Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Sep 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: dum vivimus vivamus

 

There are so many things I want to say about this piece and I’m so sorry my review isn’t going to do it justice. I have had to stop and read, stop and read this probably six times because the only time I get to read fan fiction is discreetly at work. My apologies this review took forever AND it’s going to be a huge mess. 

This story was absolutely amazing. Was it incredibly long? Yes. Did I want to forget about it when I saw your request? Yes. The word count really threw me off because I don’t have much of an attention span anymore. I’ve written monster long chapters in the past but now I can’t really go past 3,000-4,000 words without getting distracted. 

I don’t know how you did this. How long did it take you to write such a long detailed story? 

I think my biggest critic is that given the length and the fact that other people do have short attention spans I would have broken this up into two parts. You could have ended the first chapter when her parents say yes to letting her friends go to Holi and then picked up from there. I don’t know it would have messed up the flow. It might have helped it because after that part I did start to get a little tired. 

So that’s the only negative thing I have to say about this entire story. It was actually mind blowing. I know nothing about the culture but I didn’t find myself confused or lost at any part. I thought it was really interesting reading about the Voni function. I’ve never heard about that before! Like when she couldn’t touch things or run around and play like the boys or others because she was on her period? 

Or the fact that she felt like her mother couldn’t touch her because she was on her period. Wow. Just wow. That made me so sad but I guess also when you grow up and you’re used to it it may not bother you. I don’t know. I can’t imagine not being able to just be free if I have my period or not. 

I want to talk about Radha for a moment. I think she was a shining star in this story. Her growth was enormous from the beginning to the end. Obviously she ages throughout the entire story but her personal growth is amazing! She gained so much confidence thanks to no one but herself. She had the backing of her friends but it was her own internal strength that shined every single time her parents made her feel less than. 

Her parents. Hm. They felt very familiar. I grew up with a single mom who still talks about my weight today. She used to come into my room and show me how to do different lunges because she said I had too much cellulite. Or smack food out of my hand if she thought I was too fat. She still comments about my weight today and I really hate her for that. So when her mother made a comment about her weight I FELT that. 

And the racism—yup. My mother is a racist too. I wish she could be open like her parents worked to be in the end. I really like that you didn’t make their change over night and you made it so subtle like, they weren’t really the main focus but they were a main topic, but Radha had so much going on and they’re pretty private anyway so she wouldn’t have known they were attempting to think differently and act differently. 

I love that it was so simple, a conversation of complete openness, between her and her parents that broke down all the walls in the end and let all of the feelings out and now they could heal and get along and really be together again. 

Oh! I also really enjoyed reading about Holi. I live in NYC so they do have a parade/festival but I’ve never been for it. It looks like fun though!!

All in all I think you did a wonderful job introducing us to a culture, a family, and original characters (which for me as someone who reads solely fanfic on the site is a really big feat!). 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 05 Sep 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Now he owned a trendy hair salon in Diagon Alley, having returned to his native soil only two years ago.

I’ll be honest when I saw the word count I felt worried about reading this. I myself have written master long chapters but now I can’t seem to focus on something for more than 3,000 words. But we will get through this! 

I’m actually excited to read the entire thing because I don’t think I’ve ever read a story about Marcus before. I’m ashamed to admit I had to think about who he was for a second. Haha! I love George though and I can accept him with most pairings so this will be an interesting read. 

Right off the bat I like the history you give behind Marcus and the fact that he has a different occupation than I would normally read. 

And you, friend gloompuck? You must be careful, you are almost visible this far from the jokeshop.” 

Luna is well, Luna. You have her characterization spot on. She doesn’t steal the show though. She’s just a breath of fresh air because there is a lot of text here. It’s not hard to keep track of but she helps with the flow of the chapter. 

It was too painful for him, as his entire life’s framework had been built for two and now there was a gap and only silence where Fred had fit. It was as though he expected Fred to come back at any moment, and was sitting guard over his life, willing it to stand still against that moment.

I really enjoyed this entire section above because you were able to give us an insight into George and everything he has been through without going in too deep. We understand he has lost his brother, his ear, he is in unimaginable pain and is a bit of a recluse but you don’t spend ages focusing on his grief. You sprinkle it in here and there so it is always present but it isn’t overpowering. 

The collection was quite eclectic, and Miss Kitty’s favourite piece depicted a lost dish towel that was snagged in a bramble.

LOVE the mention of Elvis. I’m impressed with all of your characters but I really adore Miss Kitty. She’s a funny little elf who means well and I just loved reading about her. 

Luna’s eagerness, and the sheer ridiculousness of Marcus Flint’s startling transformation made him throw his head and laugh like hadn’t done in years. Life was crazy like that, crazy and wonderful.

THAT ENDING THOUGH! While this story was long I couldn’t get enough. I think you have to really read it and pay attention in order to truly appreciate the artistry of this chapter. There were some sentences that molded together in such a way that you would think they weren’t important but actually were. You had little nuggets here and there, little movements and slight interactions that were so brief and yet so powerful. 

This was an enjoyable read, a pairing I normally wouldn’t think of, and I like that it was a slow-burn. Feelings and thoughts weren’t said outright so you had to read in-between the lines from the beginning to end but that worked. 

Thanks for requesting a review! Sorry it took me forever to get it done! 

Author's Response:

Thank you very much for taking the time to review The Spark! The pairing is rare enough that I don't think I've seen more than maybe one other story in a huge fandom, so it isn't like to get a lot of readership so the feedback is very much appreciated! 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 28 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: A Filch Story

Hey! Sorry this has been delayed. Here I am with your challenge entry review! Thanks so much for joining my silly challenge. 

But the ghosts of his past couldn't hold a candle to the poltergeist that plagued him day in and day out ever since he'd arrived.  It had made for a very long and tortuous three weeks. That left only one thousand, thirty-seven weeks to go. He was a man without a wand in a magical world. That alone was a heavy price to pay for existing at all.

