TreacleTart [Contact]
17 Oct 2016

Former Staffer - World Traveler - Scuba Diver - All Around Hyper-Competitive Person


FROGS 2019 - Best Friendship - The Next Great Adventure

FROGs 2017 - Most Versatile Author


Currently working on:

The Next Great Adventure - currently posting

Isabella - currently posting


[Report This]

Stories by TreacleTart [137]
Series by TreacleTart [4]
Favorite Series [0]
TreacleTart's Favorites [0]
Reviews by TreacleTart

Embracing Death by Alexis Black

Rated: Mature Audiences • 8 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star

Gorgeous banner by katharos @TDA

Hermione Granger is given one chance to prevent a horrifying future in which Voldemort won the war.

Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed
Date: 08 Dec 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey Alexis! 


I'm here to drop off a holiday gift  for the Keep Away From The Nifflers thread on the behalf of Rumpelstiltskin. I know this seems like an odd choice for holiday reading, but I do really enjoy dark stories and this one looks promising. 


Wow. This is some really dark stuff. I don't know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. Hermione has basically seduced the Dark Lord while inhabiting the comatose body of another student named Lillith. Harry is dead. Ron was tortured to death. Ginny was raped and tortured to death. Hermione herself was also raped and tortured. Some very dark stuff indeed.


I really liked the bit about Snape still being alive. I too thought it was odd that Snape wouldn't carry an anti-venom when he's a potions master, especially considering he knows about Nagini and that he may eventually become her victim. As for the physical injuries, a few quickly placed healing spells should help him. 


It really gave me the creeps reading about Hermione having a physical interaction with Tom. I mean I know why she's doing it, but it's still kind of nauseating. I imagine it must've been quite difficult for her. 


The end is very satisfying though. I love that she physically murders him instead of just casting a spell. I bet after everything she's gone through, the idea of jabbing those spikes through his neck was what kept her hanging on. 


Good work! Happy holidays to you! 




Rated: Reviews
Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey Kayla! 


How did I never come over here and review this?! For as many times as I read this during editing, I should've definitely come and left my comments on the finished product. Forgive me for my negligence. 


You already know that I love how you write Sirius and James. In general, I really feel like you've got the Marauders pegged so well. You know what makes them really come to life! This story is no different. Sirius in this definitely seems a little bit less moody than he does in some of your other pieces, but there is still that dark edge bubbling with him. I mean he's just found out that his little brother is dead and if that doesn't thrust someone into angst and anger, I don't know what does. 


I love the concept of James and Sirius working for the Aurors. I think they'd both be excellent at it and would be driven for different reasons to excel in that particular career path. For Sirius, I imagine it would be an extension of his school years and his need to prove that he's nothing like his family. 


I'm really interested to see what path Regulus' death sets Srius onto. I mean I imagine he'll want to know how and why his brother died. Considering that Regulus always followed along with the family line, it must be hard for Sirius to imagine him being killed by Voldemort himself. 


I'm certainly intrigued about where this is going and I"m off to read more chapters right this very moment! 


Lots of love, 


Author's Response:

Hey Kaitlin!


I'm not sure whether you'll see this belated response, seeing as you're off living your best life, but I'm gonna go ahead and respond anyway!


You sure know the way to my heart (Marauders compliments <3)! Sirius is only a little less moody than usual in this ;) His moodiness will definitely fluctuate over the course of the story.


I definitely imagine part of Sirius's motivation to be continuing to prove that he's not like his family, although I don't imagine that to be his only motivation (there's a healthy dose of wanting to stop Voldemort just because he's obviously reprehensible in there).


I'm so happy that you enjoyed the first chapter and were intrigued by it. Sorry for responding to this so late, but thank you very much for the lovely review <3



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Hello again! 


Back to review another excellent chapter! 


I love Sirius and Remus in this chapter. They are just so adorable together. I love all the little details that you put into their relationship. I appreciate how Remus has a job at a shitty bookstore to make a bit of money even though Sirius can easily support them both. That is so like Remus. 


