Name: AltraX (Signed) · Date: 27 Jun 2017 03:40 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hiya!

 

So the one thing I have never before read is a story about a character who decides to become a ghost after they die. I don't know if it's because it's not a common thing to write or if I've just never looked to see if they exist, but when I saw this story in passing, I decided it might be a high time to give it a try.

 

I'm going to start by saying that death scene made me a bit uncomfortable. And I don't mean that in the ‘I'm squeamish and didn't take your warning seriously' sort of way. I mean the scene made me uncomfortable more so because of the audience who continued to push him and watched as the entire thing unfolded. Like, I know was different then, and the expectations were as well, but it makes me super uncomfortable, the idea of people coming to watch this occur and just...it's a weird concept. And it was actually good that it made me uncomfortable, because it really goes to show the power in the scene that you wrote (In some way that makes that not sound terrible, if that makes sense?).

 

I was fascinated by your description of when Sir Nicholas actually died, and how he came to this point where he knew he had an option as to which way to go. He could have moved on to the unknown but simply didn't because surprising weren't his thing. The scene that followed, with him feeling like he was going through the tiniest straw was really good as well. I could see it, almost feel it, in my head and it was just an interesting way of looking at the process of becoming a ghost.

 

I also, in the end feel a little bad for Sir Nicholas. He definitely didn't know what he was getting himself into. And that leads to the quote I'm gonna end here with...

 

"I've been here now for a little over five hundred years and I still have the rest of eternity to go."

 

Lovely job!

 

-Mikaela xx

Author's Response:

Hello you lovely human being. Thank you so much for this encouraging review! It really means a lot to me. ~Kaitlin

 

Name: Vilja (Signed) · Date: 25 Jun 2017 09:42 AM · For: Chapter 1

I see this was a challenge entry, but I still wanted to say I love the idea of writing about a ghost! Nearly-Headless Nick is an adorable character, and we know so little about him (although we do have a ballad on Pottermore, but it’s always better to read a story in prose) so I’m eager to find out more.

I like how you have romance and tragedy mixed up with some humour. The idea of reparing her teeth and how it accidentally grow wrong is rather grotesque and funny and most of all very original.

“A word or two from her and I thought I might be able to die a happy man” well, he did have that eventually, didn’t he?

But then you change to a more severe tone describing how the poor man feels facing execution, and I find it impressive how smooth the transition is between the funny and the dark parts.

You also captured very well what it means that someone doesn’t want death, an essential component to becoming a ghost. I’m even feeling that it was unnecessary to elaborate on that with the two doors and an explicit decision, the way you described his feelings was more than enough for me to know that he would want to stay on Earth.

 

“I still have the rest of eternity to go.”this is a brilliant last line! So well captures the cost he payed for staying with the living. I was wondering why he did not decide to haunt this lady that had her executed. I know he haunted Hogwarts :) I was just expecting from you some more explanation not just that this was a happy childhood memory.

Name: danicasyer (Signed) · Date: 24 Jun 2017 05:41 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hello!

I'm not sure where to begin so I'll just go ahead and say that I genuinely loved your characterization of Sir Nicolas! I love how you captured him being his chivalrous but awkward, shy, and stumbling self around Lady Grey, him sitting in his jail cell dreadfully awaiting his death, and his actual fear of his own death. I think just everything about it. I slightly do recall that story where he did face death all because of the mishap with trying to correct Lady Grieve's teeth. It's unfortunate those set of events unfolded that way for him. I also found that writing in first person instead of third person was great too because we see his own emotions, thoughts, reaction, and alot of things from what he's going through and that was great to read and visualize.

I also loved how you managed to capture the environment around him too because it gave me a sense of what he was going through even if the execution scene was highly unpleasant. Despite that, I managed to get over it swiftly considering I was more interested about the about his start as a ghost. I really loved how you managed to capture his change from being a live human being to a ghostly soul and the time he was in limbo to when he later moved onto Hogwarts. It was a fascinating way of showcasing his ghostly beginnings or his start as a ghost in that sense.

I honestly enjoyed this story since it was easy to visualize things like Lady Grieve's appearance and the mob that was there to witness his death too. It was an enjoyable read overall and I hope you enjoyed getting into Sir Nicolas' character just as I enjoyed reading it from his point of view!

-Anni