I really loved everything about the above. You’re really turning Filch into a sympathetic character here. 

He made to remove his hat out of respect, before he realized that he wasn't wearing one.
This made me smile. Argus Filch, look at you, smitten. 

Argus found himself transported into the dream with her.  "We'd have the finest leather boots in the whole town that everyone would want a pair," he added, nodding.
First things first, I love Ella. She just sounds so kind and lovable she is the perfect mate for Filch. Second, I love that he feels comfortable enough to share his dreams with her. Oh and their new names they would give themselves so they could start a life and journey together. It’s such a cute idea. 

AW! My heart! I LOVED the ending. Argus didn’t exactly get the girl in the end but he was still content with his life and he was still making her her boots after all of these years. That was just so lovely and touching. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS WONDERFUL STORY FOR MY DEAR FILCH! 

Author's Response:

Hi Deeds!

What a fun challenge!  Thanks for giving me a cool idea to run with.  I'm glad you liked the ending.  It came out way more sentimental than I was comfortable with, but I just ran with it.

Ella was also smitten in her own way, but the wc limit didn't let me explore her as much as I might have if it had been longer.  Haha.  At least I can mark this thing COMPLETE.

Yay for complete fics!

Pix

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 3: The Carrows

Quodpot – Match 2 – Action/Adventure 

 

He had never been particularly noticeable.

 

Neville you’re breaking my heart! This entire story is about you. Of course you’re noticeable!

 

Neville sighed. His grandmother, Professor McGonagall, and now Professor Slughorn. 

 

 

Yes, yes, alright fine, I’ll admit Augusta Longbottom wasn’t so impressed with her grandson until his final year but Slughorn is a nuisance so who cares about him but McGonagall! I think she’s impressed by him. She cares about all of her students (except for maybe Draco Malfoy) but I think she has a soft spot for Neville.  I think she knows he’s a Gryffindor through and through and she cares and protects her own.  

 

Longbottoms didn't come out well from the Cruciatus Curse.

 

 

This is terrible. Absolutely terrible. I don’t think I would have been able to sit so calmly like that if I was Neville. After everything they did to his parents I surprised he didn’t break. Seriously, he could have gone either way and instead he decided to be strong. He doesn’t need Harry. I get that Harry is hope and their “leader” but they were all put in Gryffindor for a reason. They’re brave even if they all haven’t figured that out yet.

 

And you end the chapter with “where’s Harry when you need him?” Hm. I’m curious to see where it happens where Neville realizes that he doesn’t need Harry and starts to fight for himself and his friends. He already showed his bravery once by shouting when Seamus was being tortured but he’s not ready to do it again just yet. I do wonder how he sort of became their fearless leader so I can’t wait to read on to see the moment he fully transformed. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 2: The welcoming feast

Quodpot – Match 2 – Action/Adventure 

 

This story excites me so much. I’ve never read anything where Neville was the focus and explored his side of things at Hogwarts. When you break it down like this it is alarming there’s anyone left to attend Hogwarts. Obviously it was mandatory but so many people are in hiding, dead or on the run because they would be killed or tortured if they even showed up. Even though if you’re not a Slytherin and you’re there you’re more than likely going to be tortured. They were so brave to come back to Hogwarts. They didn’t have much of a choice but they were still very brave in my opinion.

 

He had a crush on Ginny but he knew it was never going to go anywhere! Mel, you’re breaking my heart. Poor Neville really didn’t have much confidence in himself, did he? He never got the girl. Didn’t have a big group of friends. Was never “in” on anything unless someone decided he needed to be. Man, he grew in such a short period of time!

 

He was still mulling that over his mind when "Worple, Ignatius" was sorted into Gryffindor, and the Headmaster stood up.

 

My heart jumped out of my chest because I thought Snape was about to whip out his wand and hurt this kid. I got so nervous! But of course in typical Snape fashion, he was just very abrupt and didn’t miss a beat.

 

I want to throw up at the idea of them training to become Death Eaters. Dumbledore must be rolling around in his grave. That’s completely despicable! Uh! His parents were Aurors and if they could they would be fighting and in the thick of things at that very moment. Ginny’s parents are too pure. To think their only daughter is going to be tortured and sitting in on classes where she’s going to learn to harm other people—and creatures. It’s just too much! How did McGonagall survive? Seriously? She is a strong woman.

 

I only ever read romance stories on the archives now or humor, rarely anything action/adventure so this is a great change of pace. I’m loving what you’re doing here and we’re only at chapter two. It’s nice to explore the secondary characters a bit more and to get inside their heads. I feel like I appreciate them more, especially Seamus, than I did before. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Journey into the unknown

Quodpot – Match 2 – Action/Adventure 

 

Mel! So first things first—Augusta Longbottom is one of my favorite characters (I feel like I say that a lot but it’s true)! I’ve only read the first section of this chapter so far but I really appreciate that you included her here sending Neville off. She was completely in character but I love that you added a hint of warmth to her like a grandmother should have. She’s worried but she’s not going to break down infront of everyone and she’s not going to cause a dramatic scene. Augusta is a proud, strong woman, and I bet it pains her to let him go during such a rough time but I think in the back of her mind she knows Neville can hold his own. Of course she doesn’t know the horrors to come but she worries and that’s enough for me. I was a little surprised at first that she thought Hogwarts was still a safe place but it makes sense because Hogwarts has alwaysbeen a safe haven. It has always been the safest place in their world so why should it be any differently now? It’s unfortunate that it’s going to be a completely different place with Dumbledore gone and Harry on the run. 

 

Seamus, who had just sat down, shot a look at her. "So good you dumped him?"

 

Isn’t it crazy that they can still act like teenagers? Seamus can make this jibe at Ginny even though they’re traveling to the unknown. They are on the brink of total war but he’s still going to defend his friend and take a shot at her when he can because they’re just teenagers! They’re kids and sometimes it’s hard to remember that with all the bad things that go on around them.