I also love how when Dumbledore tries to talk to Sirius in private, he ends up having to speak with all of the Marauders. That's exactly  how I imagine them as well. I like too that you didn't exclude Peter. So many people go the route of writing Peter as vengeful or excluded, but based on canon, we know that he was as much a friend to them as any of the others. 


I'm really nervous about Sirius going undercover. I worry that the assignment would be really bad for his mental health, however, I can understand that it might provide the catharsis that he needs in regards to his brother's death. Plus, he might actually get some answers that way. Ugh. 


This also makes me nervous that you're preparing to torture poor Sirius in the next few chapters. Please, don't hurt him anymore. I'm not sure my heart could take it. 


Another great chapter and I'm on to chapter 3 now! 




Author's Response:

Hello :D


Writing Sirius and Remus in this has been fun but challenging! I've never really written them like this before (in an established relationship, rather than one that's just starting or is falling apart or has already ended). So it's super good to hear that you enjoyed them in this chapter.


Hahaha, I definitely imagine the Marauders being like that in general, so it would only be heightened by them feeling protective over Sirius right now.


Kaitlin, you know me - I'm always preparing to torture poor Sirius ;) That's like my permanent state of being. But I won't say any more than that... you'll have to wait and see what happens!


Thanks for reading, I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter <3



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Hello again! 


Back for the third enstallment of The Department! If you can't tell by my previous reviews, I absolutely adore this story! I think you've created such a believable story here. 


Sirius' reaction to all of this is honestly perfect. I totally get how he's feeling. I'm the same way. When something bad happens, I generally prefer to distract myself with work as well. Something about having tasks to focus on makes it easier to compartimentalize everything else.


I think it's sweet that Remus cares so much, but I can see why Sirius feels uncomfortable. Not everyone needs or wants to talk things through immediately. Sometimes it takes awhile to process feelings before one is able to adequately express them. Aside from that Sirius seems the type to sort of just bottle everything up and hope it doesn't explode. 


I did think Sirius' boss was sort of a royal jerk. Not even a shred of sympathy or understanding for the fact that Sirius found out in a shocking way that his brother has been murdered. I mean I understand him not wanting Sirius to get himself in trouble or harass other employees, but he could try for just a bit of compassion. 


All in all, I really like where this is heading so far! I'm off to read chapter 4 now! 




Author's Response:



Awww <3 I'm so happy that you like this story!


I think it's definitely more common than people think to just react to shock/grief by wanting to stay as busy as possible. I do imagine Sirius like that, but I definitely do imagine him to be the type to bottle things up dangerously.


Yeah, Sirius's boss is kind of a jerk, huh? I guess it wouldn't be that uncommon for Aurors to lose people or to be dealing with death and he's gotten kind of brusque about it. But really, Sirius is really young and his even younger brother was just killed, so he probably could've been a little bit nicer.


Thanks for the review, Kaitlin!! Hugs <3



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Hey Kayla! 


Back for the 4th and final review (or at least until you post more chapters). Here you go being mean to poor Remus and Sirius again. Why can't they just love each other and be happy? My heart broke just a little bit at the end there. Remus is trying to be a good boyfriend and Sirius is shutting him out. I mean I understand not necessarily wanting to hash everything out, but at this point, Sirius isn't communicating at all. 


It's interesting about Breckinridge. It does sound pretty likely that he would be under the imperius curse. Either that or the Death Eaters have threatened someone he cares about...and that has made him distracted and sloppy. Pressure can certainly do that to someone. I'll be curious to see what ends up happening with that! 


I really enjoy how you write the interactions between all of the Marauders. You are such a natural with all of them. I'll admit that when James invited them all over, I totally thought he was gonna announce that Lily was pregnant, so nice surprise when it turned out to be work related.


I do hope that Remus and Sirius manage to reconcile a bit in upcoming chapters. I don't know if I can take much more of heartbroken Remus. 


Hope you update soon! 




