwarts, but then I’d miss out on learning useful things like educational videos of hippies acting out protein synthesis paired with the poem Jabberwocky. tRNA! (I hope that video was as entertaining to you as it is to me XD)


Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you liked the story <3 YOU ARE THE BEST

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 19 May 2017 02:48 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Death Eater's Kitchen Chapter: once more, with quiche.

***Transferred from HPFF***

So this is what happens when someone is kissed by a Dementor? Ahahah! Algebra will save the world! I knew it!!!

Did I say A Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers was the craziest thing I ever read? Might've changed my mind...

I loved this story so much!!! You have such a clever, captivating and irresistibly hilarious way of writing nonsense...

I'm still trying to imagine Voldemort's face if he was presented with a Dark-Mark-decorated pie...

And I'm still trying to process Barty working with nonprofit organizations, too...

I loved the conversation with Dumbledore on Time-Turners! Of course, what use would be there to go forward in time, when you can mess with your past and risk to never be born or something like that? It would indeed be boring (nearly as much as assisting to the second proof of the Triwizard Tournament... Eheheh)

To cut it short, Kristin... This was absolutely delightful!

I love your stories, your writing and you!

Thanks so much for lighten my mood with your amazing humour!

Hugs and kisses,


Author's Response:

Hooray for algebra! Can you imagine, Harry could have simply told Voldemort to find the area of a triangle, which would be impossible to a wizard who had never learned math - and it'd all be over without any spellwork and battles! :P


I'm glad you loved this story though! Hahaha, and it's lovely to hear that I write captivating nonsense XD I should put that on my author bio. :P


Who wouldn't be thrilled to be presented with an artistic pie? Of course, I suppose it could depend on the flavour.


Yes, a previously unknown redeeming quality of dear Barty Jr. He may have killed some people and deceived a lot of others, but at least he cared about water pollution! :P


Haha.. as much as I love the books, I have to admit that there are so many holes in the Potterverse, or things that don't make sense. Dumbledore, of course, would be the one to see that, with his twinkling eyes.


 Gahh, you are so wonderful, Chiara! Thank YOU for brightening my day with your review! ♥

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