 

Neville is such a sweetheart I swear. It’s so sad to think he actually cared about Moody-the fake Moody—even though he tortured his parents. I understand the reasoning here but all it does is make me feel sad because has no one shown him kindness? Has he felt like a total outcast this entire time? Is he that lonely? That just hurts me to think of him in that type of way. I know he wasn’t Mr. Popular and was always on the outside looking in but I liked to think he was somewhat happy, right?

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Stolen Sweets

Quodpot – Match 1 – Friends to Lovers 

 

So can I just say your opening line was a little too relateable to me because that’s actually how my first kiss happened! I slipped and this boy was there—and he was totally older than me by the way—and I fell into his arms but he fell back too and my lips landed on his lips. It was completely mortifying and I remember running away because I never kissed anyone before and it wasn’t intentional at all! So this is actually super funny to me even though obviously she did mean to kiss her. Well, she wanted to kiss her but she probably wasn’t ready to kiss her or ready for what that could mean with their friendship.

 

Aw! They’re so awkward and yet completely comfortable around each other. I love that all of a sudden they’re talking about dating and kissing and it’s like—hello there’s this huge elephant in the room but let’s not talk about it just yet because I can’t—but by the way I haven’t kissed anyone since Ron, so, yeah.

 

I feel like she’s trying to send a message, “Am I a bad kisser? It has been awhile? What did you think?” Haha.

 

And then the only thing Parvati was aware of was her own heartbeat, the power of which was certain to knock her off her feet and take Lavender down with her. That couldn’t be normal. She should be worried about that, right?

 

 

Oh my! Oh my! I felt that. I really did. UH! I loved this story and the last line—how clever! This worked from beginning to end. I was convinced from the opening line and then it came back full circle in the end. This was written beautifully and was a joy to read. Thanks for writing it!  Lavendar and Parvati are two characters I tend to stay away from because I never give them a second thought but this—this made be a fan! 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: It was only a smile, but my heart it went wild

Quodpot – Match 1 – Friends to Lovers 

 

He was The Chosen One - and there were so many Death Eaters still at large that had to be tracked down and brought to justice. 

 

So I’m actually really glad you included this line because can we talk openly for a moment? I was surprised that Harry had a family and wife at the end of it all. I mean, okay, he grew up without his parents and everything so there was that yearning in his heart I’m sure but after everything he went through? The war? Losing more than a handful of people he cared for? I don’t know. I can see him as a Dad because that’s the only way I know him as now after all these years but at first I was like, really? Harry? I feel like he would be carrying “The Chosen One” around his entire life. He WOULD be a workaholic. He WOULD devote his entire life to nothing but the safety of everyone else because he wouldn’t want to lose anyone else again. 

 

The grin on Seamus’s face deepened, if that was at all possible, and revealed the most adorable dimple on his right cheek. 

 

I’m already in love. I’m already convinced of their love. My heart started beating rapidly in my chest when I read “dimple.” Harry doesn’t know it yet but Seamus is going to be the best thing that ever happened to him. I can already feel it! I’ve never read a story that pairs them together before and I love Dean/Seamus but this—this feels new and exciting! 

 

I love the way you introduced Seamus. You nailed his characterization. I wish I could write him but his accent is too difficult for him and his mannerisms are so inherently him I only ever mention him in passing. I may have to change that. 

 

AH! SEAMUS KISSED HIM! HOW BOLD. 

 

I love it already. Great job! 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: A Big Fight

Quodpot – Match 1 – Friends to Lovers 

 

 

Wave after wave of anguish wracked her body until she felt that she had no energy left. Forcing herself to inhale deeply, she slowly began the process of calming herself down.

 

 

Grrr….sorry if this review looks weird for some reason I’m having trouble changing the colors on word. 

 

 

Anywho! Hello, my Tart! I pulled out the above because I could feel Hermione’s anguish. The moment she fell to the ground I wanted to fall out of my chair and run to her and her hug. I never like reading about this part in their lives because this was such a tough moment for the trio. It could have literally broken their entire friendship and changed everything if Ron never came back. What if Ron had never come back? What if he had only shown up at the final battle and Hermione and Harry would have had to deal with everything on their own? I’m not sure if they would have made it—I mean they almost didn’t once he left but all the way? No, Ron wasn’t just their mascot, Ron held Hermione and Harry together. 

 

 

She pulled her legs to her chest, and leant up against the frame, allowing her head to rest against its rough wood. 

 

 

 

It’s so crazy to think of Hermione as a little girl. That’s how I picture her here, sitting there waiting, hoping, not wanting to accept reality. She has been through so much in her life and she is always the source of reason and for once reason isn’t what she needs. She just needs him to come back. She loves a boy. It’s that simple. To think she is in the middle of fighting a war and she’s a runaway but love is what’s breaking her down here. JKR really knew something when she was writing these books. Love does conquer all even when it hurts. 

 

 

I think you did a good job with this chapter. You explored Hermione’s feelings well and painted a picture so vivid I felt like I could see her before me. Uh, Ron bashing? Do we have too? I don’t know if I’m here for that! 

Author's Response:

Hey Deeds! 

 

Thank you for the lovely review. No worries on the formatting! 

 

It is weird to think of Hermione as a little girl since she always seems so mature in the series. Maturity doesn't mean she doesn't hurt or feel lonely though...and when Ron left I know she was definitely feeling it. 

 

I know. I know. I hate Ron bashing too. I'm going to try not to really bash him...but just sort of create an alternative world. It's tough though cause I definitely ship Ron/Hermione.

 

Thanks for the kind words! 

 

~Kaitlin

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 17 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: a little like this

Quodpot Review - Match 1 - Friends to Lovers 

 

I just want one year to worry about normal stuff. 