Author's Response:

Hahaha, you know me! I'm always terrible to Remus and Sirius, it's basically my hobby ;D


It's great that you seem to be intrigued about Breckenridge and coming up with theories about what's going on. I was worried that it would seem like James is imagining things, or something? Idk. But yeah, that makes me happy!


Unfortunately I did not update soon after this :'D But I did update eventually, lol!


Thanks for reading and for the lovely review <3



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 13 Aug 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Hey Kayla,


Just Dropping by to catch up on your story and leave you a review for Quodpot Match 3 since this chapter has no reviews yet!


Well Sirius always was a hothead. This seems very fitting with his character. The impulsive desire to find a student, him going to Dumbledore, visiting Grimmuald Place. None of it is very well thought out. He needs to stop and settle down a bit before he gets someone hurt.


Im glad that James at least tries to stop Sirius. He’s right. Getting a child killed possibly will not bring Regulus back and will only really confirm things they already know.


To be honest, I’m surprised Walburga talked to Sirius at all. I guess in her grief she must’ve taken a moment to register her hatred and rage. You’d think Regulus’ death might be bonded the two of them. Instead it just solidified the wall of differences between them. The attack was pretty horrific. I’m glad that Sirius was able to get his wand back.


I’m glad that Remus saw Sirius breakdown at the end. I hope he will get Sirius some help.


Good chapter! I’m off to the next one now.



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed
Date: 13 Aug 2018 Story: Chapter: Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Hello again!


Back for another Quodpot Match 3 review because somehow this chapter has zero reviews.


Let me start by saying I’m so glad that Sirius and Remus are good. I think Sirius really needs him right now. With all the messed up spiraling around him, he needs the stability of Remus’ love.


I wonder who was following James and Lily. That’s definitely worrisome that order members are being tailed.


I like that Sirius is so interested in child welfare laws. I think he and Regulus were both failed by the system. Officials at school or in the government should’ve helped them. Seems a lot like the CPS system in the real world.


I’m curious if Dumbledore is going to question James about the “recipe” Sirius just handed him. Clearly, they aren’t trading secrets about quiches. Surely, he’ll be suspicious of that behavior.


I’m curious to see what direction you go with this. I like the way it’s building up so far, but I see a couple of different ways it could go. Will Sirius continue to seek out this kid and find a youth who is being subjected to abuse? Will he pursue changes in the child protective system? Will he find answers about Regulus? Hurry up and post more soon.



Saving Severus Snape by MegGonagall

Rated: Mature Audiences • 173 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Past Featured Story


Perfect Banner by LightLeviosa5443@tda :)

Hermione's Plan: Travel back in time and show Severus Snape that he does have life worth fighting for.

Not Hermione's Plan: Fall in love with him.



**2017 FROGS WINNER for Best Novel**

**2019 FROGS WINNER for Best Long-Form Romance (Hermione/Snape)**

HPFT Slytherin's My Father Will Hear About These Awards:

2017 WINNER for Best Chaptered Fic

2018 WINNER for Most Hypnotizing Fic (Most addicting)

2019 WINNER for Most Careful Handling of a Snake (Severus Snape)

HPFT Slytherin Story of the Month - July 2016

HPFT Featured Story - December 2016

HPFF 2017 Dobby Winner for Best AU


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: i.

*transferred review*

Hi Meg,

So I wasn't sure if we were swapping more than one chapter or not, but on the off chance that we are, here I am! 

To start, I really liked your characterization of Hermione. She is always the overly analytical of the three, so it would make sense that she would still be up thinking while Ron and Harry were sleeping. The only thing that I found a touch odd was how she was so fixiated on Snape almost immediately. I find it a touch unrealistic that his death would bother her more than Fred, Lupin, or Tonks. That's not to say she wouldn't have compassion for him because I really believe she would. 

The mysterious letter and time turner that Dumbledore left for her was intriguing. You built a nice bit of suspense with it. It would figure that Dumbledore would do something like this since he pretty much seems able to predict the future in the books. 