Okay, first I want to say before I get into the above line, that I love Dean and Seamus so I’m surprised I haven’t read this story before! Second, the above line makes me so sad! It’s not like it’s a serious moment or anything it’s just two close friends talking, having normal conversation, but it’s like UH why couldn’t they just have ONE year where they could be regular teenagers, you know? They all had to grow up so fast and lose their innocence. Even once Voldemort was defeated they weren’t going to get those years back or their innocence back. They could breathe easier but at 17/18 they lived lives of much older people. 

If you snog a girl as bad as you play football you’ll have them all running to Neville

Hey! Don’t knock Neville. He has other redeeming qualities. Besides, girls like bumbly nervous guys. 

“We could,” he finally stated. At Dean’s confused expression, he clarified. “We could practice together.”

BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW 

 “But it’s not like it’s the real thing. It’s practice for the real thing.”

JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER ALREADY. I CAN’T HANDLE THE SEXUAL TENSION 

“You want to do it right now?” Dean knew his best friend was bullheaded and didn’t think things through, but he felt like they should discuss it more. He told Seamus as much. “Don’t you think we should go to my room or something?” 

HAHAHA! This makes me laugh because people actually do this. I never did with my friends I think I would have been mortified if one of my girlfriends wanted to kiss cause I’m just so sexually closed off. Like, I get scared kissing my boyfriends even after we’ve dated a few years and now that I’m dating again I’m like “OH MY GOD I’M SO RUSTY, WHAT IF HE THINKS I’M A BAD KISSER?”

THANKS FOR PUTTING THE FEAR BACK IN MY HEAD HERE 


Also, Seamus has zero tact. 
Seamus had almost forgotten what hope could feel like.

AH! THIS WAS COMPLETELY AMAZING. So my heart totally dropped because Dean was dating Ginny but he didn’t even like her like that! It was actually a great bit to add to the story because we always saw how upset Dean was over their break-up but what if it was because really he was in love with Seamus and totally coming to terms with his feelings?

IT MAKES ABSOLUTE SENSE IN MY HEAD! I’M HERE FOR IT!

I love that they were both on the same page but it took them awhile to figure out their feelings and really get there. They didn’t jump to the gun too soon but I think after everything they’ve been through it’s good they realized there was no sense in waiting anymore or beating around the bush. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 16 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Kiss Me, My Prince

Quodpot - Match 3 

 

I’m on the bus and I probably shouldn’t be reading this story because I can’t stop chuckling out loud. This is too funny! I love Cedric here. I don’t read too many stories of him but his personality shines here even as a cat. 

 

I think this is an interesting and original concept. I don’t think it has ever been done before. From the beginning I knew this was going to be good because if you can’t trust your partner, who can you trust? He knew things were going to go South quickly. I was surprised that Katie could turn him into a cat. I had figured she’d turn him into a half cat-half man or something of the sort so it was a nice surprise to see he transformed! 

 

He sounds like such a cute little kitty and very into himself. 

 

Only his true love can turn him back?! What type of magic is this! As a transfiguration class you’d think mcgonagall would point out incantations to not say to prevent a predicament like this. 

 

Lolol Cedric in love with McGonagall? I would hope not. 

 

Ahhh!!! How cute!! I’m smiling weirdly on the bus now. Oliver finds kitty Cedric and that’s his love. I like that he transforms once he kisses him and it’s slightly awkward but Cedric brushes it off. Better to not face your feelings and go kill your transfiguration partner instead. I love that Oliver is not even phased by the transformation as if he knew all along and is just like “I like you.” If only life was that simple! 

 

This was such a cute and sweet story. I absolutely loved it from beginning to end. I think you nailed Cedric’s characterization and Oliver seemed like the sweet little Captain that I love. 

 

I kind of wish Cedric would have been able to kiss him back but I suppose we can’t get everything we want. 

 

 

I just realized Cedric squeezed his hand. Hahaha he really should have just gone for the kiss. That hand squeeze is rather awkward! 

Author's Response:

You know in my headcanon of him Cedric appears suave but he's really just an awkward little cinnamon roll, so really a cat works quite nicely don't you think? Haha. But seriously this possibly one of the nicest reviews that i've ever read and it just totally melted my heart. I feel totally bad for not having responded to it faster. I mean, I did go AWOL for like two years but that's still no excuse. Thank you for praising the concept and the characterization, I really appreciate it. 

Yup, he's awkward that Cedric. Maybe he should've just stayed a cat. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 15 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Masquerade

Quodpot Reveiw Match 3

After all, if I could get him that involved then I would have a decent chance of hanging on to him, particularly if we miscast the contraceptive charm and I ended up pregnant.

Jeez! I’ll be honest Mel, I didn’t think the story was going to be anything like this given your description. I thought I was going to learn about an entirely different Pansy but instead here was Pansy being Pansy. 

She’s kind of awful, isn’t she? I don’t want to say she’s 100% awful because I actually feel bad for her. I wonder if her parents actually put this pressure on her or if this is just something she’s concocted in her head that she has to be powerful and Draco is the way to get there. 

If she was really as smart as she seems to be you would think she would choose someone that wasn’t powerful and instead work to make them powerful because then she could be herself and she could control them. That’s what I would have done. 

She can’t control Draco. She also can’t stand him. Who wants to live a life like that? 

I actually admire how deceitful she is. It’s borderline ridiculous but smart so I can’t completely bash her here. Hoping to accidentally get pregnant? I can’t believe women actually do that but they do! Whenever I hear stories of women “forgetting” to use contraceptives and stealing it and…well…I don’t think I need to get into detail here but if she was a muggle woman going after someone with famous or money I could totally see Pansy turkey basting it!! The horror! 

I appreciated the part where it said Draco would be her undoing. She clearly doesn’t know how true that is because he hasn’t left yet for Voldemort and when he does come back he’s going to be completely different. This charade isn’t going to last any longer and Pansy Parkinson is either going to have to find someone else or be herself. 

Also, I kind of do believe that purebloods would have gone out and slept with Muggles just because. It would give them something to giggle about later. I don’t know why but when she kept mentioning the guy she slept with it didn’t even phase me because I believed it. 

Wonderful job here! While she’s not a redeemable character I found it quite interesting to get inside her head. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 15 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Somebody Else

Quodpot Reveiw Match 3

He got all the attention now. But as his wife laughed, so joyful, so full of love, he found himself smiling with her.

He didn’t tell her it was the other way around.

Above were my two favorite parts. There were more lines but I’m afraid my boss is going to walk into my office any minute. 

This story was short but sweet. I love their love! Lucius and Narcissi are actually one of my favorite pairings because they’re extremely versatile characters. They’re Death Eaters that actually know what it’s like to feel love so you can mold them in so many different ways but still keep them in character. You absolutely did that here! 

I loved the beginning because it showed how much Lucius cared for his wife and child. It showed the shift that happens in the relationship when a child is born. You love your partner but you love the little person you created more. You could see that with Narcissa and in the very end with Lucius. 

I do believe they would have been a loving family even though the Lucius we know is very cold. I think he would have been harder on Draco as he grew up because he needed to mold him a certain way but I see him like this when his son is little, carefree, loving and open. 

Even though we have little interaction with Narcissa ourselves you can see she loves him as well. I think it was a great idea to show them in a private setting, in their own bubble, as Draco tried to walk. It’s just a very parental moment, one that you never get back, and I’m glad they experienced it together.

This was honestly very lovely! I’m so glad you wrote it and shared it with us. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 15 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: The Butterbeer Brigade

Quodpot Reveiw Match 3

Why he’d made it due on a Thursday, she couldn’t imagine. Perhaps the Nargles had hidden his lesson planner. 

He made it due on a Thursday because he’s a big old grump. Ha-ha! I’m loving this story so far. It’s just fun. I feel so airy reading it and being inside Luna’s head. 

I know it’s not as nice as this one I have, but I didn’t have enough time. 

I love that you know Luna is being completely sincere here. 

“You won’t allow it?” Ron asked incredulously. “Yeah, well, you’re not my mum, Hermione!”

The entire interaction between Ron and Hermione was gold. While it was short you really got to know who they are as characters. 

I thought your characterization was spot on here. Obviously Luna was the shining star but I enjoyed the introduction of Neville and how nervous he got when he thought the Nargles were going to steal his homework! And Ginny’s went missing! Silly Nargles. 

This story was fun to read because it was so lighthearted. I appreciate that you kept it light and showed all of the characters we have grown to love in a fun setting. They never get to have any fun! Why shouldn’t they break the rules a bit?

I didn’t think Snape would find them out but I did think Filch was going to make an appearance. I thought he would pop up as Ron tried to get Mrs. Norris to drink the butterbeer. I’m glad that didn’t happen to the poor kitty (even though she’s mean) but getting detention was still a downer-but totally worth it in my opinion! 

I also love the mention of SPEW. When SPEW is in a story you know it’s going to be good. Haha-wonderful job! 

Author's Response: This is definitely a fluff piece, and I'm glad you enjoyed the characters having fun! The entire HP series has a lot of serious and heavy moments and themes, but not every fanfic about it has to be that way too. The characters had to have more lighthearted moments to develop their friendships...and there are so many aspects to the world that are just fun and quirky. Luna obviously brings a bit more quirk to a story than many other characters. I think it's tough to write her, because it's easy to go overboard with zaniness or else to lose it too much. I wanted her to have some glimpses of self-awareness of how others see her (like knowing people may not believe her about the Nargles but not caring tooooo much because they'd still be helping out even if they just thought it was fun, or like suggesting people put the corks in their pockets instead) but still be unshaken in her beliefs (such as believing in the Nargles or thinking people a big reason people didn't like the corks because she didn't have time to make pretty necklaces). I especially appreciate your comments on characterization. I picture the characters a certain way, but it can be hard to get the feel of them from my head onto paper. Thank you for reviewing!

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 15 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Daring to dream

Quodpot Reveiw Match 3

Why couldn’t Ron just do what he was supposed to do and leave it at that? Why did he have to be such a troublemaker?


Oddly enough Percy is one of my favorite characters. Less canon Percy and more my head canon Percy but he holds a special place in my heart so I’m excited to read this story. I think many people focus on Percy after the war or the moment of Fred’s death because this is essentially when he “redeemed” himself. Otherwise he’s not really thought of. 

I’m guilty of that because I never considered how he would have felt with Ron and his shenanigans or even the rest of his brothers. He is a strict rule follower so I could understand him being disappointed and upset but I always wonder—did he ever feel left out? 

Really, the fact that he needed to do that was inexcusable. He hadn’t needed such a prompt when he was a fifth-year.

I know I shouldn’t but I love his arrogance. The nudge, the eyeroll, the overall annoyance because things aren’t going as they should. You hit his characterization perfectly and that’s what makes Percy funny in my eyes. He thinks he’s so perfect there’s really no other definition in his head of himself. 

She could have anyone.

Penny! She might be beautiful but she also sounds like a total buzzkill-their perfect for each other! 

Even if you can’t see what a catch you are, I certainly can. And we might as well make use of some of these secret passages while we can, don’t you think?”

Aw! I love this! As someone who recently started dating again after a two year hiatus (that’s what we’ll call it lol) this completely warmed my heart. I loved their interactions and the fact that they were both nervous. They should be! Their both complete catches but I doubt anyone else was giving them the time of day, which is completely fine! What I love about Penelope was that she seems completely sincere. That’s the kind of girl Percy needs in his life. 

I also love the fact that he broke the rules just a teeny tiny bit and was willing to show her the secret passageways. He is a Weasley after all, he has that little spark inside of him that the rest of his family has. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 15 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Together, Apart...

Quodpot Reveiw Match 3

At first I thought one of them was dead so I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to read that kind of story but to read that Ron and Hermione are no longer together is probably ten times worse. 