The description of Hermione's time travel sickness at the end was pretty vivid. Unfortunately, as I was reading it I could really picture her vomiting all over the desk, which says a lot for your descriptive skills. :D 

All in all, this was a solid first chapter. I'm interested in seeing where this goes. Thanks for swapping with me!


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 2: ii.

*transferred review*

Hey Meg! 

I'm here for our swap! Yes, I know. It was ages ago! I'm so sorry for the delay. Life just go crazy for a few days, but I'm here now! 

Hermione wakes up in the hospital wing to overhear Madame Pomfrey's comments about her being Dumbledore's niece. Of course, since she's a clever witch she jumps right in and picks up her new identity. It all seems like a pretty well thought out reason to explain her sudden appearance. 

As always, Dumbledore is infuriatingly vague about what Hermione is doing and why. I was so frustrated for her, which really speaks well of your characterization. He was just like he is in the books. Never giving too much away.

Your explanation of why Hermione can't walk up to Lily and James and tell them about Peter being a snitch or Voldemort coming after them makes sense. I personally feel like the risk would be worth the reward if Harry was able to grow up with parents instead of as an orphan. I think that is something I would do for my best friend and I imagine it will be a struggle for Hermione not to divulge it.

I enjoyed that Hermione chose to be in Ravenclaw. For two seconds, I almost thought she was going to choose to be a Slytherin, but quickly realized that wouldn't make sense because she wouldn't fit in at all. Ravenclaw seems much more logical.

Another solid chapter. I'll be curious to see how she builds a friendship with Snape and if she is successful in adjusting history.


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 3: iii.

*transferred review*

Hi Meg! 

I'm here for our review swap! 

I'm really excited to see how the start of school goes! I can't imagine what it will be like for Hermione to see all of these people knowing what their fate is like. I mean what if she bumps into Frank and Alice Longbottom? How could she not want to tell them what's going to happen? How could she not want to save Neville from the life he lives? And the same with Harry's parents? It's horribly torturous really. Here she's going to build all of these relationships with people and then they'll die in horrific ways. 

The scene with Rosmerta was sweet. It was nice to see Hermione let her guard down and really get to know her a bit instead of being jealous of her because Ron thinks she's pretty.

I bet running into Bellatrix and Lucius was quite the shock. Particularly as you pointed out she had only been tortured by her a few weeks prior to seeing her again. I really liked that you described Bellatrix as beautiful. I feel like people have a bad habit of making evil villains ugly, so I thought that was a nice contrast from the normal.

Wow! Hermione really does seem to see everyone right away. I liked that you had her describe the way they looked then in comparison to how they do in the future. It really helps us to understand how time has changed them.

This is a really interesting story so far and I can't wait to see how Hermione will befriend Snape! Good work!


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 4: iv.

*transferred reviews* 

Hey Meg!

I'm here for the Gryffindor Review Battle! Go Team Red! 

If any story is ever going to convince me to love Snamione, I feel like this story will be the one. You're doing a great job of building the relationship between them at a realistic pace instead of just jumping into it.

I'm glad to see that Hermione tried to help Snape, even though he reacted almost exactly as I expected him to. He doesn't seem to know how to be vulnerable or maybe he just associates vulnerability with weakness. 

Sirius was a right mess towards Hermione. I'm surprised she didn't chew him out, but I suppose I understand her sympathy for him. His life really does go downhill pretty rapidly once school ends.

Amelia Bones seems like a very lovely person. It makes this all the more tragic knowing that she will be so brutally murdered later on. I wonder how Hermione will handle becoming friends with her, knowing what she knows. Will she break down and tell Amelia?

And finally...Snape seems like he needs a reason to convince himself that Hermione is awful like everyone else. I think regardless of how she handled Sirius it would've been wrong...unless of course she had perhaps cursed him.

I'm curious to see where this will go. Another good chapter!


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 5: v.

*transferred review*

Hey Meg,

I'm here for our review swap! It seems that it's my turn to be a bit late on this one! Sorry about that. 

Anyways, I have to say that you might be converting me on this whole time travel story thing, mainly because you haven't rushed it at all. I love that you're taking the time to painstakingly build this new world for Hermione. Each character seems fleshed out, but also in line with what we know of them from cannon. It's really quite lovely.

Hermione's interactions with Snape have been abysmal so far, but I have hope that she'll figure it out. She's a clever girl, so I'm sure soon enough she'll have some sort of strategy for him. It does seem that at least he is interested in why she's being nice to him. It's sad that that's such a rare occurrence that when someone is actually nice to him, he acts with such suspicion.

The interactions with the various Marauders must be incredibly tough. I can't imagine how she could befriend all of these people without wanting to change their futures. I mean we know that Amelia gets brutally murdered by Voldemort and here she's set to be Hermione's best friend. It's heartbreaking really.

Now onto a bit of constructive criticism. I noticed a few typos in this chapter.

She continued picking apart at her toast - either picking at her toast or picking apart her toast

Even though she should not had been amazed - should not have

It's about time someone had," - someone did
By the end of the class most of the students

have managed to conjure something; - had managed to conjure

All in all, another solid chapter! I'm looking forward to reading more soon!


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 6: vi.

*transferred review*

Hi Meg! 

Remember that review swap we did ages ago? Yeah, that one. This is me finally getting my stuff together and getting you a review for it! Seemed like a hectic week for the both of us.

I was excited to see if Hermione was making and progress with Snape. He seems to be just such a miserable, awful person that I don't really know how she's doing this. I think it would be hard to not chew him out for being so awful all the time.

When Hermione walked into potions class and Snape is the only one with out a partner, I thought that would finally be something that could break the ice, but then he goes and treats her badly once again. I can't believe he would just assume that she would automatically copy him. He really seems to have a high opinion of himself. I was happy to see him stand up for her towards the end of the class instead of taking credit for her success. 

It's pretty interesting to think that Hermione inspired the notes in his potions book. It makes it seem like a continuous cycle of changes and effects. Maybe she really was always destined to go back in time. Maybe she's stuck in some weird time loop.

I thought it was really sweet that Amelia has a thing for Remus, although pretty tragic when you consider how things end for both of them. I imagine it must be terribly tough for Hermione to see all of these interactions with out changing any of them. I don't know how she does it honestly.

All in all, I think this is another good chapter. You're doing a great job of moving things along at a nice pace and everything is flowing pretty smoothly. I also think you're doing a good job of characterizing everyone as younger versions of themselves. Good work!


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 7: vii.

Hey Meg,


I'm here for another one of our review swaps! <3 First let me apologize. It's been so long since I've been back to read this story and I have no excuse. I'm terrible. I'm sorry. 


Looks like Hermione is doing a good job at blending into Hogwarts so far. She's managed to start building friendships and create a normal routine for herself despite her very abnormal situation. 


I think the budding romance between Amelia and Remus is very sweet. They seem like a good match for each other, but I do have to wonder if Remus will actually have the courage to ask her out or if he'll allow his werewolfism to scare himself away from her. I hope he does ask her to Hogsmeade.


It's too bad that Amelia felt jealous of Hermione. I mean we all know Hermione is not the type of girl to go after her friend's crush, but I suppose Amelia doesn't know her quite that well yet. Hermione did a great job of redirecting the conversation and making Amelia feel better right away. 


Rita Skeeter is such an annoying person. You really nailed her characterization. It figures she would be the nosy type and be digging into things that pretty much everyone else would just naturally accept. 


The bit about the wandless magic was well done. I like that Hermione has to actively try to look like the magic isn't easy for her. I have to imagine that when Snape finds out just how talented she is, he's going to be really impressed.


Great work as always! I'll be back for more later this evening. 



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 10 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 8: viii.

Hello Meg! 


Back for another of our review swaps and ready to see how Hermione's plan to get to know Snape is developing! 


Ahh! Finally, Hermione has some sort of emotional reaction. I know she has to be feeling incredibly isolated and missing Ron and Harry. I'm glad she broke down a little bit. She really needed to release the stuff she's had pent up inside.