The first thing that jumped out to me was this: 

The times when mum and dad would sit down together with us, read us stories, eat a meal, anything ... together. It was the little things that would make us happy, the things we did together ... as a family, a family that is now pulled apart.
My father recently passed away and I wish I could go back to those times, you know, when everything was simplerer? When I could still hear his voice. He wasn’t my biological father because that man never wanted to be in my life but he was there for my sisters for many years. And I know she feels like that, like it was her fault our parents got divorced and she has never been able to fully get over it so my heart fell when I read the above portion. It’s relatable. All kids blame themselves, don’t they? Even if it’s obvious it’s not their fault. 

I was hoping you would tell us why they aren’t together anymore. They’re fighting, I got that part, but it just doesn’t seem like very Ron or Hermione to end things because they aren’t getting along. Maybe not knowing what happened between them is better because I don’t want to think it was about cheating or loss of love. 

At least Rose and Hugo have felt their love and have experienced such happy holidays. I like that you included Christmas because that’s always the holiday where family get together, no matter the good or bad things that are going on, you can’t be mad at Christmastime. 

I think you did a good job describing the Christmas scene, exploring the different emotions and then jumping it back to the present day where it’s now somber in a house that was once filled with laughter. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 14 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: From Dobby

'quodpot - match 1 - friends to lovers’

He was beginning to feel as though he had enough for himself, and that left him wondering if perhaps that meant he had accumulated enough to start caring for another. 

Okay, first things first, love Jane Austen. I used to have a phone case with the first line and people would make fun of me all the time. Also, why does it fit so well for Dobby! I could totally see him wanting a wife after being free and galavanting around. Just the idea of Dobby in love makes my heart swell. 

Socks just no longer held quite the same appeal anymore. 

Awe! Who cares about socks when you’re in love! Forget the socks Dobby, go on and get your girl! I’m literally beaming behind my computer screen because this is the cutest thing I’ve ever read and I’m not even half-way done yet. 

And he compares her to the mannequin! I love it. I absolutely love it. 

Now her front was stained with dirt instead of butterbeer. It was good to see her happy again.

Dobby would be the one to help her find her happiness! Kudos to him, the strongest house elf to have ever lived, spreading love and cheer everywhere. 

And he made lots more gold than he needed anyways. Maybe, even, she could stay home! In a home! They could maybe have a home!

Oh! How could you do this to me! I have tears in my eyes. I feel so horrible for Dobby. He was the little elf that could and he met such an untimely death! Poor Dobby, all he wanted was to be with Winky but he put his life on the line. 

I love the mention of tradition and how they would get together, the little detail of her tiny wrist and the blue ribbon really painted a picture in my head. I also enjoyed his interaction with Dumbledore, who was in character, and was generous as always. I thought it was sweet that Dobby felt comfortable enough to open up to him and Dumbledore treated him as an equal and offered to help him out. 

I just love the love here in the entire chapter even though we never once see Winky. Just the way Dobby talks and thinks about her I could feel her everywhere in the chapter. This was SO wonderful! Thank you so much for writing this!

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 14 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

'quodpot - match 1 - friends to lovers’

Suddenly, his choice to wear a tie felt stupid, like something an old man might do.

Ah! Harry’s first date in years—I love it! I can already tell this story is going to be relatable because I just went on my first date in years on Sunday. The nerves! I couldn’t believe it. I was shaking in my car just like him and changed five times.

I regret my outfit choice though.

We can’t win all the time, can we?

"No. No. It's not that. It's just...well...it's been a long time since I've been out on a date. I'm not really sure how these things go anymore if I'm being honest.”


Ha! I am Harry! I said the same thing and acted the same way. First dates are the worst.

I love that Seamus tries to reassure him that it’s okay and he feels the same way.

"Only when I have a hot date with a lad as stunning as you," Seamus shot back with a wink.

OO-HOO! Seamus, who knew you were quite the flirtatious stud.

One would think so, but I've always found the prospect of romantic interactions a bit terrifying.

This is so true for Harry. With a man or woman I think he would have immense trouble with dating. I think he lacks a certain confidence, which would surprise many people because they think “Hey, he defeated the Dark Lord,” but when it comes to love (or just general emotional feelings) Harry isn’t that open. He isn’t confident. He isn’t sure of himself. So for him to be afraid but to take a leap of faith is great, and also in character for him, because Harry is willing to take a chance and fall. The good thing is he rarely falls and if he does he always picks himself back up again (or his friends do).

I’m glad their date went well. Seamus/Harry isn’t a pairing I would normally read so I like this as an introduction to them. It was short, simple and sweet.

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 14 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 1: Pine-fresh

'quodpot - match 1 - friends to lovers’

he was supposed to be brave, chivalrous, and everything else associated with the lions. He didn't feel particularly courageous just now. But then again, he rarely did.

Hi, Mel! Excited to read this story. So, the line “he rarely did,” made my heart fall. Poor Remus, if it wasn’t for his friends I wonder where he would have ended up. It was thanks to them that he was able to live a somewhat normal life even though that normalcy ended very quickly when Lily/James were murdered.

It’s unfortunate he doesn’t think he’s brave because he is. You have to be brave to go to Hogwarts with his condition and you have to be brave in order to keep the secret close to your heart. He exudes bravery every single day and I wish he knew that.

James - happy, loved, perfect James - would never understand.

Ah, again feel bad for Remus here, his friends understand him but he’s too afraid for them to know his truth. What are friends for then if you can’t open up to them and trust them with your deepest secrets and fears?

Finally they broke apart and just looked at each other breathlessly. This was why they put up with the secrecy, the sneaking around, Remus knew. This was worth anything. This was worth everything.

Even though this story was short, what, a mere 700 words, I still felt a whirlwind of emotions. I knew from the description and pairing that he would be meeting Sirius. Once Sirius appeared I felt like the entire story shifted. Everything just felt lighter. Remus felt lighter. Even though he was nervous and he was afraid I could just feel their deep connection the moment he saw him in his dressing gown.

I agree Sirius’ parents would have been furious and probably would have disowned him (again if possible) if they knew what their son was up too. It’s so unfortunate because why can’t love just be love? It’s sad that they won’t even tell James because I feel like he would understand but then again—would he? In all honesty I would love to know what you think because during their time it would have been frowned upon. I know realistically James should be okay with it because he can accept Remus as a werewolf but this is different here, everyone has their own beliefs and though these are his best friends, what if it would have made him uncomfortable?

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 14: Long Stories

"Bloody hell! What makes you think you get to check my sister over?" Ron demanded, sitting up straighter in his chair.

How you know Ron is okay. HAHA!

Kreacher stood at the entrance of the drawing room, holding her wand and Ron's in his long, bony fingers. The old elf tapped his foot lightly on the floor as he spoke. "Master told you no.” 

Damn, does he live to serve or what! You go, Kreacher! Great addition! 

Then he bowed until his nose touched the floor. "Kreacher lives to serve.” 

THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE. I LOVE KREACHER. He’s a freakin’ awesome house elf. Man, I wish Dobby was alive. I would’ve loved to see them banter. 

Naturally, you were expected to deliver a first rate toast at the wedding reception as well as tipping the caterers. Buying a magical child their first broom is, of course, an honor reserved for the parents, but certainly the cleaning kit-“

The grandfather is hands down the best characterization you have come up with this entire story. I am in love with him. I am in love with Kreacher. There’s a lot of love on this end of my computer screen. 

If Ron and Hermione are having sex soon I’m not sure I can handle it. The second hand embarrassment is too much for me. 

Both relationships have gone through the wringer in such a short amount of time. It’s crazy to think Lily and James went through the same thing. They had similar experiences. They were in a war. They did fight Voldemort to the death. That’s why they got married so young. Their relationship didn’t have time to progress slowly even though it took them years to get together. Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny have years to get to know each other on an intimate level but everything has been so rushed because the way I see it that’s how their entire life so far has been. None of them know how to take it slow. Even though that’s what Hermione initially wanted and yes you can say it’s because of their hormones but I think it’s a little bit more than that. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 13: Saying Goodbye

I really don't want to review this chapter. So I'm going to focus on one line and one line only. 

 

"How long has it been since we were really happy?"

 

This entire chapter was depressing and I wanted to be over with it as quickly as possible. I'm not trying to knock your writing or anything. It was well written and deeply emotional, that's why I want to skip past this. I don't want to think about the pain they all went through and they are still going to go through. The above line jumped out to me because if you have to ask how long ago it was since you were happy...well, that says a lot about everything they've been through. Horrible, just horrible. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 12: Deeper Understanding

"Why do girls put up with it? I mean, the shoes alone…"

You know what, kudos to Ron here, who is all about the comfy factor. Hermione is lucky her future husband will never expect her to wear heels. Though I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing her in a pair of heels and nothing else. 

Ginny was completely overwhelmed. Her jaw fell open as her eyes scanned up and down the length of it, trying to discern any sort of pattern that might help her decide where to begin.

Haha, this was how I felt the first time I ever walked into Victoria Secret. Scary, that place is, I tell ya. 

"Barely!" Hermione hissed, looking up and down the aisle to make sure nobody was coming. "What is your mother going to say?”

Please, please, please don’t bring Molly into her sex life. I don’t think I can handle a sex talk. I’ve written two of those stories already but a serious talking with Molly is not something I could handle. I feel like I would be mildly ashamed of myself after reading that one. 

"You know I'm going to feel all weird now, right? Like Sirius is watching Ron and I when we're alone together.”

I should NOT be reading this at work. I keep laughing out loud. What a threesome. 

"given the depth of your apparent knowledge, I would even go so far as to recommend it." Harry nodded, looking somewhat embarrassed.

You know I have never thought about Harry’s money. What was in his vaults? How much money did he inherit? Obviously he’s well off but man! I never would have broken it down like that. We clearly don’t know the exact number of his fortune from JK Rowling but your numbers aren’t farfetched. He could do so many things with that money and properties! He has properties! It all makes sense. 

Dear Harry,  I packed up what I could from your folks place in Godric's Hollow. There weren't much left, but I thought you'd want it someday. Still don't seem real that they're gone. I only just dropped you off with Dumbledore and I already miss you. Can't wait to meet you proper someday.  Your friend, Hagrid

My heart weeps. Such a Hargid think to do. 

"I'll just give Ginny five Galleons," Harry volunteered. Euphemia seemed grateful to see the whole line of conversation derailed. "That should settle it, yeah?”

DAN! DAN! Will you stop it already?! You’re an amazing writer. Everything about this entire chapter was just so good. I loved the introduction of his grandparents. He finally gets to interact with his family even though it’s just their portrait. His grandfather is a riot. 

And Ginny is lovely. Really, she is. The way he trusts her and is willing to be emotional and raw with her is wonderful. Harry found his person. I’m so glad. 

I actually don’t look at Pottermore so I don’t know about all of the new things JKR has revealed so thanks for including that in here. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 11: Raising the Stakes

"He keeps coming back," Harry whispered between shallow breaths. "Every night he comes back. It never stops.”

Uh, my heart breaks for him. This is something he’s going to have to deal with for the rest of his life. It’s such a shame. 

Ragnok smiled, baring his pointed teeth. "Strictly business, Mr. Potter. Gold has no feelings." Then he exited the room.

For some reason this line made me laugh. It really all is business, isn’t it? Harry makes everything so personal so I liked the fact that he didn’t feel like he owed Griphook anything. Obviously his response was an emotional one saving him but then he put his foot down and stuck to his guns. 

Sorry this review is so short but back to work I go! Another excellent chapter from my favorite writer. Can’t wait to see what happens next. 

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 10: Naughty, Naughty

Was she really so insecure that she was comparing herself to her deceased former roommate?

Girl, I am that insecure too, no judgements here. 

The idea of fumbling through her intimate moments with Ron, learning by trial and error, didn't sit well with her. 