It's interesting that Snape stopped to check on her. He doesn't really seem the type to care if someone was crying in the hallway or not. I guess he must be paying more attention to Hermione than he's letting on. 


Ugh. Sirius and James! What are you two doing? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ATTACK SNAPE?!! Seriously, Hermione had talked everything down and it was all going to be fine and then Sirius had to go and act like a buffon.


I'm so glad McGonagall was there to put an end to the fight so quickly. Otherwise, Hermione could've ended up far worse off. 


I'm a bit torn to Snape in regards to this chapter. I know that he was provoked into fighting and I expect him to attack back, but using sectumsempra and curses like that are so uncalled for. And of course, look what happens because of it. Hermione ends up being hurt and hurt badly.


Good thing that at least Snape knew the coutnercurse or else Hermione could've been in a lot of trouble.


Great work here! On to the next one! <3



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 10 May 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 9: ix.

Hello again! 


Back for another review! 


Well, at least Snape came and apologized for hurting Hermione. That curse he used could've really caused some damage, so he really should be on his hands and knees apologizing. 


It is sad that Amelia and Remus immediately jump to the conclusion that Snape is the bad guy, but then again, they are right that he's the one who used the dark curse that hit Hermione. I mean Sirius absolutely provoked him, but he doesn't do himself any favors by using that sort of magic.


I did find it interesting that Snape warned Hermione away from him. Maybe he decided that after Lily he didn't want to hurt anyone else. Now that he's starting to take an interest in Hermione, he wants to scare her away so he won't have to deal with the messy feelings.


Poor Amelia is tore up. Drink some water and take some aspirin girl. Do they even have aspirin in the magical world?


Ahh. Hermione has an intriguing opportunity here to get to know Severus better. All that alone time in detention together. *wink wink*


On to the next chapter now! Lovely writing as always!




Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed
Date: 08 Jun 2019 Story: Chapter: Chapter 10: x.

Hey Meg, my dearest!


I'm here to leave you a review as a thank you for allowing your story to be fanfic'd for my challenge! (And also for the Gyrffindor Red vs Gold Review Battle - June 2019 - Team Red! Bet you miss hearing that sometimes. :D )


You already know that I love this story. Gosh, it still sounds weird in my mind to be saying that about a Hermione/Severus time travel fic, but I feel like you've totally changed the genre with Saving Severus Snape. You keep them both so in character and real.


One thing I really liked in this particular chapter is how Hermione began to stand out to Snape. She is cognizant of the fact that being a Know-It-All isn't appealing to him, so she sort of tones it down a bit and instead just lets her work shine. Her subtle intelligence is intriguing to him.


I also thought him offering her potion's lessons as a method of trying to bond with her was perfect. It was the right amount of unintentional condescension that is so key to his character. It's a very backhanded compliment, but in his mind, I'm sure it's the equivalent to singing her praises. I'm glad that she was smart enough to realize it and bite her tongue.


Your pieces of Remus' and Sirius' memories were very intriguing. It makes me wonder if they too remember her. I imagine that if they did, Dumbledore must've let them in on who she was and why she was familiar.


And finally, I can see why Amelia might be concerned. Snape definitely doesn't have the best reputation and frankly, after how he treated Lily it's a bit understandable. Mudblood is a very loaded, class related word and as Lily is representative of a minority class (in this world), I don't know that I agree with Hermione's assessment of the situation. Maybe she could find it in her heart to forgive it, but it doesn't necessarily mean Lily is wrong for not being able to.


Anyway, another lovely chapter! One of these days when I have time, I'm going to sit down and binge the whole thing.



Achilles Heel by abhorsen

Rated: Teen Audiences • 2 Reviews starstarstarstar

we both know that nothing’s gone;

it only hides away.

Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed
Date: 21 Jan 2019 Story: Chapter: Chapter 1: Achilles Heel

Hey Branwen!


I'm here to drop off a review for the magical menagerie and the Gryffindor red vs gold review battle for January 2019. I think you know already that I love poetry, so when I happened across this in my searches, I knew I had to read it.


Achilles Heel is a very good title for this. Though you don't actually use those words in the story, you clearly indicate and define what and achilles heel is.


The rhyme structure on this was very nice and smooth. You did a good job of making that line length and the amount of syllables in each line matched which really helped give this a nice singsong rhythm. It was interesting to have such a light rhythm against a dark topic. Nice contrast.


As for the actual content of the poem, I thought you handled it really nicely. You could tell that the speaker was very conflicted about his or her attracion for the person they're speaking about. It feels almost inevitable that no matter how hurt or ignored they are, they'll eventually make space and time for this person. That's a bit sad to think about.


My only little bit of crit has mostly to do with personal choice, but I thought the phrasing "smothered your veins" was a bit odd. I didn't quite understand what you were trying to say with that. Like I was like is this a metaphor or does she mean literally. Again, that's all personal choice.


All in all, lovely job!



When I Go Out With You New! by Dojh167

Rated: Mature Audiences • 185 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Past Featured Story



Dedicated to FireOpal/Epikoinos

2017 Golden Chalice Award Winner: Best Description; Hufflepuff December 2016 Story of the Month

Inspired by You Don't Own Me by Lesley Gore for toomanycurls' challenge | Banner by .amaris

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

- A Hannah Abbott Story -


Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 4: You Didn't Look 'Round

Hey Sam! 


Here for the next chapter! And here's the gut punch that I knew was coming.


HOW DARE ERNIE!! How dare he insult Hannh like that and then turn around and cheat on her! What a jerk. (I could use much stronger words) I would seriously like to punch him in the throat right now. 


I really hope that Hannah takes the can of peaches from his sack lunch and chucks it at his head. 


Now that Ernie's shown his true colors, I wonder how Hannah will react. I would think this would be the perfect reason to leave him and once she's ready, perhaps pursue something with Susan. 


The thing that I don't really understand with Ernie here is this....if he wants to date both Norma and Hannah, why did he shut down the polyamory discussion so hard? Is it that he likes having Norma only on the side, sort of like forbidden fruit? Does he get off on having to sneak around? 


I hope Hannah goes home and tosses his stuff out of the window, changes the locks, and calls up Susan. 


Good work as always! Headed to the next chapter now! 



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 5: I'm Coolin', No Foolin'

Hello again! 


Back for some more Susan/Hannh warm fuzzies. 


So Hannah absolutely has a right to be mad. Her relationship with Ernie was based on monogamy and he lied to her. Susan is right. The dishonesty is the dead giveway. If he'd wanted polyamory, it should've been discussed and agreed upon.


I love how calm and easy going Susan is. She really knows how to make the situation seem a lot less tragic than Hannah is feeling it is. I'm so glad that Hannah isn't alone.


I think it's sweet that Hannah and Susan end up falling asleep together, but I do worry that Hannah might be pushing herself to recover a bit too quickly. She ended a long term relationship with Ernie and that takes some time to process. I know hopping into a new relationship can feel like a good way to ease the pain, and it can be, but not at the expense of emotional well being. 


I am excited to see where this goes from here! Susan and Hannah are so sweet together. And I'll be curious to see if Hannah is still interested in being polyamorous. 


Good work! I really should be heading to bed as it's 1am, but instead, I'm off to read another chapter! 



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 6: I Won't Love You Anymore (Sorry)

Hello again! 


You should know I'm totally rooting for Hannah to punch Ernie in his face. I thought he was so sweet in the beginning, but he's turned out to be a total jerk. 


I know exactly how Hannah feels in this moment, standing in a house she's shared for years with someone, and thinking about breaking it all to pieces. It's a super tough decision. Even after someone betrays you, it's a tough decision. You find yourself excusing bad behavior for fear of losing that familiar, comfortable feeling...but in the end, you really have to for your own sanity. 