You and me both sister. I get that guys are sometimes nervous too. Mainly because they don’t want the girl to be like “eh, that was okay” or think they’re bad in bed or heaven forbid you think they’re “small.” But for girls there’s so many other thoughts that go through our heads it’s a miracle we actually sleep with any men. I’m actually nervous for her and I’m not quite sure what’s going to happen. Will they have sex? I feel like it’s such an intimate thing to read and I am invading her privacy, which is crazy obviously but still. 

Why should she feel embarrassed about acknowledging the fact that Harry had an orgasm?

I’m embarrassed about her acknowledging the fact that Harry had an orgasm. 

How odd. 

What an odd thing to think about. 

Maybe Ginny was some sort of sexual prodigy. 

HAHA. SEXUAL PRODIGY. 

HAHAHA. 

HAHAHA. 

I've decided that we should become sexually active. Within reasonable limits, of course.”

I’m having flashbacks to when I was seventeen and…why…why…why….WHY….WHYYYYY

Could this conversation get any worse?

Yes and I’ve had it numerous times so I KNOW. 

"I mean, if we want to be technical about it, my knee is below my waist and you're fine to touch that.”

You’re killing me. This is awkwardly hilarious. 

Her eyes snapped open and she found him looking back at her fearfully. 

To be a virgin again!

All she could think of was a movie she watched on the telly with her father where a muggle boy learned karate by waxing a car. 
HAHA. WAX ON, WAX OFF 

"Naughty! Naughty!" was all he managed to cry out between gasping breaths.

SO MUCH RESTRAINT TO NOT LAUGH OUT LOUD. This is NSFW! 

"We'll give poor Kreacher a heart attack," Harry replied with a lopsided grin.

OH MY GOD, I CAN IMAGINE KREACHER’S RESPONSE TO SEEING THEM NAKED. 

IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. 

HE’S SO SALTY. 

"He's totally clueless and he thinks my boobs are Quaffles and his thing is ticklish-“

Dan, stop. Please, stop. 

""I don't know what you're doing," Ron admitted, his own voice sounding a bit shaky, "but it's brilliant so far.”

I love him. He’s just so…Ron. I want to squish you. You go on with that encouragement! 

I loved this chapter from beginning to end! You’re quite the comedic genius. Sex is such an awkward conversation and an intimate act I’m really glad you didn’t make them “sexual prodigies.” Sex is never perfect, sometimes it’s awful, sometimes it’s messy, even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you learn what they like but still there’s boredom and well…other things to consider. Anyway, I’m glad this awkward and innocent. 

I felt so bad for Ginny having to talk to Hermione about her brothers sex life. If he knew I think Ron would die. He would also be peeved the code name they used was Viktor. HAHA! 

Author's Response:

Hi, Deeds!

 

Of all the chapters so far, this was 100% the most fun to write. I'm sure it's pretty obvious that I enjoyed myself far too much.

 

There are so many pitfalls for both parties to a sexual encounter to navigate, but you're absolutely correct that women's challenges don't get nearly as much emphasis as men's. 

 

You are correct. Ginny is no sexual prodigy. She just has a more casual attitude about things, which can easily be mistaken for talent and confidence.

 

All of that dialog just sort of rolled off of my fingertips and onto the screen. It was shockingly easy, once I got into the right mindset. Which was, of course, a completely goofy mindset.

 

I'm sure Kreacher would have had something very dry and hilarious to say. But what? I may need to figure this out...

 

There is no way that anyone could realistically make any of these characters "sexual prodigies" unless it involved some sort of magical possession by the ghost of Sirius Black. Which might also make a great story. Time will tell.

 

Thank you for enjoying this chapter with me, and letting me know all about it!

-Dan

Reviewer: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Signed
Date: 07 Aug 2018 · Title: Chapter 9: The Heart's Desire

So it was hard to fathom how he had managed to miss out on Chinese food for so long.

I know this isn’t how it works but can I just give you an award for best humor already? Seriously, you come up with such great lines here and there and some of them honestly shouldn’t be funny but they come off that way so it works. 

…And now I want Chinese food! 

"I understand this is a mutual decision, Ron, and I'm not trying to tell you how things have to be. I just hope it's alright with you if we take it slowly?"

Uh, Dan, I dislike you so much right now because of course I am just like Hermione so this is entirely relatable. I’m going on a first date for the first time in nearly four years. I haven’t been on an actual date for two years and I am so nervous and this is the conversation that racks through my brain because I am a dweeb and much older than them obviously and yet just as nervous as Hermione. 

"I understand this is a mutual decision, Ron, and I'm not trying to tell you how things have to be. I just hope it's alright with you if we take it slowly?”

SO AWKWARD. 

"Blimey, Hermione," Ron cried. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. She waited patiently for his answer. "Yes, I touched her bum.”

SO AWKWRD. SO INCREDIBLY AWKWARD. RON, ABORT, ABORT, EAT SOMETHING, LOOK AWAY. DON’T ANSWER ANY MORE QUESTIONS. IT’S A TRAP. 

Uh, I keep getting interrupted because I’m at work and I’m supposed to be working. So I got lost in the chapter and forgot all about the rest of my review. I don’t think I’m emotionally ready for the funeral so I think I’ll have to stop reading for a bit. I do want to say one thing I love how easily the conversation flows. Obviously i know it’s hard to write a chapter and even harder to write dialogue because sometimes you’re not sure what the character is going to say but I think your dialogue is seamless. It’s never too long of a conversation, gets to the point at the right time and then you add a little bit of humor when it starts to get too heavy. I appreciate that. 

Author's Response:

Ha! Isn't work a pain in the butt?

 

Trust me, I'm not going to let up on the awkward Ron/Hermione sex-adjacent dialog anytime soon. It's just too much fun to write.

 

Yeah, Hermione puts Ron through the ringer in that conversation. Poor guy.

 

Very glad that you're enjoying the story! Thanks for the review!

-Dan