I can't believe that Ernie had the nerve to say that. He has no right to call Hannah that word or judge what she's wearing. And after what he's done, he should be on hands and knees apologizing, not insulting her. 


I'm glad that in the end Hannah realizes her own self worth. Sometimes that can be a hard lesson to grasp. Whether she ends up alone, in a relationship, or in multiple relationships, she has to understand that she needs to value herself above all else.


Good riddance! Off to a hopefully happier, fluffier chapter! Bring on the Susan/Hannah romance! 



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 7: Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

I feel like I need to find new ways to start reviews when I do this many in a row. Hello again gets a bit redundant doesn't it? Maybe I'll try Kevin's approach and start this one off with...




Ah. Yes. There are the Susuan and Hannah warm fuzzies that I've been craving. The two of them are just so damn cute together. I'm glad that they've put the effort in to make this relationship work out. 


I can totally understand why Hannah is a bit nervous about the polyamory thing. Coming from longterm monogamy, I can imagine it must take some time to adjust to. 


I love that Susan is so patient and kind in reassuring her though. I'm glad that she's open and honest about who she's seeing instead of trying to hide things. It definitelly makes it easier to handle when honesty is involved. 


I really, truly think that the two of them are going to have a very long and happy relationship...or at least I hope. You aren't going to go breaking my heart now are you, Sam? I don't think I can handle a Susan/Hannah break up. 


You continually impress me with your writing abilities. On to the next one now! 





Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 8: One By One

Sneaking in one last review before bed. Look what your story has done to me Sam. I can’t put it down.


I feel like me cooing over how cute Hannah and Susan are is getting a bit redundant, but I can’t help it! They’re adorable together. I love how good they are for each other. Susan has really helped Hannah to blossom and open up. The two of them remind me a bit of school girls in love with the giggling and kisses.


I like that Hannah is so comfortable with Susan that she doesn’t get jealous when she’s flirting with another woman. Instead she sees it as cute and endearing. It’s just so sweet!


Ooh. Neville has shown up! We know in canon that Neville and Hannah end up married, so I’ll be curious to see if this goes in that direction at all. I Do think they’d make a very sweet couple, but I wonder I’d shy Neville is ready for Hannah at this point. 


One thing I always appreciate about your writing is how polished it is. You have such a beautiful way with words that really paints the picture so well!


good work as always! Now let’s see if I can finally head to sleep.



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 15 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 19: Summer Symphony

Hello again Sam! 


There's only 4 chapters left and this is making me very sad. I'm simultaneously looking forward to and dreading each chapter. 


Wow! This was a hot chapter! I'm not sure who Nat is or when she and Hannah started hooking up, but man do they have chemistry together. 


It was a bit awkward that Hannah did something that Susan liked to someone else, however, I'm not sure why it was awkward to the other person. I mean unless she'd slept with Susan, she wouldn't know where that move came from right? I guess I'm a bit fuzzy on what's going on there.


I think in general with this chapter, I'd have liked a bit of context for who this person is. It sort of seemed a bit out of nowhere for me and broke up the Neville/Hannah pattern. 


Anyway, after this very steamy chapter, I'll be curious to see what happens next. Is Hannah still seeing Susan? Is she still seeing Neville? What's going on? 


On to the next chapter now! 



Reviewer: TreacleTart Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 15 Dec 2017 Story: Chapter: Chapter 20: It's Gotta Be You





While I could believe that Neville would approve of Hannah's polyamorous lifestyle, I just had this deep feeling that all he wanted was her. He never really seemed like he was that interested in finding someone else for himself. 


I love his proposal speech. I love that he let Hannah wonder a bit and then reassured her. And everything he said. *swoons* They are so perfect together and I'm so happy that he finally just blurted it all out. 


Now, my question remains...what happens with Susan. Does Hannah marry Neville and still date Susan? I sure hope so. I'd be really sad if she suddenly left Susan because of this. The three of them make such a cute trio. 


Only two chapters left to go. *sobs* Write a spin off! Seriously, the writing in this has been fantastic and I would definitely be down to read more about Susan!